Ok, this is pretty much just a bunch of quotes that I made up or stole from people, mostly the latter. This is what I was going to use as my info for Instant Messenger, but it just got too big, which inspired this site in the first place...Several of these are inside jokes with friends, or just with myself, so if you don't 'get' one, that doesn't neccessarily mean it isn't funny, but there's always a chance. I'm constantly adding quotes as I hear and steal them.
"When you have a gun in your mouth, you only speak in vowels"- Fight Club
"Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style"- As Good As It Gets
"Hey yo"- Scott Hall
"We have so much in common"- Adam B.
"Duh-hudiduh!"- Phathead
"When I'm wrong, the world makes a little less sense"- Fraiser
"Hey, shev-ay, baby I got your money, dont'cha worry"- Niki F.
"What's a Shevek?"- Shevek(ME!)
"It's a perfectly cromulent word"- The Simpsons
"And now for something completely different"- Amanda
"Your powers of deduction are amazing, I simply cannot allow you to waste them here, go, go, for the good of the city!"- Comic Book Guy
"Hot juicy _______"- Kristen B.
"Fit in, aim low, never follow your heart, do do drugs"- Newsradio
"_____ like a fox"- Homer Simpson
"I'm hot, on so many levels"- Shev an' Amanda
"I'm so pretty I could kiss myself"- Fancy Ray
"I'm not paranoid, which is why I can say without a trace of irony that your all out to get me"- Newsradio
"Did you just grab my ass?"- Night At The Roxbury
"Always use a condom, and if your too embarassed to buy 'em from the store, just shop lift 'em, it's easy!"- Newsradio
"But Aqua-Man, you cannot marry a woman without gills! Your from two different worlds!"- Comic Book Guy
"It's cool baby, it's cool"- Conan O'Brien
"I need something cutting-edge, like Cut-Co, Edge-Com, Interslice"- Uosdwis r. Jawoh
"Trying is the first step towards failure"- Simpson, Homer
"Meh"- Brian McGee
"I'm hungry, let's get a taco"- Reservoir Dogs
"Oh, I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?"- Pulp Fiction
"Are you gonna bark all day little doggy, or are you gonna bite?"- Vic Vega
"There are two things you can do about it, nothing, and like it!"- Rocky
"Don't sing it, bring it!"- Scott Hall
"I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV"- Shevek(Probably)
"I find your ideas intriging and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter"- Max Power
"Um...Nah"- Kingpin
"What have you been doing lately...or should I say whom have you been doing?"- Newsradio
"Stupid people are stupid"- Shevek
"What the?!"- America
"Wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no....!"- Shevek
"Prepare yourself, for the deadly blades of the windmill!!!"- Newsradio
"The waiting game sucks, let's go play Hungry-Hungry Hippos"- Santos L. Halper
"It's not a question of sex, but of gender. Same thing? I think not, I would much rather have sex than gender!"- Newsradio
"'It's nothing', Interesting statement, let's analyze it shall we: if something 'is', logic dictates that it cannot be nothing"- Bill McNeal
"Am I!? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind!?"- Kramer
"Yeah, just like that, in your voice"- Adam
"Literally!"- Shevek and Adam
"Just because you are a character, doesn't mean you have character"- Pulp Fiction
"You can't be in the mob, your from Ohio!"- 3rd Rock (Dedicated to Lil' Missie, Big Sissy)
"Movies don't create psychos, movies make psychos more creative!"- Scream (dedicated to my Mike{Um...I dunno about this Amanda})
"That's the beauty of it, simplicity, when a plan gets too complex everything can go wrong"- The Big Lebowski
