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Was Edenia Really Worth It?
By Yuffie
Was Edenia Really Worth It??
A comedy poking fun at Shao Kahn.
Please do no proceed if:
You can�t handle prolonged laughing
You have had any kind of surgery
You like Shao Kahn
�Pathetic, weak fools! Is that your best? You�ll never win.� Shao Kahn laughed and taunted his opponent.
He enjoyed being a real prick. But at the end of the day�after Mortal Kombat, he dreaded going back to his Outworld Palace.
Shao Kahn slowly opened the door.
�Any minute now��� he cringed.
�Shao Kahn! Where the hell were you???? Why didn�t tell me you were going to be late? Huh?�
Sindel stabbed him with one of her long dagger-like nails.
�Ouchie! I�m sorry��babe?�
�Don�t call me that Shao Kahn! You know I hate it!�
�Baby?�
�I hate that too you oaf!�
�Girl?�
�Goddamn Shao Kahn!� Sindel kicked at him and Shao Kahn cowered.
Shao Kahn walked into the kitchen. He opened the cupboard.
�Where are my Twinkies??� he asked.
�Oh, those things? They�re unhealthy. Never trust anything that doesn�t have an expiration date on it! You idiot.�
�But I love Twinkies!�
�Goddamn! I�m leaving; I have to go to the Outworld Outfitters. I need new fighting stuff. I�m going to go spend your money.�
Sindel left and Shao Kahn sighed.
�Sniff���sniff��she�s always so mean to me. She just wants sex and doesn�t communicate with me.�
Shao Kahn opened the fridge and took out a ten gallon ice cream.
�Sniff���ice cream. My best friend, when I get upset��sniff��I eat!�
Shao Kahn dipped the spoon in the ice cream without getting a bowl first.
Motaro came into the room.
�Um, sir?� he could of sworn he heard Shao Kahn��crying.
�Bwa ha ha!! I�m Shao Kahn!!! Ruler of Outworld! Fwa ha ha! Kya ha ha! Gwa ha ha! Mwa ha ha!�
Shao Kahn forced himself to laugh evilly, but it came out kind of flat.
�Um, Sir, is everything ok?� Motaro asked, scratching his facial hair.
�Yes, yes, um can you go work on the side of my house?� Shao Kahn asked him.
�Yes sir.� Motaro left. Motaro was a handyman��err handy centaur��whenever he wasn�t crushing Kombatants for Shao Kahn.
Shao Kahn continued to eat his ice cream. Then he cooked a pizza. Then he started eating some Twinkies he had stashed away in a secret place.
�SHAO KAHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!� Sindel came back.
�Uh oh��� Shao Kahn tried to hide his Twinkies.
�What the goddamn hell is THAT??????� Sindel used her hair to swipe the Twinkies box.
�TWINKIES???? I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT TWINKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look at you! You�re getting all FAT! Look at those THIGHS! They are getting FAT! All thanks to these TWINKIES!!!!!!� Sindel threw the Twinkies box out the window.
�Hey! Twinkies!� Motaro started to eat the Twinkies.
�Um, can you toss down some Corona too???� Motaro asked.
�Shut up, you old nag!� Sindel tossed down a beer bottle and it shattered on Motaro�s head, knocking him out.
�Ooh, BRUTALITY!!� the Mortal Kombat narrator�s voice boomed out.
�Shut up!� Sindel ripped off the announcer voice whatever thing�s head and it was about time that it happened.
�What happened to all the Go-Gurt?� Shao Kahn asked her carefully.
�Oh. I got rid of those. Not using a spoon��HEATHEN!!!!! And besides, what kinda word is �glurp?� Go-gurt, the yogurt you can squeeze and slurp, grab and glurp? It�s not a WORD you shithead!�
�I�m just going to go now.� Shao Kahn inched toward the door.
�Where do you think you�re going buddy boy?!!!!� Sindel shrieked.
�Um, out?� was Shao Kahn�s meek reply.
�Out? Where�s this OUT? Be more descriptive, asshole!�
�For a� walk?� he told her.
�Oh no you don�t! Make me a sandwich!! And NO onions! May the Elder Gods help you if I find ONIONS!!!!!!!!� She demanded.
So Shao Kahn set out to make the sandwich and decided that he was so upset that he made himself a triple decker sandwich with onions, his favorite.
But alas, Shao Kahn screwed up somehow and gave Sindel his sandwich instead of hers.
�SHAO KAHN YOU BIG DUMMY!!!!! I said NO ONIONS!!!!!� she threw the sandwich at him and it bounced off Shao Kahn and then to the floor, making a mess.
�Eeks, I�m sorry, I�m sorry!� Shao Kahn got on his knees to pick it all up.
�You better be sorry, asshole!!!!� Sindel raged.
Much later, after the sandwich fiasco, Shao Kahn decided to sit down and watch his Daytime Outworld Soap Opera, 3 Lives to Go.
He got some fast food from the local fast food joint in Outworld, and sat down to eat.
He was very enthralled by the show and all of a sudden the TV turned off.
�Shao Kahn! No wonder you have thunder thighs!!!!!!!!!!! All you do is sit on your ass and eat goddamn hamburgers and French Fries every goddamn day! While watching TELEVISION too!!!� Sindel yelled at him.
