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When Get tog ether�s go horribly wrong: Tonight on Gundam Wing

�Hey Heero! What�s up?� asked Duo. It had been two years since all the boys had been in the same room together. They had saved the world for a second time when Mariemayia tried to take it over. I guess you could call it the psycho Kushrenada genes. Most of the pilots still haven�t really changed. Quatre, the nice one, had called them all to his mansion because he thought that old friends should stay together. None of them really wanted to come, especially not Wufie.

Heero answered Duo�s remark by his usual �Hn.� Heero was now living with Relena. They were engaged to be married. Of course Relena thought of this idea all by herself. Heero probably doesn�t even know the word marriage.

�Why the hell am I even here? I have a life now you know. And where the hell is Quatre, he was the one who invited us to this hellhole. I�m going home.� Said the disgruntled Wufei. He got out of Quatre�s leather Armani chair and was heading to the door. Right behind his head he heard a click.

�Don�t even think about going out that door. If I have to see Duo again, then so will you!� said Heero, gun right in his hand. Wufei just sat down again, cussing at Heero.

�Hi everybody, sorry I am late, I was just ordering our lunch.� Said Quatre.

�Hey, where�s Milliardo, I thought he was invited too?� asked Duo.

�Yeah, he was. I�ll get him here right away.� Said Quatre. He pulled out a cell phone from his coat pocket. �Hello, minion number 49, get Milliardo Peacecraft here right away!� In about three minutes they heard screams from the front door.

�Unhand me damn it! I don�t want to see those bastards ever again. Nooo, I am not Milliardo, I�m Zechs Marquise, nooo, and I don�t want to go.� The minion dropped the screaming and kicking Milliardo off.

�Oh Milliardo how nice of you to come.� Screamed Quatre. He hugged him so he couldn�t get away.

�Let me go you bastard who brought me to this hellhole!� screamed Milliardo as he kicked Quatre off.

�Well hello Milliardo.� Said Heero in his sinister voice.

�Oh shut up shrimp. I am taller and I can kick your ass! Plus, I have a better Gundam.�

�So, I have Relena.� Said Heero in a snotty voice.

�That bitch! Little does she know that I stole all the riches from the Sanc Kingdom! Muhahahaha! Now its time for me to wear my mask that gives me super-human strength and height, like god and superman, no wait like god, no no like superman, yeah superman, and become Zechs Marquise� hehe, muhahahah.� Suddenly Milliardo fainted on the floor.

�Oh my god, you killed Milliardo, you bastards!� screamed Duo.

Quatre called his minions to pick up Milliardo. �How frightfully rude! I certainly hope someone stabs him the eye!� said Quatre turning away.

�Ok, is it just me, or does everyone else notice Trowa�s hair cut?� asked Wufei. Everyone looked at Trowa who now had hair like Simon Camden from 7th Heaven.

�T-Trowa, you look normal!� gasped Heero. In the shock of the moment he dropped his gun.

�Thanks, Catharine picked it out for me!� said Trowa.

�Wow Trowa, how did you get scissors through your hair?� asked Duo.

�Oh, its simple, Turpentine melted all the years of gel away.� Answered Trowa.

�Ok, everyone its time to watch x-men. Rashid is going to play wolverine again!� said Quatre all excited. They all followed Quatre to the living room. When it was time for x-men all of them were on the couches just watching and chilling out. They had no idea that something big was going to happen to them.

Mean while, on Gaea. �Oh, Van, Allen, I really want to go back to earth, but I don�t wanna leave you.� Cried Hitomi.

�Well, maybe you could wish for it on your cards or pendent.� Said Allen.

�Good idea Allen. I�ll start right now!� she said. She started closing her eyes and putting the pendent out. She was wishing really hard when suddenly a bright light appeared in front of them.

�I guess it worked.� Said Van standing in the light. They all went in, including, Princess Millerna, Folken, Merle and Dilandau.

�Hey, Quatre, when did you get a new sunroof?� asked Duo looking at the giant beam of light coming from the kitchen.

�I didn�t get any sun roof Duo, what are you talking about?� he asked. All five boys looked at the light from the kitchen. �Oh great, one of my sisters must be cooking again.� Mumbled Quatre. He got up and went to the kitchen to check out what was going on. �HOLLY HELL!� he yelled from the kitchen. The three pilots got up from their seats and joined Quatre in the kitchen. Wufei was still watching.