"I can get you a toe dude, there are ways, you don't wanna know"- Walter
"I'm the dude, that's what you call me, you know, that or duder, his dudeness, or el dudurino if your not into the whole brevity thing"- The Dude
"Freedom of speech is one thing, the word 'penis' is quite another"- WNYX
"Can I tell you my secret now?...I see stupid people...Walking around...They don't know that they're stupid...They're everywhere!"- A Guy From My Mom's Work and Amanda(a la sixth sense)
"I'm Mooshie Magooshie"- Missie B. (Great name Missie, great name)
"That's a porno!!"- Positive Dave
"WhatEva!"- Mista S
"DEW PROTECTION PLEASE WAIT"- If anyone knows what this means, please tell me how to fix my TV
"So I says to the guy I says 'Listen pal, your car was upside-down when I got here, and as for your grandma, she shouldn't have been mouthin' off like that!'"- The Beer Barron
"As if! Don't even go there sister!"- Lenny
"Ok, so you know where the mall of america is? Well, I live nowhere near there."- Shevek(Giving directions)
"Sounds like more fun than a day with Batman"- Simpsons
"Yeah, that's what I said...only in my voice."- Shevek
"I know when I'm not wanted...and that's when I'm needed the most"- Newsradio
"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could ever imagine."- Newsradio
"He's no Craig Charles"- Shevek
"When life gives you lemons make lemonade and then toss it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you asked for in the first place."- Newsradio
"What a brilliant ratings ploy!"- Shevek
"Don't try to confuse the situation with half-truths and gorilla dust!"- Newsradio
"Carnies built this country...The carnival part of it anyway."- The Simpsons
"Or it is quite possible that you've gone right out of your mind."- Seinfeld
"As you are aware Jim, I have certain telepathic abilities."- Mtv's The Head
"Don't you have a value analysis report to type up?"- Newsradio
"I've got to get more fairy-dust!"- Alec Baldwin
"When it starts raining nuts and bolts, you'll know your in the presence of robotic gods."- Craig Charles
"Done and done, and I mean done"- Simpsons
"And that's the story of the very first caramel cod."- Captain McCallister
"What's another name for pirate treasure?...I think it's booty, b-b-b-booty"- I don't even remember anymore
"They're hot, but not for each other."- Adam B./SNL
"I think...Yeah...I-I think it needs more cowbell."- SNL
"NOOO! PLEASE!! TOO SEXY!!"- SNL
"You know you wawn it!"- SNL
"Man, you don' know me!"- CK Girls on Maury
"Oh...Oooooh!"- Shevek
"Ok, so it can go forward, backward, and side-to-side, but not up and down or back-in-time."- The Simpsons
"I have a two-part question, one, what does lisa look like naked, two, what does lisa feel like naked?"- Newsradio
"I feel enourmous pressure to get this right, I wanna win that car."- SNL
"I'm a well-wisher, in that, I don't wish you any specific harm."- Moe
"Shevek's 96% anorexic and 4% bulimic"- Debbie, Brody, and Gimpie
"ASSHOOOOOOOLLLLE!!!"- A Fish Called Wanda
"I have a cause, cute girls with red hair, wanna have a rally?"- Newsradio
"Takes all kinds!"- The State
"What do I look like I'm made of gold? hell no!"- Man made of gold on The State
"Do everything for God!"- David and Shevek
"Got to go, talk to go."- Nathan
"Everything's dangerous if you look at it with enough paranoia."- Newsradio
"Go talk to yourself, you need the practice."- Shevek
"That can be your 'new thing' you do that day."- Friends, yeah, that's right, Friends
"The voice in my head is gay, and he keeps coming on to me."- Shevek
"Ah-ha, I'm-a-gonna win!"- Wario on Mario Kart64, after winning a race.
