Pawn - Soul Forge Series Part 3 by Zooie
Standard disclaimers apply
Author’s Notes: This was the hardest part to
write and I apologize for the time it’s taken. I’d brought
Duo to a pivotal junction and had to tread very carefully. We’re
all familiar with his character from watching the show. Let me assure
you, spanning the significant gap between “Becoming Shinigami”
and the first episodes was daunting. I’d drawn him through his
life fully knowing the person he’d turn out to be and that had
posed quite the challenge. Essentially, I was working backwards, deconstructing
his psyche and then fitting it back together. In the end, I took the
coward’s way out and ended the storyline roughly two years before
the start of GW. I left Duo plenty of time to change and mature beyond
where my interpretation ends.
I feel it’s worth noting that the version of GW you’ve
seen will influence your opinion of this work. If you’ve seen
the Cartoon Network version, undoubtedly you find Duo horribly OOC.
If you’ve seen the unedited dubbed version, you will probably
find he’s OOC, but will be able to go along with it. If you’ve
seen the unedited subbed version, however, and read the duojinshi, I
hope you’ll find he’s in character! If you don’t,
I’ve done a very sloppy job.
I apologize for my writing style. As my professor put it, I
“have the voice of five writers and speak enough for all of them.”
Sorry if I’m a bit wordy.
I apologize as well for this lengthy introduction.
On to the story!
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
-William Butler Yeats, “the Second Coming”
“Let go! Let me go!” The scrawny youth struggled with the
ferocity of a wildcat, limbs flailing about with violent intensity,
his boots scuffling for solid footing on the treaded metal floor. Caught
in the solid grasps of two men literally twice his size, he seemed not
to know that he fought in vain. Truth be told, he didn’t appear
to be quite in his right mind. His actions were too frenzied, his struggles
too animalistic. Though they maintained their holds stoically, the two
men regarded their catch with wary eyes.
Go limp in their arms and then, when they think you’ve passed
out, take advantage of their weakened defenses to break free, Duo’s
good friend Experience instructed him mentally.
No, too predictable, Wisdom argued. Knee the taller one in the crotch
and use the moment of shock to escape. The first will be too incapacitated
to stop you and the second too surprised to do more than gape.
That’s the oldest trick in the book! Experience scoffed. It never
works!
Of course it works! That’s why it’s in the book in the
first place! Wisdom shot back.
Shut up, both of you! The best course of action would be to cease struggling
and negotiate. Use words to win them over to our side, Reason contributed
sensibly.
Damned pacifist! Experience scoffed.
Well, he might have a point... Wisdom reluctantly agreed.
Idiots! I’m surrounded by idiots! Experience moaned.
In the end, in the midst of all the caterwauling and complaints, it
was the trusty pair of Panic and Profanity whose golden words won the
debate: Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!!!
Twisting and tugging in his captive’s arms, struggling with all
the power his body possessed, Duo’s actions took on an air of
desperation as he realized that he was not getting free. “I’m
warning you! Let go ‘a me!” he threatened ineffectively,
an edge of insanity tinting his words. He seemed to truly believe that
he could fulfill his empty threats. As they retained their hold on the
boy, allowing him to exhaust his resources, the two men exchanged glances
and rolled their eyes at one another. They had known all along that
this fight was over before it had begun, regardless of whatever strength
the boy‘s mental stability (or lack thereof) might lend him. Determination
only went so far in the face of brute strength.
“You’ve got a lot of courage kid, stowing away on our Sweeper’s
ship,” one of the men informed Duo gruffly, not at all impressed
by the outrageous display of childish audacity. He fights with a soldier‘s
passion, but his eyes are squeezed completely shut, he noted with wry
amusement.
Opening his eyes long enough to note his captors’ grim expressions,
Duo felt a tiny bit of Reason tiptoe up alongside Panic, neatly insinuating
itself in Profanity‘s place. Without his partner, Panic suddenly
lost all courage, retreating back into the darkest corner of Duo’s
mind. Reason had at long last won out and the only thought Duo could
frame of a sudden was, Uh oh! You’ve really done it now, you idiot!
Time to cut your losses! He slowly ceased to struggle, chest heaving
from his exertions. He was vaguely aware of Reason’s approving
nod as he willed his body to still.
“What’s going on here?” A mildly curious voice inquired
of a sudden. The two Sweepers, reasonably certain that their hold on
the prisoner was secure, chanced brief, backwards glances over their
shoulders. Not surprisingly, they discovered the speaker was Dr. G,
his eyes narrowed beneath his inane mushroom cap of hair. The physically-maimed,
eccentric scientist was a genius of stealth technology and had long
since earned widespread respect amongst the Sweepers. Though he had
many talents that made him worthy of their admiration, not least amongst
them was his uncanny ability to know everything that was happening in
his orbits of interest. This was surely what had brought him to their
side now, for the hall they occupied was one far deviated from the main
flow of the ship’s inhabitants.
“A stowaway. He’s been stealing the food supplies!”
the shorter man stated resentfully, relieved to see the scientist. His
presence removed all responsibility for the situation from his shoulders.
What fate befell the stowaway was no longer his concern.
“Hey, I wanna eat some decent food too, once in a while!”
The kid’s sudden self-possession was remarkable. At the drop of
a hat his residual rage had fled his body, leaving behind a jaded, sarcastic
waif of a boy, a bravado of self-assurance shielding the jagged uncertainty
in his eyes. Squaring his shoulders, he jerked in their grasp one last
time, as though for good measure. “Let me go!”
Dr. G watched him with a glimmer of interest. “Let him go.”
I might have a use for this one.
They eyed the scientist dubiously, positive that the second they loosed
their grip the boy would disappear back into the bowels of the ship.
“But-”
“It’s alright. He knows there is no sense in fleeing, now
that we know he‘s here. Let him go. He has nowhere left to hide.”
