Setting: ATF Universe
Page 20
"You have no heart, Ezra!" Buck complained, tossing his cards onto the table. He stood and stretched as the gambler raked in the 'pretzels'.
"If I calculate correctly," Ezra paused, counting the salty snacks by two's. "You owe me twenty five dollars."
"I'm good for it," Buck countered with a wink, giving Ezra cause to grin. The rogue turned to watch Josiah and Chris finish their chess game. "Josiah, you keep eatin' those pawns and we can't have a rematch." He noted as the former minister tossed two Hershey kisses in his mouth and grinned.
"Plenty more where that comes from, Brother," Josiah replied as Chris moved a oreo-bishop forward.
"Check," the blond said, easing back in his chair and rubbing his throbbing temples.
"Shame on the lot of ye, ye've turned me rest area into a den of inequity," Mollie frowned, making her way to Chris. "I saw that face ye made, did I not warn ye about that concussion?" She paused at his side and waited.
"I hear you," Chris replied, "I'm almost done mopping up Josiah."
"Mopping up?" Josiah's eyebrow went up as he moved his knighted pretzel nub and took a tootsie-rolled rook, "Gettin' kinda cocky, Boss."
"Check-mate," Chris added, moving his queen peanut butter cup into position. "What's up?" he saw her eyeing Vin's sleeping form.
"I was wonderin' if ye'd lend a hand with his CPT," Mollie said of the chest physiotherapy. She'd explained the procedure of helping to clear his lungs of accumulated mucus. "All ye need do is sit near him, he's better with ye closeby."
"Okay," Chris said, rising and facing Ezra, "Dinner?"
"I was just leaving," the Southerner rose and studied Buck's concerned face. "I will return post haste with our missing comrade and our evening meal."
"You got the order?" Josiah asked and saw the chestnut-head nod.
"Yes," Ezra pulled out a long list selected from a nearby Chinese restaurant. He saw Buck worry lines increase and bent over the seated figure. "He'll come around Buck. Whatever is troubling him is starting to come to the surface."
"I hope so, Ace," Buck sighed, "'cause I miss that kid..." He gave Ezra's arm a pat and went to join Josiah, who found reruns of M*A*S*H on television.
"Vin got his hair back," Chris rasped over the pounding in his head as he settled onto a chair directly next to the bed. Mollie had already given Vin a thorough scrubbing, including his matted hair. He now looked much better, the light brown locks were dried and curling over his shoulders. The cotton pants and pastel teeshirt helped too. Josiah provided them with street clothes and Mollie felt if Vin 'dressed the part', he'd feel motivated. His lungs needed a lot of work and the CPT was the first step. He'd managed to keep a light clear liquid snack down earlier, so his gastro tube was gone.
"Are ye there, me Bonny Vin?" she asked gently, rubbing his arm. He made a face then peeled his eyes open. "Ye nearly slept through supper. Come now, Love, it's time to earn yer keep."
"Huh?" Vin rasped, shaking all over as she pulled the sheet back and turned him on his side. "Hey," Vin whispered, eyeing his friend. "Ya okay?" He saw the pain etched in Chris's face and ducked his head to try to see past Mollie.
"I'm fine, you just listen to Mollie."
"Hi Angel," Vin smiled up at her, nearly melting her heart.
"Hi yerself," she grinned, placing a tentative hand on the peach cotton covering his back. "Now ye've got a lot of congestion in yer chest. This will help ye cough it up. Then we can work on ye gaining some strength back in yer lungs, okay?" She saw his eyes wide open and staring at her, as his confused mind struggled to capture her words. Then the head bobbed and she continued, "This is called CPT, and it'll clear yer chest out. We start by moving all that secretion from yer lungs. This is called 'clapping'." She cupped her hand with the fingers together and held it in front of him. "The cupping technique cushions the blow of the hand during clapping by trapping air between the hand and chest wall. Are ye with me?"
