FUNNY STUFF
The Wisdom of Homer Simpson
- "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose...it's how drunk you get"
- "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try"
- "Oh yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?"
- Homer: "But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?"
Marge: "That's because you were drunk!"
Homer: "And How!"
- Homer: "Okay brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer."
Homer's Brain: "It's a deal!"
- Marge: "Homer, did you call the audience 'Chicken'?"
Homer: "No, I swear on this bible!"
Marge: "That's not a bible. That's a book of carpet samples"
Homer: "Mmmm...fuzzy"
- Lisa: "Dad, we did something very bad!"
Homer: "Did you wreck the car?"
Bart: "No"
Homer: "Did you raise the dead?"
Lisa: "Yes"
Homer: "But the car's okay?"
Bart and Lisa: "Uh-huh."
Homer: "All right then."
- "Mmmm...hog fat..."
- "Mmmm...free goo..."
- "Mmmm...invisible cola..."
- Marge: "Have you been drinking?"
Homer: "No!...Well, ten beers."
- Bart: "These uniforms suck!"
Marge: "Bart, where do you pick up words like that?"
Homer: (on phone) "Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked. I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked."
Marge: "Homer! Watch your mouth!"
Homer: "I gotta go, my damn weiner kids are listening"

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