I Try – The Third Verse by Maaya
The song belongs to Macy Gray and
is called "I Try"
Standard disclaimers apply
//Here is my confession
May I be your possession//
Heero wasn’t impressed by my place, but I can’t really
say that I blame him. Not even I, who grew up on the streets in the
worst slum area on L2, had been very happy with the place. That says
a lot, you know.
The subject of my affections looked around in the small space that
was my present kitchen, with an almost bored expression on his face.
I, for that matter, was standing behind him – not really knowing
what I should do. I could feel how my hands got wet from sweat but
still, they were as cold as ice. Great – I was in a cold sweat
and I didn’t even know why.. no, scratch that. I knew why I
was in a cold sweat, but it didn’t feel like a good enough reason.
“Want something?” I asked, hoping to get away from my
thoughts. “I have.. uhh.. coffee and soda and water.”
I knew beforehand that he was going to say water so I filled a glass
with the clear liquid and gave it to him before he had a chance to
answer my question. He took the glass without saying anything, just
mumbling something similar to a quiet ‘thanks’.
I took a glass of soda to myself before sitting down by the small
table in the centre of the room. “Now, what the hell are you
doing here?”
He took a sip of his water and I did the same with my soda. You know
the tactic, don’t you? Take a sip of your drink, think about
what you should say, keep the liquid in you mouth as long as possible,
before swallowing and answering the question. Simple. [1]
“Looking for you.”
I almost choked on my drink when I heard that statement. I’m
not really sure what I had expected, but his answer surprised me anyway.
Also, note that I said ‘almost’ choked on my drink. I
didn’t – if I had I’d be very sore in my throat
by now. Two times a day is enough, thank you very much.
“Oh.. why?” It wasn’t the smartest retort I could
have given but it was at least an honest question.
I was suddenly aware of the fact that he was still standing, so I
motioned with my hand for him to sit down. He ignored that gesture
and remained standing so I shrugged. It was hiss loss anyway.
//Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such//
“Don’t know.” He said, looking down in the water.
I was hit by a realization – he didn’t understand. He
didn’t know a thing about me nor himself. He came here because
he acted on his emotions – just like Odin once told him to do.
Right now though, I wasn’t really sure if I liked it or not.
I had tried to get away from this boy because he didn’t understand
what I wanted to say, and still, he followed me. Not even in my own
thoughts did this made sense, but somehow in my heart, it did.
It was quiet for a while, as neither of us could find any words to
express what we wanted to say to each other. I let my hand slide down
into my left pocket and I toyed with the chewing gums that were still
laying there, now free from the paper packet as it seemed to have
been ripped apart somehow. Finally, I took up a handful of gums and
threw them into the rubbish bin. No more chewing gums for me, thank
you very much.
Heero’s eyes followed the last one of the light green objects
as it missed the bin and fell onto the floor instead. Whoops –
busted. Game over.
I sighed before looking up. “Well, what do you want?”
He didn’t answer so I continued, throwing questions at him
with an unfair speed – he didn’t had a chance to answer
either of them. “Do you want to stay? Are you planning to find
a job? Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be with Relena?”
The last one was unfair, and I knew it – even before I saw
him flinch, both in surprise and hurt. I knew that he didn’t
like the girl, he told me that, months ago - dammit! I was his best
friend for goodness sake! Well, at least I had been..
“Why should I be with her?” He asked - raising an eyebrow
as he peered at me, making me feel stupid for ever saying that. I
was glad that I didn’t blush; everything would have felt too
obvious then. My feelings, I mean.
“Ahh, nothing. Just checked.”
“You’re jealous.”
It seemed like it was such an easy thing to say from his point of
view, but it caught me by such surprise that I choked on my soda.
Yup – when it’s not a gum it’s something else. “Why..
do.. what?” My attempts to speak while coughing failed. When
I had managed to clear my throat, I tried again. “What?”
//With all my might I try
But this I can't deny//
His statement hadn’t been malicious, smug, or even sad. It
was just a simple statement but maybe, just maybe there was a small
hint of surprise in his voice as he spoke the words..?
“You’re jealous.” He repeated.
I stared at him. “What makes you say that?”
// I play it off but I’m dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin//
He let go of the glass with his right hand and gestured carefully
at one of his eyes, but he never said anything – just stared
at me with a strange expression in his dark blue eyes. I stared back
into them and I wondered when his eyes had gotten so expressive, but
maybe it was I who had learnt how to read him after having been close
friends in a year. I could see that he was nervous and in a twisted
sort of way, it made me feel delighted.
I hadn’t realized how my grip on the glass had tightened until
I was beginning to feel tired in my fingers. “What makes you
say that?” I asked again, raising my voice slightly as if it
would force him to answer.
“Because of me?”
I repressed a shiver as he said this, he sounded so clueless and
lonely. I lowered my eyes and I didn’t know what to say. I heard
him put the glass on the table and then the slight sound of footfalls
as he came closer to me. A second later, I was staring into his eyes
again as I rose my blue-violet ones and I felt a cool hand touch my
cheek. His eyes glowed in warmth.
“We have survived the war.” He told me. “Are you
going to live like this for the rest of your life?”
I was now very aware of my cheek, it was like every nerve in the
body part had decided to work better and usual and I had a heightened
sense of feeling there. ”No.”.
“Then what are you doing here?”
I shrugged, realizing that I hadn’t got a good enough answer
on the question.
“Can I stay with you?”
Once again, he surprised me and for a moment, it felt like I would
drown in those eyes. I was suddenly aware of myself nodding slowly,
so slow that my braid didn’t even whip from side to side as
I moved on my head, and my hand had somehow sneaked up to touch the
one he stroked my cheek with. “Ye-yes.” Was what I managed
to say, my voice breaking.
Then he kissed me. I was just as aware of my lips that I recently
had been of my cheek, and for a short moment I thought I was dreaming.
The world was just a dream that I would soon wake up from and I would
realize that I was lying in my uncomfortable bed in this small motel,
alone. One of his hands sneaked to my back as he gradually pulled
back from the kiss before mildly pushing me up in a standing position,
close to his chest.
“Is this alright?” He asked me, worried, and I realized
how stiff I was in his arms. I let myself relax and nodded slightly.
“Yes.” I breathed. “It’s alright.”
//I try to say good bye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near//
*******
The End
*******
[1] When I read this chapter through a last time before posting it,
I realized that I’ve read that sentence earlier somewhere else
(actually on *more* than one story). I’m terribly sorry if it’s
*your* story it came from and you somehow feel offended that I’m
using it, I hate plagiarism, but I couldn’t bring myself to
change it right before posting it. Sorry ‘bout that.
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