Orphan Stage Part 14 - Stage Blackout
by Terrasa
Standard disclaimers apply
“Heero?” We were lying on his bed, him leaning over me.
I could feel his hand running up and down my arm, causing me to flush
from the sensation of his skin on mine.
He’s asked me why I liked him. It was such of a hard question
to answer. I think it was more of a feeling, not certain things about
him. But… he seemed to be searching for something, worried about
my answer…
What was I to say? There was way too much. I guess, the first reason
I was drawn to him was because of his looks. But, isn’t that
usually what brings two people together at first? Their appearance,
behavior… the first impression. And then you start to get to
know one another… find out if the relationship will work or
not.
Heero is so strong… I think that was the second thing that
drew me to him. His strength… even if he doesn’t realize
it, it’s there. I’d seen it when he stood by me, seen
it when he confessed his past. His eyes will tell you… the cold
mask he wears… his strength against his problems. He sees it
as a weakness and I should be angry at him for that. Yet, he admits
to himself… he can honestly tell me he is weak… isn’t
that strength? To not deny apart of you? To be able to analyze yourself
and pick out your flaws. Trying to change them… to become a
better person. I only wish I could tell him that he is strong in that
sense… but I would be too afraid of his denial. He wouldn’t
except that as strength… he is looking above that.
I am really much more like him than he realizes. We both are two
people whom feel weakened by our childhoods. People who lacked love,
and family.
I had always looked for something better in my life… something
to make me feel needed. I can not except that my life has no purpose
other than to live and die. I’m so close to finding it…
so close to figuring out my fate. All the clues are in front of me,
they just need to be put in place. And it all starts with Heero…
the only person I can somewhat relate to.
We are similar, yes, but I would never admit that my life has been
worse than his… how horrible to grow up in a cold home like
he had. No love, being ignored. Just thinking about it makes me want
to rip something apart. This house would be a good start.
I’d do anything for Heero… That was a pretty scary thought
that was spinning around in my head. It’s how I felt, honestly…
I would kill anyone who so much as touched him in a bad way…
and it frightened me. That I would lose so much control if anything
were to happen to him.
Caring… or loving… I can not fully understand all of
the emotions that float around inside of me. It hurts sometimes…
to think of him, living down in his cold cell called a bedroom…
I think I just realized why I am here now. Down with him in the dark
computer filled room. Why I always wanted to come here.
There are places you like to be… only because they hold memories.
Like you go back to an old run down theatre just because you had gone
there ten years ago. Sitting in the once new seats, reliving the events
that happened with blissful thoughts. Heero… I want him to have
a memory… something to make him like his room. And when I’m
not there with him… he can remember that I was… I was
here, making his room a little more livable.
There is already so much down here… and maybe he was able to
feel me even when I was gone those two weeks.
Our first kiss… I wonder if he remembers, or if he had thought
about that when he missed me most. I wont be able to stay by his side
forever… wont be able to comfort him in his creepy room every
day… but at least he will remember that I was here.
Heero’s hand came up to brush the hair away from my forehead.
The soft gesture pulled me from my upsetting thoughts. Made me realize
that he was still waiting for my answer. But what could I tell him?
It hurts when your not around? My knees feel weak every time you touch
me? I don’t think that is the kind of answer he was looking
for.
His dark blue eyes turned to the side in disappointment… most
likely because I was having such a hard time with this and I had to
think for so long.
After laying down, staring at him for a long while, I finally realized
that it didn’t matter what I said… he was only looking
for the truth… he was only trying to reassure himself that I
did in fact care for him. We never said so in words, only in gestures.
I think he needed to hear it… the words that I couldn’t
quite say yet.
My hand snaked up to the back of his skull, pulling him down closer
to me. Mouth twisted upwards as I leaned forward, brushing my lips
softly against his. It was a quick kiss, just to get his attention
on me again and not the wall that seemed to be so interesting to him
a minute ago.
“To me…” I whispered lightly against his lips.
“your perfect.” I felt him exhale the deep breath he must
have been holding and his lips pressed quickly to mine. Moaning softly
as my mouth opened to let his tongue roam.
Hands came up to cup my face as he pulled away and I could see the
almost sad look spread on his face. “Far from it.” He
said softly, rubbing his thumb across the side of my face, running
down to trace my bottom lip.