The words were spoken as much to the captive as to the captors. The
scientist thought he saw a flicker of wariness in boy’s eyes as
the Sweepers reluctantly surrendered their hold and stepped warily back,
poised to lunge if the prisoner should attempt to run. True to his prediction,
however, the brown-haired child stood his ground, making a show of rubbing
the darkening bruises that marked where he had been held. Malnourished,
if he bruised that easily, stolen food or no. Well, that’s fixed
easily enough. The boy glared from under his thick bangs, muttering
under his breath as he massaged his hurts. Resentment was written in
every line of his body. It’s his attitude that concerns me. Such
spirit, but such rage! A useful enough tool, he will be, but only if
his mind is still malleable.
Dr. G eye the child up and down, seemingly conducting a survey of his
unusual appearance, taking in the faded priest‘s clothes and the
peculiar braid. He noted the now-fading signs of recent physical abuse,
the healing cuts on an otherwise smooth face and the yellowy-green bruises
mottling skinny lower arms. The remarkable pallor of his skin suggested
that he had been either recently ill or was released from long-term
confinement not many days ago. He observed as well the long-since-healed
wounds on the youth‘s hands, a network of thin, white scars that
bespoke a rough past. Though he had at first estimated the stowaway
to be about ten years of age, a close examination forced him to revise
his earlier conclusion. Unless he missed his guess -which he doubted-
he would bet that the kid was older than he looked. Interesting. This
boy is much more than he seems. I *must* have him!
Abruptly he became aware that, as he had studied the child before him,
so had the child studied him. He found himself wondering what conclusions
the stowaway had drawn. Judging from the expression on his face, the
boy’s deductions were none too flattering. Cautious of a sudden.
Good. He is aware that the situation has changed, although he is not
yet sure how. He is precisely what this plan calls for.
Meeting suspicious blue eyes, Dr. G forced himself into calm indifference
despite the sudden excitement that gripped his innards. Schooling his
voice into a combination of casual respect and curiosity, he addressed
the child directly. “Kid, I can’t believe you snuck onto
my ship. I thought my security system was flawless! How did you do it?”
An offended look overtook the boy’s impish features, as though
he had been asked to divulge the most precious of secrets. It seemed
likely that he would refuse to answer, but then one of the Sweepers
cleared his throat, reasserting his presence in the state of affairs.
Though minutes ago the boy had seemed impervious to fear, one look at
the man’s threatening posture did much to increase his willingness
to cooperate. He realizes that with my arrival came a new set of rules.
He suspects they are not so conducive towards his well-being as the
old. The child hid his moment of fear with a bold pose, cocking one
hand on his hip and raising the other to gesture airily towards the
ceiling. He tossed his braid and arrogantly tilted his head, flippantly
answering as though he hadn’t a care in the world. “That’s
a professional secret, but so your pride isn’t hurt too badly,
I’ll admit I had a hard time getting in.”
“Interesting brat...” Dr. G was delighted. He is perfect!
Or rather, he will become perfect, with the proper training.
It seemed his words has once more roused the boy‘s irk. He glared
at the scientist, eyes sparking indignantly. “I’m not a
brat! My name is Duo! I run, I hide, but I never lie! Duo Maxwell!”
The slim child thumped himself on the chest, as if to prove Duo Maxwell
was not just an identity, but also a physical presence. Not just an
idea, but a reality.
“Maxwell...?” Suddenly it all came together in his mind.
The scars, the imprisonment, the attire, the braid. Just as I suspected!
Ah, cruel irony! “Ha ha! Maxwell’s little demon, hn?”
he guffawed, citing the name urban legend had given to the Maxwell Church
Tragedy’s rumored survivor.
His words seemed to have breached a barrier of sorts, to have broken
some unspoken taboo within the boy‘s psyche. There was a sudden
change in Duo’s aura. Suddenly, he was no longer a cornered boy
delicately skirting his breaking point. He was... something unearthly.
Dr. G felt his blood run cold as a sickly grin spread across the boy’s
face. Duo leaned forward, staring directly into his eyes with a gaze
that bordered on inhuman. His lips parted and he took a step forward,
as though about to impart a terrible secret. Dr. G found himself involuntarily
shrinking slightly back. Duo caught his apprehension and his grin widened.
“Not a demon...” he whispered disconcertingly. Blinking
his wide eyes innocently, he straightened with a jerk and threw his
arms wide, tossing his head back to laugh without restraint. “I’m
Shinigami!” he announced, as the three men watched aghast.
“Kid’s as wacky as he is,” muttered the tall Sweeper.
As Duo giggled manically, probably on the edge of hysteria, Dr. G knew
beyond a doubt that this boy had not come to him by chance. I have been
provided with all I need. The pieces have all been delivered. It just
remains to put them all together. And nothing so captivated him as a
challenge.
*********************
I never thought I’d actually come to appreciate diminished gravity.
Duo drifted down the hall gently, correcting his course with a touch
when his path took him too close to a wall. But this is actually kind
of fun! His first few days aboard the ship had been spent in misery.
His stomach was ill-prepared for the churning sensation produced by
gravity far weaker than he was accustomed to. Certain... compromises
had to be reached between his body and the ship, a process that had
not proven especially quick. He’d passed the time curled into
a ball in the cargo hold, sheltered by a plethora of wooden crates,
silently begging his stomach to calm down.
By the time he’d been able to move freely about, he’d been
weak from lack of food. However, he’d had the presence of mind
to wait until the ship’s dark cycle began (artificial environments
that duplicate natural cycles make adjustment to space easier for a
ship’s occupants) before venturing off in search of the cafeteria.
Ship this size has got to have a huge supply of food. No one will notice
if I pinch a couple a ration bars off the top. However, the catacombs
of the ship’s halls had proven far more confusing than he’d
initially supposed. Shit, I’ve passed that sign three times already.
I am *so* lost! He paused to get his bearings, allowing his feet to
settle on the floor, face scrunched in thought. Let’s see... I
made a left there and then... no, wait. It was a right... wasn’t
it? Lost in thought, he was unaware that he’d begun tapping his
boot in irritation against the metal surface on which he stood, creating
a regular beat. The sound had lead the two Sweeper mechanics directly
towards him...
