This page carries short stories
The Foreigner who Wanted to Join the Army
Once upon a time a foreigner wanted to join the army but
couldn't speak English.
A citizen who was a friend of his offered to help him.
"It is easy," said the citizen in a language both of them
understood.
"How easy is it?" asked the foreign. "Please tell me."
"Easy," the man said again. "Just slip into the training camp
at night, and in the morning be prepared to answer
three questions."
The foreign said, "What questions are they? I'm ready to slip
into the camp tonight."
"They are: 'How old are you?', 'How long have you been
in the army?', and, 'Do you like the job or
the condition of service?' "
"So what are the answers to these question?"
"Easy," the citizen said. "Just say '30 years' for the
first question, 'two weeks' for the second question, and
'both' for the third."
"I didn't know," said the foreigner, "that it was
so easy to join the army."
Like a mantra the foreigner started reciting the three
answers: "30 years, two weeks, both; 30 years, two weeks, both."
The training session started very early in the morning,
and the new recruits were lined up for inspection.
The training instructor started to shout his questions.
To the delight of the foreigner, who was among them,
he heard some of the recruits giving three answers
to the questions.
When the instructor came to him, the foreigner appeared
disoriented, in the wrong attire and with a bushy beard.
The instructor took two steps back and examined him
with suspicion.
"You!" the instructor shouted. "How long have you been
in the army?"
"Thirty years," the foreigner replied.
"Wha-a-a-t ?" the instructor was shocked and dumbfounded.
"Even I, the training instructor, have not taken fifteen
years in the army, and you are talking about 30 years.
Besides, see how young you are. Well, if you say you've
taken 30 years in the army, now, how old are you?"
"Two weeks," said the foreigner.
"Two weeks!" the instructor was getting very angry.
He took a few more steps backwards. He seemed to be
refusing to believe his ears.
"Two weeks!" the instructor re-echoed. "So you say you've
taken 30 years in the army, but you are only two weeks
old. Is that your age - two weeks? Look here, man, are
you fooling me or fooling yourself?"
"Both," the foreigner replied.
By now all those around, including the recruits, were
almost falling on their belly with laughter. The training
instructor, however, was not amused.
He immediately ordered the man's arrest.