See Chapter One (A) for Disclaimers
Maya peered at the queen's face, then went on, "You would have sacrificed your own life to save your foster father, but instead, you sacrificed the last hope you had of reuniting with the Sula to save the Varoni. You are your name! Carrin was a transition name, by which the Varoni would know you, until you were ready to become Mira again. And now you are, because you are finally ready to give up your guilt for something else. Your brother."
Maya took a deep breath, then continued, "When my mother and sister showed the Varoni the past, they were also bringing about your rebirth as Sula. Just as Dar was reborn as part of the animal kingdom and humanity. The Varoni have become the Sula, my queen. Just as they were intended to be, when you were captured almost twenty years ago."
The queen looked at the demigoddess, stunned, and Maya went on, "I don't know who made that choice. I know it wasn't my mother, or my grandfather, but Something greater. Mother learned at the same time as my grandfather, and she rushed to the forest to see what she could do."
"I had already been taken by the hunters, but it wasn't too late for Dar. He was spared, so he could become the BeastMaster. Maya, I am grateful for what you have told me, do not misunderstand that . . . but why are you breaking your grandfather's edict?" the queen asked.
She vaguely heard her husband and best friend talking in the corridor, and just as vaguely wondered when Gereon had returned from his scouting expedition, but her attention was focused on Maya. And it was true. She appreciated what Maya was telling her, but there were still questions.
"Because you and Dar have made many sacrifices. Nearly fourteen years ago, after the death of your foster father, you were acknowledged as the queen of the Varoni by my family. But Carrin is no longer the queen of the Varoni . . . the queen is now Mira," Maya said.
A wave of dizziness washed over the queen, and Maya's face began to blur. The queen tried to re-focus her eyes, but the effort sent piercing pains through her head. She felt a pair of arms wrap around her body, drawing her forward, until her head rested on Maya's shoulder.
Despite that, Maya's voice seemed to come from very far away, as she said, "Carrin, daughter of Rudianus, no longer exists. In her place is Mira, daughter of Ril and Etain, sister of Dar, mother of Arduinna. Forgive me, my dear queen. This is the last sacrifice asked of you."
The young queen began shivering uncontrollably, tremors wracking her slim body. Maya held her even more tightly, as if she was trying to protect the queen. The young mortal cried out as memories exploded inside her mind. Rudianus, in life, Rudianus in death.
Ril, her birth father, spinning his staff over his head while the little girl watched him practice with the other warriors in the Sula tribe. Falling asleep in their hut as her mother, Etain, sang a lullaby to her and her unborn brother, a lullabye she had learned from her own mother.
Tears streaking her father's face as he held his newborn son in his arms, and struggled with the words to tell her that her mother was dead. Aunt Aveta, holding her one last time and whispering that she would always love her, always be with her. Dar, learning to walk holding onto her hand.
Yes, Dar. The hour of his birth, the first time she heard his cry. The last time she had seen him, on the night she had been taken. Fighting at Gereon's side to rescue the young man with her brother's name. The young man who &nsbp;was her brother. Yes, she could admit it now. Her brother had survived the Terrons. As had she.
As the memories overwhelmed her, Maya said softly, "Sleep now, Queen Mira. For when you awaken, you will have but one world, for the Varoni and the Sula are now one. As I will it, so mote it be. Sleep well, my queen. Sleep, and dream of happy times." With that, Mira's world went black. She never felt Maya tenderly lowering her to the ground, never felt the demigoddess gently kiss her forehead.
~*~*~*~
"I don't like it at all, Marinde. The Lothians are too quiet, they aren't even demanding the release of the prisoner. That's not like them," Gereon said as he walked through toward his chambers. He had said that several times during the last few weeks, and it was making him more uneasy.
"And I don't like that we haven't heard anything out of them. We have no sorcerers, only our own instincts. But each time the Lothians do use sorcery, the animals sense it. They would have reacted in some way," Marinde observed and Gereon nodded. It occurred to him, fleetingly, that if Dar was here, he would be able to tell them for certain.
But Dar wasn't here, and in a way, Gereon was glad about that. He didn't begrudge the boy his place in Carrin's heart . . . at least, he didn't want to. But Dar's re-entrance into Carrin's life had turned Gereon's world upside down, and he was still trying to find his place again.
"Perhaps we should go to the Seer in the Downs, and ask her. The Seer that Pelagia told Carrin about last year," Gereon murmured. He was nearing his chambers, and the hairs on the back of his neck were standing on end. Something . . . there was something wrong. Gereon shook his head, and continued, "Would you mind going to the Downs, Marinde?"
"Of course not. How many people can I take with me? And when can I leave?" she immediately answered and Gereon laughed. He didn't think Marinde would ever change. He opened his own door, and started to reply, but Marinde gasped, her blue eyes widening with horror, "Carrin!"