Idiot, he chided himself yet again. You know better than that! Yet
he really couldn’t bring himself complain that loudly. Since his
capture, he’d been treated more than fairly by the ship’s
crew, was given food and drink per his whim, had free roam of the halls.
Hell, they’d even given him his own room, something he’d
never had -unless you counted his prison cell, which he didn‘t.
He supposed that calling it a room was a bit generous, though. It was
scarcely large enough to hold a bed. And the only reason they put me
there in the first place was so they could lock me up if they wanted.
But still, it’s odd to have a place to call my own, even if it’s
just for a little while. I kind of like it. Privacy was a new sensation
for him and he reveled in it.
Yeah, this place is pretty cool. ‘Cept for that Dr. G guy. He
creeps me out. I know I owe him, but I just keep getting this feeling
that there’s more to him than he’s letting on. Head accountant,
my ass. That guy is dangerous! Sighing, Duo floated to a halt in front
of an ominous looking door. Yep, Hold 9. This is the place. Of course,
it *had* to be the creepy looking one! Wonder what he wants? Eh, does
it really matter? It’s time I finally start earning my keep. I
hate being a leech. With a sudden eagerness, he rapped the door smartly.
“Enter!” Dr. G ordered sharply. Duo keyed the touch pad
and the door slid open.
The world suddenly lost all sense. From the back of his mind, Profanity
crept forward, a tentative offering in hand: Shit!
What the hell?!!! That’s a Mobile Suit! It’s huge! His
feet moved him into the room of their own accord. He was propelled across
the floor by fascination, never taking his eyes from the monstrosity
before him, until he reached where Dr G stood, an amused glint in his
eyes. “T-that’s a Mobile Suit,” he sputtered.
“I am aware of that, Kid,” Dr. G patiently watched, waiting
to see what conclusions the boy would draw. He’s proven himself
quite intelligent thus far. Let’s see just how much he can figure
out on his own.
“But... It doesn’t look like the other suits I’ve
seen. It’s... different,” Duo stared with awe at the machine,
considering.
“Yes, it is very different. It’s quite unique,” Dr.
G agreed. You don’t know the half of it, kid! But Duo’s
next words forced him to reconsider his thoughts.
“It doesn’t just look different,” the boy observed
thoughtfully. “And it’s not just made differently. There’s
something about it that’s weird. It... it tries to trick the eye.
It’s like it’s hiding.” He laughed suddenly, but the
sound held no humor. “But that’s crazy! Something that big,
hiding? Puh-lease, Duo!” He rubbed the back of his head nervously.
“It’s impossible! Right?” he looked to the scientist
for confirmation, his eyes begging for confirmation.
He has the wisdom to be circumspect towards what he doesn’t understand.
Fate has truly delivered him to my hands. “Is anything truly unachievable?
I thought it impossible that someone could penetrate my ship, yet here
you are.”
“You can’t mean... but... Why do you have something like
this? Where did it come from?” Tearing his eyes from the suit,
the boy whipped around to stare at him with wide eyes. “What are
you planning to do with it? And why did you show this to me? You can‘t
possibly expect...?!”
“Very good, boy. You figured it out all by yourself. I wondered
if you could.” He was more than pleased with his acquisition.
He is worth the time and effort of training him. Now I just need him
to agree to my proposal. “This is Deathscythe. If you wish, he
could become your Shinigami.”
Impervious to the spectacular offer he’d just been made, Duo
was proving himself to be in a less than agreeable mood. He‘d
dropped into a slight crouch, skepticism radiating in almost tangible
waves. “Stop speaking in riddles, old man! What the hell is going
on here?! I‘m warning you, you do not want to piss me off!”
“Calm yourself, boy, there’s no need for anger. All will
be explained,” Dr. G was practically cackling with enjoyment.
“Oh, you have much to learn! I cannot wait to begin!” He
spoke as if Duo had already given his acquiescence. The stowaway quite
clearly begged to differ.
“No way in hell! There is no way I’m learning to use that
thing until you tell me what you’ve got planned!” Jerking
his head from side to side, his braid whipping through the air behind
him, the kid was the picture of stalwart refusal. Ahh, but his refusal
is not absolute. He has left room for acceptance, should my words please
him.
Honesty was doubtlessly the best course to take. But even the truth
can be used to manipulate. Raising his eyebrows in a parody of shock,
he spoke as if he were surprised by Duo‘s lack of understanding.
“What is my purpose? What do I seek to accomplish? Why, Kid, the
same thing as you do. I seek to protect the colonies.”
Wisely, the boy was not so easily convinced. If anything, his answer
had just raised more questions. Good. I would be distrustful of someone
who switched sides so easily. “Protect them from what? And how?”
Duo asked, tone sullen but with markedly less hostility.
“From those who would do them harm. The Federation. Oz. The Longfeller
Foundation. And how? Well, that’s up to you, now isn’t it?”
The snare is falling neatly into place. Ah, this is far too enjoyable.
You‘re becoming callous in your old age, man.
“What do you mean? You’re going in circles! Just give me
an answer, already!” The youngster yelped in frustration, his
patience obviously worn to the bone.
Dr. G dropped all pretense. Moving to stand directly before the boy,
his hands shot out before the kid could react. Locking the boy’s
head in his grasp, he turned the face so they were staring eye to eye.
Tension drummed through the boy’s frame as he willfully tried
to break free. Dr. G ignored his struggles, locking the boy’s
eyes with his.
“You, Duo Maxwell, will pilot this suit. You will use it to defend
the colonies. You will be their shield. You will be their Shinigami.
You will act as his hands in their name, damning those who would destroy
them to the depths of hell.”
“B-but that’s crazy!” The youngster blinked rapidly,
eyes darting nervously around. His struggles increased. Dr. G gave his
head a rough shake, forcing him to stillness, before capturing his eyes
once more.
