Warnings: OOC, PWP, fluff, Relena-bashing (is that "warning" really necessary?), slight Wufei-bashing

Archiving: If you want it, take it! Just *please* let me know you want it and where you want to put it!

When Muses Attack

An Accepted GW Fanfiction Challenge by Shinigami�s Demon

Notes: {{stage directions}} *emphasis*

{{Curtains open, revealing 3 muses and a dog sitting around}}

JyunJyun: {{snores}}
Ayeka: If I don�t get some kind of action I swear I�m going to go nuclear.
Sephi: D(beep) authors. They use *our* fic ideas and take *our* help and then take the credit� not a lot even mention their muses in the pre-work notes!
Yoko: {{yawns, whines}}
Ayeka: What was that, Yoko?
Yoko: I *said,* I�m not sure who�s the biggest bitch: you, my human or me. Or my human�s mom�
Sephi: {{chuckle}} Well said, canine.
Yoko: {{inclines her head towards Sephi}} Thank you. I do try.
{{Noise offstage: enter a furious Videla with a cat in tow. Cat sees Yoko, Yoko sees cat and both take off, Yoko a step behind}}
Videla: {{over the barking and yowling}} I can�t bloody (beep)ing believe it!
{{Enter a curious Bob. JyunJyun wakes up.}}
Bob: Yoko, Watson, break it up!
Watson: Yeah, Yoko. I didn�t know you liked me *that* much! I mean, I�m a cat and you�re a bitch� completely incompatible physically�
Yoko: {{growls, walks away to a tree in a dignified huff. JyunJyun starts laughing.}}
Bob: What did she say, J.J.?
JyunJyun: {{blushes}} Well, she said something about how she really should rip Watson a new one but will save that pleasure for another day.
{{All laugh, except a still-furious Videla}}
Bob: So what happened, �Dela?
Videla: Don�t call me that. My author adopted a new muse!
Watson: Yeah? Who? What? Where? Why? When? How?
JyunJyun: Yeah, who? Let�s go meet him. Or her. Or it�
Videla: {{glares at JyunJyun}} His *name* is Duo Maxwell. Sound familiar?
All: The *Gundam* pilot?
Videla: Yeah. That�s the one. That (beep)ing long-haired hippie Gundam pilot.
{{Enter Discord}}
Discord: What�s this? A character can�t be a muse! Muses are the ones who play the puppeteers with the characters and the authors!
Ayeka: Well, apparently Sean thinks he *can* be a muse!
Yoko: {{growls}}
JyunJyun: Sorry, Yoko, I didn�t catch it that that time�
Watson: {{yowls in a translation attempt}}
Ayeka: I can�t understand a word those beasts are saying. �Specially not the ugly dog.
Yoko: I am *not* ugly, you fat bit-(beep!)
Ayeka: I�ve never denied being a (beep), but it takes one to know one.
Watson: {{cat-sigh}} I know you two don�t get along but can�t you ever stuff it someplace?
Bob: As in up your behinds until you can air it out in private?
Yoko: {{dog-smile}} I can�t. I�m a bitch in more ways than one: I don�t have hands. She can, though� it'd be nice if she'd take the hint. But *as* I was about to say before Ayeka made that comment, Watson repeated me and what I had said was that it would appear Duo thinks he can be a muse, too.
Discord: I say we go teach those G-boys a lesson. One they won�t be forgetting any time soon!
Sephi: Well, why stop with the pilots? Let�s take care of the other characters, too!
Ayeka: I can top that� how about we make sure that our authors won�t get any such ideas again? *We* are Muses. Characters are *not.*
All: Yeah! Let�s do it! Get the Gundam cast!
JyunJyun: Let�s go get the others and tell them!
{{Curtain closes on an angry mob.}}

Scene Two

<>

Duo: <> Hey, babe, what�s doing? <>

Relena: <> I thought you were going to kill me, Heero.

Heero: I still am.

Dorothy: Oh, Mr. Heero, don�t do that! You have no idea how adorable you two look together!

Heero: <> Omae o koroso.

Quatre: Heero, please don�t. There�s ladies here.

Duo: <> What, you mean those two? <> �Cause I don�t see *any* ladies around here.

<>

Zechs: <> Something tells me he should not have said that�

Treize: <> He obviously wasn�t thinking about Lady Une� but it does not seem to matter.

<>

Relena: I�ll have you know my father was a king!

Duo: And a queen. Still doesn�t make you a lady even if you were a queen, too.

Une: <>

<>

Dorothy: How dare you insult Miss Relena and Mr. Milliardo like that?!

Duo: <> Tough (beep). If they have a problem with that, they can take it up with me personally. <> Hmm� would that be a near-miss? Or is that a better description for you?

Dorothy: (beep)stard!

