my sleep "schedule" is completely off, and its makeing me go insane. i need some kind of structure to my life. i always have. even down to the simplest things.
so school starts monday. i have 8 fucking classes and 1 semester of night school. its the only way i will graduate. how sad. im such a mess up. its disgusting.
i need to get my hair cut. i hate it.
i hadnt realized how bitter i am today ... until now.
i've been hanging out with mishell a lot lately. i have missed her so much. i think the reason why i started falling apart when i started to see less and less of her ... until i didnt see her at all ... is because i became dependt on her. its a bad habit.
well i just figured i should update.
"jovi, you've won and yet you are acting like you lost."
"things always get worse before they get better."
and thats exactly what they did. i now have my life back. thank god. i do not feel like i am suffocating anymore. i do not feel like my parents are now living my life for me ... anymore. i try to tell them "you guys arent here to hold me up, because once i leave im just going to fall. you are here to help me when i DO fall. when i DO make my mistakes. to help me get back on my feet."
they will forever be blind to who i really am, because they chose not to see me.
i seen cracky at the mall about a week ago. he went into to macys mens with mishell and i. we went and seen marshall at work. then they both left, and marshall and i went to lunch ... well actually we just ended up sitting in subway for an hour since neither of us were hungry. i seen him last night as well.
schools a bitch. i get so worn out. i find myself going to bed at like 8pm. im such a grandma.
mishells birthday is coming up. im not sure what we are doing.
i think im sick. : (
well thats all i got.
well these past couple of weeks have been pretty good.
until this past weekend. it was wierd and good all at the same time. things happened that still blow my mind, but other then that everything has just been ..... the same. im ready for some kind of change.
im not able to go anywhere for the next 3 weeks. bleh.
i didnt see marshall this past weekend. that sucks.
i have to go camping with my family this up and coming weekend. im really hoping something happens that will make it so we are unable to go. only in my deepest dreams.
school is horrible. im going on homestudies.
im unhappy, and i do not know why. it just kind of hit me. i have been in such a fantastic mood these past couple of weeks ... and yet now it all seems so fake and depleted. i need to live a different life as a different person.
well ... thats my update for you all.
xoxo