“Is it so dissimilar from what you thought to do? Look at yourself,
Kid. Look at where your plans have gotten you.”
“That’s different!” Duo closed his eyes, refusing
to reveal anything to the scientist’s probing gaze.
“Really? I was under the impression that we both sought to achieve
the same goal: to protect the colonies from harm, to remove the need
for them to fight, to save them from themselves and what they do not
understand. But you explain to me how your plan is different.”
“It just is!” The eyes remained stubbornly closed, the
mouth scowling in aggravation.
“How?” Dr. G pressed without restraint against the boy’s
will. He *will* bend! He *will* be mine!
“Because... because...” Sounding desperate, Duo stalled
and seemed to weigh his options, trying to determine exactly where he
stood.
“Because what?” Dr. G sharply reminded him exactly what
ground he tread. “Answer me!”
“Because I was supposed to die!” A hissed admission, spat
between clenched teeth. The pale cheeks flushed red. Dr. G had no sympathy
for damaged pride.
“And now I’m offering you a way to achieve your goal without
dying. But the question now is, boy, whether you have the strength to
choose life.” He spoke evenly, frankly, not passing judgment upon
the boy, but certainly broking his admission no excuses.
“Fuck you! I don’t have to take this shit from some ugly
old loser like you!” Duo’s eyes shot open, filled with resentment
and hatred. But beneath the virulent emotions, something more lay dormant.
Pain. Fear. Hopelessness. Futility. This boy has been kicked more often
than the lowest of beasts. It is long since time for him to assert himself
in this world.
“Yes, you do, oh ignorant one. Just who do you think controls
this ship? Whose benevolence do you think you have been enjoying? Refuse
me, boy, and you won’t die a noble death for the colonies. You’ll
be put down like a dog.” And that is precisely what you’ve
been seeking to avoid.
“You’re insane,” Duo whispered in horror. Dr. G chuckled
briefly.
“Perhaps. Or maybe I’m just ruthless. I have my cause and
I choose to stand by it. I had hoped you would stand by my side...”
This war leaves no room for kid gloves. I’m sorry I had to be
so hard on you, kid, but this was necessary if the colonies are to have
any hope at all. Gently, he released his hold and patted the boy on
the head with odd affection. “Don’t worry, my boy. The time
will come when you will play Shinigami. But first you have to agree
to my terms, eh?”
“I...I.”
“I see you’re overwhelmed at the moment. Let’s make
a deal, eh, boy? I’ll give you a week to decide. You can pilot
for me or you can choose to curl up and die. I’m being very generous
with you, kid.” He turned his back on the wavering youth, crossing
the cold, echoing floor to stand beneath the mobile suit. Running a
loving hand across the gundamium foot, he addressed the boy with a hint
of hostility. “I suggest you decide quickly.”
“What’s to keep me from stealing a shuttle and leaving?”
The words were more from curiosity than from any actual threat. He will
think this matter over very seriously. And once he realizes there is
no decision at all, he will surrender to my plan without qualms. But
for now I’ll play along. Let him think he has a choice to ponder.
“Hmmm. I do believe you’d try. Interesting. Ah, well, no
consequence. Constant supervision should thwart any escape plans you
can come up with.” He chuckled without humor, his hand still resting
against the massive foot of his creation.
*****************
Pia resisted the urge to rub her head in frustration. I am going to
have a *colossal* headache later on. Goddamn stubborn kid. Who do they
think I am, Mary Poppins?[1]
She was not in the mood for this right now. She‘d spent all morning
cloistered in the accounting office, bent over the books, trying to
discover just how 1,000,000 credits had simply up and disappeared. I’m
going to have to have a word with Howard about the proper usage of decimal
points.
No sooner had she left the office than Yossarion had intercepted her
in the cafeteria and saddled her with the Kid, claiming Dr. G had had
“urgent business” and was deferring the boy to her watchful
eye. She’d been unable to come up with a valid excuse to avoid
the responsibility and had found herself sitting across the table from
a very puny, very bored, very discontent bundle of dissatisfaction named
Duo Maxwell. Finding herself wondering why Dr G had taken the youth
under his wing (this is no place for a child), she’d swallowed
her complaints along with her lunch. Standing with a glare that dared
the boy to disobey her, she’d then led the way to the spaceship’s
gym, resolute that her schedule was not going to be disrupted by an
unannounced visitor. She was a creature of habit, set in her ways, and
if the Kid had a problem with that... well, she didn’t much care.
Luckily, her charge had followed without comment, feet dragging and
shoulders sagging. Like I was leading him to his execution, she’d
thought with disgust. She’d gone through her normal workout, a
routine that took the better part of two hours (it’s hard to keep
your muscles strong in low gravity atmospheres) and the Kid had watched
her dully, slumped against a wall.
At some point, her feelings had begun that subtle shift from irritation
to interest. Well, he didn’t plan to be here, I’m certain
of that much. But why was he allowed to stay? Why didn’t we dump
his scrawny ass on the nearest space station and book it? From there
it was only a matter of time before the interest turned into subtle
observation. He certainly doesn’t *look* useful. Gods above, what
is with that outfit? It’s as bad as Howard’s damned shirt!
And that look in his eyes... that scares me. A child has no business
wearing eyes like that. He looks... desperate. Lost. Worn. He’s
so thin... Her matronly streak had then kicked in for some unfathomable
reason (gonna get me in trouble one day), making her suddenly mindful
of the boy’s underdeveloped frame. I suppose some exercise would
do him good. He looks all at odds with himself and the world. Nothing
like a good sweat to make things seem clearer. Dropping down from the
chin press, she’d called over to the Kid, offering him the use
of the equipment if he promised to be careful. Upon which he’d
suspiciously agreed and, at her suggestion, stripped off his outer shirt.
Upon which he’d inadvertently revealed the knife strapped to his
upper arm. Upon which she’d been appropriately scandalized.
