Shoujo Kakumei Utena : Angel

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Chapter 2 : The Warmth Of Her Wings

Darkness, and the scent of roses.

Still shivering in the remnants of a nightmare, Himemiya Anthy drifted

slowly awake. Her hands lay folded together against the bare skin of

her chest; bitterly cold, she clasped her fingers tightly, nails biting

painfully into her palm.

Instinctively she tried to clutch her legs against her chest, for

comfort as much as for warmth. Her knees banged solidly, painfully

against the pitch blackness which surrounded her. Beneath her back, a

carpet of leaves shifted as she writhed, their cloying scent filling the

air around her. Hesitantly she took one between her fingers, trailing

it delicately against her skin; it felt like--

With a terrified scream she pounded her fists against the cold wood of

her coffin, claustrophobia rushing in upon her in a nauseous wave. She

could barely breathe; she had to get out, but the lid wouldn't move and

she couldn't get out and the rose petals were choking her but she could

never escape again and she couldn't breathe couldn't breathe cou--

In a moment of desperate release, the heavy wood tumbled aside. A

hollow, resounding boom deafened her as it finally hit the floor of...

wherever she was.

Gasping for breath, Anthy sat upright, anxiously trying to massage some

life back into her cramped limbs. The darkness outside her coffin was

barely more revealing than that inside, the only light a faint glow in

the distance, far ahead of her.

Forcing strength into her aching arms, she hauled herself unsteadily

from where she lay, her legs dangling for a moment over the precipice

before she dropped to the floor. The flagstones below were almost

numbingly cold against her bare feet. She shifted uncomfortably from

foot to foot, arms crossed tightly over her chest as she peered into the

gloom.

Her first impression was of a vast, cavernous space; she fancied she

could almost hear the echoes of her breaths rebounding from some great

ceiling lost far above in the darkness. On either side great, serried

ranks of stone pillars stretched away ahead of her, the galleries beyond

them lost in shadow.

The light ahead seemed perhaps brighter now and, uncertainly, she began

to walk, hoping with every step that she would not find herself falling

endlessly into the night. The beating of her heart sounded loudly in

her ears, and she soon found herself hanging on the sound of her own

breaths, trying somehow to measure a sense of time in this strange

place.

With every step now her unease began to grow. The lightless depths at

her sides seemed heavy with lurking malice. A chill wind drifted

amongst the silent columns, bringing with it a distant susurration of

half-formed words.

... shh ... ay ... tss ... hay ... ou ...

Louder now, and not her imagination at all, not a trick of her mind.

Perhaps one voice, perhaps many, a unison and a disharmony at once.

urn .y. ash ... ill .e. ray .ou. k-k-k ...

Closer, the growing clarity of moonlight; stained glass and fractured

colours. A darkness of edges and of knives.

hateyouhateyou...tyouateyouha...meh...tyouHATEyouhurty...hatemehateyou

Ahead of her an altar-stone, scarred blood-red in a fragment of light.

The voices rising all around in a rasping, metallic crescendo. A chant

of names echoed in her ears, hers and not hers and some she knew and

some she'd forgotten she'd had.

She clutched her hands over her ears in pain, but still she (traitor)

could hear them (witch) in her mind (hope you suffer), tearing apart her

thoughts (don't want this). Every step (broken glass and acid) was a

bitter struggle (FUCK YOU GOD FUCK YOU FUCK YOU) against the clamour in

her head (what you wanted, bitch).

bleedwhywon'tyoudiedon'tyou

knowIloveyouwhenyouscream

A soft haze glowed faintly in the darkness beyond the altar, a broken

image traced in blood, flesh and piercing metal, the tattered memory of

wings and hair the colour of faded roses.

Her.

Anthy's knees went weak, her body collapsing breathlessly against the

altar. Silence, pure and utterly empty broke over her with sudden,

terrible force.

"U...Utena-sama..."

There was no reply; her head hung limp and motionless against her chest,

her tangled hair obscuring her face. A rapier blade pierced the palms

of her hands, suspending her arms in the darkness above her head, black

trails of encrusted blood running down her arms. From her stomach the

hilt of a second blade protruded, the image of a rose clearly visible at

its base.

Struggling to stand, Anthy ran to her, tears clouding her eyes. With

desperate strength the took the sword in her hands (the grip, she noted

sickly, fit her as perfectly as it always had) and pulled. The blade

slid easily, bloodlessly free, and she hurled it aside in disgust as the

naked, bloody body of the girl she had sought for so long slumped weakly

into her trembling arms.

The tears ran freely down her face now, the warm, shallow breaths

against her neck setting her skin afire. She blinked them back

joyfully, calling on the last of her strength as she helped the taller

girl to stand. The wound at her chest, she noted absently, was already

little more than an old, faded scar.