�Oh my dear lord! It�s a monstrosity! Get it away from me!� yelled Duo, hiding his face.

�NO, NO, MAKE IT STOP!� cried Heero, holding on to his head.

�I don�t think that legal.� Said Trowa, about to gag.

Wufei wanted to know what all the commotion was about so he started walking toward the kitchen. �You guys are weaklings, can�t even handle a little light- OH MY DEAR FUCK! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???� he screamed as he came into the kitchen.

Quatre�s sister held up her meatloaf, �Its my famous radiated meatloaf. Do you like it?� she asked cheerfully.

At the horrid site of that, that, thing, most of them fainted. Heero was still up, but he looked like he had just been in a collision of 1000 self detonating Gundams.

�I think that it might need more all spice!� she said.

Heero woke the other four up and said that they should make a get a way from the house before she comes up with any more recipes. They all agreed and ran to the exit.

They were now being lifted by helicopter, care of one of the minions, to a far away place, with no sisters.

�Hey guys, I am really sorry about that, that, thing.� Said Quatre.

�My god Quatre, don�t tell me that you cook too! Or I think that we would all be poisoned by now!� said Wufei.

�Nah, I only make myself tea. The rest my minions do!� he said. �Well anyway, I presume that we all go to Paris, the city of love!� said Quatre.

Since no one wanted to disagree, because Quatre might go insane a copy his sisters recipes, they all said ok.

***

�Hey Hitomi. What is this place?� asked Van. There was a big tower in front of them.

�Well Van, I think we made a wrong turn and ended up in Paris. That is the Eiffel tower in front of us.� She said.

�Wow, it is so romantic!� said Princess Millerna.

�Yeah, it�s a perfect for me to burn down.� Smiled Dilandau.

�Hey, Hitomi, how �bout you and me go up to the top and maybe even higher?� winked Allen.

�Uhhh, Allen maybe later. I gotta find a way to get home.� Said Hitomi. After a while of thinking, she had a plan. �If we dress up like tour guides, we can earn some money and go back to Japan!� she said.

�Where are we going to get the outfits?� asked Millerna.

�Well, I guess Allen and Dilandau could beat up those French men and we can take their uniforms.� Said Hitomi.

�Why don�t I get to beat up any French men?� asked Van sulking.

�Because your scrawny and week! Now cram it Van. I have many lighters and you don�t wanna know what I can do!� said Dilandau being cocky.

Allen and Dilandau made their way to the French men and punched them in the face. They took their clothes (and yes, they were wearing things underneath) and changed.

�Well I can clearly tell that this colour is not me!� said Van in a girly voice, joking around.

�I know, and do you see these stripes, I mean come on people, it totally doesn�t accent my hair!� said Dilandau. Everyone gave him a blank stare. �Well it doesn�t!� he protested.

***

�Ok guys, were going to be landing soon. Remember, I am the one who does all the talking.� Said Quatre reassuring Duo.

�BUT� WHY? I wanna talk to!� he whined.

�Its because people are going to think that we are freaks when you talk, and plus Quatre knows French!� yelled Heero.

�You know what? I don�t even know why I came with you guys! I mean, I could have just stayed at Quatre�s and watched X-men. Or better yet, I should have gone insane like Milliardo. At least that would make sense!� grumbled Wufei.

�Hey, Wu-Wu, if ya stayed, then you would have had to eat that radiated meatloaf!� laughed Duo.

�For once Maxwell, I am glad you spoke to me.� Said Wufei.

�Trowa, you haven�t said one thing since we got on!� said Quatre. Trowa nodded and went back to staring out the window. �Whatever.� Said Quatre.

The boys all landed at Paris international Airport. �Thanks, minion number 36!� waved Quatre. �Ok guys, what we need are tour guides.� Said Quatre. �Maybe one for each of us so we can see sites on out own.� Said Quatre looking at the hostile relationship between Heero, Duo and Wufei.

�Oh, look, there are five tour people there. I guess we can ask them.� Said Wufei. �So who�s going to pay?� asked Wufei. They all stared at Quatre.

