"Oh, that was good!! I'm stuffed!!"
Duo patted his stomach in satisfaction.
"Duo.... You ate more than any of us..."
Quatre laughed. Duo shrugged.
"That's because you guys eat rabbit food all the time! Salad and soup? Come on!!"
Duo laughed.
The Gundam pilots decided to take the day off and go out. They had just finished eating lunch. The waitresses and customers stared in amazement as the boy with a long braid consumed more than five dishes. His friends stared as well.
"So, what's our plan?"
Trowa asked. They noticed they went out without any plan.
"Movie!! Quatre, remember that one that just came out!?? You said you wanted to see it."
"That was you, Duo."
Quatre pointed.
".....Well, it doesn't matter. There's nothing else we can do."
"We can always go home."
The ever so quiet Heero spoke. He was reluctant to go out in the first place.
"Hey, what's the point in that? We decided to go out and have fun today, remember?"
Duo crossed his arms.
"Funny how I wasn't included in the 'we'."
Heero looked away. Duo gritted his teeth while the others amusingly watched.
But just when Duo was ready to launch his comebacks, a bell started ringing in the distance.
"A bell? Is there a church around here?"
Duo looked around.
"Yeah, there's a small church right around that corner. Do you want to go see it?"
Quatre pointed the street. Duo looked at the direction and shook his head.
"Nahh. The amount of sins I've committed... I don't have time to confess them all."
Duo smiled devilishly. The others were not sure if they should smile or frown, so they did neither. They knew that Duo was raised in a church and that same church was destroyed, leaving him with so much pain.
"Duo..."
Quatre wasn't sure what to say. Should he ask? Should he ask more about that incident?
They knew only a little of Duo's past. In fact, none of the pilots knew anything about the other pilots. They wanted to know everything and understand everything they can about each other, but they also respected privacy and knew they all have the right to keep some things a secret.
Eventually, the boys decided to go see a movie. The plot was actually pretty good and everyone was satisfied to some degree.
They agreed to call it a night and headed home. The night breeze made them shiver. When they reached home, they set the fireplace up and sat around the warm flame. Quatre and Trowa were reading some novel when Heero came to them.
"Did Duo come here?"
The two looked up from their books and shook their heads.
"I didn't even know you guys were gone. Where is everyone?"
Quatre looked around the room. He was sure everyone was here sitting around the fire just a minute ago.
"You guys are never aware of the surroundings when you are together..." Heero smirked, but didn't say anything. He left the two alone and decided Duo went out for a walk.
"That baka... Doesn't he know it's the middle of winter here?.." Heero grunted as he grabbed his coat and headed out. He had a pretty good idea where the long braid was.
Duo was sitting in the church bench, looking up at the statue of Mary in front of him. She was smiling mysteriously, but her expression was kind and soft... almost heart-warming. It reminded him of the statue in Maxwell Church. He didn't exactly stop and looked at monuments and statues, but the figure of Virgin Mary remained strong in his memories. She reminded him of....
He slowly pulled out the cross pendant from his jacket. He stared at it for a while, remembering those happy moments in his life..... And brought the cross to his lips.
Father Maxwell
Sister Helen
And Solo...
Then, the large door creaked opened. Duo knew who it was, but kept his lips on the cross and closed his eyes.
The door slowly closed and footsteps approached. The visitor sat at the front row, right in front of Duo.
They were both quiet for a while, until Duo heard the other speak.
"I don't believe in God..."
Duo chuckled.
"Finally, something we can both agree on.."
To Heero, this was something totally unexpected.
"You wear a cross and come to church... To me, that's believing."
Duo looked at his cross again and smiled.
"It was a gift.... from people I truly loved."
Duo looked up at the statue again. Heero seemed to be doing the same.
"...I hate her...."
".....What?"
Heero asked. Did Duo just say...
"She looks as though she knows everything.... Look at her! Looking down at us with that.... all-knowing smile."
Heero couldn't believe Duo was saying these things. He wanted to ask why, but waited until the boy opened his mouth again.
"Have you... Have you felt guilty for something... you are not guilty of?"
Duo asked. Heero raised his eyebrow. It sounded like Duo didn't even know what he was talking about either.
"If you feel guilty of something, you are guilty."
