See Part One for Disclaimers

Light died in the tunnel as he began the task of re-covering her body.  He could not take her back to Minbar, and he could not leave her here to be found by scavengers or worse.  Better to bury her now.  As he worked in the utter blackness he felt the darkness creep into his soul.  Calling on his anger to sustain him he pulled rocks and earth into a huge mound.

He felt he should say something, anything to mark her passing.  Nothing.  His mind was empty of even the most unoriginal platitude.  Turning away from her manmade grave he slowly felt his way back up the tunnel, heading for the surface.

Hours later, or so it seemed, he reached the outside world.  Night had fallen, only the faint glow of the two moons lit the barren area.  In the distance smoke rose, catching his eye.  Where the mining colony had been was now a huge crater.  Dust still fell around the site; fires gleamed in patches where buildings had been partially destroyed.  Caron Industries had been razed to the ground.

"Bastards.  Bloody bastards!" Marcus cursed under his breath, giving in to the rage that consumed him.

"Marcus."

"Entil'Zha," he acknowledged.  As he faced Sinclair across the metal desk Marcus realised he did not know how to begin.  His report was written, finished, and yet there was so much he had left from it, things that would not interest the Minbari but were pertinent all the same.  And he had a personal debt to pay, to explain to this man how he had failed.

Shera's secret burned in him as he searched the older man's face.  And he wondered if it had been such a secret after all.  The Anla'shok Na had a disturbing knack of knowing what was going on, even what one was thinking at times.

"I've read your report, Marcus.  There seemed little more you could have done."  Clear grey eyes caught his green, sympathy and understanding in them.  Marcus felt his emotions rise.

"I'm sorry.  It was my fault . . ."

"No.  All my Anla'shok are aware of the risks they take every mission they perform.  Giving a life to save another is to be honoured.  It is the Anla'shok way, to step in where others will not.  We stand between the darkness and the light, Marcus.  We always will."

"But it needn't have happened!" Cold filled his veins at the stupidity of his actions.  Unrecognised at the time, but brilliantly clear with hindsight.

"Marcus . . ."

"Will you excuse me, Entil'Zha?" He rose quickly, not willing to face his failure in the eyes of this man.

Striding swiftly from the room he almost collided with Sech G'Nath, apologising he began to turn, only to be pulled back by the Sech's insistent tone.

"One hour, Mr Cole.  Present yourself to me in one hour."

Marcus bowed himself away, not even thinking about what might be in store for him, wanting only to be alone to sort out his chaotic thoughts.

The terrible numbness that had surrounded him was beginning to crumble.  He knew that to be successful as a ranger he had to keep a tight grip on his emotions.  There was no room for sentimentality within the Anla'shok.  He had always found it hard, the emotionless creed of the Minbari.  He knew they were capable of great feeling and no feeling at all - almost in the same breath.  But he was human, for his sins, and he could not control those thoughts that currently waged war within him.

Although he dutifully presented himself to Sech G'Nath, one hour later his mind was still seething.

"Sit, Mr Cole."

The room was quiet, still and calm reflecting the personality of the Minbari seated opposite him.  Almost unwillingly Marcus felt himself relaxing, the tension easing out of his tight body.  He went to speak but G'Nath held up an admonitory hand.

"Breathe, Mr Cole."

Marcus did as he was told, imagining each breath as it moved into and out of his body.  Feeling a tide of emotion well up inside him, an unstoppable gasp rasped from him.

"The light, Mr Cole.  Focus your pain in the light."

The soft Minbari voice helped him to concentrate as he funnelled the ache of her loss into a visible form.  Those lessons that seemed to have passed him by time and again now fitted into place as he visualised the column of light issuing from him, taking the hurt and denial with it.

He sat for a long time sunk deep in a meditative state that had always previously eluded him.  When finally he opened his eyes Sech G'Nath still sat with him, dark eyes compassionate.  The master bowed slightly and he returned it, the words of thanks not uttered, yet he knew that they were known.

***

Cool clear water reflected back his pale face.  The black of his hair and beard made his features seem more pallid than usual.  He had sworn not to come here again, the pool held too many memories, but it had been Shera's request.  He would not let her down again.

Uncurling his hand he was surprised to see the indentation made by her ring.  A small circle of red decorated his palm where the silver had pressed into soft flesh.  He took one last look at the filigree design then held out his hand letting the small band slip into the pool.  Even that gesture made only the barest ripple on the surface, quickly calmed, forgotten.

"Well, Shera, I have given up something that was special to you as you requested.  It was special to me too, the last thing that I had to remind me of a dear friend.  I won't forget or forgive myself for your loss.  Does that count as a secret?  I don't want to think about that now, I just want to get through this day without listening to any more solicitous enquiries."  He gazed into the depths one last time.  "I miss you."

Hidden, in the furthest corner of the gardens, Marcus sat cross-legged in apparent deep meditation.  Feeling the sun's warmth gradually dissipating as the day came to a close he realised the ceremony had only a few minutes to go, then he would be free of the obligation to share his secrets; to bare parts of himself he had no wish to reveal.  His focus was not inwardly directed however, and he sensed rather than heard the approaching footsteps and stiffened.  A strong hand fell briefly on his shoulder with a reassuring grip.  He turned, but was only quick enough to see the swiftly receding form of Entil'Zha striding away.

He understood Marcus too well.

--end--

Email the author!
[email protected]

Main B5/Crusade Fanfic Index        Babylon 5 Fanfiction Index

Back to Main Library Index         Back to Main Fanfiction Index

Adventures of Sinbad   ~~~     Andromeda   ~~~     Angel   ~~~     Babylon5   ~~~     BeastMaster: The Series   ~~~     Beauty & the Beast
Buffy the Vampire Slayer   ~~~     Charmed  ~~~     The Crow: Stairway to Heaven   ~~~     Crusade   ~~~     due South   ~~~     Farscape
Gundam Wing   ~~~     Highlander: The Series   ~~~     Miscellaneous Fiction   ~~~     Mortal Kombat   ~~~     Mortal Kombat: Conquest
Poltergeist the Legacy   ~~~     Raven   ~~~     TSAoJules Verne  ~~~     The Sentinel   ~~~     Stargate SG1   ~~~     Star Trek: Voyager

I can't fix it if I don't know it's broken, so if you see anything wrong,  please let me know.  Thank you and enjoy your stay!