January 23, 2004
The Devil's Advocates
v.
Mike Wilson/Billy Dee
Jeremy is sitting in his car, rolling up a joint. He
looks through the already cloudy windshield. A very nice looking
limousine and Nicky Mills slowly steps out. Cundiff blinks his headlights, motioning for Mills to join him. Nicky slowly climbs into the passenger seat.
"New floor mats...smells good, save that pot...no trash...hey! You've got a radio!"
"I don't have the guts to get a new car, so..."
Everything remains silent for a second.
"Well...I guess this is the last time I'll get to talk to you..."
"And that's probably a good thing."
Nicky chuckles for a while, but Jeremy remains stone-faced. He takes the freshly rolled joint from his pocket, and hides it in his hand.
"Seriously, man...will you be there for our match?"
"Yes. I will be there for our match. I've got a score or two to settle, man. Mike Wilson needs to have his head knocked off his shoulders."
"What about Dee? This has me worried..."
"Man, you KNOW I won't let him embarrass us on TNT television!"
"Nicky, seriously...I know this'll be the last time we get to hang out for a while, so..."
Jeremy reveals the fat joint he had rolled.
"I told you..."
"Come on, you promised me. Remember? I did that one party for you?"
We flashback to a large room, possibly a
ballroom, being occupied with lots of people. A stage is
set up and some jazz is being played for the guests as a
buffet is also set up, and many of the guests are taking
food and putting it onto their plates. Nicky is standing in
the room talking to some of the celebrities he invited to
this tuxedo only party, telling from everyone wearing
tuxedos. Nicky is at the bar talking to Halle Berry, and
the two seem to be flirting with each other.
"I don't know what was so bad about Catwoman though. You did
alright."
"Thanks. I really like you, you know..."
"How about we hook up later on?"
Halle starts laughing and whispers into his
ear.
"Damn! Your one dirty girl, you know!"
"I'll catch up with you later, Nicky. And if things go well,
you'll be my Batman."
She walks away and then none other than Quentin
Tarrantino walks up to the bar, and the two men hug in
greeting as the two begin talking.
"Hey! Long time no see, Quentin."
"Yeah, you too, man."
"How's the movie stuff going?"
"I've been working on projects here and there. I was
wondering if I could talk to you about something."
"What's that?"
"I have an upcoming project and I was wondering if you'd
like a role in it."
"Yeah, that sounds cool. I'd..."
Suddenly, a loud shout can be heard as
none other than Jeremy Cundiff stumbles into the room,
and everyone turns to stare at him. Completely full of
alcohol, he is wearing a tee shirt with a picture of a
tuxedo, which is covered by an open blazer jacket and a
pair of black denim jeans.
"Aw, shit."
Cundiff staggers across the room towards
the bar where everyone are going back to their business,
but eyes are still glaring at the drunken Jeremy, who
swaggers to the bar and almost falls on Quentin, who
barely moves out of the way.
"Is this your wrestling partner?"
"Quentin Tarantiono? Dude...I've got to talk to you, man. It's fuckin' serious."
"Uhh, I don't think that's a good idea, man. You're
wasted."
Nicky goes to drag his partner away but
Jeremy pulls away and then a horrified Quentin is still
looking at him, as Cundiff begins speaking.
"I killed Bill, you bastard! Yeah! Not that bitch...I did!
I've got the five inch heart exploding technique, motherfucker!"
Cundiff goes to imitate it but he then falls
down to the ground and looks to have passed out, as
everyone turns to look. Nicky has his face buried in his
hands, as he looks at Quentin, who is now embarrassed.
"I apologize. My good friend still thinks it's the 1960's,
and that Jimmy Hendrix is still alive and kicking."
"You were so embarrassing...I dont think he'll give me that
movie part now, thanks to your dumbass." "It's just you, and me. Come on. Try it..."
"You only live once...gimme the fuckin' doob."
Ten minutes have elapsed...the smoke is coming out the windows. Nicky is holding the roach clips, laughing like crazy.
"OH MY GOD! He did WHAT, now?"
"He shit his pants right in the middle of Bob Evans! Right by the checkout!"
Nicky's giggling and laughing get even more out of control. He hands off the roach clips, laughing even more. Jeremy takes a big hit, and that's all she-roach.
"I still can't believe Gavin did that..."
"Well, he was stoned and had the flu."
Nicky sits still for a minute...
"I'm fucking hungry, man. Where's there some good food?"
"There is a White Castle in town...we'll hit that."
"Okay...what the hell do they serve?"
Jeremy squeals into the parking lot and through the drive-thru lane. An old man is sitting in the middle, obviously not ordering food.
"What the hell? HEY! Move! We're high as fuck and WE WANT WHITE CASTLE!"
"YEAH! We're hungry, you bitch! Move it before we drive this Honda up your ass!"
"Oh my God! Nicky, that's..."
"BILL CLINTON?"
Sure enough, it is the man himself. He sticks his head out the window, smoke billowing out. He smiles, and pulls away. Jeremy and Nicky look, staring with jaws dropped. A twenty-something woman pops up from the front seats. Bill drives off, squealing the tires and emitting a loud rebel yell. Jeremy and Nicky continue to stare jaws dropped and eyes glazed.
"No. Fucking. Way."
"Let's follow him, dude!"
"Fuck that, let's get food."
They sit, still halfway into the drive-thru lane. Jeremy pulls out all of a sudden, and speeds out the White Castle exit.
"Where are we going?"
"Following him."
Jeremy begins to fly on the four-lane, passing cars and sliding in and out of traffic. He pulls off without warning, and slows down.
"Jeremy...I see fences, graffiti, used needles, and 22 caliber shells. Where are we?"
"Uh...I think we in the hood, yo."
"Hell yeah! I've always wanted to do this..."
Nicky begins flipping through some CDs, and then cranks the window down and the music up. The song?
'Drop It Like It's Hot' by Snoop Dog and Pharrell. He grabs Jeremy's hat and sticks it on sideways. He leans out the window, and starts yelling.
"You want to die, man?"
"Turn that shit up, nigga! Thugs rollin' up in this bitch!"
A few gangstas (probably selling dope, judging by their obvious sidearms) catch attention of the two in the car.
"Watch this..."
"NO! Dude!"
"YO! NIGGAZ! Y'all better recognize a TRUE PLAYA! Y'all niggaz ain't SHIT! Got no GAME, BITCH!"
Jeremy grimaces as he hears the thugs running towards the car.
"I'm gonna get shot, I'm gonna get shot, I'm gonna get shot..."
"Relax! We'll be f..."
BOOM. A bullet whizzes right by the car. Jeremy immediately slams the gas pedal down as hard as he can.
"I'm going to shoot back..."
"FUCK THAT! We're just going to go to the strip club..."
"Pussy."