Heero flatly responded. Duo giggled.
"That's what I kept telling myself too... But you're wrong, Heero Yuy kun."
Duo gave a little mocking tone to his words. This was the first time he get to say the perfect soldier is wrong. And probably the last.
"I was raised in Maxwell Church by Father Maxwell and Sister Helen. I didn't know why they would take care of me even thought I didn't have any money. They told me I was everything to them... And although I never had the chance to tell them,....... they were... my everything too..."
Heero sat and waited. He kept looking at the Virgin Mary's soft eyes.
"When I couldn't save them.... I thought it was all my fault... I felt so weak and miserable... But Sister Helen.... Before she died,.... with all her remaining strength, told me...... that..."
Heero could detect the other choking on his words. He remained quiet.
"... None of this is my fault..... That I.. am worth their lives.... She would be ashamed if her death caused nothing but sorrow in my life....If I really felt guilty... let this be a lesson... Be strong... so that I can prevent it from happening again..."
Duo faced down and swallowed his tears down. He couldn't believe he was telling this to someone... especially to Heero. What is he thinking?
"And... Solo... he told me that his death wasn't my fault either... Talk about d�j� vu..."
Duo managed to laugh somewhat.
"Why do you hate her?"
Heero quietly asked without turning his head. His eyes were fixed on the warm smile of the statue.
"Her?... Oh , you mean her.."
Duo looked up at the statue. He had forgotten he told him that.
"She... well... she just stands there... smiling..."
Heero sighed. That wasn't what he wanted to hear.
"I know, I know. I know she's a statue... but ever since I arrived at Maxwell Church, she gave me that same smile everyday... It irritated me because she was always peaceful.... I was a rotten brat at that time.... But Sister Helen and Father Maxwell told me about her grace and purity, blah, blah, blah... You know, Sunday school stuff.... They prayed to her everyday,... believed in her... But.. that smile!!!"
Duo suddenly yelled. Heero almost jumped from his seat.
"She never stops smiling!! When... when everyone was bleeding and dying that day.... she was there!! Smiling like she knew everything.... Everything was for the good!! She was just smiling, Heero!! Everything was destroyed except her! Why?! I couldn't hold myself, Heero!! Her smile!..."
Duo started to cry and shake all over. He brought his hands up to his face and smiled.
"I destroyed her with my own bare hands.... Because... she just watched them die.. and-"
"Don't say anything, Duo... that's enough.."
Heero finally stopped him. He couldn't bear hearing Duo's choking voice anymore. He looked away from Mary's face and faced down on the floor, staring at nothing.
"I killed lots of innocent people in the past.... The first on the list was a little girl and her dog..."
Duo almost gasped, but kept calm. Heero was actually talking about his own past. Duo didn't want to miss anything.
"You were taught that it wasn't your fault... don't feel guilty..... But I was taught differently. I was told that these people were just a minor casualty of war and I shouldn't let them get in my way and feelings. After that, it was very easy to kill civilians. I was becoming a killing machine.."
Heero sighed. He finally turned around and the boys were eye to eye.
"You see.... I didn't have the luxury to feel.... Whether it was guilt, hate, or love...."
Heero slowly took the cross from Duo's hand and gazed at the small treasure. He then pulled it gently toward him, making Duo lean in. Heero pressed his lips on the cross and let it go.
"Don't let the past get to you, Duo... You're going to feel guilty for the rest of your life.."
Duo held the cross in his hands and laughed.
"You're the one to talk..."
Heero's face frowned and grabbed the back of Duo's head.
"When do those lips close?"
Heero pulled in to kiss, but Duo brought the cross in front of his lips. They both kissed it and laughed.
"Well, there's one answer."
Duo giggled, playing around with the cross in his hand. Heero pushed the interfering hand away and, this time, kissed Duo's lips.
As though she knew everything, the statue of Mary just watched and smiled.
End Memories
____________________________________________________________________
When I was describing the statue if Mary, I wanted to use the image of Mona Lisa by De Vinci. That mysterious, all-knowing smile was perfect for this fic. Thanks Lisa.
I hope you didn't think Duo was a psycho.. I mean, if I experienced something like that, I don't know how I'd act. This was just something that he might have thought.. I don't know.. I was never in his shoes...
Lilinpo
