The Little Girl
A little girl was trying to raise $100 for her softball
team. She prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then she decided to
write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed
to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to the President of the United
States. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed
his secretary to send the little girl a $5 bill.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of
money to a little girl. The little girl was delighted with the $5 and sat
down to write a thank-you note to the Lord, which read:
Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money.
However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington,
DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.
Love,
Sara
You know you're a softball junkie if...
· You need a second job (or your parents do) just
to pay for gloves, bats, equipment, uniforms, player fees, batting cages,
etc...
· Your second job is umpiring at softball games.
· Your idea of spending quality time with your
spouse is playing on the same co-ed team.
· You have more than one bat that cost over $200.
· You go to the softball fields on nights your
team isn't even playing.
· You used to rest and relax on the weekends,
now the only rest you get is between games at a tournament.
· You think "wearing something nice" means an all-tournament
shirt with no dirt stains.
· When someone says they are going out of town
this weekend.
You ask if there is a tournament there.
· All your white socks have dirt stains from playing
softball.
· Your idea of a weekend getaway is a two-day tournament
in (insert town name).
· You have a tattoo that says softball forever.
· You plan your summer vacation each year around
the state softball tournament.
· You own more softball t-shirts than pairs of
underwear.
· Your girlfriend / boyfriend knows when you ask
them out to dinner you really mean pizza after the game.
· You tape your bat handles with various designs
and use only tape with team colors.
· You have a softball website.
Q. What takes longer, running from first to second,
or from second to third?
A. Second to third,
because you have to go through shortstop.
Q. Why did the softball coach kick Cinderella off
the team?
A. Because she ran away from
the ball.
COACHES GOLDEN RULE:
DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO
Top 10 Ways to start off on
the wrong foot with a new team
10. Get a Single, then say, "I've never done that before".
9. Show up with makeup smudges on your new uniform shirt.
8. Bring your 20 year old wooden bat.
7. Wear white socks with lace on the tops.
6. Ask them before the game, "which direction do you
run in this league?"
5. Show up with your shirt stuffed so you look pumped
up.
4. Show up to play catcher in full baseball catcher gear.
3. Lay down a bunt in your first at-bat and yell "BOOOOM!!!"
when you do.
2. Point out the hot guys in the stands, before realizing
it is your coaches sons.
1. Where your white cleats, blue jean shorts and golf
glove to play.
An Umpires View Of Softball
- How many softball players does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
Impossible! They are too busy complaining about the last
call.
- What is the difference between a softball player and
a puppy?
A puppy will eventually stop whining!
- What do you call a basement full of softball players?
A whine cellar.
A Softball Players View Of Coaches
- There was a group of fellows standing around the batting
cages and a softball player walked up and said, "do you want to hear a
good joke about softball coaches?" One of the fellows replied, "be careful
what you say, all five of us are coaches." "Oh, forget it then," said the
player, "I don't want to have to explain the joke five times!"
- The Law of Softball Coaching: The weaker the coach was
as a hitter; the more qualified they think they are to tell you how to
hit.
Remember To Be A Good Sport
During the course of a heated softball tournament, the
coach felt the need to remind one of his players about the importance of
team play and good sportsmanship. The coach ask the player if he knew and
remembered what good sportsmanship was. They player replied yes. They coach
then ask him if he knew he shouldn't curse at the umpire or throw things
in anger. They player again replied yes. "Good," said the coach, "now could
you please go tell your wife."
Got a softball Joke? EMAIL
it today
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© 2003 by Greg English
