See Chapter One (A) for Disclaimers
Dar's mouth tightened and Sharak flinched at the mention of the boy. Dar's nephew, and namesake. All believed the child was dead, but who could be sure?
"I am giving this little one a home, and a family. I cannot return my nephew to life, just as I cannot make this babe's mother live again. But I will do what I can for the child," Dar replied quietly. He paused, then added, "Nineteen years is a long time to be away from the only mother you've ever known."
"Mother Goddess, forgive me for my impertinence," Tao spoke up, "but I was wondering. You are the patroness of healing and of mothers. Why can you not return this girl to life?" Sharak would have chastised the young scholar, if he could have for questioning the goddess.
And then he saw the knowing expression in Tao's eyes. He had deliberately drawn attention to himself, away from Dar. And Sharak found that he no longer wished to chastise the young scholar. Tao had not Dar's skills as a warrior, and he was more than a little clumsy. But he was a good and true friend, and in his own way, he took care of Dar.
And, he could tell from Pelagia's expression that she had come to the same conclusion. This was borne out when she said, "I can heal wounds, I can heal many kinds of illness. But the child's heart simply gave out. The hell she faced in the Terron camp, the flight . . . and then giving birth. Her heart simply wasn't strong enough."
As she spoke, she placed a hand on her daughter's shoulder. Sharak smiled to himself. Pelagia knew her daughter well . . . knew that Curupira had been on the verge of hissing at Tao for questioning her mother. A very wise goddess . . . very wise, very powerful. And she had more than a trace of her daughter's mischief.
Tao said softly, "I see." He looked sadly at Dar. Sharak had never been a mind-reader, but it didn't require the shape-shifter's bond with Dar to know what the young scholar was thinking. He was wondering if the same had been true of Dar and Mira's mother. He wished he could tell the young man not to wonder . . . that had been part of it. And evidently, Pelagia realized the distress she was causing the young BeastMaster, for she said briskly, "Well. Curi and I shall venture ahead, to speak with the queen. She'll be pleased to know that her brother is on his way back to her village . . . and with a gift, no less."
Curupira started to protest, then she took a closer look at Dar and said a bit sulkily, "Well, Ari will be happy about having someone to play with . . . she likes playing big sister, and until your sister finds a family to raise the little one, she will care for the babe herself." Unless, Sharak silently observed, Carrin decides to raise the babe herself.
"Just so . . . I know you boys will take good care of the little one. And I swear to you, Jadya will be interred with honor," Pelagia said. The goddess looked at Tao, who straightened, then Pelagia smiled. She shifted the young mother's body in her arms, put her free arm around Curupira's shoulders, then both mother and daughter disappeared.
Tao said, "We should be on our way . . . Are you ready, Dar?" The young BeastMaster nodded, staring into space, and Tao continued, smiling broadly, "It's been a long time since I cared for a little one. I used to help with my brothers and sisters when I was still in our village. Still, it's like my father always used to tell me. Once you've learned something, you never truly forget it. Why should caring for a babe be different?"
As he spoke, the young scholar reached out and grasped Dar's arm, gently leading him back in the direction of the Varoni village. Sharak smiled in his mind. He was starting to like the clumsy young one. Tao still talked too much, but Sharak was beginning to like him. Now, if they could just get him to stop tripping over things . . .
~*~*~*~
Wounds which Dar had thought were long healed, ripped open once more. He had thought he had made his peace with the past, by reuniting with his sister and burying the agony of losing her. He had been wrong. For the sight of Jadya's dead body had stirred up another memory.
Dar couldn't remember how old he had been when he learned that his mother had died in childbirth. He knew it was sometime after Mira had been taken, for she never spoke of the day their mother died. But by the time he was seven years old, he did know. It had been four years since the loss of Mira, and four years since his aunt Aveta had returned to the Sula village. Aunt Aveta, the younger sister of his mother, had been taking care of them for those four years, Dar and his father. And, she had picked up where his mother had left off as midwife and healer among their people.