Duo: I know. Never bothered me before, doesn�t bother me now.

Dorothy: <> Come on, Relena. Let�s go! <>

Trowa: <> Duo, that would not be something to brag about.

Duo: Does it look like I care?

Quatre: Not particularly.

Duo: My point exactly. <>

Zechs: I thought that was the one on top of your head! <>

Wufei: It�s about time someone got those stupid onnas.

<>

Sally: Did you say something about stupid onnas?

Wufei: Go away, onna, I wasn�t talking to you.

Duo: Hey, babe, what�s up?

Dalton: <> Got any better pickup lines?

Duo: <> Never had time to learn.

Hilde: <> Watch out, Dalton. There�s *nothin�* that one won�t consider flirting with.

Duo: Dalton, heh? Can I call you Doll?

Dalton: No.

Duo: Damn. Well, see you around�

<>

Treize: I hate to cast a shadow on the party but� is anyone hearing what I�m hearing?

Une: I�m not just *hearing* it, I�m *seeing* it.

Noin: What the hell�

Quatre: Not another mob�

Heero: Muses.

All: What?

Heero: The muses of you GWML authors are mad about something.

Deborah: Oh, is that all?

Sean: Umm� Deborah� thanks for inviting us over and all but I�m out of here. I�d rather not have to face a (beep)ed-off Sephi. He�s too big for me to kill� so is Videla.

Mollie: Sounds like Ayeka.

Deborah: <> (beep), those muses are fast! They�re here already!

Authors: Oh, (BEEEEEP)!

<>

Videla: Hand over Maxwell and Sean!

Sean: <> What for?

Sephi: What for?!? I think we can give you what-for�

Duo: Put it this way, what do you want out of us?

Raziel: Well, Sean is going to get a lesson, and you�re just going to be throttled within an inch of your life right here.

Une: <> Mister Treize, I�m beginning to think a strategic retreat might be a good idea.

Treize: <> I�m beginning to agree with you, Lady.

Duo: <> I hate to say it, but I think that might be a *very* good idea.

Sean: I have to go along with that.

Achika: And anyone who tries to stop us is going to *get* it!

Deborah: Oh, we�re that lucky?

Achika: Much as I wish, *not* that way.

Quatre: <> (beep)!

Heero: On my cue, everyone scatter.

rc star: So? Are you going to surrender Duo and Sean, or do we have to get them ourselves? <>

Deborah: Hell, no! Duo�s *mine!*

Heero: Scatter! <>

Muses: After them!

<>

Videla: Where are they? Where?

rc star: I�ll go get them� <>

Dan: Aren�t you guys a little vindictive about� whatever it is you�re so mad about?

Dalton: My thoughts exactly.

<>

<> Found them!

Videla: Thank you. Now we can get on with killing them. <>

Discord: Hold on, hold on! Someone tell me just *where* killing was mentioned? Nobody said *anything* about that!

Videla: <> I just did.

Razael: I don�t see a need to go that far.

Duo: Yeah, um� <> Neither do we�

Deborah: And I *told* you, Duo�s *mine!*

rc star: You can have him back once we�re done. <> Minds out of the sewer, if you please!

Mollie: Wait just one cotton-picking minute here!

Yoko: It works.

Ayeka: We�re the only muses here, got it? We were *created* as muses-

Sephi: -And therefore superior.

Sean: Shove it, Sephi!

Sephi: <> What did you say?

Biko: You heard him. He told you to shove it.

<>

Dorothy: <> Wait a minute. You admit that you *were* created, right?

<>

Watson: <>

Bob: <> Yeah�

Pandora: What of it?

Une: <>

Treize: Created� And by whom?

Deborah: <> Politician Alert!

Muses: �

Paris: By our authors, who else?

JyunJyun: <> You�re boring me.

Sephi: Get to the point.

Yoko: <>

Deborah: Watch your language, Yoko!

Quatre: If your author created you, then-

Treize: Wouldn�t you then cease to exist if your author died?

Muses: <>

Videla: <> I� I *guess�*

Discord: Hey! I didn�t plan for *this!*

Dalton: ::stifles a laugh::

Sally: And he�s under my protection.

Achiko: <> Very well, then�

Videla: I guess we can�t kill Sean.

Sephi: Still� <> �that one�s fair game.

Duo: <>

JyunJyun: <>

Bob: <>

Achika: <>

Deborah: Nope, can�t kill him, either. You lose one of your favorite toys if you do. But I don�t mind if you decide to� chip the paint a little. <> Toy� boy� boy-toy?

Discord: <>

Duo: <>

Yoko: <>

JyunJyun: *Hell*fire, no! I� get first crack at him!

Bob: <> Care to debate that?

JyunJyun: <>

rc star: Ooh, do I sense a hint of citrus here?

Duo: <>