***
“I’m just having a bad day…er, James,”
Harry said as he dragged his feet along the corridor, wondering if he was ever
going to get used to speaking to his dad like this.
As Harry expected, James was escorting
him to
“It’s as if you’re hiding something,”
James continued. “You've never kept
stuff from me before—even all that shit that you and Remus get up to, which I
really wish you wouldn't share."
And, of course, his dad would have to
keep saying things like that, things that Harry found fundamentally disturbing
and in a way that he really didn’t want to analyse too heavily. Gritting his teeth, he continued in silence,
refusing to be drawn in to the conversation any further. It was odd, but making it to the dormitory and
finding Remus apparently engrossed in a Herbology textbook was a bit of a relief. At least his dad would now leave him in
peace.
Remus didn't look up when they entered;
instead he ignored the intrusion, keeping a dedicated silence as Harry
hesitated in the doorway. A sharp prod
in the small of his back told Harry that James was still hovering behind
him. It was time. Time to do some fast thinking and maybe a
little prayer to help ease the way. No
matter what happened, he could not risk changing the past. He would have to act ‘normally’ around Remus,
whatever that would entail. He was going
to do this. He had to do this, for the sake of the future.
Taking a deep breath and trying to ignore
the sickly feeling that welled up inside him, he turned to face James and
muttered, “You can go now.”
"I'll be in the common room if
there's a problem, okay Remus?"
Remus finally looked up when James spoke,
his face expressionless, and he nodded before promptly returning to his
book. As the door closed, Harry began to
stutter, trying to find the words that would end this sticky mess.
Continuing to look downwards and leafing
through the pages, Remus said, "If you're only here because of Ja--"
"No.
I'm sorry, Remus. Really. I haven't been feeling like, well, like
myself all day—even you've noticed it—and I just..."
And from there Harry was off on a
rambling apologetic waffle. Moments of
inspiration hit him, such as James’s suggestion that Remus would find the
McGonagall incident funny, which did earn Harry a smile or two. And Remus couldn’t restrain a smirk when he
asked about the black eye that was rapidly developing on Harry’s face.
"I deserved it,” Harry continued,
“because I was acting like an idiot: thoughtless and selfish."
He meant what he was saying, but not in
the way that Remus was assuming. Harry
had been thoughtless when it came to considering consequences for the future;
he was selfish because he hadn’t respected his godfather's relationship with
Remus. He still didn't know if he could
do it justice, which presented him with a bit of a problem: no matter how well
he seemed to be talking Remus round, he was going to have to come to terms with
them getting intimate.
It seemed that despite all his words, he
was setting himself up for a fall. For a
start, how was he going to explain his lack of experience? Was there no other way around the
situation? And then he realised that maybe
there was another option. Where
Dumbledore and McGonagall had so far been of little help, maybe Remus would be
the one to really believe him.
“I’m… I didn’t—” Harry faltered
mid-flow. How could he tell Remus
without saying too much? How could he
even begin to explain what was going on?
“Oh sod it. Look, the truth is
I'm not Sirius. I’m stuck in the past,
in Sirius’s body."
"Is that what you said to
McGonagall? Because after last week’s
prank, I’m not surprised that she gave you those detentions if that was the
best you could come up with."
"I'm serious!"
"Is that supposed to be funny?"
It took a moment before Harry recognised
his unintended pun. "No,
really. Remus, I know a little about the
prank because McGonagall mentioned it, but that's all I know. I was telling her the truth. That's why I reacted the way I did. I never realised you and he were... that close. I've only ever kissed two people and both of
them were girls, and I've not done much more than kiss."
"Fine," Remus said, but he
clearly wasn't buying it. "You're
from the future. Whatever you say. I suppose you have a name other than
Sirius?"
"Yes, but, er, I don't think I
should tell you, in case.... You don't
believe me, do you?"
"Do you blame me? Perhaps you should take yourself to the
Hospital Wing. I'm sure Pomfrey would be
fascinated by your little story."
Harry slumped on the bed, noting Remus’s
expressionless moue had reappeared. Had
he just made things worse? "I don't
need to see Pomfrey."
"No.
