The meal continued without much else happening.
After the main course, I found that I really was not hungry.
And that I was rather tired.
"I'm going to turn in." I announced, standing up and picking up my three sleeping fire lizards.
"Good night." They said amiably and I wandered out of the Weyr.
I walked down the long path to the F.G.P.C. on my own, feeling rather sad.
I felt rather alone in a strange world.
So what if I had 'created' half the people I knew there?
It still made me feel alone.
I kicked irritably at a rock on the forested path to the F.G.P.C. Hall from the Hold.
"Why did I decide to do this again?" I asked the air around me.
"I had a good life back there, why did I come here?"
My voice echoed back to me through the trees.
It had no answers for me.
Did I expect it to?
Nah, air was air and trees were trees.
I grinned in spite of myself at the memory of my dad saying 'tree friends' instead of 'three friends.'
My family was French, so my parents could not make the 'th' noise very well.
It had always been a source of amusement for me and for my friends.
I sobered quickly, though, and hurried my steps.
I did not know where I was going.
My dorm room held no comfort for me.
It was not home.
Home was a gazillion light years away and I had no way to get there.
Besides, if I Impressed I would be unable to go back.
I suddenly snickered - and scared myself with my sudden mood swings - at the thought of bring a dragon back to Earth.
In the middle of exams and my dragon would decide to rise.
Heh, I could just see myself hurrying through my test and trying to hold it in.
I would probably fail and do something really embarassing.
I sighed slightly.
On Earth, I had never really had any dreams or goals.
Sure, I wanted to be a veterinarian but that was not really important to me.
I went on a day-by-day basis, looking forward to the holidays and my birthday like everybody else.
When something special was planned, I usually got excited about it a bit for the month or three that spanned the distance between now and then.
Other than that, I never planned what to do with myself.
Some people planned when they would get married, how many kids they wanted to have.
Not me.
I honestly did not care if I got married or had kids.
That was in the future, I was living in the present.
I got back to my dorm room and sat down on my bed, unfolding and pulling my blanket around my shoulders.
I did not need it in warm Falas, but I draped it around me anyways.
A small piece of home, I suppose.
I pulled out my box of crackers and stared at them for a long time.
Who knew a box of Ritz crackers could make someone so sad?
I had first tried Ritz crackers at my best friend - Sarah's - house.
Never to see her or anybody else again...
I would probably die.
I took out my CD player and turned it on, sulking quietly.
I listened to my music, wondering what I was going to do.
I had thought before that it would be easy to leave my home.
But it was not.
It was one of those things that you never know you like until you lose it.
I never knew that I was so attached to my life until I left it.
Now...
Now I felt awful.
I wanted to go back.
"Shailey?" A quiet voice said at the doorway and I took my headphones off.
"Yeah?" I asked, looking away and rubbing at my eyes.
"Want to talk?" I identified the speaker as Caelki.
I shook my head.
"No." I said.
A moment of silence passed and as he turned to leave, I suddenly stood up.
"Wait!" I called.
"Yes, I want to talk.
Come in, find an unoccupied spot."
Sometimes people just need to vent out their feelings.
That was the first time I needed to do that, but he listened.
And he helped me get over it.
"How about I promise that if you don't Impress, I will personally bring you back to When you left?" He offered.
"And if you do, you can visit your friends when your bond grows up."
I smiled slightly, for his sake more than out of happiness, since I just felt worse at the mention of three years before my bond grew up, if I bonded.
"That would work." I agreed.
He smiled and stood up.
"You'll pull through, kid." He said gruffly.
"All of them do."
I looked at him quizzically.
"How come you've never wanted to Stand?" I asked suddenly as he reached the doorway.
"I thought you could tell me that." He answered, looking back at me.
"I don't control everything." I said, leaning back and feeling certain of myself.
"Sometimes the stories just flow out, like they've already happened."
He grinned slightly and sat beside me, after moving a sleeping Neiden over.
"Now it's your turn to listen, eh?" He asked, adopting a Canadian accent.
I grinned and nodded, feeling slightly better now that I was not dumping my sorrows on someone else.
I had always hated telling others how miserable I was because I felt that I made them miserable by telling them.
I felt much better listening to others or doing something.
It was inefficient to be a whiner.
Oddly enough, I was happy to listen to people rant or whine and try to point out a way to make the annoyance/sadness go away.
Yes, I was quite a wierdo.
I liked to help people.
Must be part of my Pisces horoscope for my life.
I do not even believe in that horoscope junk anyway!
I continued munching on my crackers as I listened to Caelki.
At the end, he sighed.
"I guess I've just never found the right place." He admitted.
I grinned and offered him a cracker.
"It'll come in due time.
Ever thought about Star City Dragonry?
Pretty dragons there.
Tiny, but pretty." I said.
He shook his head and rejected the cracker.
"Heh, tiny isn't all that great for me.
Sixty meters to... what?" He pointed out.
I made a menacing gesture with the cracker, persisting.
"Well... an elephant is about three meters long.
So that'd make you only twenty times bigger!" I said innocently.
He put a hand in front of the cracker, rejecting it again.
"But, that's ti-" He began, then had to quiet as I stuffed the cracker in his open mouth.
"Does size really matter if you can shape-shift?" I asked, snickering mentally at my statement.
He could not reply, as he was too busy choking on the cracker.
He managed to swallow it and glared at me.
"Good crackers, eh?" I asked, eating another.
He laughed suddenly.
"Y'know, we could use you at the Deragonray.
A positive influence." He said seriously.
"A blunt, annoying, positive influence." I corrected, giving him another cracker.
He learned quickly, I had to admit.
Most of my other acquaintances would have tried to refuse the cracker again.
He did not, he simply ate it.
It would have ended up in his stomach anyways.
He stood up reluctantly.
"I'd better get back to the Weyr.
The others will be wondering where I am." He said and grinned.
"Thanks."
I grinned back.
"Thank you." I said earnestly and gave him a cracker 'for the road.'
He laughed and left.
As I watched him go, I felt as if all my questions had been answered.
Except for one:
What is it like to Impress a dragon?
In the books, it was called 'the most amazing experience ever' or something along those lines.
But what was it really like?
No offence to dragon kind, but sharing my mind with another being constantly...
I was not too keen on that.
But having a constant friend that could bring you anywhere and anywhen...
Well, that was a different story.
"I'm thinking too much." I grumbled as Ayukay woke up and firmly demanded food.
Smirking, I stuffed a cracker in his maw.
He glared reproachfully at me and I shrugged.
"Caelki liked them." I said.
He tilted his head.
I laughed.
"Yes, 'the big furry one.'" I answered.
So, the little amber ate the cracker.
I then had to hide the box.
Addictive things, they were.
However, I managed to sneak a few to Neiden and Detrenim, who also got hooked on them.
And I managed to sneak a few for myself.
Who said my crackers had become dragon-only food all of a sudden?