Vin listened and looked at her hand, his labored breathing made it hard to concentrate, but he understood her intent.
"Good, then we'll proceed." She placed a bath towel over his back and then used both hands in a steady force, making a sound like a galloping horse. "Now I need ye to take several deep breaths, if ye feel the urge to cough, say the word 'huff' hard instead. Do ye understand?"
Vin's brow furrowed and he saw Chris's face swim into view. His cocked his head in confusion, concentrating on his friend's voice.
"Huff, Vin," Chris saw the puzzled, pale face trying to comprehend. "Like this," Chris forced air out over the word 'huff' and waited, watching until the blue-eyed sharpshooter finally nodded. After several weak, deep breaths, Vin huffed.
"That's grand, Love," Mollie lauded, holding a paper towel under his lips. "Ye can pay up, now... come on..." she waited until phlegm was produced. "Good Lad." This procedure was repeated twice more on different areas of his back, before moving to his chest for three claps. Finally, the exhausted man was done, wheezing heavily. "Here, sit up for a bit," she eased his shaking body upright and over the side of the bed. "Are ye alright then?" she felt his hand snake onto her wrist in a good grip and read his panic. "I'll not let ye fall. I've got something to make yer breathing better. She moved to the bedstand and got the prepared mixture of Ventolin, Atrovent and some normal saline. She put it inside a plastic container which was hooked up to the oxygen delivery system. She took his nose canulla out and put the misted mask over his face. "There now, that will help ye breath a bit easier. Ye have a nice visit with yer Chris and I'll get yer supper tray."
Vin was too exhausted to think about eating. He was totally spent, the workout on his chest and back had him dizzy. He glanced up several times, getting reassurance from the green-eyed blond. He felt stupid being so tired from doing nothing, let alone the large voids of memory. Although the events that led up to this strange hospital were hazy, his long hours in bed made him cranky. He was frustrated and scowled, gripping his weak hand into a fist.
"You quit that swearing or I'll tell Mollie," Chris read the angry face. "You've been sick Vin, you damn near died. It's gonna take some time to get your strength back. It's not a race; there's no timer. I'm not going anywhere." He saw the features ease up a bit and the weary blue eyes regarding him over the face mask. "Your job now, your only job, is to get well. That starts with your lungs. Now that you'll be getting food again, you'll start to feel stronger."
Vin nodded, hearing most of the words through the buzz in his head. He swayed twice, before a strong pair of arms found him.
"Whoa!" Buck teased, grabbing the unsteady figure. "How about I hitch you up so you can rest your back against the headboard?"
Vin thought for a moment and pointed stubbornly to an empty chair. His scowl bespoke his determined stance.
"No way," Chris denied, "Besides, your dinner will be here in a few minutes."
Vin sighed and relented, lifting his arms and allowing Buck to move him back onto the bed. He nodded and snaked a shaking arm out, snagging Buck's arm.
"Your welcome, Slick," Buck replied, ruffling the freshly washed Tanner locks, "Damn it feels good to be able to do that again." He laughed as Vin weakly tried to move away from the Wilmington hand.
Ten minutes later, Mollie reappeared with Vin's tray, which consisted of clear broth, apple juice and lemon jello. She saw his face wrinkle up as soon as the lid was drawn up. She took his mask off, replaced the canulla and scolded him.
"Ye'll eat it and ye'll like it," She warned, "If ye keep it down, tomorrow we'll add a wee bit."
"...lucky... me..." Vin gasped, coughing and jerking his shoulders. He raised his face obediently as Mollie eased a spoonful of warm broth into his mouth.
"There now, that's lovely, isn't it?"
"Vin!" Chris warned, watching the sniper's brow furrow in contempt. "That's delicious, isn't it?"
Buck laughed outloud, with Chris grinning broadly as Vin's middle finger snaked out on the sheet behind Mollie.
"Did I miss somethin'?" She asked, eyeing the two older men who were wearing sheepish faces.