I guess you've been beyond her help for years."
"Please, Remus, at least believe me
when I say I didn't intend to over-react before. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
Remus studied him for a while before
finally closing his book and putting it on the bedside table. "Okay.
I suppose this is your way of making me feel better: coming up with an
outright lie?"
Harry felt completely defeated by his
failed third attempt at gaining some sort of ally. Staring at the carpet, he nodded and said,
“I'm sorry."
Silence ticked by for a few moments, with
Harry waiting to see what Remus would do next.
Then he felt the bed dip beside him and looked up to see Remus sitting far
too close.
"Show me you're sorry," Remus
said simply before leaning his face towards Harry's.
They kissed, and Harry did his best: he
kissed back, he tried to enjoy it and he tried to show how sorry he was through
his actions. Then Remus's arms were
snaking around his body, pulling him closer still. They toppled back onto the bed, a leg pressed
between Harry’s and he held on tightly, not wanting to acknowledge exactly
whose body it was beneath his hands. And
it was then that he realised that he was stuck.
There were no soft bits to go for, there was no uncharted territory, no
breasts or dark, damp places to slide his fingers in, not like there had been
with Ginny. Just how was he supposed to
go about touching another boy?
Harry stilled. It wasn't going to work. "Stop!
I... I don't know what to do," he blurted out.
"Oh, for fu--." Remus trailed off as his expression of
disbelief changed to a thoughtful frown followed by a light of recognition—but
recognition of what, Harry had no idea.
"I don't believe you, Sirius. I don’t fucking believe you. Role-play, right? All this for fucking role-play. So last week's prank has given you
ideas? I'll never be able to fathom why
you just can't explain what's going through your thick head instead of charging
into these seemingly random notions that you come up with. Why didn't you just say last week when you
were joking about it? Why all this
palaver?"
Harry remained motionless on the bed as
Remus knelt alongside him. Keeping his eye
fixed on Harry’s, Remus unbuttoned Harry's shirt, and Harry felt the heat rise
in his face as Remus smirked at him.
"I quite like this look: Sirius
Black, the blushing virgin," Remus said, drawing his fingers across the
now-naked chest and down Harry’s belly, making him shudder. "Don't worry. I'll take good care of you."
Then those hands were smoothing over every last inch of his exposed body, feeling not unlike when Ginny used to touch him, reverently and full of desire. He closed his eyes trying to imagine it was Ginny, but it was hard to ignore the differences: the heavier scent in the room, the hardness of Remus’s fingertips and the way a partially-healed scar on Remus’s forearm would occasionally brush against his stomach.
Remus leant forward and swirled a tongue
around his nipple, the warmth and wetness of which Harry couldn’t help but
enjoy. Then he gasped when Remus leant
back an inch to blow gently across his moistened skin. The other nipple received the same treatment
before Remus's hands expertly unbuckled his belt and loosened his trousers,
pulling them down and off. Despite the
fact that he was never going to be able to look ‘his’ Remus in the eye again
once he got back, Harry was left panting from the tingling that permeated his body
and in anticipation of what was to come.
Remus's eyes strayed to Harry's groin,
where Harry knew the flimsy material of his underpants wasn’t doing a very good
job of hiding his erection. A hand
trailed up the inside of his leg, stopping at the knee and coaxing it to bend
outwards. Then, Remus was kissing his
way up the inside, as his hands ran up and down the length of Harry's thigh,
running over the contours of adolescent muscle, tips of fingers brushing just
underneath his underpants, threatening to touch but not quite making it before running
down again. Harry groaned and Remus
kissed higher and higher, closer and closer, and....
Harry let out a sudden groan as, this
time, Remus's fingertips went just a fraction further, brushing against the
skin of his balls. He could feel all his
muscles tense, the air leaving his body as for a brief moment he forgot how to
breathe. Then he melted on the bed
before realising with embarrassment that his briefs were wet.
"You haven't come already?"
Remus asked, and Harry nodded, feeling decidedly abashed as Remus started to
laugh. "I can’t believe you got off
so quickly because of a bit of role-play.”
