August 28 2005 | Sunday | 06:57pm

"IF IT MAKES YOU HAPPY"

     A while ago I attended the CWTS Seminar in UST which was on Illegal Drugs. Then again, it was a boring hour of listening and jotting down notes. Initially, I planned not to finish the whole seminar [8am-12pm] but too bad, I wasn't able to escape from it because as you go out of the Medicine Auditorium pala, you have to surrender your ID! Err.

    Buti na lang, nakatabi at nakasama ko si Ayna. By the way, she's my best friend since grade six. Just an FYI, we never became classmates in high school but as you can see, the irony of our togetherness is still damn strong. Even now, our road as best friends is tougher. Though we're on the same University, we have different courses. She's an IT [Info Tech] student while I'm in Journ and our building is a way far from each other. Even our scheduless don't meet kaya miinsan na lang talaga kami magkita. So anyways, it was the perfect time to meet her on my entrance to the auditorium because as I said, it's been a while since we last hang-out. Actually, I realized how I missed Ayna. Despite all, nothing's change on each other's treatment and in fact, those who know us very well find our friendship as something concrete because regardless of distance and differences, we remain so close through our own means. It's as if we've just met last night on how close we exchanged expressions to each other a while ago Madalas kasi kapag matagal na di nagkikita ang magkaibigan, nagkaka-ilangan o may kakaiba ng pag-trato. Kami ni Ayna, hindi ganun. I guess that's how Ayna and I define real best friends - we may fail to keep in touch for a moment or two, but through our impulse and feelings, most especially the feeling of trusting, makes our friendship fervent and brakeless.

    Di na ako nakasamang mag-lunch kina Madie, Dez at Arene sa BK, kasi walang kasabay umuwi si Ayna kaya maag-aga na din akong nakauwi ng bahay. Iniisip ko nun kung hahabol pa ba ko sa lakad ng Tropa_peepz [dinner with Jeanne] pero tinamad na rin ako. Bukod nga sa sinabi kong lie-low mode muna ko sa volley, eh inaantok din kasi ako. Pagkarating ko ng bahay, humiga ako, nanood ng TV ar saka nagpahinga.

    Ang init-init! The sun stroke with an oh-so orange shade! Haha. Nagkayayaan palang pumunta ng Sm Edsa kaya kahit gusto kong matulog nang mahimbing, naudlot ang lahat. My sister drove to SM and we were also with our mom. Napa-mini shopping tuloy ako. And what did I buy? Then again, bunches of orange-related stuffs. ^.^

• A new USB Flash Drive Device [128 MB] with an orange shade on its side!

• An orange USB holder! [para terno!]

• Orange trappings [clips & flowery decors] for my cork board

• Orange folder

• Orange envelope [I dunno why I bought this but I really got fascinated w/ the striking color! haha]

• Orange fan [mainit na kasi palagi]

• Another Foot cover for school use [Di orange na ah! Haha. Brown naman]

    Bakit ko nga ba gusto ang ORANGE? Hmm. Madali talaga akong napapasaya ng kulay na ito. Para bang sa kabila ng napaka-hectic na araw, makakita lang ako ng cute orange thing especially kung accessory, napapangiti na ako. =) Some may see orange as a very striking color but that's basically what I like about it. It brings more emphasis when you get to own things which are in shades of orange. You feel oh-so different and unique. Actually, favorite cartoon character ko ngayon si Sailor Venus! from the Japanese Anime, Sailormoon. [haha] Color orange kasi yung costume niya as a Sailor Soldier! It's funny because I seemed to go back from my childhood addiction. I used to be a die-hard child fan of this Anime. Kagabi, sinubukan kong mag-google search ng tungkol sa Sarlormoon at para bang ma-aadik ako ulet. Haha.

    Mababaw lang daw ang kaligayahan ko. Corny pa nga daw ako eh sabi ni Madie [LOL]. Madali akong paiyakin, madali din namang napapangiti. Simpleng pagpapakita lang ng isang malapit na kaibigan sa akin, masaya na ako at simpleng pagpaparamdam lang ng mga orange na bagay, natutuwa na agad ako. Everyone has its own root of happiness. One aims for simple ones, others wish for a greater one. And despite all the sad events that had occurred recently, I guess God never gives up on me; easing with clashes of smile bit by bit, slowly making me blissful to outlive.

Don't let happiness fall upon sole hands. Make it versatile.

In our lives there's so many struggles we encounter. Be patient and don't give up! Because whatever our cross, whatever our pain, God always sends a rainbow after the rain!

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August 26 2005 | Friday | 09:26pm

"THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE"

     I took HUGE decisions today. These are the things that have been boggling me since then. Habang tumatagal kasi nagiging komplikado lang ang lahat kaya kinailangan ko ng harapin. Isipin man ng iba na nagpadalos-dalos ako sa mga desisyon ko, mas pinanindigan ko ang pagkonsulta sa sarili kong konsensiya. The truth had set me free.

    I called a quit in YWS [Youth Webmaster's Society] already. It was a nice three years though. Somehow I'll miss those Japan & Netherlands thingies, people calling me, "pressy" "ms webmaster", and the price of being perceived as a computer brainy. I feel so sorry for my buddies there but  I really wanted to escape from the pseudo-existent world of YWS. I wanted to deal with the real world. This organization had helped me a lot of course but I realized that even in the absence of it, I could still learn Computers and I can make a name for myself. Maybe for some this is very hard to understand but I guess sooner or later you'll nod at my words.

    The mini-volleyball league ended too a while ago. We didn't win as champions but you know, I won't take it as a loss. Anyway I'm not pursuing too much of being a superb volleyball player. And even now I decided to lie-low with anything related to that sport. Napagtanto kong parang nasusuya na akong kaka-involve. Gusto ko munang magpaka-layu-layo sa usapang volleyball. Umiiwas muna ko sa mga players/coach/team mates, pag-reply sa forums/emails, o sumagot sa mga tanong tungkol diyan.  Malaki rin naman ang naitulong ng volleyball sa buhay ko pero naisip ko kasing baka sa sobrang pangangarir ko diyan, di ko na mapagtuonan ng pansin ang iba pang bagay. Ayokong magpa-kontrol at magpasakal sa bagay na inaakala kong tanging magpapasaya sa akin.

    Going into a much more personal thing, I also made a huge decision with Ching and I. Di naman sa binubura ko na siya nang tuluyan, humihingi lang ako ng espasyo ngayon. Siya man ay kailangan ko ding espasyuhan. Ayoko muna siyang makausap o makita. Inaalis ko na rin muna ang mga bagay na magpapaalala sa kanya. Basta, pinaubaya ko na lang sa panahon kung saan hahantong ang lahat. Friend ko pa rin naman siya eh. Ewan ko kung galit siya sa akin ngayon, basta ako malinis naman ang lahat ng intensiyon ko eh. Sana na-sense out niyang ginawa ko ang lahat.

    Sa lahat ng ginawa kong desisyon, ang daming nawala, at ano ang natira? Ngayon siguro mas determinado muna kong pag-aaral muna para maging isang Journalist talaga ko. Yan naman dapat talaga ang una kong priority eh. Kagabi pala, nakausap ko si Ms Tsaby through text messaging. Right timing na nag-text siya kasi nga ang dami-daming gumugulo sa isip ko. Ang tagal ko ring di nakapag-express ng feelings sa kanya. Tinatanong palang niya kung kamusta na ba ako, naiyak na agad ako!!! >.< Sinabi ko yung problema ko, na na-mimiss ko na rin pala ang mas maliit na mundo noon sa STC, at kung naniniwala ba siya sa kakayahan ako. I was really so emotional last night and I really took her words of endearment. She told me that I cannot keep everything - that today is different from yesterday but still, she does believe in me. Swak talaga. Ang dami ko pa lalong na-realize. Siguro noon masyado lang akong nasilaw sa lahat ng inalok sa akin ng pagkakataon. Di pala lahat ay dapat kunin nang sabay-sabay. Gusto ko munang magpaka-hinay-hinay. Gusto ko munang ayusin ang lahat ng pagkakamali. Naisip ko kasing mas maganda kung makakatamasa ako ng mga bagay na alam kong para sa akin talaga. It's better to achieve things which simply came from your bare hands. It feels better when you reach something which owes to yourself. I want to re-organize and be closer to reality. Dealing with something real is the best thing.  With this, I guess I'm going to start from scratch again... So be it.

We find reasons in search of the truth because simply, the truth shall set us free.

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August 24 2005 | Wednesday | 09:18pm

"RELYING"

     Another typical school day. In Math, Ma`am Anonas taught us a new lesson (Solving for the missing rate of Ordinary Annuities) which I believe, all my classmates would agree as well that each solution involves a LONG process! Literally, it's quite baffling. I'm trying to be more independent this time. So to train myself more, I worked on some items from the book. For those who are aware of this Math topic, sometimes I'm getting into trouble in distinguishing the present value (A) from the future value (S). @.@ HAY! Di naman kasi ako Math-genius eh. Hehe.

    Jumping to the next class, Computer, medyo gumaan na ulit ang lahat. We're still on MS Word and it's quite easy though. I'm just a bit worried for the upcoming project because I don't have an installed Movie Maker in my PC which is extremely required to accomplish the project. So right now, I'm still in search of an XP installer. I hope I could find a reliable friend nearby to help me out.

    Nung Journ naman, medyo boring kasi puro reporting. Naaaliw na lang ako kapag sumisingit si Sir Esguerra tapos magsisimula na siyang mag-kuwento ng kung anu-anong experiences niya sa Journalism field. Well honestly, as we go along with the lectures, I'm kind of enjoying his words of thought. I start to lean on his petty advices. They're all very informational, making each statement handy for our near future as Journalists. Ang astig niya talaga at para bang gusto ring maabot yung lebel niya as a Journalist. I'll really study hard to attain my aspiring goals.

    Anyways, ayoko ng masyadong i-expound yung mga naganap nung last period, which was Nat Sci. Haha. I guess that's the subject I like least in my MWF class. (x.x) Nagte-text na nga lang ako eh para di ma-bore kahit alam kong bawal. Hehe.

    Speaking of text messaging, man I realized that my thumbs are starting to ache! Na-sobrahan ata ako sa kaka-text ngayon. For the past few days, I've been so addicted to Globe's TXTNONSTOP15 promo. I've been forwarding almost all of my quotations saved in my folders. My friends who has Globe sim are addicted as well. Actually, if you're gonna check my inbox, all messages are from the top 4 usual quote-passers [LOL!]: Bang, Diah, Kharoll, and Ate Cy. Haha.

    Kung dati sobrang interesado akong kumopya at maghanap pa ng magagandang quotes, aba para bang nanawa ako! Maya't maya na lang na may quote akong natatanggap. Naka-beep tone na lang cel ko eh, madali kasing maubos yung battery. Because of it, I kind of get the habit of checking my cell phone minute by minute! Ayoko sana ng ganun - na todo asa ako sa isang gamit. Mahirap masanay na umasa. Technology gadgets may compensate its user but sometimes, it also drops the independency. Napansin ko din, madalas nawawala na yung actual conversation sa text messaging. Puro quotes na lang! Eh minsan, di mo naman ma-aasure ang real essence ng isang quotation because anyway, it was just forwarded by another texter too. Iba pa rin ang mensaheng actual na tinype at inisip ng isang texter for his / her recipient. Pero higit sa lahat, iba pa rin ang face-to-face conversation! =) So right now I'm trying to control everything. Bukod sa paubos na ang load ko, eh nakakasakit na talaga ng daliri! Haha.