I just snorted before saying, “What? Not happy with my answer?”
My lip stuck out and I put on my best pouting face for him. “Well
then, what about your answer… why do you like me?”
He sat up quickly, and I could just barely see the smirk on his face
before he stood, back facing me. I was still laying flat on the bed
as he mumbled. “Your full of surprises.”
“What?” I gawked at his retreating back for a moment
before asking, “What‘s that suppose to mean?”
He just shrugged, ignoring me while stretching his arms above his
head. If he wasn’t still wearing that damn white shirt I might
have gotten to see his nice muscular back rippling as he rolled his
shoulders. Sigh, oh well, I can always make him do that later…heh.
“Ne, Heero… I’m hungry.“ I whined as I felt
the slight ping of hunger from my stomach. I hadn’t eaten much
today. “I was a nervous wreck all friking day… thinking
about the prom. I don’t even think I touched my breakfast. Thinkin’
about eating made me want to puke!” I admitted, sitting up and
hobbling over to Heero.
“Hmm…” His eyebrows crinkled together slightly
and he stood before me, lost in thought for a moment. “I think…
there might be something we can make.” His arms snaked around
my waist, and once more he picked me up off the ground.
I yelped in surprise, I had been in the middle of re-buttoning my
black shirt that had been hanging off my shoulders. “Wah! Heero,
you don’t need to carry me all the time!” I complained
as we stepped into the dark stairwell. My arms instinctively tightened
around his neck and my eyes clamped shut. I could feel my chest grow
tighter as my breath picked up its pace.
Heero carried me up the stairs, not once acting as if I was heavy.
“We’re up.” He said, closing the wooden door with
his foot. How he managed to open the door with his hands occupied
was beyond me.
Sighing, my arms loosened there death grip. It took me awhile to
calm down, the fear of Heero dropping me and my claustrophobia probably
wasn’t good for my health. Being scared sucks, and no matter
what I did, I couldn’t seem to get rid of the stupid fear. The
darkness, and the walls that are too close together… still remind
me of that closet. The one I was locked into by Hall.
Disappointment washed over me as I realized I hadn’t changed…
I was still afraid as ever. Somewhere in my head I got the idea that
maybe I would be cured if Hall was dead. But, I guess it is much deeper
than that.
“You can put me down now, ya know.” I wiggled slightly
in his arms in attempt for him to lose his grip on me, but he just
chuckled and squeezed me tighter.
“I know.” He said, completely ignoring me and continuing
to carry me through the dark hallways. It was late, probably close
to midnight. And it was dark! I didn’t even think that the house
could possibly be any darker than it was during the day. Ugh, this
place was way too creepy. No wonder Heero doesn’t seem to be
afraid of anything… I guess he is immune to the whole ‘haunted
house creepiness’ fear.
My hand reached out as we approached the dinning room, turning the
knob for Heero. He just grunted in thanks and we made our way to the
kitchen. It was pitch black in there, no windows aligned the walls,
kinda like Heero’s room. Though, I think the kitchen was bigger.
Heero set me down for a moment as he looked for a light switch.
“Where the hell did that damn switch go?” He mumbled.
I could hear his hand sliding along the wall in a desperate search.
As the seconds grew longer, I suddenly felt the hairs on the back
of my neck start to stand up. My wide eyes searched the blackness
for something, anything to make me feel a little easier. But I could
barely even make out Heero as he moved to find the magical switch
that would make me feel so much better by giving us vision!
A clicking sound went off and I jumped as white light spilled around
the room. My hand came over to instinctively cover my heart and I
breathed out a shaky breath. Mouth open instinctively to thank Heero,
but as I turned to him I noticed his wide eyes and paused hand on
the wall. There wasn’t a switch even close to where he was standing.
“Master Yuy! Is everything alright?” Looking towards
the other end of the kitchen, I was startled to see a short maid making
her way over to us. My eyebrow raised and I looked over to Heero in
confusion. Why was she talking to him?
“Shh… be quiet.” Heero growled towards the woman.
The maids hand came to cover her mouth and she looked over in our
direction in apology. “Everything’s fine… I’m
just getting something to eat.” Heero said, while turning his
back on the woman.