He walked up the bed on his knees before lying on his back next to
Harry, shoving him over slightly on the small bed, and then scooping a hand inside
his trousers to pull out his cock. “It’s
my turn, now. Give me your hand."
Reluctantly, but trying not to show it,
Harry lifted his right arm, and Remus guided his hand forwards until it touched
the warm flesh. Harry took a deep breath
to steady himself and curled his fingers around the hardness that waited for
him.
Remus leant forwards, breathing,
"Wank me off, then," before kissing Harry deeply, his hips beginning
to jerk in the air.
Foremost in Harry’s mind was the
knowledge that it was Professor Lupin’s penis he was touching. Even pushing that distressing thought to one
side, he was finding it difficult to concentrate on kissing at the same time as
moving his hand, which was twisted round in a most uncomfortable position. It wasn’t long before Remus let out a hiss of
pain and was placing a hand on Harry’s arm, putting a stop to his efforts.
"All right, you've made your point,
Sirius. I'm never going to make it as a
teacher."
Harry couldn’t help but laugh at how
absurd it would be if Remus never became a professor at Hogwarts due to an
inadequate hand-job. "I think
you're going to make a fantastic teacher, Professor Lupin." Remus looked at him askance, and Harry added
sincerely, "I’m ser—. I mean
it."
He watched as Remus knelt up on the bed
to think, and Harry noticed that Remus always had the same studious look when
mulling over an idea. It was the same in
the future and that obvious expression was something that Harry found rather
endearing.
“Sirius, kneel up behind me. Then you can reach round and wank me off as
if you were doing it to yourself.”
Following Remus’s new directions, Harry
found that it was lot easier to manage in this position, and he was surprised
that he didn't feel the need to baulk when Remus encouraged him to use his free
hand to toy with Remus's balls.
"Kiss me," Remus groaned as the
jerky motion of his hips began to speed up.
"I can't reach."
"On my neck, you daft idiot."
Harry pressed his lips to Remus’s nape,
inhaling the tang of unwashed hair.
Remus groaned and tilted his head to one side, encouraging Harry to kiss
as far round as he could reach.
"Faster. Suck, just there…. Harder..."
Then Remus, too, was coming, and the
ordeal was over. Grabbing a box of tissues
from the bedside cabinet, Remus wiped himself off before falling back on the
bed. Harry was reminded that he was
still sticky, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it. Not sure how he was feeling—apart from
sticky—Harry lay back on the bed as well, listening to Remus's breath as it
slowed.
Harry knew that when he got back he would
be taking this memory with him to the grave.
For a start, he could imagine what Ron would say.... But when Harry thought about this, he
realised that he didn't know how Ron felt about that sort of thing, at
all. It wasn't something that they had
ever discussed. Up until his first kiss
with Remus, Harry had never even entertained the thought of himself—or anyone
else, for that matter—being with someone of the same sex, let alone talked
about it. Ron could have been harbouring
secret desires towards him ever since they met for all Harry knew.
It was unsettling to discover that he
didn't really mind the notion.
**
The bed was empty and cold when Remus
woke. Evidently Tonks had risen at least
half an hour earlier and hadn't bothered to rouse him. That didn't bode well, especially after the
events of the night before.
As he washed and dressed, he chastised
himself for handling everything so badly and for letting the past get the
better of him. He was determined not to
succumb to the same emotional weaknesses today.
Stepping out into the hallway, he decided to check on Sirius and make
sure he was still in the house. If so,
he'd most likely be unconscious: Sirius had always had problems getting up in
their latter years at Hogwarts—if anyone had tried to wake him this morning,
Remus would have heard about it.
Sure enough, Sirius was sleeping
soundly. Despite his physical
appearance, he looked distinctly Sirius-like, sprawled as he was across the
bed—just as he used to sleep, both at Hogwarts and afterwards in their
flat. It was only after Azkaban that he
took to sleeping in a neat little ball. Remus
had missed those limbs being spread out in every direction, even though he had
spent a good deal of time complaining about the lack of space. Secretly, he had loved the fact that there
had never been a moment in the night when he wasn't in contact with some part
of Sirius.