And I’ve spent the past three hours trying to convince this little
prick that carrying a concealed weapon is *not* allowed on a Sweepers
ship, especially when you’re a goddamn kid that nobody trusts!
“Kid! For the last time! I’m not arguing with you! Give
me the knife!” She held out her hand impatiently.
The Kid (Duo, she reminded herself absently. The little brat has a
name.) stood before her, said knife clenched firmly in his bony fist.
At least he’s left it in the sheath. He had that much sense. From
the way his knuckles were sharply pressing against his flesh, she would
have bet he was not going to give up the weapon freely, even if she
hadn’t already been struggling for three hours to attain that
very goal. She’d tried everything, short of out and out violence.
The Kid had consistently avoided her lunging snatches, skirted her surreptitious
approaches, and resisted her wheedling requests. She was at the end
of her patience. Thank the Gods that no one has taken an interest in
our little... discussion. The last thing I need is for some loudmouthed,
know-it-all mechanic to show up. Or, stars forbid, Dr. G... although
I’ll have to inform him of this later.
“B-but I have to-” the Kid sputtered, his stamina finally
wearing down. His logic, which had begun as impassioned, was now reduced
to shreds, falling fast before Pia’s astute mind and sharp tongue.
He refused to admit defeat, however, and Pia really hated that...
“Yes, yes. I know. And I know. And I know. Because you keep telling
me!” Every two minutes for the past three hours. She mimicked
his voice harshly, purposely pitching her tone to be high-pitched and
squeaky. “‘I have to go to the Earth and get revenge! I
have to go and kill every man, woman, child, pony, elephant, rosebush,
mosquito, aardvark, emu, and amoeba that has even the remotest connection
to the Federation! I am Shinigami and I will kill them all!’ Pretty
damned conceited, if you ask me.” She snorted.
Instead of retorting with a jab of his own, Duo was suddenly on the
defensive, not seeking to advance his position, but rather defend it.
“Stop making fun of me! You don’t understand!”
And something in her snapped. I? *I* don’t understand? Oh, boyo,
you have got another thought coming. She spoke harshly, her tone acid,
her words biting. She met his eyes forcibly, leaving no room for misunderstanding
or twisted meanings. He would listen. “Don’t understand
what? How it feels to have everything ripped out from under you? How
it feels to have lost all you know? To have nothing? Not even a reason
to live?” She sounded suddenly tired, her vigor lost in the bitter
reality of her words. Duo shrank visibly before her gaze. “Look,
kid, what happened to you wasn’t fair. It wasn’t even right.
It was a goddamn shame and I’m sure it hurts like hell. But how
is causing more pain going to change that?”
He sputtered, all certainty destroyed. He looked as though he hung
onto his beliefs by a thread. “But... if I destroy them, then
they can’t hurt anyone else ever again! If I stop them, they won’t
ever make anyone hurt, ever!”
She could not allow such unfounded, such idiotic, hopes to continue
living on. There were certain realities that one needed to learn as
soon as possible in life, lest one become a victim. And I am utterly
amazed that Life has not yet taught him this lesson. Or is he, in spite
of all that has been done to him, still that much of an idealist? Impossible!
“Silence! Listen to yourself! Do you really think that’s
going to solve anything? If it’s not the Federation, it will be
someone else. Always, it will be someone else. You could fight for an
entire lifetime and never free man of his pain. You have to fight the
cause of an evil, not the puppets it controls. Is destroying the Federation
going to change anything? Are they really the ones you must fight against?
Your heart is in the right place, but your thoughts are all wrong. Have
you ever heard the expression, an eye for an eye and soon the whole
world is blind? Is it not better to destroy the weapon than the eye?”
“Better blind than dead!” His temper flashed through his
indecision. He held the knife more steadfastly than ever.
“Do you really believe that?” she asked quietly.
He was silent for a long time, unblinkingly meeting her even stare.
Then, he lowered his eyes to his boots, looking suddenly lost and ashamed.
“....No.”
Sweet, utter relief flowed through her. Even with all his stupid hopes
and dreams, there is still some sense in that thick skull of his.
“I didn’t think so. Kid, come here. I’m going to
explain something to you.” He refused to come, suspecting that
an approach would mean the sacrifice of his knife. The niggling idea
presented itself that this knife was more than a simple weapon to him.
Hmm. A symbol, perhaps? No... A reason. A reason to get up each day.
A reason to continue living. Her heart felt heavy and she longed to
crawl into bed with some painkillers and a cup of tea, but she still
had words left to say. And someone who desperately needs to hear them.
“In this life, everyone has choices presented to them. Sometimes
we choose rightly, sometimes we make mistakes. We never know for certain
until we’ve already acted. Though we’d prefer to be in the
right, it is often from our mistakes that we learn the most.”
“I know that!” He rolled his eyes, those huge blue eyes
that held so much wisdom, but also an equal serving of ignorance. Goddamn
it! I’m trying to help you! Unthinkingly, she lashed verbally
out.
“I know you do! You’re alive, aren’t you?”
Silence. She’d pushed him too far. Unsolicited anger shot through
her mind. Damn. Now I’ll never get that knife. Only... She admitted
to herself that that wasn’t what bothered her, truly. Now I’ll
never have my say. And if he gets himself killed... I’ll never
forgive myself. I’ll always wonder if I could have somehow prevented
it...
“I apologize, kid. That was uncalled for.” She took a deep
breath. She didn’t care if he listened or not; she had to say
this. For herself. She had her own demons. “Look, all I’m
trying to say is, there are times when we know we’re making mistakes.
The trick is to realize we know. Usually pride is the biggest obstacle
we must overcome in order to see clearly, but I don’t think that’s
the case with you,” she said thoughtfully. “I think it’s
much more basic. I think you’re afraid.”
“I’m not afraid!" He sounded horrified at the idea.
At least he’s listening. And did he...?
“Did you just lie to me?” she asked frankly.