She took the hint and started to back towards the door she had come
from. “Aa… sorry I disturbed you, I just heard some noises
is all. My room’s right next to the kitchen is all. Just a little
worried is all.” I bit the inside of my cheek to stop the smile
that wanted to come over my lips as I listened to her weird accent
and funny speech.
She was a short woman, probably in her late thirties. As she turned
around I could see her walking funny, like she had a bad limp. As
her back disappeared out the door on the other side of the room, I
looked up to Heero whom had his eyes closed and a hand massaging his
temple.
“That was close.” He sighed, walking over to the big
refrigerator to browse its contents.
“Eh? What do you mean?”
He pulled out something that looked like sandwich meat and walked
over to the food cupboard. “I’m not suppose to…
well I’m not allowed to do anything really. Especially steal
food at night.”
I snorted at that. “Yeah well, it’s your money buying
the food.” The maid lady came back to my mind and I was all
of a sudden really interested in her. “Who was she? I thought
no one was suppose to talk to you.”
From what he set down on the counter, I figured he was making some
turkey… or chicken sandwiches.
“She’s not suppose to talk to me… but a while back
I asked her for some favors…” He got out a knife from
one of the big drawers to spread some weird substance on the bread.
“Favors?” My curiosity was killing me and Heero just
‘had’ to speak so slowly!
“Aa… she used to steal money for me.”
“EH?!” My eyes widened slightly as I sat down on one
of the kitchen stools set around the counters. It creaked loudly under
my weight. I froze up for a second as I realizing that every shift
I made would make an annoying squeak. I changed stools quickly and
was happy to note that this one only wobbled a little, having one
of its legs a little short. The brown stools were really old looking,
which made me realize that most of the stuff in here was old and worn.
Obviously, Heero’s relatives didn’t care about the kitchen
staff’s equipment.
“Well… technically she wasn’t really stealing since,
like you said, its my money.” He stated, sitting down beside
me and handing me a sandwich. “How do you think I was able to
afford all my computers?”
“Eh, I didn’t think of that. So she stole money from
your Aunt…. how?” I was surprised when I took a bite of
the sandwich, expecting the white substance he used to be mayonnaise.
“Eck! What is this?” I asked, opening up the sandwich
and sniffing the weird stuff in order to determine what it was.
“Don’t know, just thought I’d try it. Might be
some turkey fat left over from last nights dinner.“ I could
feel myself pale slightly and looked to my food, all of a sudden not
so hungry.
As I stared at my sandwich for awhile, Heero continued telling me
about this ‘maid’ lady. “Laundry… she would
find money in there all the time… and a couple times she found
credit cards. The stupid relatives never even knew they were being
robbed. That shows how much money they were wasting.” As he
said this, he didn’t look angry at all, not one bit mad that
they were spending his money. I was kinda amazing really, to see him
take it so easily. But… I wondered if that was only the face
he would show me… maybe he was really hurt about it, but didn’t
want to show it. That was just like him… Ugh, how was I going
to get him to open up more?
“Umm… that lady… she had a limp.”
“Hmmm…” He grabbed a napkin from on the counter
top and wiped his mouth before saying, “I think she has one
leg shorter than the other, but I’m not certain. She’s
a good lady though, only one to ever talk to me for longer than a
week.” He didn’t say anything about her after that, just
continued eating his food.
We sat in relative silence for a little while longer… me picking
at my food until Heero finally admitted that the mysterious white
substance was actually ranch dressing. After knowing that it wasn’t…
chicken fat, I actually thought it was pretty good, especially since
Heero made it!
He seemed to go quiet for a long time after that, a disturbing sort
of quiet. I could tell something was bothering him, but was too afraid
to ask what it was. His eyebrows were drawn together in deep thought,
mouth twisted down into a frown. I think he forgot about me for awhile,
too lost in his mind, because we just sat there on the stools in the
too quiet kitchen long after the food was gone. And he hadn’t
even seemed bothered by my non-talkativeness, which he usually noticed
right away.
“Heero?” His head snapped up and his eyes widened slightly
at seeing the worried expression on my face.
“Aa… sorry. Was just thinking.” He wouldn’t
say anything else, and I didn’t want to push him any further
for tonight, my mind was starting to shut down from exhaustion.
