FUNNY STUFF
Actual Court Transcripts
- Q: What is your brother-in-law's name?
A: Borofkin
Q: What's his first name?
A: I can't remember
Q: He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?
A: No, I tell you, I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name!
- Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A: I refuse to answer that question
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A: I refuse to answer that question
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A: No
- Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?BR>
A: I could see his head.
Q: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.
- Q: Do you drink when you're on duty?
A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk
- Q: ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
A: The victim lived.
- Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
- Q: This myasthenia gravis does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
- Q: How old is your son the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
- Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
- Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
- Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
- Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
- Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
- Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
- Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
- Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
- Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
- Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
- Q: Did he kill you?
- Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
- Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
- Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
- Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
- Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
- Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
- Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
- Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
- Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
- Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
- Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
- Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
- Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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