“I...” He looked shocked, though she wondered at the cause.
The lie or my observation of it? The former, I hope, for your sake.
“I thought so. See what I mean? You, Duo Maxwell, who runs, hides,
does everything, but never lies. Your pride caused you to err in your
judgment... only I don’t think it was pride this time, either.
It was fear. You were afraid I’d think you were weak and vulnerable,
something you learned the hard way is not a safe way to be perceived.
Your fear of being hurt or taken advantage of caused you to make a mistaken
judgment.”
“So what are you saying? That I want to destroy the Federation
because I’m afraid they’re going to hurt me? Lady, that’s
the most insane thing I’ve ever heard! If I was afraid of them,
I’d be running away from them, not to them!” He laughed
in her face. She refused to be provoked. She would not be driven away
like some ninny, brought to anger by a willful boy.
“Ah, but that’s where the distinction lies. You’re
not afraid for yourself. You’re afraid for the others. For the
colonists. You’re afraid of what will happen to them.”
Silence. She’d hit a nerve. That’s right, kid. You’re
not as tough as you thought. I see right through that mask of yours.
No use pretending with me!
“Thank you, Ms. Pia, for your invaluable assistance,” Dr.
G’s stumpy form abruptly detached itself from the shadows gathered
in the unevenly lit hallway, plodding its way to their side, making
nary a sound even on the metal floors. What the-? How long has he been
standing there? What’s going on here? She stared hawkishly at
his gnarled face and something told her that she had just been used.
A tool...? I am but a tool to him? And what of this boy? Is he a tool,
as well?
Dr. G ignored her resentful glare and approached the focus of his concerns,
the now-shaken stowaway. “You do realize that you’ve declared
yourself the sacrificial lamb, kid. You’ve decided to martyr yourself
for people who don’t even know you’re alive. That’s
damned brave and damned admirable. But it’s also damned foolish.”
“Why?” Duo looked white-faced, shocked, aware that he was
being assaulted on all fronts. He had backed himself into a corner and,
unlike on the streets where he’d once lived, the knife would offer
him no protection. The arena he occupied was far too large... the opposition
far too deadly.
Dr. G looked rather amused at his question, a smile toying at the corner
of his lips. “Because what would your death accomplish? You’d
die for your cause, but what effect would your death have in the grand
scheme of things? None. None at all. How could it? No one knows who
you are. No one knows what your cause is. You’re just one person,
kid. Just a skinny kid with a knife.”
“I don’t care. I don’t wanna be a hero. I just wanna
do what I think is right,” he stated firmly, meeting the scientist‘s
gaze before dropping his eyes once more. “I won’t do it,
old man. I won‘t abandon what I believe in.” His words lacked
strength, however, and he suddenly seemed to be asking a question rather
than making a concrete declaration. He was pale, he was shaking, he
was still clutching the goddamn knife, but he was coming around to reason.
Pia nodded her head in satisfaction, despite her disapproval of Dr.
G’s actions.
“No one’s asking you to give up your beliefs, kid.”
The scientist sincerely assured him. He rubbed his protruding nose absently,
as though scratching an itch that was more imagined than real. “Never
that.”
“Then what’re you asking?” Duo seemed too tired to
fully express his suspicion, his body drooping before their eyes. His
shoulders dropped and he looked determined to shrink into himself. Pia
became aware that a battle had just been waged and with his defeat the
boy was surrendering something major. I just how he knows what he’s
giving up. And why.
Dr. G stepped forward, holding his hands out to the boy as if to embrace
him. His voice was candid, his manner open, his honesty plain. “We
ask that you trust us. And let us help you. Let us teach you and make
you strong. We’ll aide one another and work together to protect
the colonies. We’ll make it so that even one person can change
the universe.” His eyes blazed with pride.
“But...?” The boy did not look convinced.
“But what?”
“But what’re you asking me to do?” Tired. Resigned.
He’s completely lost. He’ll give us whatever we ask... what
*are* we asking?!
Dr. G stood directly before the shaken youth. Although he was careful
not to touch the boy directly, the look that passed between them made
it clear that some connection had been made. He... he *claimed* him.
That’s the only way to put it. He’s claimed that boy’s
life! And the boy agreed! What... what is going on here?!
But the mad scientist was speaking, his manner suddenly relaxed. Casually,
he wrapped an arm around Duo’s narrow shoulders, drawing the boy
close to his side. He met no resistance. “What do we ask? Your
cooperation. Your trust. Your commitment. But first of all, your knife.
You no longer have need of it.”
**********************
It was a huge adjustment, at first, accustoming himself to Dr. G’s
strictly regimented days. He’d grown accustomed to regulating
his own actions, choosing for himself what and when he did things. It
was a bit of a shock to have someone suddenly take his autonomy away,
but he’d dealt with it before, when he’d entered the orphanage.
Only then, Duo recalled, he hadn’t accepted the loss of his freedom
so liberally. Not that he was being so gracious about the loss now,
either...
“Aww, come on, G. Just a little longer,” he pleaded from
beneath the comfortable warmth of his blankets. “I just want another
few minutes.”
The scientist scowled from the open doorway of Duo‘s room, displeasure
obvious. “I gave you ‘another few minutes’ an hour
ago. It’s time to train and it’s time to train now! I’m
tired of your shenanigans!”
“When do I ever ask ya for anything? Come on, just this once!”
Duo implored, twisting on his bed so he faced the scientist. The covers
rucked across his legs as he grinned hopefully. “Please?”
“Kid...” Dr. G was exasperated. “We have no time
for this! Put it down and get dressed! The day is wasting!”
“Jeez. Fine. See if I ever ask for a favor from you again,”
Duo muttered, laying down the engrossing astrophysics textbook and climbing
out of bed.
*****************
“What? Finished already?” Vern was amazed. He looked up
from the cluttered work bench he was inspecting, an array of projects
in various stages of repair scattered before him. As the head mechanic
on the Sweeper ship, it was amongst his responsibilities to oversee
all repairs being made, ensuring that they were executed correctly.
