Golden by Agent Midnight
Standard disclaimers apply
Heero POV
The moment I realized I felt more for him than a normal best friend
should, I was graced with the experience of happiness and nature all
rolled into one tight-knitted ball of yarn. My heart slammed against
the front of my chest until I felt like laughing and crying at the
same time, and my cheeks began to hurt as I smiled in his direction.
From across the room, I could make out every curve and every mark
on his beautiful face, and as I stayed there, I realized that I already
knew those marks and those curves. Studying wasn't a necessary option
at this moment in time, and I could have cared less what conclusions
I may have reached except for one.
I was in love with him.
It wasn't some extraordinary reaction that swelled from the depths
of my mind until I acknowledged them, and I'll be the first to admit
it wasn't very exciting. The feeling I felt at that very moment was
almost like I had experienced it every single day of my life and it
was another normal behavior of mine, but it wasn't. It was almost
a tickle, almost a shiver, almost a burning. It was cold and warm,
imposing and secret, quiet and filled with soft laughter. For the
first time in my life, I was filled with so much emotion I didn't
exactly know how I was going to channel it away.
And him? None the wiser.
He was sitting curled up in an armchair at the opposite end of the
room, his eyes glued to the ridiculous Saturday morning cartoons playing
on the television in front of him. His feet were tucked underneath
his gorgeous body, his hands splayed and extended on the arms of the
chair, his loose hair falling across his shoulders to form a thick
puddle of silk in his lap. Those lips were curved into a continuous,
decisively nasty, grin as he watched the too-advanced, computer-generated
crap that they call entertainment now.
A tall glass on cherry punch was sitting on the table off to his
side, the ice in that cup drawing my attention for no more than a
second as I got distracted by watching the drops of liquid fall to
the uncovered surface of marble. I almost laughed out loud as I internally
winced and actually considered telling him to use a damn coaster.
The remote was to the side of one of the table's legs, just sitting
there in a sad state on misuse. He had kindly declined my offer to
get it for him, saying he wasn't that lazy and he fully intended to
get it himself, but he never did. When his second show started up,
the cheesy theme song filtering from those small speakers to where
I sat at the desk, he looked completely pissed off as he tilted his
head and searched for the remote.
When he sighed and slumped back in the chair, that was his sure-fire
sign of laziness.
His eyes ghosted in my direction and locked with mine for just a
moment as he jerked his chin towards and floor and popped his smiling
lips out into a pout. His hands clenched against the armchair's fabric
as I shook my head and told him he said he didn't need my help. The
few minutes that followed my comment, I inwardly laughed as I watched
his sock-covered foot skim the floor's surface in search of the traitorous
black object. Once again, he sighed and gave up to sing a commercial
jingle as the show went to a break.
His foot went back under his body and he wrapped his arms across
his torso pathetically until I gave in and tossed him the throw blanket
on the back of my wooden chair. It smacked him in the face and landed
completely over his head, but it got him laughing and snickering for
about a minute as he situated himself to his liking.
He shifted, turned, twisted, laughed, cussed, and scoffed about fourteen
times before he just spread the blanket across his lap and stretched
his legs out to prop onto the low coffee table in front of him. A
soft purring left his lips as he settled once again against the back
of the chair, his head resting against soft padding. His eyes remained
glued to the television, so he missed my smile completely.
The paperwork on the desk had been silently screaming at me in the
total time I was studying him, and I regretfully turned from the view
to get back to work. I don't quite remember how long we had been sitting
silent in the emotionless noise created by the TV and the soft shuffling
of my papers, but I do know that it was at least an hour before the
content of his shows changed.
I had been sitting in the company of a comical cartoon robot for
that length of time, and I eventually turned back towards him when
I heard the cartoon-esque voices changed to human ones. Sure enough,
the cartoon, CG-created robot was gone, replaced with some strange
sitcom or the likes. I ignored that momentarily to see if he was even
awake, and one glance showed that he was very much awake, but looking
like dying might have been funner.
His arm was curved slightly to accustom his need for comfort. His
elbow rested against the arm of the chair, his chin propped against
his hand and distorted his features humorously as he seemed to suck
the words in. My mouth opened and I almost told him that he could
be out doing stuff on a fine Saturday, but I kindly let my jaw fall
back in place as I remembered that he had wanted to do something with
me, and only me.
"I can't today. Paperwork."
It had been hours, but I could still remember his look of quiet sadness
as he stood in the doorway of the living room, dressed only in his
pajama bottoms and black socks. His hair had been loose then, too,
but I didn't pay as much attention to it as I had when he didn't know
I was watching nothing but him. That sadness had left just as quickly
as it had appeared and he bounced into the room and headed towards
the entertainment unit.
"We can do something when you're done, right? I'll watch TV
until you finish."
And at the time I had thought it was a wonderful idea. I had originally
wanted to go out to a movie with him after we had gotten home the
night before from work and realized that we hadn't really seen each
other much in the past week. Sure, we had seen each other physically,
but we hadn't even been able to sit down and talk over a decent meal.
On that past Thursday, we had surprisingly gotten out of work rather
early and we headed to a bar to get a drink and maybe some relaxation.