Too much reliance means lesser freedom..

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August 23 2005 | Tuesday | 07:28pm

"DISCONCERTED"

     Classes were suspended in the morning which meant that I was able to escape from attending my academic subjects, Sports fest kasi ng mga professors. So the whole time, I was just roaming around the house, relaxing and watching TV. Soon, I dressed up for my sole afternoon class: PE basketball.

    The sunny sky turned cloudy again as I reached UST. Our basketball game was held inside IPEA, instead of playing in the Seminary Gym which was all wet. Waah, ayoko talagang maglaro sa loob ng IPEA kasi nakakahiya! Nandun yung Men's Volleyball Team [na kakatapos lang mag-training] at saka yung ibang members ng women's volley [tulad nina Che at Manel]. Much that I don't wanna play, I was so pushed by my team mates since I'm a center jumper. Nung mag-jump ball, napunta agad sa amin yung bola dahil natapik ko. Sa totoo lang destructed ako at na-coconscious sa bawat takbo, haha. A while ago, I was just mere supporting through passing and rebounding.  Nahihiya talaga akong mag-fast break o mag-3 point shot! Nakita ko pang nakalingon sa gitna ng court yung volleybelles kaya talaga namang napapayuko na lang ako. Hehe. So anyways, the game wasn't finished. Two quarters lang, kasi gagamit na ng gym yung High School Basketball Varsity. We were complaining pa nga eh - na sana mas prayoridad kami dahil sila, mga iskolar at di nagbabayad habang kami, ang laki-laki ng tuition pero di nakakalaro sa gym!!!  I saw the point there but then, we had no choice because those boys started to rule over the court already. Sheez.

    We were dismissed earlier, about 4:30pm pa lang. I decided to eat dinner at SM San Lazaro. I also checked for myself whether I could reach there alone and know the routes. Hehe, success naman. I also grabbed a copy of MOD's latest issue. My senior editor messaged me already, saying that Ate Rox' article has already been published. Proud naman ako siyempre at natupad na ang pangarap kong magsulat para sa iniidolo ko. Yun nga lang, err ang dami na namang errors! Una, iba yung photo na nilagay nila! Sabi ko pa naman kay Ana [ka-tropa in volley], i-susurprise ko siya sa photo ni Ate Rox. Hay. Because the photo from Ate Rox was lately submitted to me, I wasn't able to meet the deadline and resulted that it wasn't used for that article. In a way, 'sayang' pero pinampalubag ko na lang na may isa pa akong feature article sa kanya at dun ko na lang  ilalagay yung photos na yun. Pangalawa, ang daming  typo-errors! Nakalagay kasi dun na UAAP 2005 MVP siya, eh duh! Di na nga siya player ng UAAP eh, 1996 yung tamang year. Hehe. Tapos err, ang daming information na na-delete from the original. I'm a mere creature there so I have less space as well. I'm glad but I'm worried. Heto na naman ako't umiiral ang pagka-perfectionist...

    Sana magustuhan ng lahat, especially ni Ate Rox. I'm still worrying on Ate Rox' feedback about it. Ka-text ko siya ngayon, bakit ako kinakabahan harhar.

Forget the things that make you sad and remember those that make you glad. Forget the troubles that passed away and remember the blessings that come each day! Think positively!

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August 22 2005 | Monday | 08:43pm

"SO.. PAANO BA TALAGA MAGING JOURN?"

     I spent a lethargic Monday afternoon. Instead of going home early and read for tomorrow's Filipino graded recitation, I stayed for long hours in the UST campus. Delightful that Madie and Chuchie had their PE so I didn't lose company during those sleepy times. At grabe, halos manawa ako sa pagmumukha ni unibersidad ko! Totoo! Hihiramin ko ang termino ni Bob Ong sa libro niyang Alamat ng Gubat. Nang mga panahong yun, na-experience ko talaga ang "gumawa ng wala." Haha. Kung saan-saan na kami napadpad: tambay sa kainan ng P Noval, pasok ng CR, internet ng P10, puntang Mini-stop, bili sa seven 11, upo sa may pavilion.. Whew, para bang ang bagal talaga ng takbo ng oras! 11am ang uwian namin pero nasa USTe ako hanggang 5pm. So maybe you'll ask why this thing happen to me.  It's related to my field, Journalism actually. This whole thing led me into an instant realization on my journalistic career. It's quite distressing, I should say.

    Since then, I'm boosting efforts to pursue this MOD magazine feature of Ate Rox and Ate Ging. Good thing the interview on Ate Rox was done already, for the fact that she's easier to contact with. Mas close din kasi kami kaya mas nadalian ako. So going to Ate Ging, these past few days I encountered a problem of meeting up with her. Di ko kasi siya mahagilap at ang hirap niyang ma-contact. Unlimited siya ng Sun, eh globe ako! Kaya paminsan, yung mga messages niya ay dumadaan pa kay Ate Rox. Haha. Another thing is, kapag oras na ng uwian ko, papasok pa lang siya ng school! Tuesday lang talaga kami madalas magkita pero sa mga nakalipas na Martes din, naiiwanan naman niya yung interview form. Hay. Humaba na nang humaba tuloy ang deadline ko.

    So finally, Ate Ging had set the date. She favored Ate Rox to tell me that we're going to meet Monday 3pm at the UST gym and that was a while ago. Complying to it, I really waited for her. Sabi ko kasi, mamaya maudlot na naman. At yun na nga, na-bore to death akong kakahintay ng alas-tres. Na-realize ko tuloy, siguro pagpasok ko sa mismong Jorunalism field, marami pang ganitong pagkakataon. Naalala ko tuloy yung mga madalas sabihin ni Sir Esguerra [Journ prof ko] tungkol sa pagiging isang mamamahayag. He always come up with words which are you know, blunt but pragmatic. Since then, he has been saying that you won't get rich in just one article, so you have to be multi-tasked. Another thing is that journalists must always contain both skill and malicious attitude [it's true, swear!] to keep the flame burning. Most of all, I won't forget when he said this, "Kailangan marunong kang dumiskarte." Uggh, I strongly agree with him! You'll be the one to adjust with your beats and subjects. It really takes tons of patience and your time management can challenge you hard. Buti na lang at nagawa ko na yung mga homeworks na pang-bukas kaya wala na akong masyadong ginawa pag-uwi ng bahay.

    Sa sitwasyon ko ngayon, di ko alam kung paraan na ba ito ng diskarte ko. I mean, as early as now I am lucky to be involved into the actual writing already and being exposed to the real score of Journalism. I'm in MOD, I can get exposure in TomasinoWeb already [thanks to Haoson] and  has several websites where I can freely practice Communication Arts. Pretty much it is something to be proud of but slowly, I realize a lot of things. Some exclusive matters make me anxious - the reality that being a journalist is not an easy profession at all. It seems that when you're into this job, you must always be 24/7 ready for everything - ready on-call for a coverage, ready to wait until dawn, ready to give up  things for job's sake, and ready to take the risk of being a competitive one. I wish myself luck as I advance to this career. I know for myself that I won't easily give up and I'll always get into anything I want to pursue.

    Pampalubag-loob sa lahat ng ito, natuwa naman ako habang kausap at kasama si Ate Ging. Bukod nga sa masaya na ko dahil nakuha ko na yung interview, eh ang bait niya talaga kanina sa akin. Kinulit pa nga niya ko dun sa hawak kong Flame Magazine eh [an AB Publication] kasi binuklat-buklat niya. Hinahanap niya kung nandun ba daw ako haha. So yun, kuwentuhan na naman kami. Kakagaling lang daw niya sa dorm, nagbihis galing sa 10am-3pm class niya. Nagmadali pa siya kasi baka daw ang tagal ko ng naghihintay sa kanya. Na-kwento din niya na tutuloy siya sa China with the Rp team. Na-share ko naman na nanood ako game nila last last Sunday [against DLSU]. Sabi nya, bakit daw di ako nagpakita. [?!] Haha. So later on, as a way of saying thanks, I handed over a small Toblerone bar. Matagal ko na rin siyang gustong bigyan nun, v-league pa lang. A while ago was just the perfect time to give it. Natuwa talaga siya, di makapaniwalang para sa kanya at sabi ko, "pampalubag-loob din yan kung naabala kita." Todo tanggi naman ang itsura niyang naging abala ako para sa kanya. Hehe. In fact, she was really concerned whether I'll go home na ba or I'll stay in UST pa. Katuwa. So soon, she kissed me as way of saying goodbye and fairly hugged me as well. Naglakad ako nang nakangiti.

Mission accomplished.

    Pagdating ko sa bahay, natulog ako sandali. Umulan kaya sumakit na naman katawan ko. Maya-maya, binasa ko na yung mga sagot ni Ate Ging at saka itinype sa computer. Nakakatuwa talagang basahin, na feeling ko kahit ang haba ng araw ko, naging bawi naman ako. ^.^ Sa pagiging journalist din pala, marami kang bagay na malalaman! Yung tipong yun ang magpapaiba sa iyo kasi mas marami kang alam. Kasama din dun yung pagtitiwala at pag-respeto sa iyo ng iba.

x`cez: Wala daw pasok bukas kasi sports fest ng mga professors?? Hay! Sana nga wala! I need a break. Journalists do get tired also. Hehe ;p

Believe in yourself when things aren't going right. You'll soon find the power to get things straight. Just be aware when a challenge lies ahead. Gain a strong spirit that can conquer any obstacle!

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August 20 2005 | Saturday | 07:12pm

"CURRENT ADDICTIONS"

     Maaga akong nagising. Tinapos ko yung Math assignment at bago mag-computer, nag-breakfast muna ko. Gosh, I've noticed that recently, I've been addicted to fast foods! My pocket money was used up for food purchase and because of it, I cannot save money anymore! Haha. A while ago, I asked Silven [our helper] to buy Corn beef Meal courtesy of Jolibee. Yesterday I also bought Burger Steak from there and that night, I ordered Chao Fan naman sa Chowking. Halos nagalugad ko ang mga kainan sa Laloma, Nakaka-adik. Nakakasimot ng bulsa. Nakaka-dagdag ng taba. Haha.

    So after taking the CWTS online post-test [wherein I got 8 out of 10]. I decided to surf the net. Of Course, I visited friendster.com again. Nagpalit na naman ako ng mga primary photos. Haha. Natutuwa talaga ko kapag ang daming newly-uploaded photos sa accounts ko [I have several accounts na kasi]. Naging picture-addictive na nga ata ako. Mapa-camera phone, webcam or digicam pa yan. I don't know why but I guess I simply enjoy being vain and seeing myself fixed up in front of the camera. Pictures also remind me of past experiences [which I cherish so much because I'm a sentimental type of person] such as when I visit different places and meet people I seldom come along with.

