Subjects of My Sanity - Part 16 by
Terrasa
Standard disclaimers apply
~Subject: Wufei~
I found it almost to the point of humorous how things seemed to work
out to the better so quickly. At least, for a short time it was better.
After the many meetings among my… I guess they could be considered
friends now, I almost felt as if I was taking a giant leap farther
into escaping, a couple more steps towards my freedom. Yeah, it would
seem like I was thinking like a newly freed slave, huh? But that was
how I felt. That was how I had been treated… to an extent.
It wasn’t easy waking up in the middle of the night, not knowing
where I was, almost to the point of being scared. The cold air always
got to me, maybe caused my mind to numb and prevent any hope of figuring
out just why I was there… for several long minutes. It felt
surreal, living the way I was then. Did I like it? No. But I wasn’t
about to complain or hop on the first bus back to the boss. No, this
was just another small hurdle I would have to get over. But, I still
had no plan, and the worry about Duo… about Quatre… about
how all of the ones whom were considered my friends saw me. What did
they think of me now? What went through their minds as we sat down
and they talked to me in my new, temporary home?
It was hard. Discussing those… things. It helped a lot when
realizing that Duo had problems too. That was when I started to wonder…
what they had all gone through. Surely they didn’t have normal
lives. No… I could easily tell with Trowa… and Heero.
The two quiet ones. One had stopped talking altogether even though
his voice was suppose to be perfectly fine. I was curious about them.
Maybe it was because I thought that by hearing other peoples problems…
I could forget my own. Whatever my reason… I decided that day,
when I confessed a little bit of my story to them, that I would make
an attempt, even a tiny one, before I left, to look into their shielded
lives.
I knew it would not be easy to crack them down into talking. I knew
that some things could not be altogether said with words. You cannot
possibly ask a question about someone’s personal life and wholly
expect them to answer you either. But, there are always situations
that bring about the truth, and I had taken my first attempt when
digging into the mind and memories of one Duo Maxwell. It had taken
me to admitting things about myself to bring him to actually speak
about things other than his non stop gibberish. In the end though,
I found myself looking at him in a new way. He hadn’t given
much, just simple statements, yet they had revealed a great deal just
by looking at the hints.
Another problem arose though, and my plan was cut short as Heero
jumped up, storming out of the room with determination. It wasn’t
all that surprising. He had been agitated and had been looking towards
the door for the better part of our conversation. Of course, the subject
of my prying had gone along and chased after the angry one as soon
as he was out the door. I was left with the silence, for Quatre was
too shocked to speak and, well, Trowa just seemed to be looking at
Quatre with interest. The blond was laying on the floor where Heero
had abruptly pushed him down, eyes wide while looking out the opened
door.
Trowa was strange. Alright, so they all were. And I can’t really
say that I am not strange also. But, I’d like to think of myself
as normal… maybe just a little bit.
Trowa was the first of the two to recover, and he quickly got up
from where he had been leaning against the wall to help Quatre back
up from the ground. The blond boy’s face reddened as Trowa clasped
his hand in his, pulling him to his feet. He seemed to be flustered
for a little while longer, looking at the ground as if it was something
amazingly interesting. This made me to wonder if there was something
bothering him…. or maybe something wrong with him.
Seeing as Trowa wasn’t going to volunteer his voice to ask,
I decided to speak up. “You alright, Quatre?” But as the
words left my mouth, I had a feeling that something was wrong. No,
not with Quatre, who was telling me he was fine, a mantra repeated
more than couple times as Trowa checked him over to make sure he wasn’t
lying. That was when I realized I had called Quatre by his first name.
Something not altogether normal with me. I hadn’t really had
many… friends, or associates that I called by their given name.
No… this was definitely weird. How many others have I slipped
up with and started… started… well, I guess I was now
treating them as friends. Which would probably be their respectable
roles in my life now. Right?
How strange.
Trowa and Quatre hadn’t stayed long after the leave of Duo.
I think they felt it was odd, being here with me without the ever
talkative boy to make things seem normal. Yes, things were definitely
not normal. And things only got worse.