�Yeah, yeah, here�s a hundred each. I will pay for the guides.� Said Quatre. They all walked up to the 5 people standing there. �Ummm, excuse me, are you all free?� asked Quatre.

�Why yes, I Allen Schezar, knight of Calie, am free for a touring job. And it is my job as a tour guide, no a man to give you a tour of this city.� Said Allen, looking all high and proud.

Hitomi cut in. �Ah, ha, excuse my friend here. Yes, we are all free.� She said pushing Allen out of the way.

�Ah, ok, well we want a 2 day tour. One guide for each of us!� he said.

�Sure, no problem. It will be one hundred for each, per a day.� Said Hitomi. Quatre handed her the money. �Ok, Dilandau, you can go with Blondie, Van you can go with the guy with the long hair, Allen you can go with the Chinese guy, Millerna you can go with the guy that never brushes his hair, and I�ll go with the guy with long bangs.� The partners went off their different ways, and were to meet at the Eiffel tower at around 10 pm.

�So, my name is Hitomi, what�s yours?� she asked.

�Trowa.� He answered, not paying any attention.

�Ok, well I can see that you are not much of a talker.� She said laughing. Trowa didn�t answer. �Umm, ok, well to tell you the truth, I really don�t know much about Paris. You see I am a beginner tour guide.� Said Hitomi. Trowa still didn�t answer. �So, I guess I can show you the Eiffel tower first.� She said looking bored.

�Listen, I know what you are up to. You want money so you can go somewhere and did this to get money. Trust me, I work in a circus, I would know. I need money to fix my mobile suite.� Said Trowa.

�Oh, well the reason I want money is because I need to get home, to Japan.� She said.

�Oh, well I guess me and you have one thing in common.� Said Trowa.

�Yeah.� Said Hitomi cheerfully.

***

�Hi, my name is Millerna. I am a princess!� she screamed.

Heero�s eyes went wide. Oh no, not another princess, she�s going to kill me just like Relena, he thought. Heero�s only response was �Hn.�

�Well, I love to talk, and eat, and I am really hyper, so, and, yeah, well I guess I will give you a tour! This is so exciting, I can�t wait!� she screamed cheerfully.

�Oh god, another Duo.� Mumbled Heero.

�Duo, who�s Duo? I know a duo, but I don�t think it is the same one, and oh, Heero I think your cute, how old are you. Oh man, I didn�t mean to say that. Hehe, this is fun, so where do we go�� she just kept on rambling on.

�Oh my god, it�s a Duo and Relena mix. I might as well talk some sense into her.� Said Heero turning around. �Listen, while you are with me, you don�t talk or do anything. The only reason I am not taking back the money from you is because Quatre would probably make me eat radiated meat loaf. So if you don�t shut up, I will destroy you!� said Heero sternly.

�Oh, ok. I�ll talk a little slower,� said Millerna.

�Hey, you actually listen to me!� said Heero.

�Well duh! I�ll listen to any man who is cute!� said Millerna.

For the first time in Heero�s life he blushed a little. �Uhhh thanks.� He managed to say.

     ***

�Hey, listen, I really am not a tour guide, I am a knight Calie.� Said Allen.

�What the hell is that?� asked Wufie.

�WHAT? You have never heard of a knight Calie?� asked Allen looking very shocked.

�Nope, and even if I hade, I would have blocked it out. All I think about is Nataku.� Said Wufei, almost drooling.

�Nataku? Is she a hot girl, I want to meet her!� said Allen.

�Nataku is no woman! She is a symbol of justice and strength. Women are week. Nataku is strong and indestructible.� Yelled Wufei.

�Wow, I wanna meet this girl.� Said the idiot Allen.

�Well if you really want to meet her, maybe she can step on you some day.� Said Wufei.

�Women can�t step on men! Unless they are really tall!� said Allen.

�Oh, yeah, she�s short! No way she could harm you!� laughed Wufei, thinking about a crushed Allen.

�So anyway, where are all the strip clubs in this joint? And where is the food? That�s the 2 things I live for, oh and maybe beating Van�s ass down!� said Allen.

�Did you say beating? I love to beat Asses, especially Maxwell�s!� laughed Wufei.

�Guess me and you could really learn something from on an other.�

�Well I really don�t think that there is anything a women lover could teach me, but I know I could teach you!� Said Wufei. They both grinned at each other, knowing that they would become friends.