    Nag-upload din pala ako ng mga bagong kanta sa Media Player ko. Na-adik din ako dun ngayon. Madalas kasi, kapag naghihintay ako ng mabagal na connection sa internet o walang maka-chat sa YM, nagpapatugtog na lang ako. So now, there are new tunes and beats to come upon my ears. I'm really into acoustic songs right now. The likes of Nyoy, MYMP and Sponge Cola really makes my heart melt. Signs of being a fervent lover I guess.

    Later on, I came back again to my studies. Buti na lang tapos ko na yung pinapagawa ni Sir Satoquia na Key Idea Paragraphs. Ewan ko kung tama pero hay, ginaya ko na lang dun sa halimbawa nya last time. Kelangan ko talagang bumawi sa English102. So anyways, I was about to read my lectures in Filipino when I was destructed by a swaying invitation. Two days ago, my sister has been addicted to Counter Strike which was installed to the other PC by her boyfriend, Christian. [kapangalan pa talaga ng mga crush ko eh noh. Haha ;p] So a while ago, coming from my room I sneaked into her room. I became quite curious and you know, I stayed for a while watching her play. Niyaya ba naman ako at total, madali lang daw laruin. At first, I was rebuffing to sit down and be taught how to play because I know that it's an addictive game and that I have a Filipino lecture to read. Hay. Temptation won and soon, I realized that I was playing for an hour already! Haha. Na-adik si ako. Naasar na nga sa akin ate ko eh, kasi inagawan ko na siya ng nilalaro! Maybe the game, Counter Strike, has been so addictive because it challenges the player so much on the skills to be quick, alert and strategic during battles. Honestly speaking, at first it's kind of hard but with practice and continuous play, you'll get a hold of its techniques. Try niyo! Sabay-sabay tayong ma-adik paminsan-minsan. Hahaha.

    Some people find it hard when addictions have conquered them. They can't get rid of it. As for me, soon I realized that I have to go back to my business. I knew that I have to set the limits away from these cravings. Being addictive into something means a challenge most of the times. Di naman masamang ma-adik pero sabi nga, dapat alam natin kung saan tayo hihinto. Anumang sobra ay masama. Kailangan nating masukat ito para sa huli, di natin pagsisisihan na naging sobra at lumagpas tayo sa linyang tinatawag na "sapat at dapat".

We always get what we deserve.

So when there's spare, know how to share.

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August 19 2005 | Friday | 10:33pm

"WHAT IT TAKES TO LEAD"

     No classes today. But then, I've allotted this spare time for school works once more. I guess I got used to the attitude of doing something worthwhile during free hours. So instead of being a coach potato all-day, I dealt with my CWTS course. We're on Module 5 already and man, the notes were lengthy. The topic was on community organization - on how to be a good leader and means to empower people. I required myself to jot down notes manually and yeah, I still have to review it later on because there's a post-test tomorrow. So besides that, I also accomplished the CWTS assignments and activities. I became the leader again for the said Module 5 Activity. I took the initiative because no one from my group mates bothered to talk about it. I don't know why I always take things in a fast manner but I guess there's no harm for being an immediate worker. As lay man's quote says, "An early bird catches the early worm." I often expect high and to cover up expectations, I start leading for myself and then, others will just follow.

    Speaking of leadership na rin lang, I've realized that since then, people have trusted me for being a leader. I'm glad that they can see my potentials. When I was in grade school, I was endeavored of multi-tasking already. Yung tipong pinagsasabay kong member ako ng SINAG Creative Writing, officer sa klase at president ng SEG sa Young Writers. Ang pagiging active ko sa extra-curricular ang nag-hinder yata sa akin para hindi maging honor student. Okay na rin naman kasi di naman ako bumagsak. My grades were pretty well. Favorite ko na rin noon pa ang Filipino at English. Bulok na rin ako sa Math noon. Haha.

    Nung high school, feeling ko lalong bumigat ang lahat. Since my batch mates had a notion of my leadership way back in GS, I was really often picked to be a leader and was recommended well to the teachers. Para na nga akong secretary noon ni Ms Tsaby eh. Haha. I was into several competitions, Computer and Filipino contests actually. I was also a part of  the Graduation Committee in fourth year, Cyber Whiz President and though I didn't take the job as a class officer for 4 years, I was still assigned as a group leader when there are group works.

    Tatanungin niyo siguro, grade school, high school, eh paano pa ngayong college na ako? Hah! Just read between the lines. It's very challenging, I should say.

    Honestly speaking, much that I wanted to get rid of responsibilities, somehow I've learned to love the overlapping works. Siyempre napapagod din naman ako dahil tao din ako pero minsan, may mga bagay na nagpapalakas lang talaga ng loob ko. It feels good at the end of every accomplished task when people say "thank you" or "you're a good one". You get the respect because in a way, people look at you as someone "superior". And most of all, you gain so much self-confidence. It's a personal gain of self-worth. Leadership brings a lot of experiences, you deal with a lot of people as you try to accommodate them all and you fill in missing pieces which makes you appreciative, knowing that you did something worthy.

    I always try my best to impart a legacy among my members. In fact a while ago, I received a couple of 'thanks and expressions of gratitude' from vleague.tk supporters. I really got flattered but you know, I didn't claim it for myself alone. I told them that I was just passing the attitude from the likes of Ate Rox who's so accommodating as well to her supporters. At kahit siguro di ako leader of some sort, I will always try to be a blessing to other people and help them. I strongly believe that whatever you do to others, it will come back to you soon. So if you want to be treated good, deal with others in a good way also. At sa tingin ko, di naman yun nadadaan sa pagiging magaling o isang lider eh, mas nasusukat siguro sa pagiging concerned. Katulad ng inaaral ko sa CWTS, you can empower people through your simple means.

A good leader doesn't set himself in the front line. He let's his fellowmen come first before himself.

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August 17 2005 | Wednesday | 08:17pm

"RUSH"

     These past few days I have observed that everything seems so fast-phased. Deadline dito, date of submission doon. It's as if I cannot grasp the essentiality of all things because it occurs in a bliss of time. In a way, it feels kind of unusual but somehow I've appreciated it especially when I'm going through the tough roads. It does happen a lot of times and as I said, good thing the time looked as if fastidious - that the pain didn't prolong.

    Parang ang ikli lang talaga ng araw ko ngayon. Pumasok ako ng 7am, umuwi agad ako ng 11am. Absent pa si Sir Esguerra kaya 3 lang talaga subject namin kanina. Nagkatuwaan na lang kaming 2jrn3 sa pangunguna ni Scent noong Journ period. Mala-comedy bar na naman ang classroom dahil nang-impersonate ng iba't ibang prof si Scent. Sumama pa sa kalokohan si John! Wahaha! Wala talaga kong masabi kay Scent, kahit paulit-ulit yung jokes niya, tawang-tawa pa rin ako!!! Muntik na akong malaglag talaga sa kinauupuan ko habang ginagaya niya sina Ma`am Anonas. My stomach really ached hard at that time! In the middle of a busy school day, somehow we have escaped through the rush of chuckles and giggles. Sayang nga eh dumating agad si Sir Olivar who, as copied by Scent, came from the back door of our room. Haha. Kilo-meterssss..

    Pagkauwi ko, kumain ako nang sandali, nanood ng TV nang sandali pero natulog ako nang mahabang oras! Haha. Kailangan ko kasing bumawi dahil ilang gabi na akong puyat. 4pm na ako nagising at wala pa akong nagagawa. Tinuruan ko pa si Schenly sa assignments niya na tumagal ng isang oras. By the way, I was hired to tutor this first grade kiddo which of course, will give an extra income for me. At first, I was a bit hesitant pa nga to take the job eh, kasi nga ang dami ko ng ginagawa tapos magdadagdag pa ako ng gawain sa buhay ko. But then again, my ego of being a super-Shelly came out. I take it as a challenge - adopting such priorities of being: a student/writer/webmaster/volleyball player and now, a tutor as well. Bukod pa dun siguro ang tipikal na trabaho ng pagiging isang anak/kapatid/kaibigan/ka-ibigan [haha]. So right now I'm trying to race with time to squeeze all my tasks. I don't know if I could accomplish all my tasks but I do hope so. Of course, with the help of believing in myself.

    Sometimes in life, things happen in a rush without noticing the reasons why. Because of its speediness, we tend to take for grant the notable matters. We go on with life working and taking things without appreciating the real essence of doing that thing. Rushing may drop this term called, "valuing". Dahil mabilis, wala ng paghihintay, wala ng pagtitiyaga, nawawala ang ilang magagandang kaugalian. Minsan, kapag masyadong minamadali ang mga bagay, ang tunay na kahalagahan ay nakakalimutan. Sa katunayan, madalas kong itanong ko sa sarili ko, "Oo nga natapos ako sa puntong yun, pero ano nga bang silbi nun?"

    I'm trying to take things one at a time. Mahirap din naman kasing sabay-sabay eh. I'm working hard to budget my time wisely so that I can accomplish everything under the period of time.

Let's take it slow, so slow..

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August 15 2005 | Monday | 09:10pm

"UNTIL THE LAST TEARDROP FALL"

     Sabi na eh, kaya ayaw ko ng nagpapakasaya nang sobra dahil pagkatapos ng lahat,  bukas makalawa paluluhain ka naman ng panahon. Ngayon ang pagkatok ng luha. Ngayon ang paniningil ng sobrang tuwa. Naguguluhan talaga ko ngayon, pasensiya na siguro kung magulo din ang entry na to.

    Ang lungkot-lungkot ko talaga buong araw. Di ko mabilang kung ilang beses akong napa-buntong-hininga na lang, yumuko sabay tingala na sana maayos na ang lahat. Ang hirap ipaliwanag kung bakit, ano o kung sino yung problema kasi di ko rin naman alam kung paano ko yun sasabihin sa mga tao sa paraang maiintindihan nila ako!!! Naisip ko kasing ako din naman ang makaka-sagot sa mga tanong ko eh - nasa akin naman yata ang problema at wala na sa kanya. Kinimkim ko to buong araw. Nung una, sinubukan kong di maiyak sa kabila ng lahat kasi ayoko din namang umastang parang nagpapa-pansin at naghahanap ng atensiyon. Ayoko ng tinatanong ako ng mga taong, "O bakit ka umiiyak, okay ka lang?" Hay, pero di rin pala naiwasan yun kanina. Ang hina ko. Akalain mo, ang sinasabi nilang multi-tasked na si Shelly, lumuha na lang bigla. By the way, pasensiya pala sa lahat ng 2jrn3 for causing some commotion a while ago especially during Computer class. Salamat sa mga naging concerned. Salamat sa hugs, sa taps, sa pangangahas na patawanin ako. Di ko man naipakitang na-appreciate ko yun pero sa totoo lang, flattered ako. Sorry kung snob ako kanina. Sorry kung di ako yung Shelly na bumubungad ng mabibirit na jokes kanina. Sorry kasi nadala ko yung personal kong problema sa school. =( I'm trying to be happy but sadness have conquered all throughout. Don't worry, I'm trying to recover from this abyss..

