| Teacher Says |
| The first grade class comes in from recess. The teacher asks Alice: "What did you do at recess?" Alice says, "I played in the sandbox." The teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." She does, and gets a cookie. The teacher asks Billy what he did at recess. Billy says, "I played with Alice in the sandbox." The teacher says, "Good. If you can write 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." Billy does, and gets a cookie. The teacher then asks Mustaffa Machmoud what he did at recess. He says, "I tried to play with Alice and Billy, but they threw rocks at me." The teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go to the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination,' I'll give you a cookie." My mother taught me religion and other things~ My mother taught me to appreciate A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside- I just finished cleaning." My mother taught me RELIGION: "You had better pray that comes out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of last week." My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure that you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me IRONY: "Stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about." My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your dinner." My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!" My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone. My mother taught me about WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado went through your room." My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?" My mother taught me about STATISTICS: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times- don't exaggerate!" My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father." My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in the world that don't have wonderful parents like you do." |