He felt his eyes begin to heat up and he
chastised himself again, this time for being sentimental. Stepping back to pull the door closed, he
stopped short when Sirius lifted his head and smiled a lazy morning grin—something
else that had been locked away in Remus's memory.
"You planning on joining me or
taking advantage while I slept?"
"It's time for breakfast."
“Do I really have to eat with them?" Sirius asked with a
sneer. Then his faced brightened and he
added, "We could make it a quickie."
"I'll see you in the
downstairs."
The tension in his body matched the atmosphere
that greeted Remus when he stepped into the kitchen and sat down to eat the toast
that was waiting for him.
Tonks had already finished her breakfast
and was decidedly stand-offish as she tidied away her things, hardly saying a
word as he ate. When Molly tried to take
over and wash up the dishes, Tonks moodily refused her help. Hermione was also on the receiving end of
sour looks, but these came from Ron as she moaned at him because he had hadn't
finished a report that was due in. Why
she thought it was her business, Remus couldn't understand: she didn't even
work in the same department as Ron.
The only one who appeared to be
blissfully unaware of the ongoing politics was Arthur. He was busy deciding who would be the most
discrete person to ask if there was a copy of the book at the Ministry.
"Do you think it's safe to go to
Hogwarts?” Molly asked. “We could see if
it’s in the library."
"I'll do that," Remus quickly
volunteered, thinking it would be a good excuse to get some space from
Sirius. There had been attacks at the
school, but none since the badly damaged building had been deserted by both
students and staff about three months previously.
“I’ll be off, then,” Tonks announced,
steadfastly refusing to even glance in Remus’s direction.
"But you'll be early, dear,"
Molly said.
"I've got a lot of work to catch up
on, anyway."
“Hang on,” Arthur called out as he wiped
a few stray crumbs from the front of this shirt. “I’ll come with you. You can introduce me to Miller—he manages the
supplies for the Ministry’s library, doesn’t he?”
As Arthur and Tonks left the house, Ron
was hassled into getting ready to go in early, too. Hermione seemed to think it was a good idea
because Ron could do his report. Remus
saw the look of disgust on Ron’s face that triggered a ‘tut’ from Hermione, and
then the pair of them were also on their way out, leaving Remus and Molly alone
in the kitchen.
"Do you think Harry, I mean Sirius,
needs waking up? I want to clear away
the breakfast things."
"He's awake, but don't wait around
on his account,” Remus said, thankful that she hadn’t chosen to pester him
about Tonks. “If he doesn't come down
soon, he can go hungry. Although, from
what I remember of him at school, he'll manage to get here just in time—he had
a knack for making it to breakfast."
As if on cue, Sirius came waltzing down
the stairs looking half asleep, hair ignored so that Harry's scruffy mop was
even worse than usual. He sat in the
chair nearest the toast and began eating in earnest, grunting in appreciation
when Molly passed the teapot.
“Remus dear,” Molly began, and Remus felt
himself bristling at the change of tone in her voice. “T didn’t seem very happy today. She’s not coming down with something?”
“No, I don’t think so,” Remus replied stiffly.
“But I’d say she was quite upset. Is everything all right between you two?"
"I'm sure we'll be fine," Remus
said, cutting her short. Even though Molly
was genuinely concerned, he suspected that she was fishing for gossip more than
anything else.
"If there's anything I can
do--"
"We’ll be certain to let you
know." Remus looked across to
Sirius to find that he had been watching the exchange with interest.
"What are we doing today?"
Sirius asked him.
“I was going to look through some books at
the school."
"Hogwarts? We're going to Hogwarts?"
"You can't come."
Sirius threw an unimpressed glance at
Molly. “So I'll be left with her—a
complete stranger? And you expect me to
behave?"
"I'm Mrs Weasley to you, young man,
and I'll thank you not to talk about me as if I'm not here."
Seeing Sirius’s hackles rise at the way Molly talked down to him, Remus considered Molly’s history with Sirius. He could imagine the arguments that would take place in his absence, and if the right buttons were pushed, there was no telling what Sirius would be capable of saying. Just a mention of their relationship would be bad enough, but what if Sirius let slip about last night’s kiss?
Remus swore under his breath. "Okay, Sirius. You can come with me."