    Maraming dumaan na magagandang bagay sa buhay ko kanina pero para bang di ko man lang napagtuonan ng pansin kasi masyado kong dinamdam ang nangyari simula pa kagabi. Sabi ko nga kay Madie kanina,

"Anong silbi ng tinatamasa kung di ka totoong masaya?"

Oo, totoo yun. Math time, Ma`am Anonas declared those people who got perfect scores. I was one of them and my classmates clapped for me. I just stood up, walked to get my paper and stared blandly. Computer time, I got 44/50 but still, I wasn't in the mood of celebrating for a high score. Ma`am Lintag had observed my sad mood. She was concerned about me too at nakakahiya. Journ period when Sir Esguerra bothered to smile at me [considering that he has a cute smile] and said that I got a high score of 86 but I seemed to ignore everything nice about that incident. Hay. Bakit ganito ko ngayon.

    At dahil sa nasasaktan ako, there's this ego of mine to hurt more myself just to reach the point of being numb already. Admitting the act of being a masochist a while ago, I chose not to each lunch. Instead, I immediately headed to the library and researched for my Filipino paper. I was there for 2 hours straight. I tried to pre-occupy myself with other stuffs just to slowly forget about that. But still, why does life dupes you much?! Sa bawat lipad ng isip ko, yun pa ring problema ang naaalala ko. Siya pa rin naiisip ko. Yung sitwasyon pa rin ang nasasagap ko. Hay. I'm so confused. Kahapon lang, ang saya-saya ko, tapos ngayon para akong pinagbagsakan ng mundo. So help me God.

    Malapit na kong matapos sa Filipino paper ko. Gusto kong matuwa kaso, eh ano naman ngayon di ba. [pessimist na talaga eh noh. Tsk.] Bukas Tuesday na naman, ngayon lang ata ako maiinis dahil mag-PPE ako. Tinatamad kasi ako at ang sakit pa rin ng paa ko, kaya paano ako makakalaro niyan bukas. Hay! Sana pagtulog ko, magkaroon ako ng maganda-gandang panaginip man lang. Pampalubag-loob sa imbiyernang reyalidad.. xxx

Sabi nila, dapat masaya na daw ako.. Ano pa daw bang kulang.. Eh nasa akin na ang lahat. Kaso di nila alam at kung alam lang nila.. iba kasi, kapag wala ka..

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August 14 2005 | Sunday | 10:03pm

"THE LONG DAY"

     This day has stretched me hard. It was a day most-likely to say, "has created its own uniqueness" because pretty much I was so drained on how I dealt with it. As I go on with this story, I wanna thank first my Tropa_peepz [volleyball friends from v-league!] for being with me all-day. Really, you're a circle of friend who are so fun to escapade with. =)

    I started my Sunday early. I think I woke up about 6:30am. My family went to Antipolo, while I have my own day out as well. This has been a date planned to watch volleyball and meet up with Tropa_peepz. I looked forward for a good day, because you know, this was I guess my least time to relax a bit from school works. Next week is another time to be doomed in school. By the way, I haven't done anything yet on my 3-page Filipino Research which will due on Thursday. Har. Bukas ko na lang siguro sisimulan talaga. So anyways, I left home wearing my so called, "LUCKY EARRINGS" from Ate Rox. Somehow, I relied much on my earrings to bring some stroke of luck every time. I rode the LRT1 and went down to Pedro Gil station. It was really my first time to reach that place alone. First magic came, I easily saw Mcdo and met Kharoll, Ana and Ate Flor. Akala ko kasi mawawala pa ako eh. Hehe. Kumain muna ako breakfast pero di rin ako masyado naka-kain kasi ang alat ng garlic rice with longganisa meal na inorder ko! Later on, we walked to PCU Gym and watched NCAA Volleyball.

    Inabot pa namin yung naunang game, yung UAAP Juniors Men. I just can't forget then again, Ate Flo's mini-joke express while watching the game. We were observing each player very well. Karamihan kasi mukhang bading, pero in fairness, magagaling talaga sila. That was when the concept of "Boyletlet" emerged because we've seen one player who was somewhat petite for his age. We didn't mean to be nit-picking but I guess we just grabbed the best of time together. After the Juniors, there came Diah and the rest of the Letran Seniors game. Grabe, wala akong masabi sa nilaro nina Diah, ang galing nila. Defending champions pala yung PCU na nakalaban nila kanina, akalain mong na-upset nila in 5 sets.

    Umalis kami sa PCU gym ng bandang 11:30am. Papunta na kasi kaming UAAP naman! Haha. [Gym hopping isn't it?!] May game kasi ang UST kanina [against DLSU] pero ang totoo, gusto lang talaga naming makita si Ate Rox. Nabanggit kasi niyang baka pumunta siya at nagbaka-sakali na rin kami nina Ana. Kharoll didn't come with us because she waited for the NCAA game to be finished [4th set na nung umalis kami] but there came Jean who came with us..

    On our way to UP Diliman, man.. the series of unfortunate event started to happen to me: tinarayan ako ng teller sa LRT1, naipit yung ticket ko palabas ng LRT2, napa-urong ako sa malakas na preno ng jeep, at waah.. nahuli pa ako sa pagbaba ng jeep kasi yung mama ang scary! Jean and the rest were all laughing at me for my unlucky trip to UP. That was when I started to doubt if there's still luckiness on my ears. Haha ;p Still, my spirits were up just for the sake of the remaining luckiness I expected to come from that violet thingy.

    Hay naku, parang malas pa rin eh! May entrance fee pala yung UAAP volleyball game [P20], tapos ang liit-liit naman pala ng venue at nung pahuli na kami nakaupo ng maayos! Ang saklap ng nilaro ng UST kanina. Ang daling natapos ng game, ang taas mag-set ni Tan at naawa na lang tuloy ako kay Ate Ging kasi siya lang halos ang gumawa. Nalaman pa naming di na natuloy si Ate Rox sa panonood ng game! =( Basta, ang panget ng mga pangyayari. Medyo natuwa na lang ako nang makita ko si Dang [Ruiz #6 ADMU] at Ling [Jara #18 ADMU] na nasa line-up na pala ng UAAP Volleyball. Astig! Schoolmates ko kasi sila nung HS sa STC especially Dang whom I personally know talaga kasi ka-batch ko at student council president namin siya. Nakita ko din yung former coach ng STC volleyball team. I was really reminded of my HS days!  I texted Kc and told about it. Hehe. Nagulat talaga ko.

    We decided to ride a taxi on our way back to meet up with Kharoll again. Masakit na kasi ang mga paa namin. Ang naunang plano, sa Robinson's Place talaga magkikita-kita ng 5pm. Eh kaso, naisipan naming sa SM Harrison na lang. [with the hope to come across Ate Rox.] At dahil wala pa namang 5pm nun, ewan ko ba kung bakit kami napa-padpad sa MANILA ZOO! [haha talaga! ang saya ng trip namin noh?!] Malapit lang kasi yun sa SM Harrison di ba kaya tambay muna kami dun at nag-enjoy na rin kami. Nakakita kami ng:

> elepanteng madumi yung likod!

> ahas na humihinga pala daw sabi ni Ate Flo! [haha!]

> buwayang nakanganga lang at parang may beke kasi ayaw gumalaw!

> mga unggoy na nag-kukutuhan!

> mas malaking unggoy na astig ang posing!

> tigreng naglalampungan! etc..

Sa pamamasyal ding yun, napagtanto din naming wala na talagang libre sa mundo. Sa entrance pa lang, eh P20 for Manila-residents and P40 for who are not. Pinakita namin nina Ana & Jean school ID's namin kaya P20 lang bayad namin but too bad for Ate Flo, she paid P40 because she didn't bring any ID. Gusto sana naming sumakay ng barko, este BANGKA pala [hahaha], kaso may bayad din at ang haba ng pila. Nag-tiyaga na lang kami sa pagpapa-picture sa ibabaw ng ilug-ilogan [improvised na ilog lang kasi eh!]. Gusto din sana naming magpa-picture hawak yung sawa, langya may bayad din pala! P100 ang mahal-mahal! Hay ewan. Maya-maya umalis na rin kami dun at naglakad papuntang SM Harrison.

    Medyo nagkagulo kung saan na ba talaga kami magkikita-kita. Nasa St Jude pa kasi sina Kharoll [may isang game pa kasi si Diah]. Sabi ni Kharoll, pagod na daw sila. Nahiya naman kami nina Diah at Bang siyempre. Paalis na sana kami ng SM nang... wahahaha.. nakita nga namin sina Ate Rox!!! Di na kami nagpakita kasi baka isipin niyang sinusundan nga namin siya, nagkataon lang naman talaga eh [wushoo?!]. She was in the entrance of Max Restaurant with a group of fans [yung mga taga-San Pablo daw sabi nya]. Hay. I think I just stared at her for about 5 seconds only. Palihim pa kasi nga nakakahiya. How I wish the day was rather spent with her. I guess I was so wrong to put in my head that I'm gonna have a steal of time with Ate Rox. Honestly, somehow I expected from the lucky earrings to grant that wish of mine. Di pala lahat ng bagay, nadadaan sa pagka-suwerte. Kung naka-plano ng ganun ang mga pangyayari, wala ka ng magagawa pa para baguhin yun. Kahit my lucky earrings, kahit puno ka pa ng pag-asa. Siguro hindi lang talaga yun ang araw para makasama namin siya. Sayang lang talaga. Akala ko kasi mangyayari yun eh. Nakalimutan ko nga palang si "Roxanne Pimentel" siya.

    Nag-taxi na lang kami ulit papuntang Robinson's Place. This time, Jean treated the fare. That was when my head started to ache, feet sore hard and stomach begun to grumble. While looking for Kharoll's group, we looked for a sports store too. Bibili kasi sana ako ng Mikasa ball. Hay naku! Malas na naman, kulang pala ang dala kong pera. =( Nagtaas na pala ang presyo kaya di pa ako nakabili. Sayang ang nilakad namin, kung saan-saang parte na ng Rob kami umabot. Buti na lang nagkita na kami nina Kharoll dun sa bilihan ng kikay earrings [hehe] kaya yun, pumunta na kami agad sa KFC para kumain. At ano pa nga bang mas sasarap sa libreng dinner courtesy of the bday celebrant, Kharoll?! Hehe.

    Nang mga panahong din yun, nainis ako sa kanya. [kay *Ching*] Hay. Basta ang komplikado ng mga bagay-bagay pero alam mo yun, simple lang naman talaga ang pinagmulan. >.< Humiwalay pa ako sandali sa tropa para mag-reload kasi gusto ko talaga siyang makausap. Basta, malas na ulit. I tried to smile at that time, nahiya naman kasi ako sa mga ka-tropang super sayang kasama. Bang was my seatmate, ang ingay at kulit grabe. Napag-tripan din namin si Ate Flor nun kay Ate Cherry [Macatangay]. Haha talaga.

    Sumaya ako konti nung naglalakad na kami pauwi. Ang gugulo kasi naming lahat. Para kaming mga hari ng kalsadang tawanan to the max! Dapat nga mag-Baywalk pa kami kaso may pasok kinabukasan. Next Tropa_peepz day na lang daw. Hehe. Actually, we're planning again to go out next Sunday. Sana di pa ako masyadong busy nun..

