E-mail Abuse by Agent Midnight
Standard disclaimers apply


"The following agreements and documentations that you are about to read are so secretive that the government doesn't know we have them...--"

"Duo, shut up and type!"

"Heero, I'm working up to something good here. Lay off, man."

"It's my computer. You type now, or i'm kicking you out of the room so I can continue my Solitaire game..."

"Your Solitaire game isn't going anywhere, Heero! Jeebus! It's right there.. see? It's the minimized icon..! See? See? See?"

"Fine! I see!"
Cough.

"Anyhoo...These documents-"

"Must you speak out loud while you type?"

"-are so official and important, that I could be arrested by publishing them out to the public."

Snort.

"..Public.."

"Damnit, Heero! Shut up!"

*******

Secret Document #1

The Official Rights and Terms of Heero-ism.
(Ten Commandments of Yuy)

Written by: Duo Maxwell.
Co-Written by: Trowa Barton, Quatre Raberba Winner.

10. Thou shall not toucheth his black car without given permission
9. Thou shall not maketh him watch Rated-G movies.
8. Thou shall not comment on his clothing.
7. Thou shall not maketh fun of his off-color, tacky shoes.
6. Thou shall not maketh him listen to Cher/Jewel
5. Thou shall not toucheth The Laptop
4. Thou shall not mutter ill intent towards his "Posse"
3. Thou shall not toucheth Metal Weaponry.
2. Thou shall not breaketh Royal, Sacred Silence.
1. Thou shall not participate in the Act of Idiotism.

*******

"Duo, question.."

"Yes, Heero?"

"If you wrote this, how come you've already broken #'s 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 2, 1, and now in the process of breaking # 5..?"

"I'm the creator of the list Heero. I can do what I want. This is advice for the other folks out there."

"How the hell did Quatre and Trowa contribute to that??"

"Quatre came up with most of four...Trowa came up with the word 'Posse'.."
Grunt.

*******

Secret Document #2

Rules and Regulations of Active Duo-ists.

Written by: Quatre Raberba Winner.
Co-written by: Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell.

1. Both sexes openly welcome.
2. No on over the age 9999.
3. Heavy Metal fans wanted.
4. Needs to know at least two(2) sentences in English.
5. Pop stars do not exist.
6. Rock music is the Meaning of Life.
7. Needs Persistence.
8. Pink is out of the question.
9. Needs a sense of humor.
10. Needs a car.
11. Needs a decent music collection.
12. No country fans allowed.
13. Needs an I.D.(Fake or otherwise).
14. Must be open-minded.
15. Must be perverted.
16. Must be a sex-kitten.
17. Needs a lack of control.
18. Needs bad, fake American accent.
19. Needs social skills.
20. Mature not Welcome.

*******

"I can almost hear the crickets chirping outside, Duo."

Snicker.

"I can't believe you helped write that, Heero."

"I can't believe YOU helped write that."

*******

Secret Document #3

Bartonagist

Written by: Duo Maxwell.
Co-written by: Heero Yuy.

Answer the following questions:

1) Is blonde a good color?
2) Are tight clothes good?
3) Is hair gel essential in the mornings?
4) Is a group of lions better than a pack of dogs?
5) Does tight-rope walking look easy?
6) <ink smear>
7) Are Nilla Wafers as good as they look?
8) Is the remote yours?
9) Is the moon up..not down?
10) Is Silence Golden?

If, and only if, you answered "Yes" to all of these questions, than you are a true Bartonagist.

*******

"Why was Trowa's so hard?"

Shrug.

"Helpful, Heero..thanks."

"I can't believe you kept that Nilla Wafer thing up there..."

"I can't believe I actually typed up the ink smear thing. That's slightly unbelievable."

*******

Secret Document #4

Act of Quatre-ology

Written by: Duo Maxwell.
Co-written by: Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton.

Any peoples in or amongst the Holy House in which the Act of Quatre-ology is performed has any and all given right to question anything and everything that is spoken or witnessed in the Holy House of Q. Said peoples have the right to question the written words of Quatre-ology, but this does not particularly mean that said peoples' questioning questions for or against the ways of Quatre-ology is accurate in any given way. Quatre-ology states that if people residing in the Holy House of Q do something of a questioning mannor, then the culprit of the questioning mannor will be threatened and will risk getting a royal ass-kicking depending on the extent of the questioning behaviour.

*******

"Maybe we said 'questioning' too much..."

"Nahh, Heero. It's great."

"I can't believe I helped write that.."

"Shut up, Heero."
*******

Secret Document #5

Legal Documentation of Wu.

Written by: Heero Yuy.
Co-written by: Duo Maxwell.

The Legal Documentation of Wu states:

Any people who go against the Natural Rights priviledge in a seemingly unjust mannor will have to face the royal wrath of the LDWU. The LDWU gives every individual the right to bitch and complain about things that are bitch-worthy. The act of determining bitch-worthy complaints is judged by how many people scoff and roll their eyes more than once when presented with the subject. The LDWU can only be used under extreme conditions, and individuals must be given permission to slap someone with the LDWU, or they will have to stand face to face with the Mighty One himself and hear ranting and raving until a heartfelt apology is given. (This does not mean your ass is saved, though. Be warned).

*******

Duo grinned up at Heero.

"That was clever.."

Heero shrugged.

"You helped me write it."

Duo typed a few more words at the bottom of his message, and scrolled the mouse up to click on the 'Send' button located by his email.

Within ten minutes, four floors of the Preventers main building recieved an emailed message titled, 'Facts about those boys from upstairs'.

Sitting in her own personal office, Une rolled her eyes before saving the email.
*******
The End
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