***

�So, where�s the nearest gas station? I really have an urge to burn something!� said Dilandau evilly.

�You know, that�s not really good. You shouldn�t do things that might hurt other people!� said Quatre.

�HURT PEOPLE! What ever do you mean! I don�t intend to hurt people; they just get in my way. I mean, how many people would stand near a psycho with a lighter?� he asked.

�Burning things is wrong! The people don�t know any better then to stand near you! WHY CAN�T YOU TYPE OF PEOPLE UNDERSTAND SOMETHING! DAMN IT! DAMN SISTER ALWAYS STEALING MY CLOTHES! I HATE EVERY ONE! DIE AND BURN IN HELL!� yelled Quatre. He seemed to be going insane again.

�Wooo! You ok? You sound pissed off, kind of like me!�

�SHUT UP! Muhahahaha� die!� Quatre pulled out Dilandau�s lighter and grabbed Dilandau�s hand. He dragged him to a gas station. �I am going to burn it! That will teach other people to get in my way! Especially that bastard Heero Yui! And damn Duo Maxwell, SHUT THE FUCK UP!� Quatre went even crazier; he even had the swirls in his eyes.

�Oookkk� looks like someone has even more problems then me, well that�s odd! I am beginning to see a beautiful friendship.�

�BEAUTIFUL??? EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL MUST DIE.� Yelled Quatre on the top of his lungs, laughing like a weasel again (like the time he went crazy).

Dilandau started to shed some tears. �He reminds me of me when I was a young lad.� Soon Quatre calmed down, but was still crazy and they were wreaking havoc all over Paris.

***

�Hey, lets say we eat first? My treat!� said Duo

�Eat? Well ok, but I really don�t want to go.� Said Van. Duo didn�t listen and dragged Van to a snotty French restaurant. �I�ll just have some�� he was cut off by Duo.

�Order big, come on. Its not my money so I can spend it!� said Duo, sticking his head in the menu.

�Ok, I�ll have some pasta.� Said Van, feeling sick.

�THAT�S IT??? Oh well, suit your self. Ok, waiter I will have, 5 bread sticks, a giant bowl of pasta, some rice on the side, maybe some extra special sauce, ummm� a coke, some fish, a small, no make it big, bowl of rice, some water, some spices to put on my pasta, some chocolate cake for dessert, some ice-cream, maybe some meat, and to top it off I have always wanted to try snails!� said Duo. Van just felt even sicker!

�Why not buy the whole menu monsieur?� asked the snotty French waiter.

�Nah, I want to save some money for dessert!� said Duo. About 20 minutes later their orders came. Duo started munching away while Van just stared into his plate. Duo set a new record, all that food in just 20 minutes. Van had only had a bite. �Hey, you gonna finish that?� asked Duo. Van shook his head. �Well pass it here, I am still hungry!� Van passed his plate and Duo didn�t even take 1 minute to stuff it in his mouth.

�I think that this creature is what Hitomi called an American!� mumbled Van. They were walking around Paris again, and Duo asked him a question.

�Hey man, why do you just peck at your food? Are you some sort of bird?� joked Duo.

�Well actually, not really a bird, it�s called a draconian.� He said.

�I think that this is what Quatre called an Alien.� Mumbled Duo.

�You want to see?� asked Van.

�See what?�

�This.� Van said. He brought out his wings.

�Ok, you�re defiantly an alien!� said Duo.

�No, no, just a draconian.� Said Van.

�No, I am not talking about the wings, I am talking about you. You don�t have any meat on you! You�re a bag of bones!� said Duo.

�Escaflowne, how I wish you were here so I could step on this fool!� said Van.

�Escaflowne? What the hell is that?� asked Duo.

�It is my Guymelef.�

�A Guy what?�

�Never mind, it is my giant robot that I use to kill people with!� he said.

�Oh, like my Gundam!� said Duo.

�Yeah, sure,� said Van trying to shut him up.

�Well, I talk to my Gundam all the time. Do you talk with your guyfriend thing?�

�No, not a guy friend, a Guymelef, and yes I talk to it.�

�Ok, what ever.� Said Duo.

�I can see why you have to talk to your �Gundam�, no one wants to listen to you!� said Van.

