Dear Daddy
This is the second feline poem that Wes Bass has asked me to do. This time, it’s just for Boz. The cat he has the most trouble understanding. Wes can’t understand how Boz can sleep for eight hours straight, and still wake up yawning. Move to another cushion and fall back to sleep again, with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. These are my thoughts on the subject. Just a bit of a warning - This poem gets a bit rude in parts, for which I make no apology. Just sit back, and enjoy! Why not have me explore your pets mind and see if I can answer some of the mysteries, in the form of a poem, to see if we can better understand why we love our pets so much.
Dear Daddy.
By Amanda Jay Clark.
Dear Daddy,
Let me take you on a journey,
Through the mystery of my mind.
Shine a light into dark corners,
Seek, and you shall find.
If you want to understand me,
The answers can be found,
If you work hard and diligently,
As you take a good look around.
Before we start to travel,
Make sure you want to know.
Cos what’s learned can’t be forgotten.
Are you ready, Dad? Let’s go.
When I’m curled up on the sofa,
Instead of going out,
I know you think I’m lazy, but,
Guess what I’m dreaming about?
In my dreams, I’m king of the jungle,
A wild and, ferocious beast,
Hunting down some dangerous prey,
To dine on for my feast.
I sneak out of the undergrowth,
To the place where buffalo graze,
Then I run and grab a big one,
Pull him down and end his days.
He puts up a courageous fight,
Be he’s not as strong, or brave,
As the cat who wins all battles,
And leaves remains in a shallow grave.
So, when I wake up yawning,
Don’t tease me, show some regard,
Cos I haven’t just been sleeping,
I’ve been working bloody hard.
And when I move on to the next cushion,
After slowly stretching full length,
I’m not being idle, Dad,
Just conserving all my strength.
I need all my energy,
As I fall asleep with ease,
And arrive in the land of passion,
Cos there’ll be lady cats to please.
In the place where cat-dreams live,
I’m a hot and, dangerous stud.
Awake, and in the real world,
My sex life is a dud.
It’s not my fault, you understand,
As time and again I’ve proved,
It’s your fault that awake I’m celibate,
You had my wedding tackle removed!
Though, looking on the bright side,
Things don’t really seem that bad.
I may need to be asleep to get action,
But that’s better than you do, Dad.
So, stop knocking life in the dream place,
It’s all you could want it to be.
I’ll bet you could get yourself laid there, too,
If you came along with me.
I bet I could teach you lots of things,
If you’ve forgotten what to do.
I’m a love-maker extraordinaire,
And give terrific tongue, too.
Oh yes, Dad, I’m a raver.
You’d be jealous, maybe proud,
If you saw me going at it,
And heard her meow my name out loud.
So, the next time my tongue hangs out of my mouth,
And dangles down my lips,
You’ll understand the reason why;
I’ve been on one of my dream-bonking trips.
So don’t just stand there and stare at it,
Cup your hands under my chin,
Give my tongue a thorough clean,
And pop it gently back in.
I’d gladly do it myself, Dad,
But after a dream as exhausting as that,
I don’t have an ounce of energy left,
I’m a worn out kitty cat.
You probably understand by now,
Why I need another cat nap,
So I curl up all contentedly,
On your warm and cosy lap.
Then, after a tummy tickle,
With my paws high up in the air,
I’ll be off to my magic place again,
To the dreams I’ll find waiting there.
This dream, I’ll keep to myself, Dad,
Not because there’s a lack of trust,
But to keep our relationship interesting,
A few secrets are a must.
Besides, I don’t think that you’re ready.
Full knowledge would cause you to crack.
And I couldn’t stand the strain of knowing I’d
caused,
An old mans heart attack.
Have you enjoyed what you’ve learn so far, Dad?
Was the journey all you hoped it would be?
After all that you’ve discovered,
Do you still feel the same about me?
How about, the next time we travel,
You let me inside of your head?
Cos there’s a thing or two I’d like to know,
So could I study you instead?
There are some mysteries that need solving.
Find the real you behind the mask.
Find the answer to all the questions,
That till now, I’ve been afraid to ask.
For example: Where is my Mummy?
I’ve often wondered about that.
Not that I’m complaining about being,
A single parents cat.
It’s just that I want you to be happy.
See you with a red-hot girl.
One that will set your pulse to racing,
And your head in an excited whirl.
And, if you do go out on more dates, Dad,
You’ll have fun, and stress will release.
Then Ozzie, Gizmo, Manic, and me,
Can sleep on in undisturbed peace!
Now that this story is over,
I’ll sign off, as ever was,
Your favourite feline lap-dancer,
Your devoted, and loving son, Boz.
Dear Daddy, is protected by copyright, and remains the property of the author, Amanda Jay Clark.
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