We'd had chances: Dan couldn't direct a header goalbound from a corner in the first half; Ian took a late chance well, only for their keeper to tip it round the upright; and Aaron worked his ample girth off all afternoon. But this was primarily a fine defensive [note the spelling Wearmouth - your teacher would have spattered the bloody 'red pen' all over your RATINGS... later: ED] performance against the top team. Every man jack of the back five was as solid as that fiercely stubborn frowsty bit down the side of the cooker {Kim and Aggy recommend clear vineger and cotton wool}. One solitary slip early on, calcified and statuesque in defence, let them in for an easy opener... but after that we slammed the fridge door firmly shut... well, they might have sneaked the door open a couple of times in a late-night bid to find that last elusive bottle of Becks! They hadn't reckoned with Aaron though, producing an even more superlative strike than last week.

The big fella done it again, this time with interest. Up against it on the half-hour, the defence rose as one again to clear a Comics corner, Dunc collected and had time for a glance to see Hollo giving an option down the right. Ian (in past reports this would have gone to: Dave, Ken, Perry, etc. but...) took it in his stride near halfway, turned their retreating midfielder beautifully and took it on through the centre circle and released an exquisite pass to Aaron charging down the left channel. No hesitation; no fucking around; no flicky-farty party wankiness: Aaron just hit the living shit out of the ball and it flew in to the top-right corner from 30-yards out leaving the keeper wholly bemused by a strike from a member of a team that couldn't even pass 10 foot to each other only a couple of months ago.

Well, I was going to nominate Paul Bowman as man-of-the-match but Wearmouth, obviously not content with removing me from the field at every opportunity, has decided to usurp the match-reporter role as well, so let's see if you think his appreciation of your performance is warranted:

Mozzer	8	Excellent... good on crosses this week with nothing dropped
Kelso	7	Worked hard all game but caught out of position a couple of times in first half
Bowman	9	Man of the Match for Bowman: commanded the area on the deck and in the air
Mark	7	Generally very good but a few problems judging position of ball and team-mate
Ken	8	Another very consistent performance from Stacker
Dunc (subbed again)	7	Worked hard with little reward in a defensive first half, didn't hoof anybody this week
Dan	8	Did the hard running all game and was always up for the battle
Wearmouth	7	Defensive display this week with not much going forward [spent too much time watching everybody else : ED]
Perry	7	We didn't get the ball to Perry much so his chances were limited, could have nicked it at the end
Dave (sub)	3	Utter shite, bringing a couple of extra water bottles along would have benefited the team more than this insipid display from the portly Manc. Must do better...
Aaron	9	Worked hard all game and cracking strike for the leveller
Ian	8	Ran all game and came deep to recieve ball. Assist ['assist' = very harsh: ED] for goal

Dunc

PS: Prepare yourself for Will's match reports for the next two weeks. Thankfully, I'm skiing but will still be worrying about the severe mental state of Kelso whilst flying off cliff-drops and couloirs...