Warnings: None unless too much laughter or even too little laughter isn't a good thing.
Notes: Okay this is pure and absolute silliness, the idea just popped into my head while I was doing something or the other and I just had to write it down.
Feedback: Always welcome.
I remember the times we all spent together, thrown together out of necessity and circumstance. The days we spent hidden waiting for our next mission and the ' all clear ' to resume fighting. Those were some of the greatest days of my life.
There was this one time that I remember, we had all returned after a particularly tough battle and yet we immerged with only minor injuries. I thought that a celebration was in order and with a little, make that a lot of persuasion, Quatre got a hold of some premium whiskey and we 'read I' decided to throw a party. Nine bottles of the stuff later we all were pretty smashed. My alcohol tolerance levels had always been high but Heero and Wufei were another matter altogether.
I had gotten Wufei to drink by challenging him and now he was really sloshed, Heero just followed my instructions, after I 'convinced ' him that it was a test for tolerance. After all who knew if one time Oz would play dirty and if they captured one of us, try to get that person so drunk that he wouldn't know what they were saying until it was to late, 'Hey it could happen', anyway I remember watching Wufei and wondering if it were possible to somehow remove the stick that was shoved up his butt and the more my hazed brain though about it the more the possibility of taking it out seemed forthcoming.
So I shifted over to Wufei and began to talk to him, I put my hand on his thigh and began to move it down into the jointure of his thighs. He just watched me, cross-eyed I might mention and asked in a slurred voice, just what the hell I was doing. Only it came out something like this: "duosh whasht thesht hellsht aresht yous doing?
I remember being so proud that he got the last word right without a slur, that I just grinned and continued. He took it the wrong way and lurched up and stumbled out of the room, rambling about the injustice of it all and that he was so weak and yadda yadda yadda. I didn't want him to feel bad and I really wanted to know if I could still see about that stick up his butt so I followed him. He thought that I was trying to molest him, yeah right, when everyone knew that I was trying to jump Heero's bones. Anyway he began to run away from me but he was so drunk that all he could really do was a kind of sway, hop, try to balance on one foot while the other is tangled up somewhere, skip, hobble kind of motion. In short he was going nowhere fast.
I went and got some ky jelly, I got it in Quatre's and Trowa's room by the way. I knew that they were not just making beautiful music with each other ' they were MAKING beautiful music with EACH OTHER', anyway I lathered up my hand. I was all prepped for manual surgical removal of stick up butt syndrome that I began to grin at the prospect of solving that particular mystery. Wufei took it the wrong way and began a rant on what else JUSTICE or rather the INJUSTICE of what was happening. Q, Trowa and Heero just sat there in a kind of sloshed world where Q snuggled up to Trowa and Heero just stared into space going " mission accomplished <hic> mission accomplished <hic> mission accomplished <hic>" until I began to sway after Wufei in time with his hiccups.
So anyway I grab at Wufei and we both go down on the floor, he is trying to get away from me and I am trying to shove my hand up his butt. So finally he asks me in the most defeated tone of voice he can muster why I was attacking him. It came out like this: " duosh whysht aresht yous atta..atta.attacking me?"
Again I was so proud that he said those last two words without slurring that I just lay there and smirked at him, while he waited wearily for an answer. So I told him that I was trying to remove the stick that was lodged up his butt. He looked at me cross-eyed and then he began to shake, I thought that he was having a seizure and I screamed for Heero to come and help me, only to realize that he was laughing now that was scary, a ranting Wufei I can handle, a smirking Wufei maybe. but a laughing Wufei... I don't think so.
Then Wufei told me that I was full of shit and that there was nothing up his butt but if I wasn't careful, when he was sober he was going to plant his foot up mine, so I rolled away from him and sort of curled into my self. I mean I was mortified, first there was nothing up his butt, ' he did have a nice package by the way' and he was laughing. I was scared, when Heero pulled himself together and came to my 'rescue', Wufei was silent having passed out mere moments before. Heero watched me while I moaned to myself that I was okay, Wufei wasn't laughing, there were no monsters taking over the planet and I was safe, morning would come soon.
I looked up at that moment and saw the barest trace of a grin float over his lips and I mean float I was seeing in .in .. something I was so drunk, anyway I passed out soon after that and woke up to a pounding headache and a paranoid Wufei, he just kept watching me and polishing his sword, Heero ignored me as always but I caught him watching Wufei's butt when he thought no-one was looking. So at least I did something that night, I got Heero to think about something other than the mission, or at least I hope I did, I mean what are the odds that Heero actually wondered what was stuck up Wufei's butt before I tried to remove it, hmmm?
<<<<Owari>>>>
