See Part One (A) For Disclaimers

After getting off the train and into the cool morning air, Philip's queasiness had disappeared.  He was still concerned about what the bishop had told him, about what he had learned about Derek's part in the murder of Deirdre Barton, but he was feeling a little better.  True, Derek had no part in killing the woman, but he had allowed her death to go unpunished.  The equilibrium he had gained in the last few hours had changed as soon as he saw Renee Lawson.

Now, as Philip put his bags down on the bed, the nausea returned.  Hughes had known all along that Renee looked just like Kristen . . . and hadn't said a word, damn him!  He couldn't leave Baltimore House now.  How could he leave someone who looked so much like Kristen, like the girl who had sacrificed her life to save him?

Philip closed his eyes, trying to force back the panic.  He would survive this, he wouldn't let the Legacy take his soul as it had taken Kristen's life.  He would figure out a way to do what had to be done, then return to the parish full time.  Philip kept trying to tell himself that, but the walls kept closing in on him.

After everything he had accomplished as a priest . . . he was back with the Legacy again.  He was going to be sick.  Philip bolted into the bathroom, blindly pushing the door shut.  He sank to his knees in front of the toilet, then began retching.  Since he hadn't eaten anything more in the last few hours, nothing came up.  But the spasms continued.

He didn't hear the door opening, didn't even realize he was no longer alone until he heard water running.  Then Tatya Elliot was kneeling beside him and gently turned him to face her.  She said softly, "No macho crap from you, young man.  You look like you need someone who will take care of you, no strings attached."

Philip was too weak to protest.  Tatya gently bathed his face with the washcloth.   She said not a word, and Philip began relaxing.  He found himself thinking of Alex Moreau.  Tatya flushed the toilet, saying, "I believe in certain rituals.  You feel like walking back into your room?"  She closed the toilet lid, settling him against it.  Philip bobbed his head, and Tatya put the washcloth into the sink, then helped him to his feet.

Slowly, they walked back into the room where he would be staying, and Tatya settled him on his bed.  Philip found that he couldn't think of this room as his, and right now, he didn't have to.  He just had to rest.

She said softly, "I think our esteemed precept isn't the only one around here who could use some shut-eye.  You've had a lot thrown at you in the last few hours . . . I'm willing to bet that Nathaniel didn't even tell you until probably last night or this morning that he had returned you to the Legacy?"  Philip smiled weakly in response.

"Your guess would be correct.  I'm so sorry.  You must think I'm a t'tal fool, comin' apart at the seams like that," Philip apologized as Tatya moved his bags from the bed to the floor.  She didn't answer as she pulled off his shoes, tucking them to one side under the bed.  Then she sat down beside him, her eyes gentle with concern.

"I don't think that at all.  As I said, you've had a lot thrown at you during the last few days.  Being returned to the Legacy, whatever the bishop told you about our problems with San Francisco . . . particularly Derek Rayne.  I would imagine also that the good-byes in Boston were particularly traumatic.  I grew up in Boston.  I know the Monsignor.  He's not the most sympathetic man I've ever met.  He probably made your departure very difficult," Tatya replied.

Damn the woman, she would drown him with sympathy.  Especially since she was right.  Saying good-bye to his parishioners, who had come to depend on him, had been hard enough.  The Monsignor had made things even more difficult.  Tatya continued, "Look, don't worry about anything.  Just get some rest.  When you wake up, you and Val can sort out how you'll help the Legacy.  As long as we're there when we're needed, she doesn't much care what we do outside the Legacy."

Tatya paused, then went on, "And we're always there when Val wants us.  She's very accommodating . . . her godfather was a parish priest who enjoyed working with people.  He helped to raise her after the loss of her parents.  So she understands how important your parishioners become.  But, you can worry about that later.  Right now, just get some sleep.  It's trite, but it's also true.  Things look better after sleeping."

She tucked the covers around him, making him feel like a small boy again.  Yes, she was a great deal like Alex, after all.  Tatya gave his hair a gentle caress and murmured, "You haven't seen us at our best, Philip.  And this doesn't qualify as a real meeting.  Sweet dreams."  With that, Philip finally gave up and drifted off to sleep.

