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10/03/03
A guy had been feeling down for so long
that he finally decided to seek the aid of a
psychiatrist.
He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his
guts then waited for the profound wisdom of
the psychiatrist to make him feel better.
The psychiatrist asked me a few questions,
took some notes then sat thinking in silence
for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his
face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of
delight and said, "Um, I think your
problem is low self-esteem. It is very
common among losers."
10/03/03
A doctor of psychology was doing his
normal morning rounds when he entered a
patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting
on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of
wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by
his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he
was doing. The patient replied, "Can't
you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in
half?" The doctor inquired of Patient
#1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1
replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's
a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb."
The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's
face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's
your friend, you should get him down from
there before he hurts himself"
Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in
the dark?"
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A woman who
is constantly embarrassed by her husband
falling asleep in church goes to the priest
to ask for help. The priest says, "Look
love, if he falls asleep again, poke him
with this hat pin. I'll nod to you as a
signal to poke him.". The woman agrees
to the plan.
So Sunday rolls around and sure enough, good
old Mr Jones nods off again. The priest
notices and asks, "Who is our saviour?"
then nods to Mrs Jones. She pokes her
husband, and he wakes up and shouts,
"Jesus Christ!".
The priest, pretending to be impressed,
says, "Very good!".
A full three minutes later, Mr Jones is
asleep again. The priest again notices, and
asks, "What is the name of Jesus'
father?" before nodding at Mrs Jones
again.
She pokes her husband, who screams,
"GOD!" at the top of his lungs.
The priest again congratulates Mr Jones on
his alertness and continues with the sermon.
However, during the sermon, he begins
nodding enthusiastically, which Mrs Jones
mistakes for a poking signal.
The priest then says, "And what did Eve
say to Adam after she gave him his 99th
child?" the priest nods.
The mistaken Mrs Jones pokes her husband,
and he shouts, "If you poke that
fucking thing into me one more time, I'll
snap it in half and shove it up your arse!".
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