As I awoke that next morning, chills running down my spine, eyes
trying desperately to focus on something, anything in that dark room,
I just knew that something bad was going to come. Call me crazy, but
I just could not shake that feeling. When I finally managed to pull
myself out into the cold morning air outside, the uneasiness had been
temporarily pushed aside. My mind was set for school. I didn’t
need any unimportant distractions running through my head.
When I leaned over the edge of the roof though, studying the surroundings
below like usual, that feeling came back full force.
That was because of whom I saw below, the two people walking along
the sidewalk, coming towards the school.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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~Subject: Quatre~
The cool evening air was the first thing that hit me as I stepped
down the familiar staircase in the back of the school. Trowa followed
me down like he usually did, and not surprisingly started in the direction
of my home, deciding to walk with me. He had been seeing me home ever
since we first started coming to see Wufei and I was starting to think
that he was going to make a habit out of it. Not that I minded, no,
it was a long walk to be taken by myself. Though, that didn’t
stop me from worrying about Trowa, seeing as he would have to walk
the long way back to his home alone.
I was about to say my usual statement of, ‘You know you don’t
have to walk me home,’ when the words just fell out of my mouth
as I saw the people standing at the front gate.
Two men were leaning against the outside school sign, smoking cigarettes
and looking to world like just a bunch of laid back low life’s.
They gave me the creeps, and I decided against asking Trowa to go
home and give up walking with me, seeing as one of them might just
follow us. Who knows? They could have been looking for someone to
come out of the school so they could mob them… or worse.
That thought brought my mind back to Wufei. Sitting up there all
alone. Damn. That wasn’t really a friendly thought.
“Trowa? You think… Wufei will be alright?” I looked
up after my question to see that he was studying the two men now a
ways behind us. His expression didn’t give away what he was
thinking, but it somehow made me feel a little easier when he nodded
his head as if to reassure me that Wufei would be fine.
From there, the walk was in silence. I was too exhausted to start
up a one sided conversation, and my head was pounding slightly every
time I thought about Duo, going home… Wufei, not going home.
That thought could have been amusing… on any other day. But
the truth was that it was extremely sad. Duo had a home, but could
not actually say he enjoyed being there. Who would? When you came
in your front door only to abusive parents. Wufei on the other hand,
didn’t even have that to go to. I wonder if Wufei even had a
home… I mean… he ran away because of his boss. No…
he must have lived with his boss.
Memories of the first time I saw Wufei flooded my mind, causing me
to shiver slightly against the wind. I really needed to stop thinking
about that. I decided to spend the remaining amount of time observing
Trowa instead. Every so often his eyebrows would crease together slightly
as if he had been thinking thoughts similar to the ones I was just
moments ago. Whatever it was running through his head, he was not
happy. It was kinda nice seeing all the new expressions he was unconsciously
showing though, even if they weren’t good ones.
A chuckle escaped my lips when his forehead crinkled for the sixth
time. I couldn’t hold my humor in any longer. Of course, that
only brought him out of his reverie and his head turned, one visible
eye widening with confusion.
“Ah…” Ok, I admit I am not the best with words…
well, not as good as Duo seems to be, but today I was just majorly
lacking in the conversation abilitys. It took me a couple seconds
to compose myself and push away the brief fluster he caused by looking
at me like that. His stare was really intense sometimes. “Sorry…
it‘s just…” His eyebrows rose considerably before
he cut off my stuttering with a shrug, turning his attention back
to the road. I barely managed to catch the small smile that graced
his lips as he turned away, it only lasted for a split second though.
My heart near skipped a beat at that.
It took me a little longer than usual to calm myself that time.
Sighing, I turned my gaze down to the ground, watching as my feet
stepped along the sidewalk. I think my headache was probably at fault
for my lack of un-embarrassing words and stutters. Or it could have
been the fact that I was greatly lacking in the sleep department.
The sidewalks abrupt change in color notified me that we were now
nearing my house. Of course, it was just like father to redo the sidewalks
more than necessary, causing them to be several shades lighter than
the surrounding neighborhoods. God forbid an important associate were
to come and trip on a crack!
Like usual, Trowa left me upon reaching the grounds owned by my father.