She also shared a hut with Dar and his father. If anyone questioned Aveta's presence in that hut, they made sure Dar didn't hear it. On this night, she had just returned. Dar remembered, he was supposed to have been asleep. But he hadn't been able to sleep, not after all the excitement of the day.
And then he heard his aunt weeping, and his father trying to comfort her. Telling her, "Aveta, it wasn't your fault . . . there was nothing you could have done to save that girl! At least you managed to save the babe . . . not all was lost tonight, little sister!"
"You didn't say the same thing when my sister died, Ril," Aveta answered hoarsely, and Dar had froze. He knew from his own sister that Aunt Aveta had gone away after Mama died, not to return until Mira . . . died. Aunt Aveta continued, "You blamed me for her death, told me I should have let Dar die, rather than Etain!"
Dar's blood ran cold, and the little boy became very still under the blanket. His father had blamed him for his mother's death? Why did Papa always tell him that he wasn't to blame for Mama's death? Was Papa lying? The child curled up into a little ball, shivering with a mixture of fear and a struggle to hold back tears.
"I was out of my head with grief, Aveta! The Goddess knows I didn't blame my boy, especially not after Pelagia told me that Etain knew the risks. And I didn't blame you, either. I blamed myself. I blamed myself, and I hated myself for even thinking that innocent babe responsible for something which he couldn't help," Dar's father answered.
The BeastMaster had sighed, then continued, "Any more than I could blame him for my selfishness when I sent him into the woods with Mira. If Dar hadn't been with her, Aveta . . . my little princess would still be alive. But that wasn't Dar's decision, it was mine . . . and I will carry that with me to the end of my life." The little boy had been stunned . . . Father never spoke of Mira!
I was wrong, Dar thought in the present, Father did speak of Mira after she was lost to us. Did I bury those memories as well? He shook his head and returned his mind to the past, remembering his aunt's response.
"Mira is not dead, Ril. I would know if she was, I would feel it. I'm her aunt, and I delivered her. I would know it, just as I would know if Dar was dead, Goddess forbid," Aunt Aveta replied, and the boy could imagine her making a sign to ward away evil.
"She is dead, Aveta. I killed her . . . with my brooding and selfishness. I killed her when I placed the burden of raising a baby on the shoulders of a seven year old girl. A baby herself, who had just lost her mother. And I will never forgive myself for that," Ril had answered bitterly.
Fifteen years removed from that night, and from that terrified little boy, Dar knew now that his aunt had been right all along. And he wondered if the anguish he had felt when he saw Jadya's dead body was anything like the pain his aunt had felt when that girl died. When any of her patients died, and there was nothing she could do to save them. Dar couldn't believe it was such a different pain.
He didn't really pay attention to Tao's chattering. It kept the baby silent, and Dar vaguely realized that they should find some food for the infant. His mind was too full of . . . everything. The joy of seeing his sister again, even though only a week had passed since his departure.
And the . . . questions. Wondering if Jadya had been anything like his mother. Dar had only been a few minutes old when his mother passed into Pelagia's embrace, as his sister phrased it later. When he was old enough to ask questions. He had never known his mother, except in his dreams, and through the stories of his sister and his aunt.
Dar walked alongside Tao and the baby, just aware enough to keep himself moving and keep from tripping over something. Tao would never let him live that down, not after all the times Dar had teased him about falling or tripping. Dar shook his head, feeling unexpectedly tired. Perhaps he was still recovering from the ambush which led him back to Mira.
You don't rest enough, youngling. You're always pushing, pushing, pushing yourself. You keep pushing yourself, and your sister will have to heal you all over again, Ruh told him in the privacy of their thoughts. As ever, his mind-voice was deep with a combination of concern and his natural huskiness. Dar smiled at his friend's observation, and Ruh's concern.