    Nakauwi ako ng bahay, bandang 9:30pm na. Yung nanay ko nakaabang na nga sa gate eh! Napagalitan ako kasi buong araw akong nawala. Hay naku, I just ignored it because anyway, I really had a nice day though with some petty infringements. Nag-chat pa ako sandali, kausap ko din kasi nun si Ate Rox sa text. Hay! Lalo lang tuloy akong nanghinayang sa mga sinabi niya. Nag-sori siya sa akin kasi nagpunta pa kami ng UP tapos wala naman pala siya dun. Nag-sori din siya kasi di niya nasabing dala niya yung pics na kailangan ko nung mga panahon nasa SM Harrison siya. Har, eh di sana hawak ko na yun ngayon di ba. [I have to meet deadlines kasi.] At nag-sori din siya kasi di kami nagkasama ngayon, babawi daw talaga siya next time. Kinuwento ko naman kung ano nangyari sa buong araw namin, Natawa siya nung sinabi kong nag-Manila Zoo kami [haha sino ba namang di matatawa!] at ang lakas daw ng trip namin. Nahihiya na talaga ko kung paano ko kukunin yung pics! Har! I want to act with professionalism but somehow I'm bothered because I don't want to be perceived as annoying.

    Damn, my legs are stiffly hurt. Half way it was worth the pain because of my friends' sweet company but the other half says that the rest of the plans didn't happen for this day. I lose the luck, I lose the continuity of this day. I mean, I have been happy today but I just darn hate that it mixed with sadness. I'm between smiles and frowns.

* And yeah, there's still problem between us. >.<

People come, people go. You'll never know who's there for today or who'll be there for tomorrow.

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August 12 2005 | Friday | 09:30pm

"SA PAGHUPA'T PAG-ANGAT"

     Nagsusungit ang panahon, ang lamig at ang sarap mag-isip-isip. Ang dami ko na namang na-realize, na tila ba umayon sa likas na kapaligiran ko ngayon.

    Umaga pa lang, sumalubong na agad ang malakas ng ulan. Hindi pa ako naihatid ng driver namin. Aayusin daw kasi ng mom ko yung kaso sa SSS ng kompanya namin. Naisip ko na ulit na wala ng pagtuon sa akin ang nanay ko. Minsan na nga lang ako magpahatid, eh hindi pa ako napagbigyan lalo pa't malakas ang ulan. So yun, lumusong ako sa mabilis na pagbaha ng Dapitan. Ang sagwa, ang aga-aga mukha na akong wasted.

    So anyways, I just ignored the depressed feeling. I rather searched for a cheerful deal in UST. As I entered our room, I was then spoofing the "Good morning!" commercial of Lucky Me. Hehe. [yung tungkol sa batang si Sunshine! lolz] Ayun, sumaya naman ako konti habang nakikipag-lokohan kina Haoson, Scent, Anne and the rest. Later on, dumating na yung prof. Di ko alam name niya kasi noon lang siya nag-proctor sa amin pero ang kalog niya talaga! Haha. Exam pala namin kanina ay Nat Sci & Computer. Darn it, I'm gonna curse Sir Olivar for making the Nat Sci exam too hard! My brain was so drained and some of he questions were so alien! I mean, di niya tinuro yun at wala sa notes pero hayun, naka-bantad sa papel kanina! Hay.. sana pumasa ako kahit papaano sa Nat Sci. =(

    After the exams, I stayed in the building muna. Total rin lang, wala ng gagawin. Hehe. Natuwa naman ako nang makita ko si Ma`am Anonas [my Math prof]. Binigay na niya kasi yung score ko. [yung exam ko kahapon] Oh my, I just can't believe it! I GOT A PERFECT SCORE IN THE PRELIMS!!! 100. Math. Puhleez?! It's something to cheer for! Wuhoo! By the way, thanks *Ching* for the inspiration. And also, napaniwala na nga siguro ako ng hikaw na bigay ni Ate Rox na mahiwaga siya't nagbibigay ng lucky charm! Haha. Suot ko kasi yun kahapon at na-kuwento ko kay Ate Rox yun. Nung una ayaw pa niyang maniwala na lucky charm siya kasi wala pa naman yung result. So now I can bear out that my bet was right. ;p Susuotin ko na nga yun nang mas madalas. Wahaha.

    Later on. kumain kami sa Dapitan nina Dez, Madie, Arene and Djhay. Di na sana ako kakain pero napilitan na rin ako kasi ayaw ko pa ngang umuwi ng bahay. [kasi lagi rin naman akong alienated dun eh] So yun, kuwentuhan na naman kami. Perfect time to reprieve. At that time too, I've proven myself that we are evidently  Journ studs because we kept on talking about "chismis" especially on Showbiz. Haha. Tipong, "Si Sandara at Joseph na ba talaga?!" It was a funny conversation, I enjoyed the company of friends.

    Soon, we departed ways. The rain was still hard. Lubog na ang Laon-Laan at kung di pa umakyat sa elevated area yung jeep na pinarahan ko, eh lulusong talaga ako sa baha! Oh my! Ang bilis na talagang lumubog ng Pilipinas. Terrible. Pagkauwi ko ng bahay, eh wala na yatang tuyo sa akin. Lalong sumakit ang ulo ko't feeling ko magkaka-trangkaso ako.

    Paakyat na ako ng hagdan, dumungaw yung nanay ko mula sa kuwarto. Tinawag ako tapos sabi niya masaya na daw siya. Sabi niya, naayos na daw yung kaso sa SSS at wala na siyang babayarang libu-libo. Buti na lang daw kasi kung nagkataon, baka maudlot pa yung trip to Asia namin! Haha. So I said I was happy for her too. She then asked me what happened to me in school. She was a bit concerned daw that I might be caught up in the flood. So since I felt like she was in the mood already, I told her about the Math exam! Natuwa din siya tapos aba, nagyaya pang mag-dinner kami. After playing volleyball [wherein we won in 3 sets lang wuhoo!], along with my mom, sister and brother, we ate at a Chinese restaurant! Di lang ako masyadong naka-kain ng marami kasi pagod ako pero masarap talaga. Nagulat pa ako nang i-kuwento kong butas na yung orange volleyball ko, sabi ng mom ko ibibili daw ako ng bago! =)

    Sa bawat buhos ng ulan, sa bawat pag-apaw ng baha at sa bawat bagyong dumarating, may panahon din ng pagtila, paghupa at pagsikat ng araw. =) Kung minsan, puro pabigat, dumarating din ang pag-gaan ng mga bagay-bagay. Ang mga tanong ay nasasagot. Ang mga pagkukulang ay napupunan. Minsan ang sarap ng feeling na sa pagtawid mo, makikita mo yung hirap ng pinagdaanan na alam mong nalagpasan mo. It implies that you have reached the goal, and that you're worthy of your achievement because you clung until the end. Sometimes though my days were as bad as hell, I realized that everything comes to an edge and thank heavens the fallouts were quite well. Agony and tears were all worth to shed off,

In our lives, there are so many struggles that we encounter. Remember to be patient and don't give up! It's because whatever our cross, whatever our pain, God always sends a rainbow after the rain! =)

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August 11 2005 | Thursday | 10:17pm

"DITO.. DITO SA PUSO KO!"

     "Eh bakit ka blooming??" This had been the funny remark of my classmates [especially Chuchie!] to me as I met them in school a while ago. I simply don't know how come I looked so blooming since yesterday because honestly, I'm not doing much on myself these past few days. In fact, I thought I was quite gruesome, having huge eye bugs due to lack of sleep but I guess, it all dealt with my inner aura. Ang inspirasyon nga naman oo. Nakakapag-pabago ng imahe ng tao. Hehe.

    I woke up with a bright smile, ang aga-aga ko siyang ka-text! Haha. I guess I'm madly awestruck to that person already. Yes, I declare it official. I don't know where this thing might end up, but as of now, I really want to get near and be more personal with *Ching*. Bigla na lang akong nagising sa text niya at na-feel kong gusto ko na siya. Wahaha. The inspiration has been brought out all-day. It was a rainy day but it's as if my day has been so sunny - my spirits were literally all up. Madie and the rest would laughingly stare at me, abot-langit daw kasi ang mga ngiti ko ngayong araw. Haha. Habang nasa-AVR, para akong kiti-kiting kung saan-saan pumupunta, dakdak nang dakdak, at hawak ang cellphone maya't maya! I imagine myself how funny I was! During the exam, I still can't stop smiling! I was thinking of *Ching*. Buti na lang I didn't lose concentration on my Math test paper. In fact, not to boast off but I was able to finish my Math prelims easily. I think I was the first student to go out of the room. Akalain mo, ang inspirasyong dala niya, pinadali ang pinaka-mahirap na subject ko?! Hay! Ang saya. Naglalakad na kaming pauwi nina Dez habang sa di sinasadyang pagkakataon, nakakanta ko yung "Dito, dito sa puso ko!!!" HAHAHA. Last Song Syndrome ko tuloy yun ngayon!

    Kahit di kami nagkikita, parang ang lapit-lapit na rin niya sa akin. Bakit kamo? Kasi nandito lang siya, nandito siya sa puso ko. [haha masyado na yatang mushy!] Basta, salamat talaga, dumating siya sa buhay ko sa tamang panahon at sa akmang pagkakataon. Nagiging rason siya para gumanda ang bawat araw ko. Para bang sa tuwing maaalala ko siya, binubulong ng mga alaala na, "Shelly kaya mo yan.." at nakakatuwang isiping epektibo siya sa lahat ng oras.

Love moves in mysterious ways. It's always so surprising.

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August 09 2005 | Tuesday | 06:36pm

"SARAP NG GINILING NA KAPE"

     Ano pang mas sasarap sa kapeng mainit habang malamig ang panahon at habang nasa kalagitnaan ka ng pagka-antok?! Recently I have been addicted to coffee. I can't get away with! It awakens my veins especially on drowsy mornings and late evenings of study.

    Mas gusto kong creamy ang kape ko. Ayoko ng masyadong matapang at gusto ko mas matamis. Di ako nagpapatimpla sa iba, mahirap kasing kunin yung lasang gusto ko. [haha ang arte?!] Kaya sa tuwing gumagawa ako ng kape ko, inaabot ata ako ng 15 minuto. Haha. Worth it naman kasi ang sarap ng gawa ko. Madalas kong gamitin yung Starbucks coffee mug [grad gift ni Ate Che & Kuya Peejay] as my container. Ang tagal kong di yun nagamit kasi noon naman, di talaga ko mahilig sa kape. Ngayon ko nakita yung kahalagahan ng mga ibinibigay ng mga tao sa akin. Mas na-aapreciate ko tuloy.

    So anyways, it really feels good to take in something warm for your stomach. Just a while ago, I was studying for History and once in a while I sip unto my creamy coffee. Yummy. ;p It do helps actually. I gives more presence of mind and it keeps you awake lalo pa't malamig at ang sarap matulog. Hehe.

