Quotes from Steven Wright
- "Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?"
- "Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with."
- "Why isn't 11 pronounced Onety-One?"
- "What hair color do they put on the driver's liscenses of bald men?"
- "You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
- "Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?"
- "No one ever says, 'It's only a game,' when their team is winning."

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