W 11-0
Following a fine blooding of new players yesterday (Franko, Dunc and no 1 draft pick Stewy), the young gun Shearer's showed their finals potential with a crushing 11-0 victory over their opposition. While some pundits were less than impressed with the calibre of the opposition allowing two girls to play, hacker Dazz took it upon himself early in the piece to show he held no favourites. Following some heavy tackles and great hits on the men in front of goals, he turned his attention on the girls, singling one out in particular for some punishing treatment. Whether he had a point to make, was too lazy to tackle or was just going the grope, this pundit had no idea. Following these hits however, opposition feeling began to heat up with those on the sidelines yelling abuse at the one time golden boy of Newmarket soccer.
This weeks game is scheduled for 3.30 pm. No starting line up has yet been advised, however some changes are expected this week. 'Coach's Player of the Year' Defender Al has indicated he is ready to forgo lawnbowls and is eager for a run. Whether or not this is due to a show down at the Ipswich Lawn bowls club is yet to be determined. Early reports indicate the fiery defender had his arse whipped by his seniors on Sunday. Whether or not this will impact his ability to be picked for the starting 5 is still to be assessed.
On the downside, word has come back that hacker Dazz could be out for a week. Doctors will be called to ascertain the extent of the damage. Final word on his ability to play is expected on Saturday. No word has come back whether the injury was self-inflicted or not.
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GAME 4
Versus Daam Goats W 11-9
Bribery scandal mars Shearer performance
Late breaking newsflash - following a dismal second half performance by the Shearers last week, the Australian Federal Police Force today issued a statement that they will be investigating bribery allegations against certain key players. A police spokesman was quoted as saying " How can any team, leading 5-1 at half time suddenly find themselves 9-8 down to go with 2 minutes on the clock?"
When questioned about the sudden reversal in the team performance and then the miraculous turnaround near the end of the game, team player Chris provided the following comment "We had a rough patch, but came good in the end". When questioned on the fact that he has now missed two penalties and some lax tackling was directly responsible for at least three goals on the weekend, Chris replied with "Fu#* off wanker".
Other players likely to be investigated by the AFP include Stewy 'Roundhouse' whose blatant round house kicking came no where near the ball but almost lost him a shoe, Dazz 'Hit Man' who seemed more interested in providing strategic free kicks to the opposition, and Dunc 'almost goal scorer extraordinaire' whose move from goals to forward saw the start of the second half demise.
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GAME 5
Versus Woftam W 6-5
The Shearers welcomed back prodigal son Ads on the weekend with a closely fought 6-5 win against the much-fancied Woftams. In his first game back from walkabout, Toe-poke Ads single handedly hamstrung the opposition with 5 blistering shots - all with his big right toe.
Roundhouse Stewy had an impressive game holding the middle of the field, and while the crowds were visibly disappointed with a lack of his trademark flamboyance, the kiwi import sensation provided great ball distribution and solid defence.
In the backs, Player of the year Defender Al (when not busy polishing his award) and Seano, played a hard game shutting out the opposition at will in the first half and providing good options with attacking runs up the wings. In goals, the 'Rock', after breaking a long running drought, arguably had his best game of the season with a sterling performance. Team consensus after the game was to get Dunc laid every Saturday night. In response a SOS has gone out to team mechanic Adella.
However once again disturbing bribery allegations surfaced when seemingly invincible Shearers, coasting at 4-0 by half time put on the dog collar and started cinching the strap. Their choking style saw betting odds fluctuate wildly as the top team, helped noticeably by an own goal from Roundhouse, strolled back into the game at 5-5. However, out to make amends, Toe-poke Ads slotted the winner home with about a minute to spare. When asked after the game, where his inspiration came from, he replied cryptically "I did it for Lambchop".
And in an attempt to clean up shearer's tarnished image, a number of team changes are expected for this week's line up. Odie and the Golden boy of Newmarket - Hitman Dazz are expected back in the line up, while team guns Chris and Stewie will be sidelined. When asked whether this was due to the ongoing corruption investigation, team management declined to comment. Some fresh blood is also likely to be injected into the team with Cool Hand and Bundy named in the starting line up.