Jonny
Ian
| Reigate (a) 12 November 2005 |
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Reigate ...... 0 |
2 ...... Shene Jonny Ian |
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Uphill struggle; uphill gardener; up hill, down dale; Jim Dale; Alan o� Dale; Robin Hood and his merry men � shit: I�ve lost the plot now� Hood = HMS Hood = Battle of the River Plate, in Argentina� YES, it looked like we�d outdone England until the diddy scouser put two past the Argies in the last few minutes. Los Malvinas; don�t think so hombre! Wearmouth�s gamble on playing up the slope in the first half backfired spectacularly� for Reigate. It was Goose Green all over again with a siege mentality except we pushed forward UP the gradient, peppering Reigate at will and it could have been more than a brace at half-time but 2-0 was Belgrano enough. The Reigate conscripts were verging on surrender in the second half, especially after Wearmouth had inadvertently lodged an Exocet in one of their midfielder�s cheekbone. The reverse of angles didn�t do us any favours in the second period as shots from Ian, Dan, Dunc and Jonny failed to bulge the net, sailing just over the bar, or not in Dan�s case. So we didn�t build on the lead but the fact that Bowman had to alleviate Mozzer from his slumber occasionally with a couple of dodgy moments of skulduggery. All I can add is, �why the fuck didn�t we slaughter this lot at home a few weeks ago?�.
You wouldn�t believe the amount of shit that a national newspaper can conjure when there�s absolutely fuck all going on. That�s my way of saying that I�ve failed miserably as match reporter, only getting this to you the day before we play the big match of the season so far. OK, we�re third, but if we beat Eco-coco-conomicals [with yellow ribbons in her hair � Kelso obviously loves Bazza of Manilow] then we can push for the title� not a jot like this time last year. GET IN!
Dunc
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2: Team Sheets
Here is the team... 
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After numerous near misses from Jonny, Ian, Dunc and Dan, Hollo floated a peach over their defensive line leaving them pirouetting a la Margot Fonteyn (wank: I�ve gone all ballet & opera now = Dame Nelly Melba after whom Peach etc. was named) but Dunc skinned (or nectarine-peeled) their left-back and picked out Jonny at the near post to expedite the defender and stick out his Nureyev-ine leg for the first (minus the tighted collection of clementines hidden in the strides). With half-time looming like the blizzard clouds over South Georgia, the right corner provided the second when Dan collected the ball from a throw and surged into the box, only to be upended and then suffer the indignity of being compared to Greg Louganis by their collective. Ian (not suffering from cramp, as yet, for once, even though he�d run more as a striker in 45 minutes than he normally does in a season!) stepped up to slot the penalty consummately beyond their keeper. Andy was turning an un-autumnal shade of green by this point having had bugger all to do but, in a perverse sort of way, that�s how he likes it. 
Yet again, another fantastic shot that deserved to thwack the netting� but didn�t. Dan�s done this a few times but, after plenty of close-calls from the rest of us, he smacked another one that only failed to register but for the Pythagorean anomalies engendered by the North Downs terrain. Fuck me, that strike crashed the crossbar but, alas, stayed out. Another notable contribution came from James who, not once but twice, entered into trademark tackles as Reigate put us under pressure on the hour. It�s one of the few times that we empathise with the opposition but when Donovan rears like a Pamplona bull the outcome is seldom in favour of the runner. Perfectly-times tackles as the last line of defence didn�t just take the wind out of their sails but sank any resistance Reigate had left.
NO-ONE: because the whole bloody team did the job!� No stand-out performances because this was a full 12-man effort.