We crashed back downstairs at around twelve thirty, or so his little
computer said! And I don’t think that it would lie to me. My
muscles were aching and I could feel my eyes drooping for about the
hundredth time that night, I was beat!
“We go sleep now?” I mumbled as Heero set me down on
his bed. He smiled softly while helping me take off my socks. Don’t
know when I lost the shoes, I was too tired to really care. If I were
to look in a mirror I would bet my hair was half out of my messy braid
and dark circles were starting form under my eyes.
Yawning, I pulled Heero down next to me, wrapping my arms around
him tightly. “Duo… I need to go get changed.” He
complained while trying to extract himself from my grip, which wasn’t
too hard considering my arms were having trouble lifting even an inch
off the bed.
“Mmmmm… hurry…” The words came out as a whisper
as I sunk deeper into the mattress.
There was a shuffling sound from across the room, I would have liked
to open my eyes but they seemed happy being closed. A minute later
the bed shifted and I rolled slightly into Heero. His warm arms came
to wrap around my waist and I snuggled my head up against him.
He could be so gentle sometimes and it was really funny thinking
about how he used to act. Cold, emotionless… I remember when
I played basketball with him, how he looked so fast and strong, made
me feel like he could break my bones by just running into me.
For some reason… it seems like I never left. Everything was
the same when I came back, Heero was the same… or was he?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cold, something was running down my leg and I shivered when my eyes
finally opened. I stared up at the ceiling, trying to figure out what
it was that had awoken me when I felt something run down my leg again.
My head snapped down to find out what the strange thing was. Eyes
widening as I saw Heero, poised over me, running his hand over my
leg, right by the wound on my calf.
I felt a shudder run through me as he looked up to me, eyes staring
straight into mine. My face flushed slightly when realizing that I
was only in my boxers. How did that happen? Heero wasn’t much
better off, he was wearing dark gray sweat pants with no shirt to
cover his muscled upper body. A smirk formed on his lips and he bent
down, giving the healing flesh the same treatment he had my shoulder.
A soft feather kiss before coming up to nuzzle my neck. My breath
was in short rasps as his lips moved to cover mine.
“H-Heero?”
“Mmmm… Morning.” His hand came up to pinch the
side of my hip, making me jump with a sharp squeak. “Oh? Ticklish?”
He asked, moving his hand back to my side.
“Umm.” I really wanted to lie and say that I wasn’t
ticklish, but it was kinda obvious now wasn’t it?
His hand pinched my side some more, causing my knees to fold up instinctively
as I tried desperately to fend off his attacks. One strong hand grabbed
my foot and I squealed loudly as he brushed his hand over it.
“S.. stop… ow… cant breath.” He just laughed
at my torture and I soon ended up falling out of bed in order to get
free. “S’not funny!”
I lay on the ground, panting and out of breath. I could see Heero
smirk in triumph while looking down at me from his perch on the bed.
It was so cold!
My arms wrapped around my shoulders in attempt to warm up. I didn’t
dare try and get back into the bed… he was still there, and
I would rather be cold than tickled. I blew out a deep breath, finally
calming down from my laughing fit. It hurt to laugh that much, and
I was getting irritated that Heero was so amused by my suffering!
I watched as the soft expression fell from his face, only to be replaced
by something akin to worry. His eyes turned down and to the side,
I watched all this with a little bit of fear. Something was wrong
with him, I could see it last night a little bit, when we were eating
in the kitchen. How he had zoned out like he was doing now.
“Heero? Is… are you…” My voice trailed off
as I saw his hand come up to rub his temples as if he had a headache.
“I…” Moving closer to him, I could see his eyes
close as if trying hard to concentrate and get the words to come out.
“I’m sorry.”
His dark blue eyes opened up to look at me, filled with sadness and
I could barely get my voice out to ask, “Sorry?”
“The… trial… is tomorrow… I wont be able
to see you for… maybe a week.” His eyes bore into mine
and widened slightly. I wondered what was so shocking to him, but
I soon realized that my expression must have had him surprised.