    May iba't ibang timpla ng kape, may iba't ibang gamit ang kape. May decaf, may brewed, may gustong uminom para di makatulog, at may umiinom para lang magpa-sosyal sa Starbucks Coffee Shop. Siguro parang sa buhay din. Parang kape ang buhay. Kailangan tama ang timpla para matamo ang gusto mong arangkada sa buhay. Hot or cold, drink unto your life according to your choice. Creamy or not, it's within the spin of hands on how to take things, whether hard or light. The taste of sweet or bitterness simply depends on the drinker. Coffee and life both offer its own indulgence. 

    Kailangan ko pa ng isang shot ng kape. Mahaba-haba pa ang aralan dahil di pa ko nag-rereview sa English! Waah.

Life is a matter of thousandths choices but sometimes, you just have to decide for one.

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August 08 2005 | Monday | 11:30pm

"MATURITY SPEAKS WELL"

     Once more, I've proven myself that right time comes, right person arrives, just when you needed them the most. This is the 4th consecutive no-class day but still, I deal with my reviewer. I'm pretty much exhausted but what a night to end it.

    Kakarating lang nina Ate Rox galing Thailand. Kanina, naisipan ko lang siyang i-text para mag-congrats dahil sa pagkakabalita ko sa internet, best blocker awardee siya. In my thoughts, I wasn't expecting much that she would reply because I knew she has just arrived so she might be tired or busy. But then, she never let me down as she immediately replied and I guess the whole conversation lasted for about 3 hours. Grabe nga eh, nasa tamang mood at nasa tamang oras siya kahit wala ako sa tamang mood (dahil pagod na kong kaka-review) at wala ako sa tamang oras (dahil nga prelims week na)! Dahil sa kanya, naibalik ko ang sarili ko sa tamang timpla. How I wish I can talk with her at all the time. Sana ate ko na lang siya talaga. Hay, hehe.

    Kinorek niyang di siya nag-uwi ng best blocker award kasi wala naman daw awarding. (a humble remark on her, I should say) Sabi ko nga sa kanya sayang eh, ang ganda pa naman ng stats niya. So beyond volleyball talks, kinamusta ko yung trip nila. Nakakatuwa yung mga kwento niya, parang nakapunta na rin ako ulit ng Thailand. =) Alam kong marami pa kong dapat i-review nun kaso naaliw talaga ko. Kinamusta niya rin ako. Nung una kinuwento ko muna yung progress ng MOD article. Wala pa kasi akong naipapasang picture, eh baka hindi ko na mai-manage na may pictorial pa, so I suggested na personally-shot photos from the past na lang. Pumayag naman siya and she promised to pass it to me as soon as possible. During that talk, simply I admired her again for being an immediate co-worker. Yung tipong pagtutuonan talaga ng pansin kapag bubuksan na yung topic na yun. Naisip ko nga eh, sana kapag nasa Journalism field na ako, mas maraming pang tulad niya. =)

    So right after settling matters on that, I told her naman about my recent problems. At first, I was in doubt whether to share it with her or not. Medyo komplikado kasi at mamaya ma-mislead lang siya. Pero sa kabila ng lahat, hay ang bait pa rin niya talaga. Na-gets niya. Na-solusyunan pa niya! Simple lang yung sagot niya pero swak agad. "Mag-Sun ka na rin kasi he,he,he" - so I guess I'll follow her advice! Lolz.

    Speaking of Sun Cellular rin lang (this is funny), nabanggit ko din sa kanyang sana bigyan niya ko textmate na guy. Wahaha. Natawa talaga ko. Sabi pa niya, "O cge ano gusto mong textmate, high school o bakla? Hahaha". Nagtaka pa siya sa akin kasi bakit naghahanap pa ako, eh may bf na daw ko. Napa-"huh?!" ako. So later on, everything was cleared. Akala pala niya, kami pa rin nung bf kong kinuwento ko sa kanya dati pa at hinde ko pala nasabing wala na kami. Naalala pa namin pareho yung movie na "If Only". Haha. Medyo related kasi dun yung sitwasyon. So anyways, aba naman, bibigyan nga ako ng ka-text! Haha. Tapos napag-kuwentuhan din namin yung isang common guy friend. Na-meet na niya kasi yun at ako hanggang text pa lang. So somehow I made some petty investigations on this guy and yeah, because of Ate Rox I got a lot of stuffs. Haha. Girl-talk isn't it? Cool.

     Dati rati may madalas din akong kausap kapag may mga problema ako. Professor ko siya nung HS pero dahil na rin siguro sa agos ng panahon, di na kami madalas nakakapag-usap. So I guess here comes a new person, a new co-family to consider. Nakakagaan lang talaga ng loob si Ate Rox. Nakikita ko sa kanya ang halos lahat ng gusto ko isang nakakatandang kaibigan o kapatid. Siguro sa buhay may mga tao lang talagang likas na nagpapalakas ng loob mo - bukod sa pamilya, bukod sa sarili mo. Kung susukatin ko nga siguro yung mga kaibigan ko, mas marami akong kaibigang mas malaki ang agwat ng edad sa akin. Mas natutuwa ako sa kanila, kasi yung lebel at dami ng natututunan ko sa kanila, mas marami. Sabi nila mas mature daw kasi akong kausap. Siguro nga. At nakakatuwa naman, kasi napapansin nilang ganun nga ako sa ilang pagkakataon.

When it rains, you don't see the sun.. but it's there. Hope we can be like that. We don't see each other but we'll always be there for one another.

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August 07 2005 | Sunday | 11:49pm

"NI HAO, CHINA.."

     I'm currently reviewing on my History lessons. Tapos na kasi ako sa Journ at dahil wala pa rin namang pasok ngayon, sinimulan ko na rin kahit sa Wednesday pa talaga yung Prelims ko sa History. I'm trying to go ahead of time since I know that the next lessons to review are lengthy! [History is one of which]

    Recently I have been so captivated to anything which speaks of China - the language, the culture, places and even their practices. There's a certain reason why and there are people who invoked me to get into this Chinese fever. In fact, I adopted to some already and make it evident in my everyday life. Like for instance, its on my hairstyle [ya know, the Pucca hairdo!] which I set unto my hair almost everyday. Also, I gained the eagerness to learn Mandarin! Hahaha. Every time I learn  tiny-winy Chinese words and pronounce it in front of anyone who can understand it as they reply with a Chinese accent too, it really makes me smile. =) I simply don't know why I act like that, it's so spontaneous. Maybe I just find Chinese culture a way different from the others and since it's kind of new into my vocabulary of thoughts, it challenges me much. By the way, I want to thank my patient mentors, Judy Chua Co and Kristine Liu [my Chinese classmates! haha] for being into my current obsession and sharing with me anything related with China. It's funny, but how I love it. ;p

    So what's my point? A while ago I realized that hey, this whole Chinese thing helped a lot on my review! A topic included in the History prelims is about Chinese Civilization. If not for that hyped interest in Chinese, I would probably set aside my reviewer in History first and took other lectures instead. Haha. Almost all-day, I dealt with it. Even though it has been quite thorny to memorize several Chinese terms [kasi magkakatunog at pantig-pantig lang ang pinagkaiba], I still kind of like it. I guess I've learned to appreciate Lao Tzu, Sun Yat-Sen, Pan`zu, Yuan Shi Kai and the like. Sa totoo lang, nakakahilo ding pag-aralan yung dynasties, ang dami-dami kasi. On the other hand, I seem to learn a lot  from it. It  turns out to be so beneficial thing. Like for instance, did you know that the Great Wall of China [which I'll soon visit in November] was constructed during the Qin (Chin) Dynasty? It was a period preceded by Zhou (Chou) Dynasty wherein hierarchal system was so widespread. Shih Huang Di was the founder of Qin. It was within this era that Feudalism was finally abolished.  Hehe. Astig di ba? I'll really try my best to get an inch on this. So fun.

    Bukas itutuloy ko ang pag-aaral. Ang sakit na kasi ng katawan ko at saka late na rin. Matandaan ko pa rin sana lahat ng inaral ko hehe. Wish me luck! ^.^

You'll never appreciate and understand something unless you put a heart to it.

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August 06 2005 | Saturday | 11:01pm

"IF ONLY"

     After 48 years, finally I was able to watch "If Only"!!! Buti naman at gumana na ang DVD ni Djhay sa player ko. Actually, it wasn't in my plans that I'm gonna watch any film today. It's Prelims week and in the morning, I even played volleyball. So anyways, nakapag-review naman ako nang konti pero parang ang tamad-tamad ko talagang mag-aral.  Walang kasing pumapasok sa utak ko! Hay! So to condition my sluggish mood, I thought of grabbing the If Only DVD and soon, I caught myself assembling the DVD player already. Haha.  It even took a while pa nga bago ako makanood, ang ang arte kasi ng player ko.

    It surely brought some inspiration to me! Everyone was right, the film would really make you cry especially the last scenes! >.< Naiyak ako pero di na masyado kasi siguro naririnig-rinig ko na dati pa kung anong mangyayari kaya yung ibang mga eksena, parang alam ko na yung mga susunod na mangyayari. Haha. Spoilers. Para dun sa mga nakapanood na, gusto kong sabihing nakaka-touch yung "One Day, Someday" surprise ni Ian kay Sam! You know, the orchestra thing. Sam was able to sing her self-composed song in front of many people, with all the instruments and most especially, in front of her beloved Ian! >.< Ughh. It reminded me of someone, an event, and how it all was before. I was really struck by the film because I could simply relate to it, really. =) It was my past, it was a forsaken time that how I wish I could really go back into.. just like what had happened in the film. Hay. Kung totoo lang sana ang mga pelikula noh? Kung buhay lang sana ang mga titik ng bawat linyang binigkas dun. At kung gumagalaw nga lang sana nang ganun ang takbo nang buhay ko. If Only..

    Because I'm so overwhelmed with the film, I was able to get a line from the film. It was that rainy scene wherein Ian was able to tell how and why he loves Sam. This was the most striking scene for me!!! It goes:

    "..I love you. I want to tell you why I love you. I want to tell you this and you need to hear it. I've loved you since I met you.. but I wouldn't allow myself to truly feel it until today. I was always thinking ahead, making decisions out of fear. Today, because of what I learned from you, every choice I made was different and my life has completely changed. And I've learned that if you do that, you're living your life fully. It doesn't matter if you have five minutes or fifty years. If not for today, if not for you, I would have not known love at all. So thank you for being the person who taught me to love.. and to be loved. You don't have to say anything, I just wanted to tell you.."

    Naisip ko, sana balang-araw makagawa din ako ng mga ganyang makatunaw-pusong linya sa pelikula! Hehe. Since then I've been writing mushy stories. Most of my firends really love it and they advice me to keep it so that one day, I would be able to show it to a greater number of audiences, transpire a message and pass some inspiration. Hay. Kaya nga siguro ganito na lang ako ma-adik sa mga pelikulang makapagbag-damdamin eh dahil mahilig din akong gumawa ng ganung kuwento at siyempre, minsan nangangarap din akong mangyari ang mga yun sa buhay ko..

Nasanay kang nandiyan siya, kinukulit ka, pinapangiti ka.. Eh paano kung isang araw, mawala na lang siya bigla? Hangga't nandiyan pa siya, sabihin mo ng mahalaga siya kasi mamaya, huli na ang lahat para malaman niya..