~*~*~*~
Zeuran should have been fuming. He had seen the decision which the queen had to make, and he had told his children to stay out of it. He knew Pelagia had told her children of that edict. But Maya had gone ahead and intervened anyhow. He should have been outraged, especially given the condition of the little queen now.
She has done no wrong, my son, not interfered with the plans of anyone. Except perhaps your son. Why pretend to be angry with her, when you are not? When there is no reason to be angry with her? a voice said, sounding amused. Zeuran had grown accustomed to this voice many millions of years earlier. Still . . .
"It was not her decision to make. It was the queen's," the god-king answered, turning his attention back to the issue at hand. Not whether or not his granddaughter had interrupted the plans of the universe, or whether he was amused by her. The voice inside his mind snorted in derision, which Zeuran had expected.The little queen has made many choices. She made her choice each time she decided to give up something for the good of her people, whatever those people were at the time. The choice to be made here was not which name she would carry into eternity, but when she would choose to accept that she had fulfilled a part of her destiny. Maya broke no rules in explaining what she did, came the answer.
Zeuran gave up. He agreed, he didn't want to be angry with his granddaughter, but he knew his son would protest Maya's intervention. The voice added dryly, &nsbp;As if your son's opinion matters so much? Have you forgotten that he is responsible for the deaths of your two consorts?
Zeuran had never been able to adequately explain the Presence to his grandchildren. His children knew . . . that which created him often spoke to them as well. Except Math. For some reason, that which created Zeuran had never spoken to Math. Perhaps that had caused the boy's bitterness?
"Adalia was my mistress, not my consort," Zeuran said automatically, and again, the voice snorted in derision. It saw no difference between mistresses and consorts, between queens and concubines. He had loved both of his women. They were his consorts. Period. Zeuran added quietly, "And I haven't forgotten. I've never forgotten."
You've never forgiven him for that, either, have you? That's why you refuse to take a stand against him, why you allow him to act in such a despicable manner to your creations. Because you fear your own anger . . . and you have no idea if you will punish him for causing Adalia's death, and the death of his own mother, or for harming the more innocent of your creations, the voice observed.
"He was just a boy, it wasn't his fault. He had no way of knowing that the spell would harm his mother. It was my fault, not his. I should have never turned on him, never blamed him. I'm the one who taught him to fear and loathe love," Zeuran answered bitterly.
You turned on all of your children, even Pelagia. Blamed all of them, as well as yourself. Why, then, is Math the only of your children who became what he did? Ylara was even younger than Math at the time of her mother's death, the voice pointed out to him.
"Because Pelagia was old enough to understand, and Ylara was just a baby. She could comfort Ylara, and the other children, but she couldn't comfort Math," Zeuran replied. His son had been the equivalent of a fifteen year old human boy at the time. He wouldn't let his sister comfort him.
Hearing this, the voice answered, &nsbp;Then shall you blame Pelagia, for being unable to break through your son's grief and guilt? No, I think not. Math made a choice then. He made a choice when he cast the spell, despite your warnings and those of his mother. He made a choice to let the loss destroy him, rather than teach him. And he had made choices ever since, choices which had nothing to do with you.
"I am his father, they have everything to do with me! I created him, I taught him, and I destroyed him! He was a child when the accident killed his mother, but I was an adult! I could not see past my own grief! I should have warned him better, should have explained exactly what would happen! It was my fault!" Zeuran cried out.
It had been bad enough, losing his wife, his consort, his greatest love. Zeuran had thought he would die from that grief. But knowing that Adalia had been murdered by his own son, because she had been a mortal whom Zeuran loved . . . that was even worse. His wife's death had been an accident. Adalia's had been murder.
Yes. There were things you could have done to prevent your consort's death then. And you could have done things better afterward. But you still do not understand. You did not make Math's choices for him. You did not tell him to cause Adalia's death. And you did not tell him that it was acceptable to punish Amerys and Sharak in such a way, the voice answered quietly.
"Not even I can reverse that curse," Zeuran said, suddenly feeling very tired. He continued, "I am the king of the gods, the father of Math, the creator of humanity, and I can't even reverse that damnable spell! I want her to remember! I want him to walk as a man and fly as a bird, as he did once! And I CANNOT help them!"
There, it was said. The greatest frustration of his life at the moment. Being unable to right what his son had done wrong. Not just to Sharak and Amerys, but to so many others. He could do NOTHING! He was the god-king, and once more, he was helpless.
You cannot break the spell, my son, the voice said quietly, &nsbp;but you can amend it. You can lay down conditions, which will lead to the breaking of the spell when you amend it. For instance . . . you know that Sharak's greatest frustration is being unable to protect the young BeastMaster from harm. It has always been so.
