I tend to tune out most commercials. However, there has been a surge of innovation in commercial ads in the past few years. Once in a while, something will air that not only catches my attention, but amuses me as well.
For me, this started with the Old Navy commercials about five years ago. Could you imagine spending Christmas with Morgan Fairchild, the Smothers Brothers, George and Weezie Jefferson (as if the characters were real people who have forever possesed the bodies of Sherman Hemsley and Isabel Sanford...ala Being John Malkovich), the late, great Carrie Donovan, and Magic the Dog, who could most likely care less about the stars he's in the presence of. I wonder what that would be like. Maybe Morgan Fairchild could get drunk on the eggnog and throw herself at that himbo that keeps showing up from time to time (which may have happened in TV Reality, because recently she and the himbo adopted a rainbow family, moved into the Brady Bunch house, and bought a bunch of tired rugby shirts). Then, Magic the Dog could pee on George Jefferson's shoes.
I've also pondered living in what I call The Radio Shack Alternate Reality. Imagine being in a large house with funky decorations and loud color schemes. In my version, Howie Long is in the background checking his email when Teri Hatcher runs in and starts throwing AA batteries at his head (all the while laughing like a madwoman). Howie seems amused by this and calls Teri his "pretty little crack whore". Then I get up and ask why they aren't living with their families, at which point they turn into puddles of oozy liquid, much like the Wicked Witch of the West.
I also enjoy many of the Jack in the Box commercials. The only exception was that lowest common denominator, USA! USA! USA! spot. I just don't get Jack and how he gets along with that mutant plastic head of his. I guess he just had to work really, REALLY hard to get where he is. I suppose it's a variation on a Napoleon complex. But, hey, at least he has a pretty, devoted wife (lucky for him to find a chick with a plastic ball fetish), adoring fans, and a successful chain of fast-food joints that have been e coli free since '96. You just have to admire the guy for that.
As squeamish as it makes some people, I have to admit that the Tampax commercial with that red cartoon dot bouncing around is amusing. Well...come to think of it, it's actually NASTY and GROSS...but that's why I like it. All you need is a smiley face, and you can give it a name. "Hey kids, it's Dot the Spot!" Feminine hygiene commercials have lost all sense of decency. Remember the 80's, when "that not so fresh feeling" haunted America? Didn't you think that was a bit too much? It seems like a sweet dream compared to the perky little red dot. I give it five years before they replace the blue colored water with red, and ten before they start demonstrating with the real thing. In fifteen years, Monistat will start showing pictures of yeast infections from medical books. I just realized that will be the moment when the little blue gnomes come to put us out of our misery!
Menses Moment: The first time the word "period" was uttered on TV was in a 1982 spot (no pun intended) starring a very young Courteney Cox! I know this because she was on The Rosie O'Donnell Show a few years ago, and Rosie was nice enough to play the commercial. Courteney was sooooooo happy to relive that!
(I bet you're glad I mentioned fast food before I mentioned menstruation, huh? Stop being such a baby!)
