We pummelled Dorking without playing brilliantly, perhaps one eye was on the impending debauchery and lewd, lascivious behaviour to come at the Crimbo dinner post match? Wearmouth smashed one at their keeper after a corner melee but the previously ill-at-ease goalie pulled off a blinder. THREE of our lot went up for a free header from a corner but, in the absence of a call from any of the three mute mice, no real connection was made. Aaron got caught out by super-dubious offsides from the Pampers-wearing ref and Dunc curiously managed to procure the first yellow card of the season not, for once, for a disgustingly badly-timed tackle and disfiguring opposition kneecaps, but for standing in front of the keeper at a goal kick! Charity certainly didn�t begin at home matches when the ref also waved away genuine appeals for penalties from Dave and Dan, although they both scored highly for artistic merit!

Hollo, working in tandem with Aaron as a �retarded� striker, benefited from Aaron�s constant hassling after 20 minutes when a defensive fuck-up left him free in front of goal and Ian joined Aaron at the top of the scoring Christmas tree with a simple finish. Then his star waned and he turned into the Yuletide fairy with two of the most blatant misses from close range you�re ever likely to see. Their mince pie filled Santa goalie was nowhere near as Hollo became Rudolph the Red-Faced Reindeer popping the ball over the bar from the six-yard box. The ghost of Christmas past would come back to haunt Hollo in true Dickensian fashion.

Andy decided to save his Dorking present until the end of the match this time, as opposed to Bromley�s first minute debacle last time out. With the game almost up, strangely due to the ref insisting on playing 35 minutes each way �cos he �had to go somewhere after the match� but we were comfortable at 1-0 after a quiet game for Mozzer punctuated by an early kick in the head and whiplash concussion, and a couple of good saves. Perhaps the delayed cranial disturbance kicked in with two minutes to play but Dorking crossed into a crowded box and Mozzer got stirred into the figgy pudding of defensive gloop, spilling the ball for Dorking to poke in. Evil Santa had obviously swooped with his malevolent sleigh to smash all the baubles on our Christmas dinner celebrations.

Still, we�re on 12 points at the festive break contradicting last year�s paltry three points. So that was good enough reason to pop a few corks and unleash the inebrious powers of Sambucha. Dinner at 8 o� clock; pre-dinner drinks start at� well, 4pm basically and what a tawdry sight we exhibited come the after-dinner speeches � more like after-dinner slurring. The Christmas break will see a continuation of this ergonomically designed training regime in true 3s style = no exercise; stuff your face; drink shitloads and drink shitloads more, enabling us to return in the New Year with svelte figures, no liver cells to speak of and semi-permanent hangovers in perfect preparation for the 2006 push up the table. We always do well after the year turns, based on this robust training philosophy, so let�s score a few more, turn draws into wins and avoid the devil�s number come spring� 12-3-3 not 6-6-6!

Dunc