I barely got a chance to say my thanks and goodbye before he was off,
disappearing into the now darkened night. Disappointment filled me
as he left me alone and I couldn’t seem to make myself go in
at first, feet feeling suddenly heavy, watching Trowa’s retreating
form in the distance. Maybe it was because I knew I’d have to
change into a different person upon entering the house that had me
stalling. I’d have to watch what I said, act polite and entertain
anyone whom happened to be visiting. In other words, it really sucked.
I sighed, running a hand through my hair, ruffling it as I turned
to grudgingly walk inside the grounds. There wasn’t any point
in catching a cold, I guess, and standing out there was certainly
not doing my tired body any good.
I walked around the side of the house, entering through the back
door, seeing as not many people used it. Most servants were probably
in the dinning room now, either serving or getting ready for the meal.
I was late, I know, but I didn’t think father would get too
mad. At least… it wouldn’t be as bad as… as Duo.
A frown settled upon my face as I recalled our little discussion.
They really were starting to make me sick with worry.
As I made my way down the halls, I was forced to pass my father’s
study on the way to my room. Going the long way might have been better
if I’d have wanted to avoid a confrontation… but that
was just it, it was a long way. My feet hurt enough as it was from
the long walk to the school and back. Being sheltered and driven everywhere
doesn’t really help with being athletic.
Voices caught my attention and I couldn’t help but pause in
front of the big two doors, where my father spent most of his time,
to see if I could recognize their owners. It was my father, of course.
No one went into his study without him present except for me, and
maybe the few times he allowed my sister, Iria, also.
My feet unconsciously moved closer as I heard the second voice, a
thick accented man with a raspy tongue and crude language. The door
was only a foot in front of me before realization dawned on me that
I was about to start eavesdropping… well, attempt to eavesdrop
anyway. That was certainly something new for me. Maybe it was Duo’s
influence, making me feel like I could get away with anything, that
had me moving even closer, head tilting to peer through the small
crack the partly opened door permitted.
What I saw was not pretty. I had to remind myself not to gasp at
the site of the man inside, greasy hair, hunched frame. His voice
seemed to altogether fit him now. The disgusting way he was softly
arguing seemed to match the way he hobbled closer to my father, arms
flying in the air as their discussion heated. I wouldn’t have
guessed he would spit on the ground in rage, but he did, only causing
my stomach to rumble as the feeling of disgust grew stronger.
I did not retreat though. I stood, transfixed by the hushed argument
the two held. Finally something my father said made the man freeze
up where he stood. I desperately wished I could have made out the
muffled sounds that was their voices. It seemed like they were purposely
keeping their words low, as if afraid of anyone hearing the discussion.
That thought only made my curiosity rise.
The deformed man was backing away now, and I could tell that it was
from what my father was saying. The look on his face was calm, like
I had usually seen him, but his eyes were what had me shaking where
I stood. Cold and hard… those ones he used when… when…
I had to back away from them then. But not too soon to miss the final
exchange, the small black object that was pressed into the newcomers
hand. A tiny flat box was now held up by the hunched man, causing
him to sigh in relief and he seemed to bend over even more, as if
bowing gratefully to my father.
I practically flew down the hallways right after, fearing that they
would depart and see me, maybe realize that I had watched them in
their… well, just what were they doing? From what I could gather,
the strange man had probably come for that small black object. Why
had my father been so reluctant to give it up though? The thing was
about the size of the palm of my hand, no thicker than a half an inch.
Maybe there was something inside… but… what could possibly
fit inside, that was so important?
Somehow, I felt that there was probably a lot more about my father
than I knew… or realized until now.
The first thing I did when the door to my room was slammed behind
me was fling myself onto the soft mattress of my bed. Burying my head
into the pillows that were freshly washed by the maids. I knew right
away that once I would be in here my thoughts would drift to all the
unpleasant things that have been happening. And they did of course,
only causing me to growl and sit up finally from where I had laid.
That was when I noticed that someone had left a note on my dresser.
Usually the maids would leave phone messages on my bedside table for
me to find, and nine times out of ten they were from Iria.