"Vin was just saying how much he likes having Chris's company for dinner," Buck relayed, elbowing his oldest friend.
"Ye best clean up yer mess," Mollie held a container of juice under Vin's mouth, allowing him to draw from a straw. "Yer own supper is comin' and that place isn't fit fer a beast."
"You go ahead Buck, I'll be over in a minute." Chris answered, as the large man gave Vin's cotton pants a tap and left.
Chris eased his aching head back onto the vinyl and slid his burning eyes shut. Truth be told, he felt like shit warmed over and would be glad for the feel of a mattress. But the J.D. business needed to be resolved and he was hungry. There would be plenty of time for sleeping later. He nearly dozed off, as Mollie's sweet voice filled the air. She sang a sad song about a soldier heading off for battle, leaving his sweetheart behind. He managed to peel an eye open and saw Vin's eyes transfixed on Mollie's face. The pale lips opened and closed, taking in every bit of the light meal. He thought maybe Vin was right, she was an 'angel'.
"Good Lad," she beamed, cupping his chin, "I've got reports to write up. Ye rest up now and I'll bring ye a wee bit of water ice later." She promised, picking up the tray.
"Thanks, Angel..." Vin wheezed, trying hard to stay awake.
"Yer welcome, Me Bonny Vin," she patted his cheek and left the two friends to visit.
Chris didn't realize he was dozing until a hand shook his shoulder. His eyes shot to Vin first, who was snoring softly. Somebody stuck a Denver Bronco's baseball cap on his head. He moved stiffly, sitting forward and yawning, as his eyes focused on gray designer pants.
"Dinner has arrived along with our missing young Dunne," Ezra relayed, watching Chris narrow his eyes and rub them. He'd suffered concussions before and knew how frustrating the unrelenting pain was. "Do you need a hand?"
"In a minute," Chris answered, hoping the fire in his brain would subside. "Dammit..."
"Hey, you two gonna dine alone?" Buck asked from the other side of the bed. "We got everything laid out, J.D. and Josiah are getting ice. You okay, Chris?" It was several seconds before the blond head dipped once.
Josiah placed the ice bucket on one of the two square tables by the wall. Several couches and chairs were set up with tables between them. A television was tuned into a reply of the baseball game from the night before. He watched J.D. look with hesitation at the group on the other end of the room. The youth took a deep breath and let it out slowly, both hands were clenched in fists.
"Why don't you go get the others?" Josiah asked and watched as the youngest team member walked slowly across the room.
It wasn't very far, but to J.D.'s disturbed body, it felt like forever. Every tile seemed like tar, causing his leaden legs to stick to the floor. Sweat ran feverishly down his back, causing the red tee shirt to stick to him. His breathing became labored and painful over his still healing ribs. His face was no longer swollen, the bruises faded to pale yellow and green blotches. Finally, he was a few feet from the foot of the bed. His mouth was drier than the Sahara and his insides were turning to ice. Then Vin's eyes opened and seemed to look right through him.
Vin heard voices and fought through the murky darkness. He didn't want to fight these horrid images anymore. A wicked mix of vile insects with thousands of legs and jaws snapping with venom sailed by. They were followed by an even scarier vision of J.D. and Chris with their limbs missing. His heart hammered and he moaned, moving his hands, clawing at the black air, needing to get out.
"Easy, Slick..." Buck bent over as soon as he saw the face twist up, sweat bead on the pale forehead and the arms twitch. He gently shook Vin's shoulder, worried about the ragged breathing. "Vin... wake up... it's a bad dream." Finally the blue eyes shot open and he eased the groggy patient upright.
'Thank God' was his first thought as he saw Buck's worried face. He glanced over and saw Ezra helping Chris stand. The blond's pinched features reflected pain and Vin was about to call to him, when another body appeared.
"Hey Kid..." He whispered hoarsly, wincing as his raw throat protested. He offered a shaky hand to the wide-eyed youth, whose face screwed up in denial. There was no mistaking the look that met his eyes. The fists were clenched at his sides, pressing hard into the cutoff shorts he wore. WIthout uttering a word, J.D. turned and bolted.