"Ha Schoo"- Shevek and Adam
"Me say kablammo!"- Adam and Shevek
"The world revolves around me...like this(does thing with his hands)"- Shevek
"That Bitch!!!"- 3rd Rock From The Sun
"Down where?...Down HERE!!"- Scott Hall
"Looks like someone rode in on the bitch bus today."- Newsradio(To remember for school)
"Hey you stuffed it plump!! thanks!!"- Jill Melander about frozen coke
"What kind of witchcraft is this?!"- Shevek
"I gotta admit, I'm a Michael Bolten fan!"- Office Space
"And then when he's not expecting it, WHAM! The ol' fork-in-the-eye."- Moe
"Nobody's really crazy. Who among us has never had the urge to make-out with a light-switch?"- Ulysses S. Grant, 18th President of the United States
"A wise man once said 'If you can get more money, screw your friends'...My father was very misunderstood."- Bill McNeal
"There comes a time in every relationship where you have to say 'I never liked you, get lost'"- Bill McNeal
"Another time I was kicked off the highschool football team, and my mom says to me 'Central's lost a fullback, but the McNeals have gained a daughter,' and in front of the other players too! Priceless!"- Bill McNeal
"I remember one time when I was 8, my father came home from a night on the town, which of course had turned into a week, and my mother says to him, 'Scott, is there anything you wont drink?', and he shot back, 'Poison! I'm saving it for you!', and my brother, who is now an alcoholic himself, just about died laughing...Goodtimes, Goodtimes."- Bill McNeal
"I had a similar expirence when I was in middle school, one morning when we were getting ready for school, my brother punched me so hard I must've been out for a half and hour, and when I came to I was on the school bus, completely nude of course. I remember one Christmas he stripped me naked and threw me out on the front steps just as the carolers were arriving...Talk about a merry Christmas!"- Bill McNeal
"I didn't lose my job, it's not like: 'Whoops! Where'd my job go?', I quit."- American Beauty
"Maybe this goes beyond me and my dream of doing nothing, but I tell ya, when I saw that fat man keel over and die, a whole new world opened up to me"- Office Space
"Just because you look stupid doesn't mean you have to act stupid."- Fraiser
"I am looking forward to an orderly election tomorrow, which will eliminate the need for a violent blood-bath"- President Ka-Er, CLIN-TON
"It's not my cell phone, is it your cell phone? No, it's not my cell phone, is it-Shut up you idiot, we don't have cell phones, we're from Ohio!"- 3rd Rock(Dedicated to Kristen)
"This tape will self-destruct...if not properly stored."- Agent Johnson
"There's your bleepin' dead alien"- X-Files
"She's FANTASTIC!...When God was handing out FANTASTIC, that girl went back for seconds."- Conan O'Brien Audience Member
"I've got to finish him off while I'm still temporarily insane!"- Groundskeeper Willie
"I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti"- Hannibal Lector
"Did you get me?! It's an electric drill, you get me, I'm DEAD!!"- Ms. Chanandler Bong
"Blood is thicker than water.--It is? Well it's not thicker than peanutbutter"- 3rd Rock From The Sun
"In a simpler world I could have loved you, but ours is not a simple world...By the way, I stole your stapler six months ago"- Newsradio
"I found you incredibly attractive, but everyone said you were crazy"- Newsradio
"When you buy furniture you tell yourself �that�s it, that the last sofa I�m gonna need, whatever else happens, I�ve got that sofa problem handled�"- Fight Club
"You see, I've been, ah, very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech."- Being John Malkovich
"I would flip through the magazines and wonder, "What kind of dining room set *defines* me as a person?""- Fight Club
"My hand-blown green glass dishes with the tiny bubbles and imperfections, proof they were crafted by the honest, simple, hard-working indigenous peoples of...wherever."- Fight Club
"With insomnia, nothing is real. Everything is far away. Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy."- Fight Club
"The walls were solid concrete. A foot of concrete is important when your next-door neighbor lets her hearing aid go and has to watch game shows at full blast...Or when a volcanic blast of burning gas and debris that used to be your furniture and personal effects blows out your floor-to-ceiling window and sails down flaming to leave just your condo -only yours- a gutted, charred concrete hole in the cliffside of the building...I guess these things happen."- Fight Club
"Eating fatty foods really isn't good for you, but when you think about it...eating rat poison is worse."- I think it's me, I found it written in an old notebook of mine...