*    *    *

Playing 'mom' to the members of Baltimore House was second nature to Tatiana Elliot.  Still, watching Philip Callaghan as he slept, Tatya had a very hard time believing he was only four years younger than she was.  He seemed . . . well, he seemed closer to Jasmine's age.  But Tatya knew from his personnel files that he had been born in 1965.

At the same time, he still seemed impossibly young and vulnerable.    The poor man had just realized that he had been tricked into returning to the Legacy, when he had made a decision to leave it.  He had chosen his faith, but the Legacy wasn't willing to let him go.  It had been argued that the Legacy chose its people.  Tatya believed that, and that Philip belonged in the Legacy.  It was just that he hadn't been with the right kind of precept.  That kind of precept was rare in the Legacy, but they did exist.  

A gentle knock sounded on the door, then Renee entered, murmuring, "How is he?  Oh . . . good.  I was just on my way out . . . decided to escape Val's wrath, and had an attack of conscience.  I wanted to see how he was.  How long did it take before he was asleep?"  Tatya smiled, still stroking Philip's soft hair.  Renee sat down on the bed beside her, studying the young man with interest.

"Not all that long.  Poor man.  I think he'll be a good addition to the House, once he gets used to Andy's sniping.  Val has more consideration than to bad-mouth Derek Rayne in front of him, no matter how she feels about Rayne, but Andy is another story altogether," Tatya replied.  She looked at the younger woman and asked, "What do you think?"

"Well, I was sure he would fall over in a dead faint when he saw me.  And I still think I should have made my appearance later.  But he stayed upright . . . and surprisingly enough, Andy behaved himself.  Well, only because of you and Dani, more than likely.  But he did behave himself, and I was very worried about that.  Philip?  I don't know, Tatya.  We just met him," Renee answered with a shrug.

Tatya acknowledged this with a nod, saying softly, "Fair enough.  We all need time to learn about him.  You better head on out, Ren.  I'm gonna go downstairs, see what else I can find out about San Francisco House."  Renee frowned and Tatya explained, "The more I learn about San Francisco House, the better I can understand Philip."

"Oh . . . that makes sense.  So . . . you're trying to find out if Derek Rayne is an asshole," Renee said.  Tatya tried to glare at the younger woman, and failed miserably.  That was, in fact, the way Derek Rayne had often been described.  At least, before the explosion which had destroyed the House, and very nearly killed him as well.

Renee smiled at her, and added, "C'mon . . . he can't be as bad as Andy thinks.  No one is that bad if they've remained in the Legacy this long."  Tatya raised an eyebrow.  Oh yeah?  She could give her young friend several examples to the contrary.  Renee flushed, then added, "I didn't mean the monsters which the Legacy created, like Jonathan Boyle."

"Renee, most people don't start out as monsters.  But that's what they become because they're too weak to deal with something.  Maybe they're bullies to start out with," Tatya pointed out.

She paused, then continued, "You used the example of Jonathan Boyle, and that's a very good one.  There are others whom I could list as examples.  Innocent victims, who lost someone they loved due to the Legacy.  Ethan Adams was killed because he was caught in the crossfire between Reed Horton and Derek Rayne.  If you want to be honest, the Barton women were all victimized by the Legacy."

She rose to her feet as she spoke, taking Renee's arm at the same time.  Tatya wanted to continue this discussion elsewhere . . . you never knew when Philip might wake up.  And he had enough to deal with at the moment.  She wouldn't add to it.  Renee nodded in understanding and followed her from the room.  As they walked through the halls toward the stairs, Tatya continued.

"The Legacy is designed to combat evil, Renee.  And for the most part, they do a pretty good job.  But there is a question of accountability.  There are too many people who are willing to make excuses when someone in the Legacy screws up.   Tremaine and Sloan covering for Boyle.  Innocent lives being lost because the Legacy believed them to be evil," the psychologist explained.

She could tell from Renee's expression that the younger woman had never thought of that, and Tatya went on, "Renee, forgive me for saying so, but there have been dark times for the Catholic Church."  Renee nodded, and Tatya continued, "The same is true of the Legacy.  I find myself wondering how much the Legacy did about the Burning Times."

