Please, no one sue me. I need what little money I have to feed the dust buffaloes that graze behind my computer, and that thing that lives under my bed that I think used to be a piece of gum. I am a poor little student.

Suddenly, Heero found a naked Duo Maxwell sitting in his lap.

"Eep!" the truant braided boy squeaked, the beginnings of a blush hinted on his cheeks; then he leaped off his partner's lap and was in the bathroom with a speed that almost defied physics.

Heero felt his eyes grow wide, and was glad Deathscythe's pilot was not in the room to catch the indiscretion. Fortunately, by the time Duo came out of the bathroom, towel around his hips, and began digging through his drawers for (presumably) some clothing, Heero's cold scowl was back in its customary place.

"Where have you been?" he growled.

Duo's frantic searching paused for a moment. Not very long at all, but enough time for Wing's pilot to know that his partner was about to lie to him. Heero leaned back in his chair. This should be interesting.

"Um...surveying for...the mission!"

The way Deathscythe's pilot blurted the last word with too much enthusiasm led Heero to believe that it had come to him in an instant of inspiration. He tried not to feel disappointment that the other pilot wouldn't tell him the truth. It was probably more interesting than any story the boy could come up with.

"The mission?"

"Hai!" The braided boy nodded eagerly.

"Without...clothes?" Heero allowed one eyebrow to twitch in a show of disbelief.

"Ano..." Duo's eyes skittered sideways, and the Japanese pilot predicted the path of flight seconds before the other made a dash for the bathroom, new wardrobe in hand, and slammed the door shut behind him.

Heero tilted his head and deepened his scowl. "Hn," he commented to the empty air, curious in spite of himself, wondering both at the situation, and at how long the braided pilot thought he could sequester himself off legitimately in the bathroom. The sound of running water answered at least part of the question.

Heero turned back to his laptop. Since Duo's showers always ran somewhere between an hour and an hour and a half, he decided he had enough time to look up information on his partner's assignment without a chance of getting caught. What he found made his frown deepen into something almost lethal.

Duo came out of the bathroom humming. Being newly clean always made him feel happier. Squeezing his hair out with his towel in one hand, he dug his brush out of his bag with the other and sat on his bed. He was a few minutes into the long chore of combing out his hair when the his well-honed instincts skittered a warning of danger down his spine and he became aware of the utter silence in the room, not even broken by the omnipresent sound of typing that usually accompanied Heero's presence. Duo lifted his head and found himself pinned by his partner's cobalt eyes.

"Eh..." Uh-oh... "Heero? Is everything...alright?"

Don't-squirm-like-a-bug-don't-squirm-like-a-bug-don't-squirm-like-a-bug. It will only make you look more suspicious.

"Duo."

That sounded like a death knell. "Ah?"

"You don't have a mission."

"Oh." Oh great. Now what? Bluff! Bluff! "Oh...well, of course I don't!" Duo grinned winningly.

A muscle jumped in Heero's left eye, then both narrowed dangerously, and the American pilot gathered himself in preparation to leap out of the way should his partner be overcome with the need to kill him as he so often threatened to do.

"Then why were you scouting for one?"

"Oh, that." Duo forced himself to relax, as if all that had been wrong was nothing more than a small miscommunication. "Well, I wasn't really scouting for a specific mission. Just looking around sort of in general, you know? Just in case we need to make a quick escape or something." He let his grin widen a bit further. Careful. There's a thin line between Duo-manic and deranged. The last thing you need is for him to think you're crazy. Well, more crazy than normal.

"So...you went out for two hours unannounced to survey for a mission that you don't have?"

Inwardly, Duo winced, but outwardly, he nodded enthusiastically, smile firmly in place. "Hai!"

"That still doesn't explain what happened to your clothes."

Jeez. Duo resisted the urge to growl with exasperation. What's with the twenty questions? The one time I don't want him to talk to me, and he can't shut up! You'd think he was worried or something. Duo blinked at that thought, but didn't have time to contemplate it further.

"Well?" the Japanese boy demanded.

Duo fidgeted, his eyes sliding upward to glance at the ceiling. Hey! I could use a little help down here!

The crash of thunder was so loud and unexpected, both boys jumped, and Duo gave a yelp of surprise. Then the lights flickered and went out.

Gee, overkill much?

"What happened?" he asked, trying to put enough bewilderment in his voice to sound convincing. As if I didn't know.

"Lightning must have struck the house."

Duo groped along the wall in the dark in search of the door. "Do we have candles? Or something?"

"Hn," was the response, which could've meant any number of things, and since it was dark, Duo couldn't read what small hints would've been available in his partner's face.

"Um�care to elaborate?" he ventured. This was met with silence. "No, of course not." Questing hands had finally found the doorknob. "Well, I think there are candles left over from Quatre's birthday in the kitchen."

He waited for a response reflexively, not really expecting one, and was answered by a brief shuffling from the other side of the room. Then there was a faint click and Duo squinted in the sudden flood of light, one arm lifting protectively.

"What the--oh. Heh. A flashlight. Well, that's a whole lot easier."

"Hn."

Duo dropped the shadowing hand away from his face so his partner could clearly see him roll his eyes, but the light flicked away and down to highlight the ground as the Japanese pilot approached.

"I'll go flip the circuit breaker," Heero said briefly. "You stay here."

"I'll do it!"

"I have the flashlight."

"Humph." Duo folded his arms and pouted, but Wing's pilot was already out the door, and the light went with him, leaving Duo alone in the dark. He sighed.

This wasn't what I was expecting when I signed up for this job, Lord, he thought, somewhat resentfully, head tilted up toward the ceiling. But then, life wasn't supposed to be predictable...or sympathetic. He huffed, and made his way to the kitchen. Damned if he'd sit around and wait for the Perfect Soldier to fix everything. Might as well get those candles. Just in case.

He stepped through the door and stopped as a sense of danger sent a fissure down his spine. In the hallway, something moved in the corner of his eye, fast, and it was too dark to really see. Before his brain had sufficient time to tell his mouth not to do anything stupid, a tentative, "Heero?" slipped out.

The shadow slid to a stop.

"NO," it said.

The lights turned on, and Duo saw what it was that faced him.

"Oh shit," he managed. Then it attacked.