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August 05 2005 | Friday | 11:01pm

"JUST WHEN I NEED TO HEAR IT"

     Have you ever felt the feeling of being misplaced or shall I say, being "an alien" in the house? Yun bang hindi ka napapansin sa bahay niyo at kung mapansin ka man, yung mga kamalian mo pa ang nakikita. Minsan nga gusto ko ng magpapansin talaga at naghahanap ako ng atensiyon pero yun pala, may mga rason kung bakit nawawalan ang pagtuon sa akin. Yun ang na-realize ko kanina.

    Ang aga-aga, boses na ng nanay ko ang narinig ko. Yun ang naging alarm clock ko kanina. Kagagaling lang niyang Batangas at ni-report agad ng helper namin na nasira lalo yung kotse ni Yel [my sister] na isang linggo ng pinapa-kumpuni. Yan pa yung gastusing tumipid sa pamliya namin recently kasi libu-libo ang inabot. Di ko masyadong na-gets kung bakit lalong nasira yung kotse pero kasalanan talaga ni Yel kasi alam niyang bawal pang paandarin yung kotse, eh hinarurot na niya agad sa kalsada nung isang gabi. Hay naku, masyado kasing payabang si Yel eh. I bet she was influenced again by her delinquent friends to use the car. It always happens, that her friends bring her into trouble. Since then, Yel and I have purely different personalities and perspectives in life. I value much on education while she thinks of finishing studies as the least accomplishment to pursue. Actually, when you're in our house on an evening, you'll catch me in front of the PC and researching while Yel is on the couch, seating pretty with her friends laughing out loud, drunk and in disarray. I just don't get her and I don't know what route in life she wants to take! Sabi niya, gusto daw niyang mag-abroad pero ayaw niya ng trabahong mala-Japayuki. Gusto niya pa-sosyal pa, tipong nasa Canada or Europe. Eh duh! Paano naman siya makakarating sa ganun kung wala siyang kursong tinapos! Wala pa siyang masyadong effort na ginagawa, matupad man lang iyang ideal job niya. Tsk. I've been raising that idea since then but it seems that her brains are dreadfully twisted.

    Definitely, my mom was so mad at her AGAIN. Ilang beses ng ganun pero bakit paulit-ulit pa rin? Hay. Minsan di ko na rin maintindihan ang mom ko. Masyado siyang mabait kay Yel. After every mess that my sister makes, she just let it pass. The cycle goes on and my so-so goody sister kept on fooling everyone. Ngayon nga eh naka-mukmok lang sa kuwarto si Yel, eh dati rati kapag nasa Batangas ang mom ko, di mo yan mamamataang nasa bahay! Santa-Santita image. Lolz. Ah ewan. Kanina naawa talaga ko sa mom ko, nanghinayang sa perang nagastos at sira pa rin ang kotse! Sabi ko sa kanya, "Ikaw kasi, hinahayaan mo lang si Yel palagi." Gusto ko sanang magalit sa sagot niyang, "Eh kaysa sa ma-high blood pa ako diyan sa kapatid mo, wala na tayong magagawa at ganyan talaga siya" Naisip ko din namang, "sinong ina ang hindi marunong umunawa sa anak?!" I'm not in her shoe to judge. But still, I'm so irritated with my sister's attitude! How I miss.. ugh, forget about it.

    Meanwhile, my mom was so concerned too with my brother. Ang problema naman ni Jr [my bro], he's too skinny and that he cannot get a job because of that! Simula nung 4th year college siya, namayat na lang siya nang ganun. Dumami ang sakit [one is goiter] at nanghina ang resistensiya niya. He may be skilled and has the sense of leadership but I guess with the demands of getting good jobs today, physical appearances count as well. Recently, he got the pre-promotion deal in a call center company but then there are certain medical certificates to obtain and so, awhile ago, my mom accompanied him to get those stuffs. Pagkatapos nung isyu kay Yel nung umaga, maghapon namang silang umalis ng nanay ko dahil diyan.

    Ang dami ko sanang gustong i-kuwento o sabihin sa nanay ko kaso wala na ata siyang panahon sa akin. Ang sarap sana i-kuwento yung tipong: naka-100 ako sa Banking & Finance [dahil hirap ako dun at ang mom ko super galing diyan], Prelims na namin next week [dahil gusto kong sabihing di ko na kayang maging DL], tuloy ang pagganda ng computer activities ko [dahil minsan pinapagalitan niya ko kapag super tagal ko sa harap ng PC] at i-uupdate ko sana siya tungkol sa volleyball [dahil na-adik na rin siya sa volleyball recently katulad ko]. Pagkadating niya, napag-sabihan pa ko! >.< Gusto ko sana kasing ipa-check up yung paa ko kaso sabi niya, ipahilot ko na lang daw. Inintindi ko na lang, baka kasi pagod na siyang kaka-asikaso sa mga kapatid ko. Tinuloy ko na lang ang pag-ttype ng Nat Sci research paper ko, sabay hawak sa paa ko.

    Maya-maya, umakyat ako ng kuwarto. Nandun yung mom ko, nakahiga't nagpapahinga. Tinawag niya ko, lumingon lang ako. Na-touch na lang ako nang sabihin niyang, "Buti pa tong si Ineng-ineng ko [she often calls me this way coz I'm the youngest], wala akong ka-proble-problema." Pagtalikod ko, nangiti na lang ako. Inaayos ko yung mga paper works ko habang sinasabi yung mga salitang, "Naku Shelly, dapat pag-graduate mo may trabaho ka na dapat agad ah. Lagi pa namang kitang bida sa mga kapatid mo at Journalist ka." >.< Kaiyak.

    I felt the degree of my mom's trust to me. I guess it's too big, in the sense that she's not monitoring me anymore because my other siblings need more attention than I need. At minsan naisip ko ding ako na rin ang nagpapalayo sa sarili ko sa kabihasnan kasi masyado akong busy sa mala-urban kong mundo. Nandiyan lang naman sila eh, at sa pag-iisip kong di nila ko napapansin, ako naman pala ang di nakakapansin. Di ko lang madama kung gaano ka-proud yung pamilya ko sa akin kasi madalas na pessimist ako.

Back then, I didn't know why.. Why you were misunderstood.. So now I see through your eyes, all that you did was love..

[from the song, "Mama" by Spice Girls]

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August 04 2005 | Thursday | 05:39pm

"PHOTOCOPY"

     As days go by, the more pressure comes in school. Academic preliminary exams draw closer. Actually, it has started a while ago with Philosophy and oh my, the 75-item exam was kind of confusing. Umpisa pa lang to ng kalbaryo ah, sana naman buhay pa ako pagkatapos ng isang linggo. Tsk.

    With that situation, it resulted that everything comes in paper works, which to make highlight, we're lodged today with TONS OF PHOTOCOPIED materials. I stressed it out hard because it's true, my bag has been filled with bursting papers and I cannot zipper it anymore. Halos buong araw ata'y Xerox Machine ang nasa harapan ko. Naging pamilyar na ang ugong ng makina at ang gapang ng liwanag.

    Hanggang kanina, tuluy-tuloy pa rin ang pangongolekta nina Haoson [our president] ng bayad para sa pagpapa-photocopy. Minsan nakakahilo na rin kung kanino mo ibibigay yun bayad at kung magkano ba. Napakarami talaga at nakakabutas din ng bulsa ang ah! Kahit sabihin mong pa-piso-piso pero kapag inipon at kinuwenta mo, aabot na ng isang daan mahigit. Kanina nga eh gusto kong mananghalian kaso naubos na pala ang pera ko. Gusto ko rin sanang bumili ng bagong earrings sa Dapitan pero kahit p10 walang naiwan para sa pagbili ko. Pamasahe pauwi na lang talaga ang naging laman ng wallet ko.

    Bukod pa diyan, talaga namang na-hassle ako ng mga pagpapa-Xerox na yan. Di ako pumasok ng English [last period]. Gusto ko sanang magpahinga nang maaga dahil masakit ang paa ko [due to that stupidity in executing running spikes! HAHAHA!] pero bago umuwi, nagpa-photocopy muna ako para sa Filipino research paper. Naghanap pa ako ng libro para sa research at nung magpapa-photocopy na ko, kumain na naman ng oras kasi maraming estudyanteng nakapila din. Yung ibang slots pa ng photocopy machine ay unavailable dahil nag-lulunch yung worker.

    Pagkatapos nun, uuwi na sana ko nang maalala kong di ko pa nakukuha kina Haoson at Vet yung copies ko for Journ, Computer and Nat Sci! Hinintay ko pa silang matapos ng English class. [sana pala pumasok na lang din ako >.<] While John [classmate] was distributing the Computer hand-outs, I was informed that my name wasn't in the list so there was no copy pala for me! =( Di daw ako nagbayad??! Hay, di ko na rin maalala kung nakabayad nga ako kasi halo-halo na ang utak ko kung anu-ano ang mga babayaran. Dagdag pa nun, naubusan na pala ako ng kopya sa Journ kahit sigurado akong nagbayad naman ako! Hay! Vet took the initiative of producing me a copy sana kaso, brownout daw sa AB kaya walang photocopying! [malas di ba!] So to cover up the problem, I decided to borrow a copy from Luis [na ibabalik ko pa mamaya sa bahay niya!] and since Teejay has no copy of that handout too, pinasabay ko na ang pagpapagawa ng kopya. Gusto pa sana akong isama ni Teejay kaso sabi ko siya na lang at ang sakit ng paa ko. [baka 10 years ang abutin ng paglalakad ko haha]

    Habang hinihintay ko si Teejay, pina-photocopy ko na rin yung sa Computer dahil nga wala ako sa list. Ang tagal-tagal. Pagkatapos nun, hinintay ko din sandali sina Madie, Dez & Arene kasi kumain sila at ako muna ang humawak ng kopya nila sa Computer. Ayun. Ang uwiang 11:30am ko sana ay naging 2:00pm pa. Lalong nanakit ang paa ko, kakalakad, kakatayo. Mala-penguin na nga ata ang lakad ko at mukha na akong bruha. Ang sagwa. Hahah. What a hectic day.

    Minsan, nagiging mala-photocopy machine ang buhay ng tao. Tuloy ang andar ng makina para makarami ng gawa. Minsan nag-ooverheat. Minsan nauubusan na lang ng ink. Minsan kailangang ipahinga dahil kapag tinuluy-tuloy mo ang makina nito, may tsansang bumagal ang paggawa. Dapat may cooling down time kung saan may re-conditioning. Dapat may refilling session para swabe na ang mga susunod na kopya. Di lahat ng bagay na-pupuwersa sa pagiging mabilis dahil kung minsan, ang pagmamadali ang nagdadala sa mas maraming mali.

    Bagsak ako sa kama pag-uwi ko. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, uubusin ko ang nalalabing oras ng Huwebes sa pagpapahinga. Kumain ako, natulog. Ngayon, magpapakasasa muna ko sa internet at panonood ng TV. Bukas na talaga ko magsisimula ng mga gawain.

Never let the situation took over you. You have the full control of your activities.