Halfway there, I fell asleep in the passenger side of the car and
I had woken up in my bed, in my room, the same time I always wake
up in the mornings. It took me just a second to realize that I wasn't
alone and I almost feared that we had gone to the bar and I just didn't
realize it. That wasn't the case. The second I opened my eyes and
realized I wasn't alone, I turned my head to the opposite side of
the bed and saw his sock-covered feet sticking out from the blankets
and next to my head.
I had pinched his calf until he woke up and I finally laughed when
a lump of blanket popped up by my feet and started to move. He shook
the blanket off his head and peeked back at me with blurry eyes until
I stopped laughing and he could go back to sleep. With my partner
sleeping soundlessly by my shoes and the room encased in nothing but
silence, I drifted back towards blackness and woke up three hours
later by him bouncing onto me and pressing his fingers into my sides
until I laughed.
I got distracted, though, didn't I?
He had been so full of hope and desperation that I had tried to finish
my paperwork and found out that it was going to take longer than I
intended. It wasn't helping matters any that I continued to turn in
my chair and watch him at his most bored. It didn't help any that
halfway through a sentence, I saw him and found out that I was in
love. It was almost like realizing I forgot to turn the water off,
and my shoes weren't by the door where they were supposed to be. It
wasn't anything like I had expected, but that doesn't make it a bad
thing.
Left the water on.
Burned the dinner.
Got mud on my shoes.
Fell in love.
Ran out of dog food.
I was confused.
All I know is that the second I turned around, it was much later
than I expected and beautiful, golden sunlight was shining in through
the blinds. Not bright, obnoxious daylight, but breath-stopping, golden
sunlight. It's the color of a setting sun trying to make you notice
it even when you're in the house, and I had never felt more excited
or more guilty in my life. He was still curled up on the chair, his
long arms folded and the chair and his face rested and relaxed against
them. His long eyelashes were fluttering against part of his face,
and his feet seemed almost wrapped around his pajamas. Strands of
his long bangs were hanging over across his face, softly moving with
the puffing of his breath.
The television dulled out to a low throb in the background, letting
me give him all of my attention even though he was so obviously sleeping
and had been for quite some time. The golden light washed over his
bare torso, heating him enough so that he impatiently kicked off the
throw blanket with a huff and curled back into the chair. It spread
across his body and the armchair like a spotlight that was meant only
for my awakening. I was, of course, awake and frustrated with my paperwork,
but the second I saw him, everything broke and I knew that I didn't
mind missing assignments if it would make him happy. I would have
gladly dropped everything if I had seem him just like this years ago,
but I hadn't, and I wish I had.
I watched him for what seemed like hours until the breath-taking
hue of gold slowly started to fade and left him as he was before.
My heart continued to pound against the inside of my chest, trying
to force its way up my throat as I witnessed his own calm breathing
and wishing I could match it. I brought my fingers up and ran them
down the curve of my face in a weak attempt at seeing what it might
feel like to touch him.
The computerized robot popped back into my mind and I began to think
of it just to experience the humor and sheer amazement he gets in
his eyes when he watches. What could he find so fascinating?
I wanted to run to the kitchen just to fix myself a bowl of ice cream
and maybe realize what he sees in it as he dumps chocolate sauce all
on top of it until it looks deadly. Why does he like it?
The video game system in the upstairs bedroom was calling to me to
come and try it just so I could someday play him in 2-player games
and join him in his entertainment.
I wanted to know why he found anime shows so damned entertaining,
and why all his happiness flooded away to be replaced by seriousness
as he turned on the news in the evenings. I wanted to know why he's
worried that one day a robber will climb up the side of the house
and enter one of our bedrooms, and I definitely wonder why his first
weapon of choice if this ever happened would be my floor lamp sitting
by the dresser.
I wanted to know why he found horror movies funny and scary at the
same time, him leaving nail marks in my shoulder as we watch a terribly
predictable situation occur over and over again. I wanted to experience
the kind of escape he gets when he reads a fantasy book, his eyes
glazing over until I can almost picture him running his fingers across
the nose of a dragon that has somehow managed to become his friend.
I wanted to run his silk blanket across my cheek like I see him doing
every day of every week and get that same silly smile on my face as
our dog barks at the wind in the car.
And dare I say, I wanted to wake up and see his face rather than
his socked feet.
I wanted to hold him, and kiss him, and wish him a happy birthday
with something a little more personal than a Hallmark card and a CD.
I wanted to be with him and have us share little winks with each other
as we sit at our desks, flooded with paperwork and reports. Dammit,
I wanted to touch him, brush his hair, lick the ice cream off his
lips, press my fingers against his warm flesh, watch foolish reality
television shows with him.
I wanted to smile at him and know he would just as easily smile at
me, too.
I wanted to sit on our porch and laugh as he mows the lawn in nothing
but a pair of shorts, his hair wrapped around his neck like a scarf
to prevent accidents.
I wanted to curl up in the chair with him in my arms until the golden
rays of beautiful sunlight flooded in through the blinds, this time
the light spilling in to cover us both with its warmth.
The second I saw him when I turned from my work, I started to want
things.
Started to wish for things.
Things that I've managed to accomplish with help from him.
I changed my mind.
Being in love isn't ordinary.
It's wonderful.
******
The End
*******
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