"Aw, hell..." Vin choked, the enormity of the guilt-ridden Dunne's face kicked him hard in the gut. So severe was the blow it forced the dinner he'd consumed to reappear. "He blames me... Fuck... Oh God..." Vin doubled over in pain, flailing his arms wildly as he lost his balance and nearly toppled from the bed.
"Buck, grab him, he's falling forward!" Chris barked at his dazed oldest friend, whose face lost all color.
"J.D!, J.D.!" He screamed at the fleeing youth, while his strong arms automatically clutched Tanner. "You got him?" He asked Ezra, who moved quickly to take the heaving body from him, just as the bile spewed forth.
"Go!" Ezra commanded, grabbing the quaking sharpshooter. "It's all right, Vin," he lowered his voice, using his free hand to rub the sweaty peach cotton fabric clinging to the dazed man's back. "It wasn't your fault. J.D.'s just upset about you being so ill..."
Vin wanted to tell them all to 'go to Hell' but didn't have any air left. He tried to break free of Ezra's hold, but could not. He was shaking all over, dizzy and sharp pains stabbed at his insides. Another hand appeared with a wet towel, which wiped his face. Then a cup appeared and from far away, someone said to drink and rinse, which he did. After draining a little more water, he saw J.D.'s condemning eyes and collapsed into a field of arms.
"He's passed out," Ezra announced, easing Vin back into his bed. He pulled the sheet up and glanced at Chris, who looked like he was about to explode. "Chris?"
"I'm okay Ezra," Chris simmered over the concerned looks of both Josiah and Ezra. "Somebody get Mollie..." He watched Ezra move towards the doctor's lounge and Josiah easily picked up the soiled towel, left over from Vin's clapping exercise. He watched the the eyes darting under the pale, closed lids and heard Vin moaning in his sleep. He moved his hand, gently squeezing the bony shoulder, until the fear left his unconscious friend.
Two blocks later at a railing that led to a short group of wooden-hewn steps leading to the beach, Buck finally caught his quarry. He grabbed the red shirt and spun the youth around, pinning him hard against the retaining wall. His blue eyes were flashing with fury and his rage was in overdrive.
"What the hell was that?" He roared, watching the hazel eyes flinch. "What's the matter with you?"
"Leave me alone," J.D. tossed back, trying to work free from the iron grip.
"No, not this time!" Buck retorted, chest heaving in anger, "He's barely hanging on, he damn near died last week and where have you been? He's your friend J.D., and I want an answer!"
"I won't Buck, don't make me, I can't..."
"Too Goddamn bad!" Buck screamed, digging his fingers into the flesh under the shirt, "You're going back there and apologize to him for making him puke up what little food we got into him. If you'd shown up over the last few days, you'd know that was the first real food he's eaten. They finally took that damn tube outta his nose. Jesus, J.D. how could you leave him racked with guilt like that?"
"Guilt?" J.D.'s voice rose in astonishment.
"Yeah, with a capital 'G'," Buck pontificated, "Christ, how could do that to him? He can barely hold his head up."
"It wasn't his fault!" J.D. blurted, eyes wide in honest shock, "That's crazy!"
"Not to him it ain't," Buck declared, "and your performance back there demands an answer. What's eating you, J.D.?"
"I can't... I won't... Don't make me, Buck, I don't want you to be ashamed of me." J.D.'s voice broke at the same time Buck's hold on him did. He stumbled down onto the beach and moved a few feet away, eyeing the relentless surf. A group of seagulls fought loudly over a mashed remnant of a soft pretzel, while a pair of lovers shared a quiet moment. The surf crashed through again, just as Buck reached him.
Buck paused for a moment, when he drew abreast of the troubled young man. He saw the raw emotion reflected in the hazel eyes, not threatening to spill. He'd never seen J.D. so upset and couldn't imagine what would cause him to act this way.