�No! Please honey! I have to see what happened! Angela is going to be proposed to by Billy and Mackenzie is just going to figure out who her baby�s daddy is!!!!!�
�Well you won�t get to see what happens, Shao Kahn!!!!!!!! You are going to get off your lazy ass and work out!! NOW!� Sindel bitched at him so much he decided to go out and walk around Outworld.
Feeling very sorry for himself, he found himself in the local donut shop. Shao Kahn found himself eating a dozen donuts.
�Awww shit, she�s going to let me have it for this one.� He muttered and felt worse so he ate another dozen and decided not to go home so quickly.
He sighed and walked over to the weapons shop, deciding to look at more hammers, in case he broke one in the Mortal Kombat Tournaments.
Instead he saw Shang Tsung looking over swords.
�OMIGOSH it�s SHANG TSUNG!!!! OMIGOD OMIGOD! Pleeeeease do me a favor!!!!�
Shang Tsung�s eyes widened.
The last thing he expected to see was Shao Kahn, THE Shao Kahn, Shao Kahn the insensitive prick, groveling and on his knees, begging.
�What the hell do you want?� He asked him.
�Please, you gotta help me dude, please steal Sindel�s SOUL! You�re an evil soul stealing sorcerer, you need souls, right? Please please please PLEEEEEASE take her soul!!!!!! She�s so mean to me!�
Shang Tsung started to laugh at him.
�Waaah! Don�t laugh at me.� Shao Kahn started whining.
�And you want me to do you a favor!� Shang Tsung sneered.
�Eh? why not?� Shao Kahn asked.
�Let�s see, first of all, you treat me like crap and imprison me for not winning your stupid tournament the first time, then you get your ass kicked by Liu Kang himself, so you feel like a piece of crap, and let me go, and now you want me to do you a favor? I don�t think so.�
Shang Tsung shook his head and left the store in amusement.
�Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee come back buddy!�
�Quit begging and whining. You are going to lose all respect from the readers.� Shang Tsung told him.
�Sniff��I�m not losing my respect from the readers!� Shao Kahn muttered and he went back home.
Sindel greeted him with a slap in the face.
�Where were you???? I didn�t give you permission to leave!� She snapped.
�I uh��well� Shao Kahn started.
�First, I saw the coupons for the donuts missing, then I couldn�t find you so I put two and two together�which is something you can�t do!�
�I can SO put two and two together!� Shao Kahn muttered.
�Oh yeah? What�s two plus two?� she asked him.
�Erm, ummmmm� six? No wait, its nine, no, um, three!!! Yeah, it�s three!!!�
Shao Kahn told her confidently.
�ID-I-OT!!!!!!!!!!! It�s FOUR, stupid asshole.�
�I uh, knew that.� Shao Kahn lied.
�Oh well, I made you a drink. Here, drink it.� Sindel gave him the drink.
Shao Kahn sipped it cautiously. It was unlike Sindel to be kind to him.
�This tastes funny. It�s all sour.�
�Well, I was hoping you wouldn�t taste the difference, I put Enzyte in your drink so you can get a bigger one!!! You�re so tiny!� she told him cruelly.
�Sniff�don�t make fun of me. Why do you hate me so????� Shao Kahn protested.
At that moment, Shinnock came in.
�Where�s my hat?? I can�t find my hat! Motaro stole my hat!!!!� he whined.
�What the hell??????? I did NOT steal your stupid hat!� Motaro argued.
�Yes you did, you stole my haaat! I can�t find my hat. You stole my hat, Motaro!!!�
�I DID NOT STEAL YOUR STUPID HAT!� Motaro griped.
�Yes you did, you stole my hat! And my money! He stoled it!!!!!!�
�I don�t even know where you keep your stupid money!� Motaro muttered.
Shinnock threw his hands up frustrated and went to the fridge.
�Where�s my drink? Someone drank my drink! I was saving it!!!!� He whined.
Then Shinnock noticed something.
�My hat, oh here it is!� he realized it was he who put it in the fridge for some stupid reason and he didn�t even say that he was sorry to Motaro either.
So this is why Shao Kahn acts like such a prick in the Mortal Kombat Tournaments.
At the Tournament, he can be all high and mighty and macho. But at home, he�s pushed around by Sindel.
The End!!!
Yuffie�s Afterward: This was written to be funny. Completely. Really, all of it. I thought it would be hilarious to have Sindel be completely evil and shrewish to Shao Kahn.
The readers are supposed to feel sorry for him the whole way through.
The scene with Motaro working on the house, erm, let�s just say he really exists. There is this scary guy who worked on my house and he looks just like Motaro in the Mortal Kombat Movie, Annilation.
This scary carpenter guy, he likes to drink Corona Beer, so I had to poke fun at him.
The Shinnock scene was supposed to be comic relief. But I know a �Shinnock� in real life. She happens to be a female though, and she always seems to lose her stupid hat all the time,
she�ll misplace the dumb thing and blame her sister for it. She also loses her money and blames her sister too.
One time, she even put her hat in the fridge, found it, and never apologized for blaming her sister, either!
The Motaro comments are comments her sister uses to her when she blames her for stealing the hat!
The �Shinnock� Sister is twenty two in reality. Her sister is eighteen by the way.
For real, no lies. >_> the �Shinnock� acts like that.
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