Zeuran nodded in understanding and the voice continued irritably, &nsbp;Don't do that, it makes me dizzy. To continue. You cannot break the curse, but you are not entirely powerless. If you amend the spell, to say that when the boy is in grave danger, then Sharak may resume his human form, and with it, his powers of sorcery . . .
Zeuran gave a short laugh, saying, "It's not possible to make a spirit dizzy. But yes. By putting a limit on how many times this can happen, I can break the spell. Not overtly, but covertly. Because each time my son or the girl places Dar's life in danger, he breaks the spell himself, and weakens it. Of course! Why didn't I think of that!"
I shall not answer that, for I am certain you will not like what I tell you. However, that is quite correct. Make sure when you make this amendment that your son knows. That way, he cannot negate your amendment by claiming ignorance. I do not need to explain further, the voice observed.
Zeuran nodded, and the voice repeated, sounding annoyed, &nsbp;I told you not to do that! I think I shall go visit Pelagia for a while, she is better at listening than you are. Zeuran laughed and the presence within his mind disappeared. A good thing, too, for he had things to consider. Much to decide. He glanced once more at the unconscious queen, now cradling in the arms of her beloved Gereon. Mira had taken back her birthright, taken back her name as a daughter of Sula. Or rather, it had been given back to her by his granddaughter.
Zeuran allowed himself a smile, knowing that he could defend Maya's choice when his son protested. That which had made Zeuran had seen to that. The god-king laughed, now looking forward to the imminent confrontation.
~*~*~*~
Oh by the gods, her head hurt. She didn't know what had happened, but she would remember not to do it in the future. From a distant place, she heard a voice . . . a voice she knew. She concentrated on the voice, but frowned. What was that name? It didn't belong to her, did it?
And yet, it did. The memories of her conversation with Maya began returning to her. Yes. She was Mira, and she was Carrin. At least, she had been Carrin for a time, but Maya was right. Mira had never truly stopped existing. She was Sula, and Varoni, and she had been a Sula first.
Gereon whispered, "Wake up, Carrin. I don't understand, Marinde . . . there is no bump on her head, and I know she ate earlier today. There must be some sort of sorcery. Talk to the guards around the perimeter of our lands, see if anyone has seen that damnable Sorceress."
"Whether they saw her not is beside the point, Gereon, she can disguise herself. But I'll ask them," Marinde
answered, then added, "She's awake. Hello, my friend." Gereon turned away and the young queen's heart broke at the relief and pain in the eyes of her beloved.
And yes, he was still her beloved. Mira blinked . . . why had she been so concerned about this foolishness? She was still the same woman in many ways. She was still the queen of the Varoni. Still the wife of Gereon, the best friend of Marinde, the mother of Arduinna.
She murmured, "I'm sorry for frightening you. I had an intriguing conversation with . . . a goddess." Gereon smoothed her hair back, and she went on, "I'm taking back my Sula name. I wish to be called 'Mira' once more. And the others who were taken from their tribes can take back their names."
"Marinde is the only name I can remember . . . but it will be my honor to serve you, Queen Mira. Just as I served Queen Carrin. And I know the others will feel the same way. I'll tell them myself, that our queen is 'Mira' now," Marinde said. Mira smiled at her friend weakly, then turned her attention back to Gereon as Marinde left the room.
"This is your chance, love," she said softly, "I know you've long resented the tribe for changing your name when you were brought here. If you wish . . ." Gereon shushed her, kissing her forehead at the same time. Mira fell silent as he drew her into his arms.
"It's been too long since I was taken, my love. I was five years old, and thirty years . . . it's a long time. So it's 'Gereon' I will remain. But you'll forgive me if I lapse from time to time, and call you 'Carrin' instead of 'Mira,' I hope?" he whispered and Mira nodded, her head snuggled in the curve of his neck.
"You know better than to ask that. Gereon, no matter what my name is, know that I love you. I have always loved you. And I will always love you. That will never change. No matter what else does change, that will not. And now that Dar is back in my life . . . " Mira began.
Again, Gereon hushed her, saying, "We will deal with the other changes. I can deal with those. As long as you still love me . . ." Mira pulled back to look him in the eye, allowing her love for him to shine through, then kissed him very softly. Gereon gave a rough moan and pulled her close.
"That will never change. I promise. And now, enough talk . . . at least, of that sort," Mira answered softly. Gereon gave a muffled groan, burying his face against her skin. Mira held him tightly. Her mind still spun with what Maya had told her. She wondered if her brother had arrived on Varoni lands, and realized that as soon as he was spotted, the guards would tell them. But for now . . . for now, it was just her and her husband. Her Gereon.
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