I'm fine, Ruh . . . just thinking too much about the past. About my mother . . . and about my sister. And my aunt, Aveta. Do you think Pelagia is right, Ruh? That I'm trying to return my sister's lost child to her? Dar asked the tiger. Ruh didn't answer immediately . . . it seemed he wanted to think about that.
At last, he replied, I believe you are trying to spare a child the pain which you felt when you lost your mother. I know, you were only a cub. But a cub became a tigress. Ruh paused, then added, Besides. Someone has to look out for you. Especially if that little kista Ketzwayo returns. And we did a shabby job of taking care of you then.
Dar realized for the first time that Ruh had never truly forgiven himself for that attack, which had almost ended Dar's life. Which would have ended it, if not for the years of friendship he had shared with Ruh. He told the tiger, I don't blame you for that, my friend. I know Ketzwayo is responsible for that, and for the strawberry.
That brought the ferrets into the conversation, Kodo saying in annoyance, And that wouldn't have happened if the entire animal kingdom didn't know about Podo always being hungry! Dar couldn't help himself . . . he began laughing, and Kodo added, Well, it's true! I wish Curupira had left something for us of that . . . that . . . !
To do what? Talk him to death . . . you had your chance already to do that, and it didn't work, Podo answered and Dar almost doubled over laughing from that. The ferret added, Curupira dealt with him. She made sure Ketzwayo can't hurt us or Dar ever again. Now could you PLEASE stop yapping, so we can find some food? I'm starving!
You're always starving, little one, but I'm sure the cub is starving as well. Poor thing hasn't had anything to eat, Ruh observed. Podo just harrumphed, and Ruh added with a laugh in his mental voice, I could always convince Dar to let you ride on my back. Travel snacks are necessary for tigers as well as ferrets.
That was it. Dar burst out laughing. He knew fully well that the animals had sensed his earlier sadness, and were trying to make him feel better. Kodo chirped, As long as you eat Podo, instead of me! Someone has to stick around and take care of Dar!
Well, that's a group project . . . we all help to take care of Dar. Even Tao. Especially Tao, I should say. Since he's a human, he wasn't affected by Ketzwayo's poison. So he could do a better job of taking care of Dar, Sharak put in. Dar didn't know if he should be amused or insulted by the conversation that was being conducted without him.
Goody! We're making Dar laugh! Kodo exclaimed happily. Of the two ferrets, Kodo was often the one who planned the various rescues of Dar. Like his recent encounter with the warrior who had captured a water nymph. Dar was still disgusted with himself for never hearing the thug until it was too late. He had heard the crackle of feet crushing twigs and leaves, and turned. He hadn't had time even to reach for his staff before the interloper had struck Dar across the side of his head. Everything had gone dark, and when Dar awakened, he was atop a pile of rocks, with a noose around his neck.
When the last of the rocks fell away, the rope would have strangled Dar . . . but the ferrets had gnawed away at the rope before that had happened. Ruh observed as Dar remembered the incident, That was very foolish of you, youngling. He might have killed you. And then we would have had to kill him. Assuming Curupira left anything for us.
I know, Dar sighed. I won't let that happen again. I don't know why I didn't hear him. He heard the answering laughter from the animals, and Dar asked almost defensively, What? What's so funny? He sounded like a petulant child, he knew, but the animals were making him nervous. He was actually accustomed to Kodo and Podo laughing at him, it was easy to amuse them, but Sharak and Ruh were different.
Mayhap the nymph's beauty affected your brain, young one? I know, you are faithful to Kyra, but you are also young, Dar. She was very beautiful, and young men do notice such things. There's no shame in such a thing, as long as it doesn't get you killed, Sharak said gently, with still a trace of laughter in his tone.
Dar glared at his friend, who repeated, You are young, my friend. Young and impulsive, and stubborn. You have matured much in your years as a BeastMaster. But to me, you are still a boy. And ever shall be. Dar understood and accepted this. Sharak had lived for a very long time. But the young BeastMaster hoped he had matured enough that a pretty face didn't make him stupid.
