Hello and welcome to the first official Monkey Man and Punch Poodle newsletter, this is where I tell u bout the stuff coming out soon, flip books, comic books, whats going to be in them, the new characters (There will be a new character in the upcoming comic book) and what they are like. Also I will try to add in some jokes to make this actually worthwhile to read. *****FLIP BOOKS***** There are of course going to be a few more of those little 10 second ones, but there will be one coming out, probably the 14th That will be around 2.25 inches thick, somewhere around 10 times the usual size! Anyways, I am also considering a widescreen version of WAR, I found a pad of paper that�s really really wide, I mean really wide, I mean you have thin, you have medium, you have wide, and THEN you have REALLY wide!! Although I probably wont, it will take me a really long time to make it, and its kinda short anyways. *****COMIC BOOKS***** Yes I am coming out with a NEW Monkey Man and Punch Poodle comic book, kinda like the last one. Exept this one has a new secret character, if you have looked around on the website you may have already have seen him, Zar, the Stick Fu master. The main character of all those flip books (except stick dance I and II) (and smiley, and the one where a stick guy walks up and gets a face and hair and shoots people) but all the ones like �Stick Man vs Cell Phone Snake� and �Stick Man vs Super Stick� although he did not appear in WAR, he flew the plane that dropped the nuke in the end. Anyways, he will be in the new book along with Zaph Zar, although only for one scene, Zaph Zar is Zar�s clone. Along with him there is also Knordy, Nordy�s talkative clone, Kknordy, Nordys mean clone, and finaly Kkknordy, Nordy�s racist clone. Im not sure yet but I think all the clones die in the end, or at least disappear in a puff of memory. Although more comic books will come, they will take a while. *****FUNNY JOKES***** Jesus is Watching You Mark as unread Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically,he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then asked the parrot, "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot", sneered the burglar. "What kind of person named you Clarence?" The parrot replied, "The same kind of person who named the Rottweiler Jesus." Tech support A woman called the Cannon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asker her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "NO, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point... The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working just fine." Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: "I'd like a mouse pad, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety." Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?" I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it. Customer: "Can you copy the internet for me onto this diskette?" I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this: Customer: "Hi... Is this the internet?" Some people pay for their online services with check made payable to "The Internet." Customer: "So, that will get me connected to the Internet, right?" Tech Support: "Yeah." Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?" Tech Support: "Uhh... uh... uh...yeah." Customer: "My computer crashed!" Tech Support: "It crashed?" Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game..." Tech Support: "All right then, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot it." Customer: "No, it didn't crash - it crashed!" Tech Support: "Huh?" Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before! I crashed the spaceship, and now it doesn't work." Tech Support: Click on "File", then "New Game". Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?" Car Jacking An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it and that she will if required so get out of the car. The 4 men didn't wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat. Small problem, her key wouldn't fit the ignition. Her car was identical and parked four/five spaces further down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale white males were reporting a car-jacking by a mad elderly white woman. No charges were filed. Just plain stupid IDIOTS AT WORK I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. IDIOTS & GEOGRAPHY After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?" ADVICE FOR IDIOTS An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees": "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes." IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there. IDIOTS & COMPUTERS My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. AN IDIOT'S IDIOT Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling a lie. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. *****WEBPAGE***** If you haven�t seen the profile of Zar, Nordy or Shotgun bob, then you probably didn�t see the more profiles button, as it blends into the background, I am going to put a box around it and put some color in it so you can see it better. To request a certain type of comic book of flip book just send me the info. If there is any confusion just answer the questions below What is your name? Would you like a flip book or comic book Comic book, do u want a traditional Monkey Man and Punch Poodle kind, or do u want a themed book (like The Matrix, Monkey style) If regular style, do you want any specific bad guy, or combo of bad guys? A certain plot? If themed, what movie(star wars)/book(lord of the rings)/other well known thing(war on iraq) do you wand to have. If flip book, fighting, dancing(loose definition of dancing), or some weird thing that dosent make sense(like smiley) If fighting, Stick fu?(hand to hand), shooting (WAR), swords, or other If dancing, what kind? If whatever, well its kinda hard to describe these Well whatever, send it to me at shantazzar@yahoo.com ? Monkey Man