Recently, though, Dr. G had added another task to his list of orders:
to teach the stowaway, Duo Maxwell, all he knew of mechanics and repairs.
He’d accepted the assignment without relish, not looking forward
to the job at all. It was ridiculous to expect a child to absorb a lifetime’s
worth of knowledge practically overnight. Still, Dr. G was Dr. G. He
always got what he wanted. Who was he to refuse?
Their first session together had begun on a rather nondescript note;
he’d shown the boy a number of electronic devices, explaining
their construction, and then a set of tools, showing how they could
be utilized to make repairs. He’d fully expected to be confronted
with a barrage of questions and a confession of overwhelmed confusion.
However, Vern had quickly discovered that as quickly as he imparted
knowledge, Duo absorbed it. The kid seemed to have a photographic memory
and he could remember with a glance exactly how something was put together.
Vern had to show him but once how an item was constructed and the kid
could build it from scratch. Pretty damned impressive, in his opinion.
The boy was a natural mechanic. After two months of instruction, he
could properly identify, build, and completely repair every piece of
equipment the spaceship harbored. Vern recognized a valuable asset when
he saw one and abandoned the pretense of lessons, instead allowing the
boy to work in the repair shop alongside the Sweepers. Eager to prove
himself, the kid had attacked his jobs with gusto, his fingers flying
through each repair, unaware of the impossibility of his actions. Kid
doesn’t even know he’s goddamn brilliant.
But this... this was just absurd. There was no way he could already
have finished the tasks Vern had set before him, mechanical genius or
not. The quick-fingered Asian frowned suspiciously at Duo’s nonchalant
expression. He’d never known the boy to shirk his responsibilities;
if anything, the kid was an out-and-out perfectionist, but there was
a first time for everything. “You finished all of it?” he
dubiously asked.
“Yep! Anything else ya need me to do? Dr. G is waiting.”
The boy shifted his weight impatiently.
“Hold on a second, kiddo. Show me what you’ve done,”
Vern ordered, fully expecting to discover the lad was attempting to
skip out on his work. I gave him at least five hours work and he’s
barely been here forty-five minutes. There’s no freaking way he
could be done, not unless he did a half-assed job.
“Sure thing, boss. No problem.” Duo led the way through
the maze of work stations until he reached his own table, marked by
the tall stool that Duo perched upon while he worked. The table was
uncomfortably tall for the boy’s slight frame and obviously had
been designed for a much taller man, such as those who quietly worked
around them. There were four other mechanics in the room and, although
they appeared single-mindedly focused on their work, Vern knew it was
a studied disinterest. They were well aware of what was going on.
Closely examining the montage of equipment neatly spread across the
table’s surface, Vern felt his face go slack with disbelief. There
was no doubt in his mind that each machine was repaired flawlessly.
“But... how...” the black-haired man floundered for words.
Coherence eluded him. He felt four sets of eyes slowly settle on his
shoulders. The other men knew what the kid had done and didn’t
want to miss his reaction.
Duo shifted restlessly, unaware that he was the source of Vern‘s
stunned amazement, but knowing that he was suddenly the center of attention.
“Can I go? Dr. G said to report back to him as soon as I was done,
but if there’s something else...” Duo left his words hanging,
ready to stay if Vern required his assistance.
“Uh, no. That was all.” Vern pulled himself together, picking
up a complicated carbon fuser with reverent hands. Perfect... it’s
absolutely perfect.
“Alright. See ya Friday, guys!” Duo departed, waving good-bye
as he disappeared from the repair shop, obviously glad to escape the
staring eyes of the Sweepers.
“Un-freaking-believable,” Vern muttered. He looked up,
staring at the grinning faces of the four mechanics. “It’s
just not normal!”
No one voiced disagreement.
*****************
“Goddamn!” He flung his hand out violently, dashing the
black and white chess pieces off the checkered board. “Stop doing
that! Play the game!”
Duo glared across the table at Reinhardt, ship’s navigator and
the newest addition to his growing collection of personal tutors. The
stern German was hard-bodied and muscled, with closely cropped blonde
hair and ice cold blue eyes. He was the epitome of Hitler’s Wunder
Mann, if Duo’s history lessons hadn’t been in error, and
had a mind as keen as a well-sharpened knife. They had been working
together for several months, meeting twice a week at a small table in
the ship’s recreation room. While sometimes they would discuss
the latest news clips broadcasting over the vid screens, usually their
sessions were reserved for chess. Although Duo had thus far excelled
at all of his lessons, it seemed that his weakness had finally been
exposed. As Reinhardt was willing to tell anyone who would listen, the
boy was hopeless at the strategic game. He’d yet to defeat the
German even once and both were growing more than a little frustrated
with his inability to grasp the game’s concept.
Today’s lesson was no exception. Duo had been playing badly as
usual, seeming to give the board only half his attention and none of
his intellect. He made moves without regard to their consequences, treating
each of his pieces as an individual rather than a set. Reinhardt had
told him his mistakes time and again and yet he persisted in repetitively
making the same, invariable errors. Finally, the German had lost his
temper and snapped, scattering the chess set from the table. The plastic
pieces now drifted around the room, suspend in the air, their mass insufficient
to counteract the weak gravity.
“That was the worst game you‘ve played to date, dummkopf,”
[2] Reinhardt spat. “Why do you resist me? Why do you disregard
my words?”
“Face it, Reinhardt! I’m just not cut out for this! My
mind doesn’t work that way,” Duo shot back, bordering on
insolence. “I can’t do it! Get over it!”
“Can’t or won’t?” demanded the blonde navigator.
“You are far from stupid, young one. This game should be cream
to your cat! [3] Forget what you know and learn to see the game for
what it is!”
“Look, Super Man, I work alone. I’ve always worked alone.
I operate on one setting: solo. I don’t look at all those pieces
and see a set. I see a mess. I see liabilities. I see the weak being
sacrificed for the strong. Why the hell is the Queen in the back, anyway?