I immediately brightened while grabbing the piece of paper, eyes
scanning over the contents quickly for my sisters name before going
back to actually read the whole thing. There were two phone messages,
which really surprised me considering that I usually never got any
calls. Iria was the first. She supposedly called this morning, saying
she would be coming be in about a weeks for a visit. I reread that
line on the paper about four times, memorizing it and making sure
that it actually said that. She hadn’t been gone so long from
her last visit and I already was missing her.
The second message kinda surprised me. It was from Hilde. She hadn’t
left a message with the maid, just a phone number to call her.
I sighed, eyebrows crinkling together while thinking about what would
happen if I actually did manage to bring myself to pick up the phone
to speak with her. She would most likely want to hang out, I guess…
or… go on a date type thing. Why else would someone, a girl,
call me?
Turns out, my curiosity as to why she called rose considerable .
Since it would probably take my mind off today’s incident, even
if for only a little while, I picked up the phone, deciding that I
would give it a shot. Distractions would be really good right now.
The phone rang two times before an elderly woman answered, giving
me almost a panic attack when she started spouting a barrage of questions
about who I was and where I was and how I got this number. I couldn’t
even get my initial question out and ask if Hilde was home until she
finally asked, “Well, whad’ya want?”
Of course, Hilde was busy, or so the lady said. Hilde dear was in
the shower.
The phone dial sounded abruptly after the lady informed me of Hilde‘s
whereabouts, giving me a start as I realized that the she had just
hung up on me. How nice.
Well, seeing as a shower sounded good right then, I spent the next
twenty minutes under a hot spray, sighing as the warmth spread over
my stiff muscles. It wasn’t until I was done and putting on
my pajamas, even though it was a little early, that a knock sounded
at my door.
“Ah! Quatre, you’re out of the bath!” I looked
at the maid in front of my door, watching as she waved her arms about
while she spoke. She kinda reminded me of Duo in a way. “You
had a telephone call from a Miss Hilde.”
I internally groaned while smiling outwardly and taking the message
from the maid. She talked with me for a couple more minutes, asking
the usual questions of how I was doing, if I had gotten enough to
eat. I knew some of the servants here felt sorry for me, probably
pitied me. Most of them had been here long enough to know the whole
families messed up ordeal, and if they weren’t, they’d
probably got all the gossip down within a week of arrival.
The maid soon left, leaving me to stand in front of my telephone,
once again. I couldn’t really decide if I wanted to call Hilde
or not. On one hand… I’d get to talk with Hilde, the good
distraction from depressing thoughts. On the other hand, I would probably
have to go through that scary old lady.
When I finally managed to convince myself to call, I was greatly
disappointed when the old lady answered, telling me that Hilde went
out to get her old granny some cough drops. But that wasn’t
the worst part… no, I just had to get scolded for calling at
eight thirty at night. By the time I hung up the phone, I was mentally
swearing that I would never call her house again.
Girls were too complicated for me as it was. And that old lady was
definitely not on my nice people to talk to list.
Oddly enough, Hilde called me back for the second time that night
and I was finally able to speak with her. It was a quick conversation,
and I had the feeling that her granny was probably breathing down
her neck while she talked. In other words, she was acting a little
different from usual, words carefully chosen. Finally, after a couple
minutes of stalling and pointless questions, she got around to asking
me if I wanted to go to the movies with her. My mind screamed no,
but I ended up agreeing to go anyway. How could I have possibly turned
her down?
It wasn’t till I was laying in my dark room, ready to go to
sleep that realization came full force. I was going to have to go
on a date… a date with Hilde. Somehow, that didn’t seem
to be really appealing. I just prayed she would see it just as a friend
thing… not a date thing.
The worst part about that night, other than the nerve racking thoughts
of me on a date with Hilde, was that I couldn’t get Trowa out
of my head. For some reason the word ‘dating’ always brought
up a mental picture of him… walking beside me… walking
me home.
My life seemed to be getting more and more complicated! How the hell
was I ever going to make it through High School like this? A social
lacking teen who can’t get his mind straightened out about his
sexuality!
My thoughts turned morbid from there. They had been seemingly more
and more depressing lately. I found myself being jealous of a dead
person at one point. Dead people have it so much easier, don’t
they? Or maybe I am just screwed up for thinking something as insane
as that.
*******
TBC
*******
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