Duo was actually laughing at Van�s comment. �Hehehe, I love a guy with a sense of humor, I am thinking that me and you can become good friends!�

***

It was about 9:45, and most of them were already at the Eiffel tower, except Quatre and Dilandau. �Ok, is it just me, or have I been hearing explosions all day?� asked Allen.

�No, I heard them too, and I am guessing it is Dilandau, but I don�t think it is that other blondie.� Said Hitomi. About fifteen minutes later, Dilandau and Quatre came, and surprisingly all the explosions stopped.

�Oh no, he has gone insane again. Just please don�t come near me.� Said Trowa hiding behind Hitomi.

They all went into the restaurant and ordered. Dilandau and Quatre ordered all there things flamed broiled. Allen and Wufei ordered everything without meat, because it was injustice to eat animals that were week. Heero and Millerna were to busy flirting to order. Hitomi and Trowa ordered the normal. Van ordered some birdseed, and Duo ordered everything.

�So anyway, me and Wufei have an announcement to make.� Said Allen. They were all eating dinner by now and talking freely amongst themselves. Everyone stopped and looked at Wufei and Allen. �Well, we have decided to�� Wufie cut off Allen.

�No, no darling let me tell them. Sine we have been hanging out, I have gotten more in touch with my feminine side. Allen has learned the way of Nataku, so now we think that it is time for us to go, so we are going to run off to Vegas together.� Giggled Wufei.

�Hey, wu-man, that�s always been my dream. But, I never want to run away with a guy, what gives?� he asked.

�Well me and Allen are soul mates. And he is such a trendsetter. He showed me pictures of him when he was little, and I never knew that frills could accent you eyes so much!� said Wufie.

�Ok, he�s lost it!� said Quatre, �So I guess that me and you can set them on fire so they will shut up.� Said Quatre bringing out his lighter.

�Now Quatre, what have I taught you?� asked Dilandau.

�Oh right, when your burning people, don�t use the lighter, use the anthracite!� he said nodding.

�Good Quatre.� Said Dilandau. Everyone moved away from them.

�You know, Heero, do you have a girl friend?� asked Millerna.

�Well�� Heero was thinking of the certain phrase, Heeerrrrooooo! �No, not really.� Said Heero.

�Well maybe me and you can��

�Go out, why don�t we just make out right now in my Gundam?� asked Heero. Millerna and Heero left in a flash.

�Well everyone, hopefully we will see all you swell folks again someday, toddles!� giggled Wufei as him and Allen took off for Vegas.

Dilandau, Quatre, Hitomi, Trowa, Duo and Van were the only ones left. �Oh hell!� said Hitomi. She slammed her napkin down and kissed Trowa. Right after they went out back, to do what they wanted, gods help them all.

Van and Duo looked at each other, as did Quatre and Dilandau.

�Duo, I have something to confess.� Said Van.

�So do I.� Said Duo.

�I am gay.� They both said in unison.

�Oh, really, well that�s such a relief.� Said Duo.

�Yeah, and I could tell that you were gay by the mini skirt that you are wearing. But it accents your beautiful legs very much.� Said Van, rowing at duo.

�Why, thank you.� Suddenly they both looked at each other and left, holding hands.

�Are we the only ones who haven�t left?� said Dilandau.

�Shut up and grab your lighter.� Said Quatre. The both started burning down the restaurant. Suddenly the flames caught on to the tower. �Damn, we need to get away from the scene of the crime!� said Quatre. He grabbed his phone and told one of his minions to come quick and bring Milliardo with him. The minion arrived in 2.25 seconds. �Ok, minion, dump him in the flames.� Said Quatre. The minion dropped the screaming Milliardo into the flames. �Now, that what you get for not coming to my get together! Take us away minion.� He demanded. They got away safe and sound.

A few years later, Dilandau turned back to Celina and they got married. As for Hitomi, Millerna, Van, Heero, Duo and Trowa, uhhh� lets just say that they were �accidentally� caught in the flames. And Wufei and Allen, well they are million airs now that their talk show has aired for 10 years, called �Allen Springer and the Wufei Jesse Raphael.� So the ones that were living were happy. Oh and I almost forgot, Milliardo survived the burn attempt, and has now written a book called �Always come to someone�s get together or they might hold a grudge and try to burn you alive.�

The End