"Ashamed?" Buck repeated softly, resting a light hand on the slumped shoulder, "J.D., I could never be ashamed of you. What's got you so bottled up that you can't talk to me?"
"Oh God," J.D. gasped, crossing his arms across his chest and rocking slightly, "I don't know how to... You're gonna be so ash... disappointed... in... me..." his voice broke and he took a huge gulp of air and swiped his eyes.
"J.D., look at me," Buck requested gently, waiting until the troubled face turned. "I could never be ashamed of you. Whatever it is that's ripping you apart inside, it stays here. Talk to me, Kid..."
J.D. walked a few feet away, studying the disturbed sea, which seemed like perfect symmetry. He inhaled the salty air and gathered up the courage to speak. Finally, he turned back and faced his best friend.
"It happened so fast," he recalled, "One minute we were standing by the warehouse, then Orin shows up with the F.B.I and there was an explosion," he clenched his eyes shut. "I thought Chris was dead." He blew out an air of recollection and cast a lingering gaze at the descending sun. "Then these guys in yellow suits showed up and hustled us into a helicopter. There was a tent leading to the door of the hospital... they took our clothes... made us shower. Dr. Taylor examined me and wrapped my ribs. They put an IV line in and... then... then..." he stammered, trying to hide his shame. He turned away as the flush of remembrance rose, giving his chest cause to tighten. "They said the three of you were coming in... that you... you..." he paused and took a deep breath.
"Come on Kid," Buck coached, massaging the tense shoulders, "Let it out..."
"That Vin was dead on the beach and you gave him mouth to mouth," he blurted in a very young voice.
"J.D.?" Buck started, only to be cut off.
"Ezra let out a sigh of relief so loud, I swear they heard him in Baltimore." J.D. recalled, "Josiah sent his praise to God and I turned away. I hid, Buck, I didn't want them to see how pissed off I was. I was angry, angrier than I've ever been. I thought you were going to die too."
"Is that what's been eating at you? Is that why you ran?" Buck's voice dropped and he saw J.D. turn away, his face colored as the dark head nodded. "J.D., this job don't come with guarantees, you know that. Hell, life don't come with promises like that, I could die tomorrow..."
"No, not like that." J.D. denied, scowling at the other man, "It's not the same, Buck. You knew... knew he... they said he had the plague. You knew and you did it anyway."
"I'd do it again," Buck said with utter conviction and without hesitation. He saw the shame rising again and grabbed the slumped shoulders. "Get your head up and pay attention," he advised and waited until the pained eyes met his, "J.D., it wasn't just me you were afraid to lose. You were scared for Vin too."
"Huh?" J.D.'s confused face rose.
"A few minutes ago, you said 'I thought you would die too'." Buck recounted, gripping the back of J.D.'s neck hard. "That 'too' was for Vin." He released the troubled youth and watched as he walked to the surf.
J.D. watched the tide rolling in and out and felt every bit as churned up as the murky water. He thought back on his harsh reaction that night. He re-examined his turmoil and fear and wondered if Buck was right. What would his life be like without the colorful Texan. A huge hole appeared in his gut and he turned back.
"I guess maybe I didn't think of that," he concluded. "I couldn't see past my anger at you for doing that... making that choice... Hell, I don't know, Buck..."
"You mean a lot to him, Kid and he needs you now," Buck reached out, seeing a light flicker in the emotive eyes. "You've given him a part of his life back, an important part."
"How's that?" J.D. quizzed, moving back to where Buck stood.
"Close your eyes a minute," he advised, resting his hand on J.D.'s back and making slow circles, hoping to ease the tension. "Think back on your championship game last spring," he recalled of the hockey match. He waited and sure enough, a slow smile spread on J.D.'s face. "Do you remember the look on Vin's face when the final buzzer went off?"
"Do I!" J.D.'s voice burst forth, he was practically beaming.