For endless moments they simply stood, eyes locked wordlessly together,

cold hands against her skin in a shivering embrace.

"Anthy...?"

She swallowed hard, struggling to speak.

"Why? Why did you come back?"

Anthy felt her tears return, and this time she made no effort to fight

them.

"How... can you even ask... that?" she whispered.

Fingertips traced lightly across her skin, leaving her trembling in

exquisite arousal as they drifted higher, across her chest... her

shoulders... her neck...

"Because you were free..."

Fingers tightening softly, almost to the point of pain. Anthy's breath

caught in her throat.

"Because you ripped my heart out and left me to die!"

With crushing strength, Utena forced her back against the cold stone of

the altar, bending her body painfully back over the edge.

"Because you left me here and you *laughed* because you *knew*!"

Keeping one hand around Anthy's neck, she pressed the other against her

chest, light gleaming brightly between her fingers. Lifting it away,

she began to draw forth her heartsword, darkness gathering in her eyes.

Halfway along its length, the blade was a shattered ruin, jagged edges

gleaming sickly in the moonlight. Anthy gasped in horror, struggling

desperately to free herself.

The tip of the blade danced before her face, leaving flickering firefly

trails in the darkness, weaving closer and closer.

"Your brother did this to me... the fool. He was just as blind as I

was, wasn't he?"

Ice-cold metal pressed sharply into her skin, pressing uncomfortably up

against her lower eyelid.

"All the time I was so afraid of the Ends of the World..."

"N... no... I..."

A tiny rivulet of blood slid warmly down her cheek, spreading slowly

across her lips.

"And he was just another one of your pawns!"

Anthy struggled desperately to speak, kicking weakly against the girl

standing over her. "I... l... luh--"

The grip on her throat tightened, cutting off her words.

"You watched..." Point of pressure, pain spreading over her face. "You

liked watching, didn't you?" Harder, sharper, and ohgodohgod why

wouldn't it end?

"Ne, Himemiya... don't you know I've always hated you?"

Darkness burst through her mind, black end empty light and the

warmwetsickhurting that was all the world. Someone was screaming, and

she was so very, very glad it wasn't her, only her mouth was open and it

*was* her and--

A vicious blow across the face brought her back to a stunned awareness,

nausea crashing through her body with every choking breath.

The edge of the blade traced a numb, searing line down her neck, a slow,

jagged parting of the skin. She tried to open her eyes, only they

wouldn't and she couldn't and--

"I'm not the only one, am I?" A harsh, deadly whisper, the centre of

her reality now.

First rib, second... third... third and fourth and end it,

pleasepleaseplease won't you *end* it?

"They told me, you know. Each and every one of them."

Line of blood down her body, a lascivious caress scored deeply across

her breast.

"And there are so very, very many of us, aren't there?"

Stomach and belly, liver and spleen and small intestine maybe flowing

over her hands, that was how they used to do it, and it had to end soon

because there was nothing more nothing nothing more to hurt.

"You teased us and played with us and laughed when we couldn't hear."

Lower still, and thank god she was going to die going to die there

wasn't any-nonononoNO

"Spreading your legs for your princes with their swords..."

...screaming and screaming at the sudden cessation of pain...

"Won't you be my whore like all the others?"

The waiting, the godawful helpmewon'tyoufuckinghelpme *waiting* was

worse so much worse so much worse--

"Witch."

...thrust and there couldn't be any pain left how could there be pain

like this left when she was dead already...

"Murderer."

...thrust and stench of blood and piss and blissful madness where's

the madness why still so fucking sane where's the madness...

"What's wrong? Don't you love your only Prince?"

Anthy screwed shut her eyes and drew a shallow, choking breath. There,

between her hands, the ice-sharp hilt of the sword writhed and

twitched. With a last, desperate effort of leaden arms and blood-slick

fingers she wrenched it free.

...hideous, nerve-searing scrape of metal on bone...

She screamed. The tip of the blade slid weakly from useless fingers,

jet-black beads of blood glistening sickly in the light.

Her whole body began to shiver uncontrollably. She was so very, very

cold...

From above her came the tiniest of movements and the whisper of a

breath. Her one good eye met two of deepest, perfect blue and sorrow

beyond the depths of her dreams.

"Anthy?"

"U--" She gulped back the bitter lump in her throat. "Utena?"

"Anthy? Is that you? It's so dark... so dark, and I can't..."

Torn hands cradled the beautiful face that had haunted her every

thought for so many years, alabaster skin framed in blood.

With the barest sigh, Anthy slipped into her embrace.

Needle-point puncturing the skin.

The slow, sensuous parting of flesh.

The delicate softness of her lips.

Darkness.

And the warmth of her wings.

FIN