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August 02 2005 | Tuesday | 06:27pm

"PECULIAR"

    Oh my, you'll be surprised of what had happened to me on my way home. Right now my adrenaline is still up and I just can't believe it took place.

    For the second time, I was caught up in a hold-up situation inside a jeepney!!! [Blumentritt-Dimasalang route] God was so great that nothing was stolen from me especially my cellphone which thank heavens I didn't bring out of my bag during that ride! All my senses got pumped up! Here's the complete story and I hope you get something from this so that if cases of hold-up will happen to you, you'll have an idea about it.

    I was a bit down coming from my PE class 3-5pm due to some reasons which I shared with Imee and Charles as I stayed in the AB Pav. That's the reason why I left UST around 6pm na. So anyways, it was a bit traffic already along Laon-Laan kaya nagmamadali na din akong sumakay ng jeep. Habang naglalakad, papa-salubong na akin ang isang walang-lamang jeep na biyaheng Blum-Dimasalang, sa harap lang may nakasakay na 2 lalaki. Ayoko pa sanang sumakay kasi walang laman at baka kako magpuno pa ng mga pasahero. Eh kaso, late na kaya napa-sakay na rin ako. Maya-maya, may isang mamang sumakay sa dulo ng jeep. Dun pa lang, nagkaroon na talaga ako ng hinala!!! Una, napakapang-araw-araw lang siya at saka mapapansin mo talaga sa mga galaw niyang palingon-lingon nang pasimple ba. Pangalawa, ang tagal ng umaandar ng jeep, di pa rin siya nagbabayad! Eh di ba kadalasan, lalo pa't maluwag ang jeep, magbabayad ka na agad?! So yun, maya-maya may iba pang estudyanteng sumakay. Siguro mga taga-Perpetual at St Jude kasi naka-white sila. Yung isang babae, gumagamit ng cellphone sa jeep. Napa-puwesto ako sa gitna, nung una pa nga eh naisip kong sa dulo na lang ako uupo kasi ayokong mag-abot ng bayad ng iba. [pagod na kasi ako galing PE]. Hay buti na lang pala hindi ako nasa dulo! God is so good to me. Later on, the man wearing white shirt in front announced that it's a hold-up. Sabi niya, "O ilabas niyo na mga cellphone niyo!!!" Grabehan talaga! Ang weird ng feeling! Ang tindi ng kaba ko pero buti na lang pumasok sa isip kong huwag masyadong magpapahalatang kabado dahil maghihinala lalo sa iyo ang magnanakaw!!! Nakaranas na kasi ako ng ganun eh, buti na lang naging listo ako kanina. Siguro magpapasalamat ako sa mga kalunus-lunos kong experiences ng hold-up noon at may natutunan akong gawing paraan kanina. Yung magnanakaw na nasa dulo, tinakot yung babaeng gumagamit ng cellphone kanina. Nagsinungaling yung babae na di daw yun cel pero yung katabi naman niya ang natakot kaya binigay niya yung 3610 cellphone nya! Yung katabi ko ring babae sa kaliwa, nagbigay din dun sa mamang nasa harap. Habang nagaganap yung mga yun, nag-iisip ako ng isasagot ko sakaling hingan ako! Buti na lang nakapag-iisip pa ako nang matino! Pumasok agad sa utak kong sabihin ko na lang na taga-probinsya lang ako't nakikitira kaya mahirap lang ako't walang celphone.

    Thank God di na ko hiningan o kinon-front man lang. Buti na lang din at kaka-PE ko lang, mukha akong wasted. Di ko rin suot ang relo ko [waah Guess pa naman yun!] at wala akong hikaw kasi nga bball ang PE ko. Feeling ko nga mukha talaga akong busabos nun, pero naku, nagpapasalamat ako't ganun itsura ko kanina noh!!! Pasakay na ko ng Retiro, natagalan pa ako sa pagsakay kasi namili pa ako ng jeep! Damn, I was shivering hard! When I got home, I told this story to the people in the house. I even called my mom in Batangas. One common reaction from them was heard, "Pasalamat ka sa Diyos, muntik ka ng mapuruhan dun.."

    Lagi na lang bang ganun ang buhay ng nagco-commute?! Your life and your belongingness are always at risk! Mamatay na ang mga magnanakaw! Ke pang-pamilya o pang-survival in life pa man ang intensyon nila kaya sila nagnanakaw, masama pa rin yun at nakakasira ng buhay ng iba! The end does not justifies the means, ika nga ni Ma`am Trocio sa Philosophy lessons namin. [hehe] Bakit di sila maghanap ng ibang paraan para kumita ng pera?! 3 lalaki yun ah, na sa tingin ko naman ay kayang mag-trabaho. Masaklap, masamang trabaho pa pinili nila. Bumalik sana ang Karma sa kanila. Take note, ang madaling kayamanan na di mo pinaghirapan ay madali ring mawala sa iyong mga kamay..

    I really learned from my past experiences. I was able to use my learnings in order to deal correctly with the situation and escape from the risks. Naisip kong sa kabila ng mga masasamang kaganapan sa buhay, eh may naidudulot din palang magaganda yun. Ang mga pagkakataong yun ang magtuturo sa iyo para sa kasalukuyan at hinaharap. Once more, everything happens for a reason!!! Waaahhh.

*x-cez. Dahil tuloy sa nangyaring yun, biglang napawi yung lungkot ko kaninang after PE. Basta kasi may na-feel akong kakaiba habang may nakasabay ako pauwi. Di ko akalain yun, di man niya sinabi nang deretsahan o pasalita, nararamdaman pa rin yun. And as I went back to Dapitan nga, I came across Imee & Charles. Kuwentuhan konti, tawanan. Nasabi ko kay Imee, nakaka-miss tuloy siya kasi sa kanya ko nasasabi yung ilan kong problema. At tama nga siguro si Imee, "Maybe she was the sister that you didn't have and the sister that you've always wanted." Hay. This has been a peculiar day.

Scarcity is the cause of selfishness and self-centeredness.

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August 01 2005 | Monday | 04:40pm

"NAKAKAPAGOD DING MAGING ESTUDYANTE"

    Monday has brought frustrations again. How many times will I tell that I darn hate weekdays to start because it remarks the start of hell week of school works again. Sometimes, I simply get tired of school works. Sana graduation na o sana man lang, semestral break na. Hay.

    Sino ba naman kasing di manghihinayang sa grade ko kanina sa Computer Prelims. Perfect ko na sana yun kung pinaskil o sinabi nang pangalawang beses ni Ma`am na sasagutan pala yung entries sa loob ng <UL> tag! Siyempre, inisyal na pakiramdam ng mga estudyante ay natataranta or busy sa harap ng computer kapag Prelims kaya may chances na hindi talaga maririnig yung sinasabi ng Professor. Hay. Sayang talaga. Pero inaamin ko din naman yung fault ko eh. I must have followed instructions very well, whether oral or written instructions. Para bang nanliit na lang ako sa sarili ko kanina. Sa Computer na nga lang ako nakakabawi, eh dun pa ako nagka-error. Buti sana kung ilang points lang ang nawala, kaso 10 points din yun. >.< My professor could have been more considerate about that. Nagmakaawa pa nga ako eh, wala man lang akong natanggap na sagot mula sa kanyang maganda. Why is it sometimes life gets so unfair and your voices are unheard!

    May hang-over pa ko sa exam na yun, bumanat na naman ng isa pang quiz sa Journ. Kami ang reporters ng American Period pero para bang ako pa mismo ang nahirapan sa identification questions ni Sir. Hay talaga. At that time, I was trying to ask myself, ako lang ba talaga ang tanga mag-aral o mahirap lang talaga siya magbigay ng tanong? =( Kainis! At lalo pa akong nalungkot nang matanggap ko yung quiz #2 sa Journ. 33/50 lang ako samantalang yung iba, ang tataas. I try not to compare with others but then, I wasn't able to control my emotions knowing that I studied hard naman pero dahil nga sa essay type yung test [based on own opinion], I guess my professor disliked my way of answering it! Hay naku! Ganun din nung 1st quiz, nasa 30+ lang din ang score ko! =( Grabe.. Harinawa maipasa ko ang mga units ko. Nakakaasar.

    Minsan nahihiya na ako sa nanay ko sa tuwing uuwi ako. Bubungad yan ng magagandang pag-aalala tungkol sa nangyari sa school tapos inaasahan niyang mag-kukuwento ako. Kanina parang wala akong mai-kuwentong maganda kaya di na lang ako umimik. Bakit ba kasi ganun! Ginagawa mo naman ang lahat pero kulang! Bigay ka nang bigay pero minsan sablay! Umaasa ka sa magandang kalalabasan ng mga bagay dahil alam mong maayos mo din namang sinimulan yun, pero sa huli, wala ka rin palang mapapala kundi sangdamakmak na bokya. Nakakapagod maging estudyante! Sometimes I come to think of it as a challenge but there comes a time when it strokes too much and that I almost want to give up. Nakakayanig ng kompyansa sa sarili. At ang mas masaklap, nawawala ka sa arangkada at tila ba nawawalan ka na ng gana.

    Sinusubukan ko talagang lumaban, kaya hayun naghanap ako ng ika-sasaya kanina. Nagpunta kaming SM San Lazaro nina Dez, Madie, Arene and Chuchie. Dun na rin kami nag-lunch sa foodcourt. After eating, we watched "D`Anoders" starring Vhong Navarro. Hinayups! Sobrang nakakatawa talaga! Umpisa pa lang eh makalaglag-pustiso na. Napaka-komplikado ng istorya kaya talagang hahangaan mo kasi bihira lang ang ganung tipo ng pelikula sa Filipino. Madalas kasi mababaw lang ang kuwento o takbo ng eksena. Basically the story goes as Hesus [Vhong] tries to save the souls before the light of heaven closes. It's funny because the concept of the entrance to heaven was the toilet bowl! Haha. Nakakatawa pa yung pang-gagaya nila ng eksena mula sa iba pang pelikula - ginaya yung Feng Shui, yung swimming pool scene ng Lovers in Paris, yung Kill Bill, etc! Mala-Scary Movie ang dating. Katabi ko pa sa upuan si Chuchie kaya talaga namang walang puknat ang tawanan namin. Pansamantalang nakalimutan ko ang lahat. Kahit naka-uniporme pa ako nun, nawala nang sandali sa isip kong isa akong naghihikahos na estudyanteng naghahanap ng sariling lugar para ibsan ang mga problema.

    Pagkauwi ko, natulog na naman ako. Kakapagod talaga, literally and figuratively...

 Interesante pa man din ang aralin ngunit nanatiling malamig ang libro’t kwaderno. Tulog ang chalk. Balot sa kumot ang pisarang naghihintay masulatan o madumihan man lang ng kahit sino. Puno pa ang tinta ng bolpen. Puro guhit lang ang nasa papel, sa halip na leksyong nagmula kay titser. Tuyo sa kaalaman ang laway ng mga mag-aaral. Pumasok. Lumabas – nang walang bagong nalaman. Nangulila sa tunay na silid-aralan ang mga batang uhaw sana sa karunungan. Binusog na lamang sila ng hagikgikan.

[Excerpt from my essay, Silid-Aralan pa Ba?]

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