"The Burning Times?  Isn't that the time period when supposed witches were burned at the stake and otherwise tortured, for no other reason than they were different?" Renee asked.  'Otherwise tortured' was a good way to put it . . . Tatya, who was a Wiccan, had learned what had been done to those innocents.  She had to know, if only to find a way to prevent it from happening again.  What were her nightmares as she slept compared to that waking nightmare?

"Yes.  And I've been doing research ever since I joined the Legacy.  I can find very little information about the Burning Times, and the Legacy's part in it.  It worries me.  I'm afraid the Legacy allowed the deaths of countless innocents.  At best, allowed those deaths.  At worst . . ." Tatya replied, then let her voice trail off.  Renee stared in horror.

Tatya continued, "We have to know these things, Renee.  Just like we have to know what happened twenty years ago in New Mexico, so we can prevent it from happening again.  Ignorance feeds hatred.  And that's why the Legacy is here . . . because evil feeds on both.  It feeds on hatred and its brother ignorance, the way a vampire feeds."

Renee inhaled, as if she intended to reply, then shook her head.  She answered with a sigh, "Well, you've given me a lot to think about.  I've been in the Legacy for almost four years, and I've learned a lot, about myself, about my world, about the Legacy itself.  But every day, I learn that there's even more to learn.  A bit scary, no?"

"Scary indeed . . . but we'll save the philosophical discussions for another time.  I think Philip should have a chance to sit in on that conversation.  Why don't you scram, and I'll deal with Val when she gets up?  She should sleep for another hour or so, and I'll research the San Francisco House until then," Tatya suggested.

"Yeah.  I think I really need that drive now," Renee murmured.  Tatya nodded and the young woman went down-stairs.  Yes, Renee had a lot to learn.  But at least she understood that.  Not many in the Legacy did.  Not nearly enough.  As she had told Renee, Tatya knew that far too many people within the Legacy escaped the checks and balances.

Tatya sighed and sat down on the top step, resting her head in her arms.  She wondered if she should research San Francisco, or look into the case which they had been investigating recently.  They had hit dead end after dead end, and Tatya couldn't think what they should do next.

No, she thought after a moment, no, go ahead with the San Francisco research.  We've come at this situation in every angle we can think of.  Once Philip has had a chance to rest, let him take a run at it.  That may be exactly what we need . . . a fresh outlook on the case.

Tatya rose to her feet and began heading back downstairs.  As she did, she reflected on how much things had changed, just in the last few years.  Well, yes, how much she had changed.  But also, the Legacy had changed greatly in the last few years . . . which was, she had to admit, something of an understatement.

While the majority of the cases actually involved a lost soul, or someone seeking justice, Baltimore House did encounter genuine evil on occasion . . . like the vengeful spirit which had wiped out the original Baltimore House back in the late months of �96.  That's a good example, Tatya thought, remembering the spirit in question with a shudder.

Then again, the last five years hadn't been good for the Legacy.  Montreal House had turned . . . New York House had been riddled with vampires . . . Sloan had been sucked through a portal and sent to Hell.  Baltimore and Boston Houses had been wiped out, and Cairo House had been destroyed.  And that wasn't counting the internal struggles.

Still, Tatya had to believe things had improved in the last three thousand years.  She had to believe that she was making a difference in the Legacy, as well as a psychologist.  And her responsibility, both as a psychologist and as a member of the Legacy, weighed heavily on her.  But she couldn't leave the Legacy.

It filled a void within her heart.  Before she had met a quiet, steadfast young historian, a spirited ex-Marine, an eager young computer expert, and a slightly cynical former journalist, Tatya had been terribly lonely.  The Legacy had given her the family she always dreamed of.  For all its flaws, she couldn't leave the Legacy.  She couldn't leave her family.

And yet, despite the filling of that void, Tatya could also understand and appreciate Philip Callaghan's desire to distance himself from the Legacy.  He needed the Church and the Legacy.  Something which Derek Rayne obviously didn't understand. . .the Legacy was enough for him, it was enough for Nick Boyle . . . why shouldn't it be enough for Philip?  What was wrong with him?

However, Tatya understood that there was nothing wrong with Philip, that he wanted to give of himself in ways the Legacy could not do alone.  I'll have to tell Val that when she wakes up, Tatya thought . . . since it's something she'll understand.  That's why she founded the Port.  To fill that void within herself.  Tatya bobbed her head, pleased, then headed into the control room to do her work.

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