"You know how you go home at the end of the day and you throw your coat onto the arm of the couch? Well...pretend that instead of a couch, it's a pile of garbage, and instead of your coat, it's a pile of garbage, and instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that's survived!"- Friends
"My sandwich? MY Sandwich?! MY SANDWICH?!!"- Friends
"You reap what you sow"- The Bible
"Eeeevil.....Indeed!"- WWF Jobbies
"For sure"- Mr. Turnstyle Josh Allen
"I can jump from here to the roof, just like in crouching tiger...I dun need a rope"- Shane Lindemon
"It means 'I am an american pilot'...in Chinese"- Pearl Harbor
"Ya know, I once had a great idea like that...it was called a 'jump to conclusions mat'...ya see, there would be this mat that you put on the floor with different 'conclusions' written on it, that you could jump to!"- Office Space
"...That's the worst idea I've ever heard in my life"- Office Space
"This is gonna be great, this is gonna be great!"- Shevek(With props to E.H. for the tone, and S.L. for the gestures)
"Help me! Help me please!"- Jesse
"On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero"- Fight Club
"That's it man, I'm gonna have to take you down"- Dogma
"The first step to eternal life is you have to die"- Fight Club(The Book)
"Now if you'll excuse me I think I'm gonna go home and have a heart-attack"- Pulp Fiction
"Ok...It was a miracle...can we go now?"- Pulp Fiction
"I know how good my coffee is, I'm the one who buys it...but you know whats on my mind right now? it ain't the coffee in my kitchen, its the dead guy in my garage"- Pulp Fiction
"How come when I adjust my belt, everyone thinks I'm taking off my pants?"- Shevek
"How do they cram all that gram?"- Some Clever Writer
"Who'll loan me a dollar and a helecopter, no questions asked?"- Shevek
"What do you think about murder? You know, one man murdering another...is it really that wrong?"- SCTV
"If a friend loses an eye, how long do I have to wait for it to be appropriate to call him/her cyclopes as a nickname?"- Shevek
"Christ didn't come to earth to give us the 'willies', he came to help us out, he was a booster"- Dogma
"I've heard a rant like this before...I said I've heard a rant like this before...you sound like the morning star...man, you sound like lucifer, you've lost it. Your not just talking about going home anymore man, your talking about war on God, well #### that! I've seen what happens to the proud when they take on the throne...I'm going back to Wisconsin"- Dogma
"I really don't think a killing spree is gonna make things better for us"- Dogma
"What if your wrong like you always are?"-Dogma
"This from the guy who still owes me $50 on which movie is gonna gross more, 'E.T.' or 'Crush Groove'"- Dogma
"Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer"- Dogma
"My mom is such a funny lady, I'm talkin' hilarious. Like whenever I leave my house, she's all like "Never come back, your a terrible son!", hehehe...The other day I came home and all my clothes were in the front lawn, hilarious"- Shevek(Dedicated to the gullable miss Elaina)
"You know, there's a name for someone who says everyone is out to get them-Yeah...Perceptive."- Woody Allen
"Smile, Jesus loves you."- The Guest Speaker Guy
"You wild whipper-snappers and your Beach Blanket Bingo"- Steve Erickson(with a few liberties taken)
"All your base, are belong to us"- The Laziest Men On Mars
"Gazizza means like Hello, but it can also mean goodbye...sort of an urban 'Aloha'"- Newsradio
"The price is wrong Bob! Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!! BIZ-OW!!"- Debbie
"Ye-e-e-e-ah"- Shevek
"Good Lowd!"- Debbie
"Pizza-Pizza-Applesauce"- Shevek
"Uhhhhhhhh"- Shevek(With a smooth assist by Louie Lopez)
"Hey Joe"- Louie
"It wasn't a party...It was a FIESTA!"- Tombstone Commercial
"'What do you mean I can't take my sweater off?! It's HOT!!'-Drunken Mr. Rogers"- Ross/SNL(Or was is simpsons?)
"Yes, that's a nice one too...IF YOU A CHEAP BASTARD!"- Connor/Ross/Keeping the Faith
"This guy right here, is the guy behind the guy, behind the guy behind the guy"- Connor
"I'm all strung out!"- Public Access Television
"Ladies and Gentlemen!"- Public Access Television
"I need one!"- Jesse(watching any infomercial)
"Here's what you do, first, line your pockets with saran wrap, then take the girl out to one of those all you can eat places, notice that the signs don't say 'all you can eat here, and then before you leave stuff your pockets, then when you get back home you got a pocket full of hot wings, nothing impresses a girl more than a man with a plan"- Louie
"NOBODY expects the spanish inquisition"- Mike Raverty
"Arg Matey, Polly wants a cracker!"- Mike Raverty
"Have you ever heard the saying 'hey hey we're the monkeys, people say we monkey around'?"- Jesse
"Back in the old country we don't have miles, we measure by John's fields, four by four by five, and then on the other side of town they'd measure by Fred's fields"- Micheal Sullivan
""-
