Shoujo Kakumei Utena : Angel

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Chapter 1 : The Sound Of Her Breath

Ten years.

Ten years of sterile airport lounges, of ghosts and cheap hotels.

(Where is it you're going? Are you traveling alone?)

Ten years of half-familiar faces and the bitter madness of crowds.

(I'm sorry, I didn't see you. One eye on the door.)

Ten years of looking for a woman who had never even been born.

(Nobody of that name. Can't help you. Not on our files.)

Ten years of dying a little more with every passing day.

(The colour of your hair. The touch of your hands.)

And Himemiya Anthy was so very, very tired.

The sun was already dipping low in the sky as she arrived; she gave a

tip to the cab driver (far more than necessary), and watched as he

slowly disappeared into the distance.

White marble steps stretched far up the hill ahead of her, and with each

one came a sense of dread. High walls and ungainly, gleaming spires.

She was home.

Except...

The great ornamental gates hung limply open, rusted hinges creaking

mournfully in the breeze. No-one came to challenge her as she entered;

no voices raised in anger or excitement, in welcome or confusion; not

even the busy silence of lessons hidden behind closed doors.

She wandered unnoticed through the halls and courtyards, her footsteps

echoing loudly between the cold stones. The utter stillness of the

place unnerved her in a way she could scarcely define. Even the rose

garden had fallen into disrepair, a tangled mass of greenery choking out

the light at the windows.

"Brother?" she wondered.

Her voice rebounded emptily, sadly all around her, but an answer was not

forthcoming.

"Akio-san? What /happened/ here?"

There was no reply. On a half-forgotten instinct she turned around,

almost jumping in surprise.

"Oh."

"It's you." She laughed quietly. "I should have known."

do you wonder?

do you know?

do you wonder what we know?

once upon a time

a loooong long time ago

lived a young man who told stories.

and he was the greatest storyteller in the whole world,

and people travelled for years from far away lands just

to hear him speak.

he went from town to town to town telling stories

and people laughed

and cried

and fell in love with every word.

but there was one

teensy little problem - none of his stories

had an ending.

and when people found out they got reeeally angry

and

chased

him

away!

then one day he met a

beautiful young girl,

who told him "I am the end of

stories, and I've

been looking for you"

and they fell madly in love

and lived happily ever after!

and neither of them was

ever seen again...

and he stabbed a knife into

her heart and buried her in

the forest!

and then he woke up and

forgot all about her.

and they went back together

to tell people the ends of

his stories...

but was that really such a good idea?

Anthy smiled slightly as she turned to walk away. "You could just have

told me that you didn't know."

From far away, the evening breeze seemed to carry the sound of an

argument, but there was no-one left to listen.

hmph!

we do too know!

yep!

er...

we do?

Almost unconsciously her footsteps led her onwards, sleepwalking paths

she had trodden so many times before. Beneath some nameless architect's

imitation of the Bridge of Sighs the shadows of the duelling forest

stretched long around her feet.

The familiar steps fell away beneath her, each one bringing the memory

of strong, warm hands clasped tightly in her own. The wind rippled

gently through the long grass, sinuous waves bowing before her.

Didn't you know? I *am* a fool.

Her stride faltered for the briefest of moments, the sense of presence

overwhelming. A part of her longed to turn around, faint hope flaring

briefly in her heart. Shaking her head slightly, she walked on.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered. "Perhaps I'm a fool as well."

As she drew closer the darkness and shadows seemed to gather more

tightly around her, the strange, false night of this place. Shivering

slightly, she resisted the urge to look up at the stars. They were

always... different here, as though a part of her was lost a little more

with every moment.

Now, though, even the forest was changed. Slender trees whose leaves

were unmoved by even the strongest storm now grew gnarled and twisted,

clawing their way into the sky. The great rose gate was little more

than a shattered ruin; fragments of stone and rusted traceries of metal

lay scattered beneath a tangle of thorns.

Wraithlike tendrils of mist drifted silently between the blackened

trunks, gathering slowly as she watched. With a sigh and a sense of

foreboding, she turned to go. There was only one place left to search,

and all the courage of ten years could never be enough.

"Why do you torment me still?"

Anthy could feel the difference even before she finally reached the top

of the staircase - a change in the air, perhaps. The wind echoed and

howled around the observation deck, the first stars - real stars -

visible through the shattered dome of the ceiling. In the centre the

silent hulk of the planetarium projector still stood like the body of

some great dead beast, a myriad cloudy eyes staring emptily at nothing.

Her footsteps clicked loudly as she crossed the bare marbled floor. The

whole room felt... empty, unfamiliar somehow.

"Brother?" Her voice reverberated loudly, plaintively between the

marble columns and the maze of shadows they cast in the twilight.

She stood for a moment, waiting as the echoes died, but no answer was

forthcoming.

She hung her head sadly, tears already forming at the corners of her

eyes. From the pocket of her dress she drew a small ring, the crest of

a rose still visible upon it; in the dimming light she was no longer

sure if it was black or white or even both at once.

Her hands closed tightly around it, clutching it to her chest.

