Funny Jokes
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"A" worthy
There was a university in New England where the students operated a "bank" of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs. Since it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade, and C grade.
One student, who had spent the weekend on more "extra-curricular pursuits," went to the bank, and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for a inconspicuous C. He then retyped it and handed the work in.
In due course he received it back with the professor's comments.
"I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it was worth an A, and now I'm pleased to give it one!"
What sex are they?
ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.
TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it ... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL - female ! .... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider, it gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
If men got pregnant
1. Morning sickness would rank as the nations number one health problem
2. Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay.
3. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
4. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
5. All methods of birth control would become 100% effective.
6. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
7. There would be a cure for stretch marks.
8. They would serve beer instead of coffee at antenatal classes.
9. Men wouldn't think twins were so cute.
10. Sons would have to come home from dates by 9 pm.
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