Stephen's Laws o' Life

1. Never underestimate the stupidity of others.
2. It's only a mistake if somebody else catches you and/or it screws you.
3. Most of the time, your opinion is irrelevant.
4. It can always be worse, and it can always be better.
5. The good stuff is illegal, immoral, expensive, fattening, addictive, unhealthy, or takes too long to obtain or achieve.
6. Change is bad. (Change = Bad, and Life = Change, so, therefore, Life = ...)
7. I refuse to be blinded by foolish optimism.
8. Unwarranted optimism is the first step to failure.
9. Sympathy is an unnatural emotion---it's way more natural to laugh.
10. The complexity of life increases as time passes, until the critical point is reached when you're old and you just don't care anymore. This doesn't make life any less complicated, but the net effect is about the same as if it did, because you think life can go take a running jump. Unfortunately, if you're young and you don't care, it doesn't help. In that situation, life is actually more likely to become complicated and throw a lot of s*** in your face, just to show you who's boss.
11. "The universe just won’t let me stay in my happy state of not-thinking-about-it."
12. It is impossible to ever really know someone.
13. It is impossible to ever really know what someone thinks about you.
14. It is impossible to understand someone and describe them, simultaneously. If you "know" them (see law #12), you can't properly put it into words, and if you describe them, the words can't adequately describe the way the way they are.
15. Being polite only gets you so far. Ditto for being angry.
16. Most of the world’s population is fools (to varying degrees).
17. It feels very good to say "ah, screw it" now and then.
18. Nothing is ever perfect.
    Corollary to 18. Given infinite amounts of time effort, and ingenuity, nothing will ever be unbreakable.
    Corollary to Corollary to 18. Fools can usually screw up electronic devices much more easily than the experts, because if the experts do something, they usually know how to fix it. Most of the time, the fools have no idea what they did, and definitely no idea how to fix it.
19. Life is more fun without responsibility. (Life != Responsibility)
20. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be close enough to perfect that they can't tell the difference.
21. Familiarity breeds resentment.
22. Given enough time, man can get tired of anything (or anyone).
23. Given a sufficient amount of time, everything sucks.
24. Anticipation is better than the thing itself---if you’re really looking forward to something, odds are it'll be a letdown. The best things in life are totally unexpected.
    Corollary to 24. Never expect the second time around to be as awesome as the first.
25. The more you love something, the farther it falls (see also #23).
26. Love must go both ways, or it is but a dream.
27. Fickle!