The Scottsboro Purity Test
Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes".
The "submit" button is at the bottom.
Can you pick out where Scottsboro is on a map?
How about Alabama?
Do you live in Scottsboro?
Have you lived there your whole life?
Can you, willingly or unwillingly, speak redneck?
Decently enough to be understood by the people who live on the mountain?
Have you ever been to Unclaimed Baggage?
...More than once a week?
...More than once a day?
Does the majority of your clothing come from there?
Is your idea of a "big time" getting your camping gear (and a keg) together and heading for "The Place"?
Have you ever been out of Jackson County?
Have you been out of Jackson County recently?
Do you know where "The Hill" is?
Have you ever been there?
...Alone?
...Early in the morning?
...With a shirt with a Dixie flag on it and a deathwish?
Do you consider Huntsville to be a big city?
Have you ever gotten lost in Huntsville?
Does most of your clothing come from Huntsville?
Do you drive a pickup truck or sport utility vehicle?
Do you drive a car?
...That is worth more than $1,500?
...Not counting the Flowmaster, system, and rims?
Have you ever been to one of the parades?
Have you ever been IN one of the parades?
...Regularly?
Do you know anybody who wears any form of redneck paraphernalia? (Think Rebel Flags, NWO, Dale Earndheart, etc.)
...Is that person YOU?
...do you have nothing BUT redneck paraphernalia to wear?
Do you know where Skyline is?
...Sand Mountain?
...Pikeville?
Have you ever eaten at Pikeville Store?
...Mud Creek Barbecue?
...Buena Vista?
...Kim San's?
...More than once a week?
Were you excited when we got a super Walmart?
Do you go there on a regular basis (i.e. at least once a week)?
Have you ever "hung out" at the K-Mart parking lot?
Have you ever cruised the park after school?
After college (sad, sad...)?
Do you attend Northeast?
Have you ever been mud-riding?
...In your vehicle?
...With someone else driving?
Do you know where Powerline Hill is?
Do you know where Pinky's is?
...CW's?
...Ever tanned there?
Did you attend Caldwell, Brownwood, or Nelson as a child?
Did you attend Page Elementary?
...And then Scottsboro Junior High?
...And then Scottsboro High School?
...The old one?
Have you ever bought a vehicle from Harbin Ford?
Do all of your vehicles come from Harbin Ford?
Do you personally know any of the 'money' families? (Harbins, Pages, Jacobs, Bynums, Words. etc.)?
Are you related to any of them?
ARE you one of them?
Did/Do you go to school with at least 1 relative?
...that wasn't/isn't your sibling?
Do you laugh at the tourists in Unclaimed Baggage and wonder what all the fuss is about?
...Do you give tours there to out-of-town relatives?
Have you ever hung out on the square?
Have you ever gone to the square to pickup chicks/guys?
...Did you find any?
...That had all of their teeth?
Do some of the churches around here scare you?
Do you belong to one of those churches?
Have you ever been driving and seen more than one cop pulling someone over?
...More than 2?
...More than 5? (Believe me, it happens.)
Have you been the person they were pulling over?
Have you ever been to First Monday?
...Art Sunday?
...More than one consecutive month in a row?
...And not because you were parking for the band/boy scouts/etc?
Have you ever been to a Scottsboro/North Jackson football game?
...And found yourself wishing that all of the North Jackson kids would trip and break their legs?
...And dug holes in the ground outside their locker room just for that purpose?
Do you make bets on the number of meth labs that will be found that week/month?
Are you usually right on target?
Regarding a previous question, do you work at Wal-Mart?
Do you enjoy it?
Do you consider it the best job in the free world?
Are you going to escape from Scottsboro one day?
Are you going to live in Scottsboro until you die?
Do you wish people would stop ragging on this lovely town?
Do you think this is by far the nicest place you could ever live in, ever?
Are you on heavy medication?
Do you think Scottsboro needs a decent theater?
Are you going to escape from Scottsboro one day?
Do your private parts sometimes itch? (Whoops, wrong test....)
Are you going to live in Scottsboro until you die?
Were you offended by anything on this test?
Were you amused for the most part?
Do you realize that I really couldn't care less? :-)
Good going!