"Brother. Here in your coffin, I call you."

Gentle, whispering laughter and a voice like the delicate caress of

soft, slender fingers. "My coffin?"

Anthy spun around, startled, but there was no-one there.

Warm breath against the back of her neck, and then she was drifting,

falling in his embrace, her whole body shivering and alive.

"Anthy... Why have you called me here?"

Gentle touches...

"I need--" A gasp.

...wandering higher...

"An answer." Her breath ragged.

...ice and fire...

"And what", the barest whisper, "is the question?"

...will you take me back? make me yours? take away this pain?...

Sharp, cold edges of the ring against her hands

and the warmth of her tears.

"Who..." barely breathing now "Who was... is Tenjou Utena?"

High, lilting laughter and the touch of those hands, her hands, the way

she'd dreamed for, wished for, prayed for in the nights...

"Ne... Himemiya?" That voice, and her body reacting beyond anything

she'd ever known. "If you ever have a problem... if you need to, you

know you can always talk to me, right?"

...a delicate kiss at the nape of her neck...

"No..."

"I'll hold you and kiss you until you stop crying and then I'll touch

you and love you until you start and you'll never feel pain again..."

"NO!" Power flared, unbidden, the darkness glowing like a thing alive,

reaching out--

Fracture.

Anthy opened her eyes slowly, her body shivering and bruised. The

moonlight flared in her eyes, almost painfully bright, the floor

gleaming like a lake full of stars.

The smooth, placid surface was marred by a trail of fluid darkness,

deeper black on black that trailed away towards one of the vast

windows. There, silhouetted against the lights of the city below, lay

her brother's body.

Only it wasn't his, it was hers.

But it wasn't hers. And it was smiling at her, slumped like a broken,

bloody marionette, cold eyes (not hers, not hers) staring unblinkingly

back.

She turned and walked away.

The bedroom was just as she remembered it, the bright stars outside the

window flooding the room with silver light. She wanted so much to run,

to keep running and never look back... She shivered slightly. Her bed

was still unmade as she had left it on that last, terrible day.

Anthy sat down slowly on the hard wood, lifting the faded sheets softly

to her lips. The delicate scent of her skin was still on them... How

had she ever forgotten it?

She leapt sharply to her feet, as though burned, tears gathering

painfully in her eyes. The sheet slid, forgotten, from her hands,

pooling in a rumpled heap on the floor.

One more promise to keep before the last.

Her tea set was still in the cupboard where they'd always kept it. The

little rose motif in her cup stood out starkly in the darkness; the

thought made her smile slightly, sadly.

The only water left in the pipes was rusty and brackish, but this once

it didn't matter. A little magic, just for appearances' sake, the steam

driving the chill from her trembling fingertips. She arranged the cups

carefully on a tray and carried them over to the table. Outside the

window, the stars watched in deathless silence.

Anthy raised the cup slowly to her lips.

"Utena-sama..."

She sipped quietly, tasting cold iron and dust.

"I had so many things I wanted to say to you... but I can't even

remember any of them. Isn't that sad?"

A tiny half-smile, blinking because the steam was getting in her eyes.

"Can I tell you a secret?"

A pause, her breath caught in her throat.

"No, it's nothing about princes or princesses, or even the Ends of the

World."

Another sip, her tongue feeling thick and heavy in her mouth.

"One night, when I'd had... nightmares, you held my hand until I went to

sleep. I... I never went to sleep. I just lay... there, next to you,

listening to the sound of your breathing. And I never told you."

She smiled, and her reflection smiled back at her, only she was crying

and she hadn't realised that she'd started. She brushed half-heartedly

at a tear running down her cheek, feeling the warmth of it spreading

across her fingertip.

"Utena-sama... Thank you..."

High above the pathways and gardens of the academy, amid the leaping

buttresses and colonnades, the night wind roared. Far, far below the

lights of the city stretched into the distance, a glittering mirror of

the sky.

On the very edge of the precipice, Himemiya Anthy was adrift in an ocean

of lights. Her dress whipped about her like the thrashing of great,

feathered wings, and the wind seemed to carry a million siren voices

raised in song.

Amid the tumult, there was only one voice left which mattered.

The touch of fingertips a gossamer thread holding her in place.

Are you running away?

"No."

A heartbeat.

"Not any more."

Strong hands held her aloft for a breathtaking moment, then a rush of

air and she was flying, falling up into the stars... so many, many

beautiful stars.

With a breath, she spread her wings and flew into the night.

A cry of shock burst suddenly across the courtyard, echoing along the

silent corridors of the academy.

"Akari-chan? What's wrong?"

"Up... Up there, on top of the science block. There's someone up

there!"

"What?" An exasperated sigh. "There's no-one there."

"But... I'm sure I saw something. It just looked..."

Overhead the beating of soft wings, drifting through the night.

"See? It's just an owl. Now..." the murmur of a kiss, and a high,

delicate giggle, "come on - we'd better get back inside before somebody

catches us out here."

"Mmm..." Another kiss. "Is that a proposal?"

"Is that an answer?"

Quiet laughter, flitting away into the darkness. "Maybe..."