The Wisdom of Homer Simpson

• "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose...it's how drunk you get"
• "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try"
• "Oh yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?"
• Homer: "But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?"
  Marge: "That's because you were drunk!"
  Homer: "And How!"
• Homer: "Okay brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer."
  Homer's Brain: "It's a deal!"
• Marge: "Homer, did you call the audience 'Chicken'?"
  Homer: "No, I swear on this bible!"
  Marge: "That's not a bible. That's a book of carpet samples"
  Homer: "Mmmm...fuzzy"
• Lisa: "Dad, we did something very bad!"
  Homer: "Did you wreck the car?"
  Bart: "No"
  Homer: "Did you raise the dead?"
  Lisa: "Yes"
  Homer: "But the car's okay?"
  Bart and Lisa: "Uh-huh."
  Homer: "All right then."
• "Mmmm...hog fat..."
• "Mmmm...free goo..."
• "Mmmm...invisible cola..."
• Marge: "Have you been drinking?"
  Homer: "No!...Well, ten beers."
• Bart: "These uniforms suck!"
  Marge: "Bart, where do you pick up words like that?"
  Homer: (on phone) "Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked. I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked."
  Marge: "Homer! Watch your mouth!"
  Homer: "I gotta go, my damn weiner kids are listening"

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