If she’s so powerful, why ain’t she out front, protecting
the weak? I’m telling you, this game is a crock and I don’t
like it! You got that?” It was obvious that Duo had made this
speech many times before. It was also obvious that it had been as ineffectually
delivered as it was now. His audience was not moved.
“Stupid boy! Do you still not see after all this time?! The pawn
can defeat the Queen as surely as the Queen can defeat the pawn!”
The German slammed his hands down on the table, half-standing in exasperation.
“Only if the pawn is goddamn lucky!” Duo rose as well,
leaning forward across the table, blue eyes sparking with some unidentifiable
emotion.
Aware that they were drawing stares from the room’s other occupants,
Reinhardt lowered his voice when he continued. “And skill is not
a factor? Can the pawn not use his wits to infiltrate the Queen’s
defenses?”
“Only if there was a flaming miracle!” Duo snapped cynically.
Two pairs of blue eyes locked for an infinite second. Then Reinhardt
dropped his lids with a sigh. Rubbing his forehead, he began slowly
gathering the floating chess pieces. “This is getting us nowhere.
I do not feel there is any point in continuing today’s lesson.
I am tired of going around in circles with you. You refuse to learn.
You refuse to see sense. You refuse to see that which is right before
your eyes.” Snagging the last drifting piece -a white pawn- he
turned back to Duo, facing the boy’s rigid form. “Please
inform Dr. G that I will no longer be available for tutoring sessions.
He will have to find another to wrestle with your stupidity.”
He turned to go, leaving the chess set abandoned on the table.
“Reinhardt?” Duo hesitantly called after him. The tall
man paused, cocking his head in the boy’s direction. “I...
I’m sorry I can’t be better. But I can’t be something
I’m not.”
“Are you so sure of what you are? Are you so confident that your
perceptions of yourself ring true?” With those enigmatic words
hanging in the air between them, Reinhardt left the room, his body moving
with a grace strange to observe from a body so large. Duo watched him
as he went, lip bit in indecision. Reaching over his shoulder, he drew
his braid forward, clutching the plaited hair in shaking hands.
****************
Duo stood in the hall outside Dr. G‘s lab, shuffling his feet
in uncertainty. His motions were fidgety, his manner indecisive. He
appeared to be considering a matter of some gravity, twisting the end
of his braid about his fingers and chewing on his lip. Sighing in resignation,
he squared his shoulders and straightened his back, knocking hesitantly
on the closed door before him.
“Dr. G? Can I come in?” he called, his voice a bit strained
and high pitched.
“Enter!” the barked reply was muffled by the thick walls.
Keying the entrance open, Duo gently pushed off the floor and floated
into the room, the door snipping shut behind him. Looking around the
cluttered lab, he searched for his keeper amongst beakers, books, and
datapads, all the physical evidence of the scientist’s ingenious
mind. Despite several blazing Bunsen burners, the man he sought was
nowhere to be found.
“What do you want, boy?” the voice spoke seemingly from
nowhere, yet was paradoxically everywhere at once. Duo shivered and
inwardly wished he hadn’t come.
“I.. I have to ask a favor!” he forced himself to say,
willing his voice not to break.
“What is it?” Dr. G wasted no words, his tone suggesting
that he was in the middle of something important.
“My clothes don’t fit and they‘re falling apart.
I need new ones,” Duo reluctantly admitted.
“Fine. Tell Gwen. She’ll find someone’s castoffs.
You can wear those.”
“Errrr... that’s why I need the favor. I don’t need
just any clothes. I need these clothes.” He gestured to his frayed
priest’s garb, which had long since faded to gray. The shirt was
missing several buttons and the pants legs were far too short. The white
undershirt had dulled to a grayish-yellow. It was obvious that the outfit
had seen far better days.
“Don’t be absurd. You’ll wear what you’re given.”
Dr. G snorted from his personal limbo.
Duo directed his stubborn frown to the room at large. “No. I
won’t. I will wear these. Only these.” His tone left no
room for argument. It was apparent that that if he did not receive new
clothes, he would simply continue to wear the old ones until he could
replace them himself.
There was silence for a long moment. Then-
“Very well. Report to Gwen. She’ll require your measurements.”
A pause. “I assume you’ll need new shoes as well?”
“Uh, if it’s not too much trouble...”
“I don’t suppose you’d be willing to lower yourself
and wear a common man’s boots?”
“No, that’d be fine,” Duo said in an embarrassed
voice.
“Good. Because otherwise you’d be walking barefoot on some
very cold floors. Now leave me alone!”
**************
“Well, Duo, you’re much more fit than you were a year ago,”
Dr. Pollock concluded with professional approval. “Despite the
ship’s gravity, your muscle tone is greatly improved, no doubt
due to Pia’s excellent training, and your bone density seems to
be increasing. You’ve also gained twelve pounds, though you’re
still too thin.” He frowned. “And I’ve yet to determine
exactly how much of your weight is contributed by your braid. Still,
overall, you‘re coming along wonderfully!” He glanced down
at his charts. “I think we’ve caught you up on your vaccinations,
too, but I’m going to give you a tetanus booster just to be on
the safe side. As skilled as I‘ve heard you are at repairs, accidents
do occasionally happen.”
“So all systems are go?” Duo asked with a grin, leaning
eagerly forward on the examination table. He raised his eyebrows in
anticipation.
The physician returned his smile openly. “Looking good, kid!”
From where he listened unobserved, Dr. G nodded his head with satisfaction.
“Finally, his real training can begin. Prepare yourself, Duo Maxwell.
Between you and I, we might just save the colonies yet.”
*******
End Part 3
*******
[1] The legacy of “Mary Poppins,” I firmly believe, will
never die.
[2] literally, “stupid head.” Just one German equivalent
of “idiot.”
[3] I don’t know if this is a common expression, but my German
teacher used to say it an awful lot.
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