One Wish, continued...(part 3)
I hear the phone ring from the couch, but I don�t answer it, they told me not to answer it, just to do my chores and stay out of the way.
Everything looks the same as it did last time. One more candle sparkling on the cake, one more person at the party. Gottta blow the candles out, gotta blow them out in one blow. No one can know what my wish is, I can�t tell this year because this is going to be the fourth candle, my fourth candle, can�t mess up this time, gotta get that candle before anything goes wrong. One wish one wish one wish one wish one wish every year, this year I have two. This year I get two, two wishes, freedom, freedom. One breath, all the candles, �Whatcha wish for?�
I can�t tell, I can�t tell, this wish is mine. No, I have to tell. Jim says that I can tell him and that nothing will happen but�do I? One wish one wish one wish, this year I get two. One more candle that makes four for me, enough, surely, to make a wish, surely?
One more candle, they never count candles, �Serve the guests first, they deserve to eat first. Oh, give Timmy two, he�s a big boy, aren�t you? Think you can eat two? Oh, Don�t worry, there�ll be enough for everyone. Give him two pieces, anyone think they�ll eat seconds? Good. Sorry, no cake for you this year, hunny.� They slur their words together on my birthday, �now go to your room so we can be adults.�
One more candle, that makes four. Four candles, Goddess protect.
The beach and four candles, one wish one wish one wish a year, one wish one wish one wish, this year I get two. Sorry there�s not enough cake, go to your room, I�m not in my room now, but they can be adults, cuz I�m not in their rooms either, now I get a second wish. I won�t tell my secret. No one will know, my secret, my secret, my secret. Two wishes this year.
Oh, no, no matches! No matches, no flame, no sparkle, no candles, no wish. There�s always next year, I�ll remember to have matches for next year. Jim has a lighter, I can borrow it and then I�ll have time to make my wish.
Too bad I had to break the sitting room window to get out here. I forgot about the matches, and now I�ll be in trouble when I get back. No freedom this year, four candles, one more year, I can wait, I can wait. Can I wait?
I don�t know what to do anymore. The sitting room window makes me cold. I try to block the wind, but it doesn�t work. They�re mad that They have to have it fixed again, but I never told them why. I told them that Mother did it when she was mad the other day. She likes to break things when she�s upset. Never me, always Their stuff. I laugh when she does that.
Mother says that when I make my wish, I can come and live with her and her friends. It�ll be fun, she says, and I believe her. My mommy loves me.
Teacher got mad at me the other day when I told her what Mother told me about Christ being only half a person. She didn�t like that and made me go to the principal�s office. Now they�re making me go to a special doctor, cuz they think I�m crazy or something like that. I got in trouble got that too, even though I didn�t talk to anyone about anything, I keep my secrets. I told the Doctor that and he laughed, �What secrets could you possibly have that are that dear to your heart?� he asked and I told him that I would tell him if he would get me a box of matches, maybe I won�t have to wait until next year. He said he couldn�t because of the school law, and said that I would be careful if he gave me even just one match. I can light four candles with a single match, I know I can if I try hard enough. He said that he would think about it.
Today the Doctor asked me about the bruises. �What bruises?� No one can see the bruises, they said no one could see the bruises. Never tell your elders they�re wrong, �I don�t know what you�re talking about. No one can see the bruises.�
He shakes his head, �Ah, yes, no one can see the bruises, but I told you, I don�t count as anyone, so I can see them.� He chuckled at this, but I knew he couldn�t see the bruises, they were all gone now, well, no the ones that Jim gave me last night but they were barely purple now so I knew that they couldn�t be seen. I asked him for the match, he said no, so I told him that I wouldn�t talk to him. They say that I shouldn�t talk to him because he�s a bad man that is trying to tear our family apart. They like it when the Doctor told them that I wasn�t being cooperative. They told him to go away, I�m glad that he stayed though cuz I need a match. He said that he would give me a match. He said that he would give me a match if I told him what I was going to use it for. My secret don�t tell, don�t tell or it won�t come true, only one wish. �Listen to your elders, don�t mouth back, tears are for the weak, you are the weak link in this family, you are worthless, no college for you, only smart people go to college and you�re an idiot.�
Today the Doctor said that he wants to hypnotize me, I told him that I didn�t want to, but he said that it would help if he could. I don�t want him to make me bark like a dog, he said that he wouldn�t do anything like that. �Maybe if you give me a match.�
�Afterwards, I�ll give you a whole box�, he promised. Trust your elders.
�Okay.�
�You are getting sleepy���
Eyelids are getting heavy, eyes stare at the back of my head. A question, what did he say, I can�t hear him.
�What? WHAT? So tired, no sleep, does this count as sleep? No sleep for the strong, I am not a weak link, I am strong. No tears, Tears are for the weak, one more year, always next year, one more candle, four candles another candle, where are the matches, Freedom Freedom, one wish a year one wish one wish one wish, this year I get two. Two, two, two. No, not the wall, not the wall!!! �Children are to been seen not heard, ouch, worthless, idiot, stupid, scrub, drunk, druggie, dog, bitch, slob, get away from me, no don�t touch me, Shut up and lay down�, no more, my head hurts, no sleep, one wish, the windows broken, I didn�t do it! Please don�t! �You can�t see the bruises, don�t go to school today, they might notice. What do you mean you think your leg is broken, who made you the judge of that, walk it off, don�t be so weak, go to your room so we can be adults�, no room, not the couch, one more year, �Sorry about the cake, but guest come first�, one more person added to the list, no cake left for me, they never count the candles, can�t take it out, cause they�ll find out where I put them, �Children are to be seen and not heard, get away from me, wanna go for a ride? It�s suppose to hurt, go away�, I can�t wait, one more year, always a next year-�
�Wake up, PLEASE wake up!�
�No sleep, not asleep��
�Wake up, wake up.� I wake up, but not from sleep. The doctor said that he has to go and get the matches from his car. I can wait, �Would you like a tissue?�
�Why?�
�The tears, you don�t want them to leave path marks on your face.�
�What tears? No tears for me. I don�t cry.�
�Everything will be all right, thank you for trusting me, I won�t tell your secrets.�
�I don�t have anything to tell you�I don�t have anything to hide, no secrets, don�t tell. I won�t.�
Tears left path marks on the doctor�s face too, he�s weak, no tears for the strong, only the weak cry. One box of matches to my very own. Four candles and a box of matches, only this year, not next year. No more next years, one wish one wish one wish one wish�this year I get two. Freedom, freedom�
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