am i beautiful now? pale skin that cries broken flesh, and tears so dry you miss them altogether.
lust blind love gone so terribly wrong you can smell dead emotion.
burns on my fingers, and smoke in my hair ...
fire so close to the core it's barely there.
i may sit here tonight bleeding emotion so raw it's nauseating, but trust me, my broken love, tomarrow brings another day of uncontrolled hate.
you swallowed my pathetic heart, whole, as you took in a deep breath of our "nothing" ...
choking down the pieces until you gaged at the sight of my attatchment.
lies were fed to me through a tube placed through my core.
to all your friends i was just your little whore.
im sure you tell them how it was "all me"
i was the one who needed to fuck your every need.
you will always be the scared little boy that i see.
grow up and realize that sex is not the only fucking thing.
cursed luck in my pale eyes
and pain in my stomach.
a piece of me has been deserted.
gave up all that i could have for someone who couldnt let me be enough.
put my heart out on the line and placed his worth infront of mine.
scum will never be good enough for me.
i should have made you work for my feelings. but instead i gave myself over freely. i was blind to who you really were. so this is my last toast to you.
(i will no longer waste emotion on the thought of you.)
a broken wine glass raised to all that you do not know.
blood red wine to wash away the dizzy mind.
tell your friends how much i needed you. make me out to be the bitch. your the victim.
i really do not care anymore. i cared too much for way too long ..
but now i can honestly say i want nothing to do with you.
nothing.
i really dislike the ending. i think i may change it ... a lot.
... a mothers words were forever forgotten as she laid there lifeless .. one quick motion ... one painless bullet .. the nauseating sound of one less person ... what happens if you change your mind at the last second? ... the trigger is pulled and in that one split second .... between metal and flesh ... your mind says "stop!" and you chose to live again ... but its too late ... you already made you last mistake ... now you're left with a numbing darkness that will forever be your dreams and ambitions ... all you ever wanted was for them to listen to the simple things ...
my inspriation is gone
all i have left are words that make no sense
my honesty is brutal
when its sinking in a bottle
but still i keep on writting
though these phrases are dividing
and my thoughts and mixed and jumbled
stumbling in darkness
mistaken by this bias
im enthralled with rage and anger
as my heart cries out for murder
and my pen continues to write out confussion
because this brain of mine has gone to hell
when everything i try to succeed in failrs
i crash to my knees
bruiseing anything that bleeds
you keep me on my toes
confussion makes my eyes explode
and liesing never leaves my mind alone
you'll promise me the world (and nothing less)
build me up to tear me down
remember my lips by this poisioned sound
paper cuts will grace my fingers
this shameful feeling seems to linger
blood shot eyes and unreliable times
but still i try
you always love to watch my eyes
this pale blue color never dies
but dissapointment is never real
when everything you dreamt, you feel
my mouth stays quiet with this fear
but then i soften with each beer
and before we know it you're still here
and a night full of mistakes is growing near
when will i learn to do it right
i'll admit i like to see you by my side
but will you crush my every nerve
send me back 4 steps. back to third
im sick and tired of lust and tears
lkissing boys who never cared
getting thoughts too intense to keep
writting things i can not believe
chipped nail polish and blood stained skin
im throwing this one in the bin
my mind is yelling at my heart
i cant get it out. i cant even start
everything i try to write
is one more thing that i despite
time ticks by and still i try
to find the meaning that i need
my body aches with agony
GOD WHY CANT I WRITE
even if i screamed a thousand tears you wouldnt even turn your beautiful head ... mistaken for a whore ... rejected as a bitch ... your pulchritude will forever be burned across my eyes ... i could never forget the way you bled your excuses ... dirtying my white sheets with your mess ... scribbles indented in my journal ... facts lost in uncontrolled emotion ... you will always be my ocean ... for i am lost at sea ... kisses on your forhead burn infidelities ... marks on my thighs scream sweet melodies ... a prayer for the child who's born from lust ... a sweet blind love covered in filthy dust ... forever remember the soft lines of my face ... and the way that our bodies returned to the same exact place ....