Some Deep Thoughts From Jack Handey

• "I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it."
• "When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges."
• "If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave Man, I guess I'm a coward."
• "I bet the main reason why the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff. Then when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go 'What was THAT?!'"
• "Too bad you can't buy a voodoo glove so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out."

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