drivingoutlove by: shelly

When can you possibly tell that you have finally moved on from a past love that you once thought would work out? --That you have gone through all the pains, tears and sorrow? And you have accepted that the past love would be a mentor and not a failure at all? Finally, you’re ready to open a new chapter, being as strong as a soldier seeking for true love. It takes time, maybe months or years…just like counting a thousand ships along the sea.

            It has been four years since I graduated and received a diploma. I continued and went to the university. I have been going to school regularly as a Pre-Law student. And I first set aside my racing competitions to keep myself focused on studies. From that car accident, about 4 years ago, I chose to play safe in life. Education is more reliable to achieve whatever I want in the future. So many things had changed in me yet it really took a long long time. I can truly say that I evolved from my old boyish habits. It’s funny.

            Wednesday afternoon, Jed called me on my cellfone. He was then inviting me to watch his saxophone rehearsal for the Annual Concert on Saturday. I agreed to come with him, since I have nothing to do anymore. I finished my thesis already so I’m free to go anywhere. At around 7:00pm, Jed fetched me by his black car and we went to the main hall.

            Jed was a very kind man. He’s so dedicated and has great passion for music like me. I consider him as a friendly person too because everyone seems to be his friend. At that hall, even the personnel were his close friends. He can easily capture one’s smile. He’s a conservatory student and two years older than me. And the most special thing about him, Jed was the one who saved me and brought me to the hospital when I met that accident. Right after Ms. Santiago or I mean, Mrs. Maria Robles left the hospital, Jed introduced himself. Speaking of Maria, she got married already and since that event, I received no news about her anymore. She still invited me then in her wedding, but I chose not to come. I guess that’s better. I often cried during those days, as if I mourned for a dead love one. I always thought about her…the eyes, the smile and the last words that became so memorable yet painful for me. But thanks to my dad, who came home finally to check on me, I was filled with happiness that a daughter could ever feel. I was then too busy spending time with dad for about 3 weeks. I easily forgot about crying and being alone for Maria. And you know, my dad was the reason why I quit car racing and went to college because he pictured me as a lawyer someday. Since I also wanted Law, I aim to fulfill his longtime dream for me. He promised to visit frequently. And I was filled with inspiration, carrying my father’s pride. So now, I really try to do my best in school.

            In a few more minutes, Jed’s rehearsal began. He was the lead instrument player and I can observe that he was so great. I was sitting at the corner then suddenly, something glimpsed into my mind. It was the scenery from my bitter past. I tried not to think about it. It’s hard you know and still, wounds from my heart won’t heal. Maria was in my mind. I decided to go out and chilled a bit. I gazed upon the dark skies and spelled the mood of the night. It was gloomy, just like what my heart spells. Soon I realized that Jed tapped me and sat beside me. He was speechless and staring at the skies too. He sighed for a while and he finally broke the silence, “Uhmm, is it possible for us to be…” he stopped. Then I said, “Go on…” He continued, “…the first time I saw you, I looked at you differently. And it’s funny, because you’re strange right now. But truly, I loved the way you are today. You are so beautiful in and out. And…Do you think I’m the man meant for you to tell you these stuffs?” I was surprised actually. I’ve thought of what answer to utter, “Give me time Jed. I think I’m not ready yet. You knew my past and I never kept that hidden to you because I knew you understood me. Let’s just slow down a bit and I hope you get me…” He looked into my eyes and he just nodded, full of hope in his heart. I really hoped he understood me.

            I felt so creepy about myself after that event. I had more moments of being alone again, thinking, staring at nothing. Days passed and Jed’s concert came. I didn’t notice how fast time was. I’m too serious finding answers about me and Maria for nothing. I dressed up and Jed fetched me towards Redstand Theatre. There were so many people, waiting for a wonderful piece from Jed. He played well, astounding and it truly inspired me.

            After the concert, we went outside to meet some guests and you know, chit chat with them for a while. I was just at one corner, I prefer not to talk to most of them because Jed knew them better. Soon, Jed held my hand to introduce me to some guests. When I finally saw them, do you know who is it? It’s Maria, with her husband and a 4 year-old daughter. I don’t know what to react at all but I tried to calm myself. I also Maria seemed surprised too but she appealed as if we don’t know each other. She was still the same old her, keeping deep feelings until revealed. Jed introduced me, “Mr. Robles, she’s the one I’ve been telling you, the great pianist and a former race driver! See the woman power!” I felt flattery from what Jed said. I handshake with the husband and then with her. Maria’s hand was still the same old hands that were so gentle. Maria then spoke, “Uhmm, by the way, this is Bridgette, our daughter. “ I smiled at that kid who was a bit shy at me. Mr. Robles then told me that if it would be okay with me to be Bridgette’s piano teacher. He heard about me as a good piano player and it would be an honor to be Bridgette’s teacher, he said. But before making any final decisions, I just told them that I would think about it. “Uhmm, it seems very enjoyable to be with Bridgette’s company. But I would still consult this with my dad and you know, check if I’m not hectic.” The couple said okay and Maria handed me a piece of paper of their contact number. She whispered to me, “Check on what’s behind.” Then they hurriedly left because it was drizzling. Jed and I also rushed through the car.

I went home with many questions on my mind once more. Shall I put my life near Maria again? Of course, Bridgette is her daughter and you know, fate had lead our lives cross once more. I don’t know, every time I think about her I felt some failure in me, a big damn looser I guess. But on the other hand, I wouldn’t learn to accept and let go if I didn’t cried and fell for Maria. Everything was planned for a reason. And now that I have Jed in my life, I also got something from the past that helped me in my present relationship. I was handling the paper that Maria handed to me and sat by my window. It was quite cold, cozy and raining hard outside. Then I remembered what she said, “Check on what’s behind…” Then I noticed that there’s something written behind and it says, “I kind of miss you, and you still inspire many people by the strength you show. I still believe in you and how you spell people’s eyes are terribly amazing.” Smile was just one thing left on my face. And I thought I finally found some light from my dark skies; that Maria wasn’t a failure. Rather, she’s one true mentor. She still believed in me and in my mind, she never regretted that I crossed her life. The whole night I was just reflecting with deep thoughts.

            Cozy night…. stars soon went out. Rain is over. Tomorrow I will head for a bright new day. I finally accepted everything. And it took me 4 years of painful moments.

            The next morning, I contacted Maria to tell her I agreed. She said that it was a wonderful decision and she would immediately tell this to her husband. Then I said, “thanks Maria for showing up last night” She wondered and I told her everything I thought about last night. She was quiet then she replied, “I knew you could do it, because I also did. And you know when?...just last night too. It was when I saw you. Thank Thee we met again and both us solved our own mysteries.” I felt as if a big thorn was removed in my heart. Suddenly, I’ve thought of Jed. I guess right now, I can fix my feelings for him.

            That night, Jed and I ate at a romantic restaurant. He planned everything. It was so sweet, candlelight with violins playing my favorite songs and a fine dining. We had a quality time together. I was surprised when he gave me a small box containing a luxurious ring.

Then I said, “Yes, I accept you Jed and I love you…”