Things We've Learned From Movies

Things We've Learned from Horror Movies

• When it appears that you have killed the bad guy, never check to see if it's really dead, just get the hell away from it.
• If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices in your house, move away immediately.
• Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
• If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.
• When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off and go it alone.
• As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
• If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
• If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
• Do not take anything from the dead.
• If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
• If you're running from the bad guy, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that despite the fact that you are running, and the bad guy is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
• If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as soon as possible.
• Listen closely to the soundtrack; and pay attention to the audience, since they are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

Things We've Learned From Movies

• When they are alone, foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
• All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
• The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
• It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone to talk you down.
• The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - no one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
• All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.
• You are very likely to survive any battle in any war, unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
• Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do.
• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
• Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
• If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
• Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
• Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
• Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
• It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
• A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
• It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
• When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
• Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds.
• Television news bulletins contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.

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