'Twas not just a pretty face, youngling. She was vulnerable and helpless, not like the Amazon seductress who sought to turn your attention from the fire lily. The nymph needed your help, and that is what affected your mind, far more than her beauty, Ruh told him.
The tiger paused, then continued, You have ever had a soft heart, Dar. It is your greatest strength, even greater than your skills as a warrior. But it is also a vulnerability, for when the lives of innocents are at stake, you forget yourself. Noble, yes. But have a care, Dar. You cannot protect innocents if you are dead.
Dar stared at the tiger . . . it sounded like something his father had told him, when he was about thirteen years old. A young Sula warrior had just been killed, and while many others in the village mourned the young man's loss, the BeastMaster Ril had been angry with the boy. Dar had questioned his father about this, and Ril had told his young son, "Because the boy was a fool . . . there was no reason at all for him to die. Aye, he died saving the life of another, but there was no reason for him to die. And now, that little girl will ever have the guilt of that boy's foolishness on her soul."
Ril had paused, then told his son, "Never forget, Dar. It is a fine thing, to save the lives of others. It's the most noble thing imaginable. But do not be foolish. Find a way to save the life of another, without risking your own foolishly. There is no heroism in foolishness. Especially not when your foolishness causes pain to an innocent."
Your father was a wise man, Dar . . . and like you, he was my friend. And on the day of the Terron raid, when he threw himself in front of the warrior who had attacked you, Ril knew exactly what he was doing, Sharak told him. Dar bowed his head, the image of his father's death from the memory play once more running through his mind.
The great eagle paused, then added, I never told you, but some weeks later, as you were under-going Curupira's tests, the Terrons made the mistake of attacking a Varoni scouting party, led by Marinde. She herself killed the Terron warrior who had attacked you and killed your father.
Does my sister know this? Dar asked. Mira hadn't told him about a Terron attack on her scouting parties. Then again, they had talked little about the recent past. Instead, he had told her about their aunt, Aveta, who had returned to the Sula village.
Mira remembered their aunt very well. She had been five years younger than their mother, and a disciple of Pelagia as well. Aveta, whose name meant laughter in the Sula tongue, and who had delivered her first baby when she was but fifteen years old . . . Mira. At that time, she had no formal training, only the coaching of her older sister as Etain labored to bring her first-born child into the world.
Sharak answered, returning Dar to the present, She knows that the Terrons attacked Marinde's scouting party. But she doesn't know that her closest friend killed the man who murdered her father and almost killed her brother. I rather thought you would like to do that. It might alleviate some of her guilt of surviving when so many others died.
Dar nodded . . . that had something else he and his sister had discussed. They both admitted to feeling guilty about surviving when their entire family had been wiped out. People whom Mira had known as a child, who had helped her in the early days following the death of their mother. Why had she been permitted to live?
Looking back now, Dar wondered if it had been deliberate . . . if a god, other than Pelagia, had willed the abduction of his older sister by the hunters. He was not like Tao, he could not read or write. None of the Sula could. But it was said that the gods sometimes chose a particular person for a particular destiny.
Perhaps, then, his sister had been destined to become the queen of the Varoni. When he thought of it in those terms, Dar found it far easier to accept what his sister, Pelagia, and so many others had told him. That he couldn't have done anything to prevent his sister's abduction, so many years earlier.
And so he told Sharak, Perhaps you are right. I will tell her when we arrive at the village. His sister would appreciate the irony . . . her best friend had killed the man who had taken the life of their father, and had nearly taken Dar's own life. So, for that matter, would Marinde. Dar nearly laughed aloud, thinking of that young woman's reaction when his sister told her.
Excellent, youngling. It grows dark, and the babe requires food. You should find a place to stop and rest, Sharak observed and Dar nodded, looking around. The babe was crying once more, and Tao looked dead on his feet. Yes, it was time to stop.
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