SHERYL'S CELEBRATION CAKE?

But why is Sheryl's Celebration Cake going around the world this time?  Let's find out!!!

WHAT?!  IT TURNS OUT THAT THE CAKE IS EXCITED ABOUT SHERYL'S NEW JOB!!!  Okay, it knows that a lot of aspects of the job aren't that great, but it thinks that in general this is a step in the right direction for Sheryl.  To demonstrate its excitement it's taking a tour of some of the places that it's glad Sheryl ISN'T working.  It's so strange that a cake would do this!!!  CAKES DON'T EVEN HAVE TO WORK, DO THEY?!  I will have to look that up on the Internet.

So where's Sheryl's Celebration Cake going first?  WHAT?!  IT CAN'T BE!!!

WHY SHOULD A CAKE TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD TO GO TO A PLACE THAT'S SO CLOSE BY?!  I don't know, I'm not a cake.  Maybe because The Home Depot branches are closing down so quickly that it's hard to find one that's still open?  AT LEAST THE CAKE IS USING THE CROSSWALK!  GOOD FOR YOU, CAKE!

Oh, no -- WAL-MART?!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  This makes sense, though.  Wal-Mart is not a very good place to work.  Here are some interesting facts that you may be interested in:

Wal-Mart is reported to pay its workers about 20% less than retail workers elsewhere.

Wal-Mart employs various anti-union tactics.

Wal-Mart built a store less than two miles away from Teotihuacán.

Wal-Mart employees are often forced to work off-the-clock, are denied overtime pay, and are not allowed to take rest breaks and lunch breaks.

Wal-Mart's health insurance covers fewer than half of Wal-Mart workers.

Wal-Mart built a store on an American Indian burial ground after moving the graves elsewhere.

"Wal-Mart"?  More like "BUTTDONKEY-MART," if you ask me!!!

Oh, and Wal-Mart's products are often made in sweatshops, of course.

Sweatshops are even worse places to work!  THAT'S WHY THE CAKE HAS GONE THERE -- TO DEMONSTRATE HOW HAPPY IT IS THAT SHERYL ISN'T WORKING THERE!!!

Like Wal-Mart, McDonald's has some crummy business practices.  They obtain meat from factory farms.  They treat their workers terribly.  The food is unhealthy.  And, of course, the "Golden Arches" are EVERYWHERE!!!

Morocco?!  WHAT?!

Japan?!  HUNH?!

Russia?!  THIS IS LIKE INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS ALL OVER AGAIN!!!

Then there are other bad places to work.  How about... COAL MINES?!

Bleh!  Not only are coal mines dangerous and disgusting places to work, but burning the mined coal produces all kinds of pollution!!!  That cake is going to have to take a long bath when it gets home!

Now imagine working in a place that's very far away -- LIKE 9,500 MILES AWAY!!!  That's what it would be like if you worked at the Antarctic research center called McMurdo Station.  Did you know that the average temperature there right now is -8°F?  The sun isn't going to come up again until AUGUST!!!

On the bright side, McMurdo Station does have a bowling alley!!!

And this is why Sheryl's Celebration Cake is going around the world again.  It's simply excited that Sheryl's going to be working at a pretty good job that she'll be good at.  And she'll be representing Dr. Bronner's!  This is INCREDIBLE!!!  EXCEPTIONS ETERNALLY?!  ABSOLUTE NONE!!!

So finally we must ask ourselves this:

WHERE IS THAT WILY CAKE NOW?

WHERE COULD IT BE?!?