My eyes closed on their own accord and I let out the breath I had
been holding, taking another couple of deep ones to calm myself. The
sides of my eyes were prickling, and I couldn’t figure out why
I was so upset. Maybe it was because I had just come back… or
maybe because I was scared… for him. What would happen to him
if the judge gave his Aunt all the money? I was scared thinking about
how he would feel… losing what was rightfully his.
My eyes slowly opened and I gave Heero a weak smile, it was all I
could muster up at the time. His eyes were looking at me, pain filling
them as the silence dragged on for a couple minutes more.
“Where… are you going?” I asked, never taking my
eyes off of him.
“There’s a Judge… that’s used to cases like
this one… it’s a long way out of town.”
It was kinda awkward, we were now switching roles once again. Him
leaving me behind, like I had left him. But I knew he would be back…
It must have been ten times worse for him, not knowing if I would
come back years later… or at all.
“W-when…”
“Yesterday… my birthday was yesterday. I got the letter
informing me of the trial date a week ago.” He answered my question
before I could even voice it and my chest tightened slightly as I
realized what he had just said.
“WHAT?!” I stood up, quickly walking to stand over his
sitting form on the bed. “Heero… why didn’t you
tell me…” My hands flew up into the air and I let out
a frustrated sigh. “Yesterday! It was yesterday and you didn’t
even tell me!”
My actions must have been amusing to him, because I could hear a
light chuckle coming from him as he stood up, arms coming to wrap
around me. “I didn’t think it was that important.”
He admitted, pulling me down to lay beside him on the bed.
I growled but wrapped my arms around his warm body in return, face
turned so I could look him in the eye. “A week.”
“Maybe more.” He said, kissing me lightly on the cheek
in apology.
We didn’t say anything more, just stayed by each other for
the remainder of the morning. I think I fell asleep again, only to
be awaken by Heero softly petting my hair. I didn’t want to
get up, Heero was leaving tomorrow, and I felt like if I were to get
up… it would only be closer to his departure time.
“Heero…” It was around noon by the time I finally
found myself wanting to talk to him. “What did you do after
I left… I mean… I didn’t even say goodbye.”
It was really painful to think about that. I should never have had
to leave without telling him I was going. I could only guess some
of the feelings he went through.
“It wasn’t your fault.” He said, as if seeing right
through my question. Knowing I wanted comfort and to not be at fault.
“I only broke a computer or two.”
I smirked, feeling a little happy that he was so mad over it…
I know, cruel, but it showed he cared, right? Like I should even be
doubting that. Damn… he broke a computer.
“Lets go do something.” It was Sunday, and we were just
sitting there wasting the day away. I wanted to do something to take
my mind off the problems coming up. We needed to do something fun
for a change. Maybe go out on a date! Oh! Fun! “Lets go to an
amusement park!” I suggested, looking hopefully to Heero.
He just snorted and said, “There isn’t an amusement park
for hundreds of miles.” He probably saw the disappointment on
my face because he quickly added, “How about the circus, I think
they’re in town.”
My face brightened and I jumped up excitedly. “I’ve never
been to one! Ooo lets go!”
Heero lent me some clothes and left me in his room to change as he
took a shower. I don’t know how I noticed the folded piece of
paper on his desk, or why I opened it up. But when I did, I was surprised
to see that it was the note… the one I wrote to him the day
I left. The one I hadn’t had time to finish. My eyes scanned
it briefly and I smiled thinking about that day, how sweet he had
been… and I left him.
An idea came to my mind and I snatched a pen from one of his desk
drawers. I would finish it now, even if it is too late. I stared at
the last line and for some reason I couldn’t remember what I
was going to say at the time. I think I forgot when Kemp came in to
get me.
Oh! I almost forgot… I wanted to tell you th
Hmmm… oh well, I’m sure it wasn’t ‘that’
important. I grinned slightly as I finished the note.
Now… where to put it…
A suitcase caught my eye. Although it made me sad, knowing that he
would be leaving, I couldn’t help but smile as I put the note
in-between some of his clothes. If I couldn’t say the my feelings
out loud, then I might as well write them down! Hopefully he would
see it, heh, and wont he be shocked!
Heero~
Ano… I don’t remember what I wanted to say to you then…
but… I wanted to finish this anyway…………..
(stalling… stalling)…..
I wanted to tell you that…
I love you
~Duo
*******
TBC
*******
On to Part 15
Back to Part 13