i had beleived all fortress walls had gates
i`m not so sure anymore
for i could never find yours
if yours actually has one
it must be well hidden
and
you yourself do not have the key
it lay dirty & rusted
somewhere in your past

your progress through lifes` journey
achieved by avoiding oneself
you bulldogged it by detours
of hearts that run true
by avoiding connections
of things
tangibly real
of things
that might possibly make you feel
vulnerable
of things
that might touch you somewhere inside
your choices made subconsiously
a long time ago

Perhaps
the day you couldn`t take the time
or bother with...
bending over to pick up....
that old rusty key
not really understanding
what it was you left behind

you walk alone along lifes solitary path
floundering around with feelings of
emptiness deep within
searching...
 searching...
  searching...
trying to fill the deep dark void
the empty hole you have created
in your soul
you don`t even know...
you are the one responsible
for that deadness within

fear made you leave behind
your key to future happiness
by avoiding relationships
which might make you feel
so you wouldn`t ever be tempted
to hand over your old rusty key

so now...
what choices have i really to make?
after a long emotional
and devastating battle of inner conflict
of confusion & pain
i must somehow face up to
what reality holds

a journey of longings
never to be fulfilled
of allways being
on the outside looking in
allways confused by a love not returned
with no way to scale the walls
in between you and me
no way to go back in time
with hopes of retreiving
the key you chose to leave behind
sometimes
we must face what we would like to avoid
sometimes
we have to allow our wounds
to scab over and heal
sometimes
we just have to move on

copyrighted © by: charley~brown
sept 3, 1999