"Keep thinking on that grin Vin wore..."
"It could have lit up the whole city," J.D. gushed, opening his eyes and relaxing under Buck's strong hands.
"Yeah..." Buck agreed, "Remember afterwards at Max's," he inquired of the pub they went to after the game to celebrate with the team. "We couldn't get him to shut the hell up." Buck chuckled, recalling the unusual sight of a highly animated Tanner. He painfully recalled how troubled he'd been afterwards.
"He was flyin'!" J.D. boomed.
"I want you to think hard about that smile, that laughter, the way his eyes lit up..." Buck's voice grew somber, "That was the kid whose basket at the buzzer won the city title game. That was the quarterback who threw the winning pass with one second left to win the championship in his senior year. You understand?" He asked, seeing a tiny flicker appear, he pressed onward. "Think back on your four years in High School. Remember the way you felt when you finally got the balls up to ask a girl out? The sweaty palms and damp underarms on that first date? The awkward moments after your first kiss? It's that night with your girl, wrapped up in an old plaid blanket at the bonfire before the big game in November. It's all the special moments during the Christmas season; the carols, the skaters, the lights on the trees, the little kids lining up for Santa, that wonderful spirit that makes you smile all the time. It's kissing your best girl under the mistletoe and taking her to Midnight mass. It's that look on her face when you hold her close watching the lights on the tree. It's the clumsy trip up the ladder of maturity; sharing and caring the highs and lows over four years with friends you'll never forget. It's learning more than you can find in a book."
J.D. slowly absorbed all the priceless information his older and wiser friend imparted. He recalled too, all the moments that helped him grow in his four years at Boston University. Buck was right, that was more precious than anything he got from a book. He nodded slowly, something starting to turn over in his mind.
"You're the little brother he never had, J.D." Buck stated, "The one he'd have celebrated that winning basket with, the one who'd have sprayed beer all over him after that touchdown. The one who would have teased the hell out of him after catching him kiss a pretty girl in your dad's car. You're the one he'd have turned to when he was hurting inside. You see, J.D., while you and me were having the whole Norman Rockwell teenage years, Vin was living in poverty with this grandfather on a reservation. That's why what you given him is so priceless. That light in his eyes after the hockey games, after you two go jumping from airplanes or motorcrossin' in the mountains. Every time you two come back after some adventure, he's got that glow, that spirit, that's what you've given him, Kid. That's your gift." He saw J.D. swallow hard and his eyes fill up. He gripped the back of his neck and gave a good squeeze. "He needs you J.D., more than he ever has. He's got a tough road ahead, he's gonna need all of us to help him."
"He's taught me so much, Buck," J.D. raked a hand through his hair and studied the persistant waves rolling onto the sand. "Sometimes I can't believe he's only a few years older than me." J.D. took a long pause and recalled all the adventures they'd shared. From the very start it felt right. He'd liked Vin right off and relished how over time, that shy smile had evolved into a full fledged laugh. From the hockey games, motor cross races, skydiving, rock climbing and other athletic enterprises they shared, he'd seen Vin grow. Little by little, Vin opened up, gaining confidence and comfortability. Then there was the five days in the desert in the spring. "You can't believe how much he knows, Buck. When we were in New Mexico last spring. He taught me to read the stars, how to track, he knows about animals and plants... about life Buck. He's so smart... deep, you know. He's got the soul of a poet... an artist... he awed me, Buck." J.D.'s blissful look changed drastically to a dark cloud. "How can I look at him now?" he feared, recalling Buck's words and thinking on Vin suffering unduly over him.
"Straight up, like you always do," Buck dictated, "He's a smart guy..."
"Yeah," J.D. let out a deep breath. They started back to the hospital, each lost in thought. As they approached the building, J.D. halted suddenly, turning to a startled companion. "I want you know, Buck, what you did on that beach, knowing you could die... it was the bravest thing I've ever heard. I'm proud of you, Buck." he stammered, his emotions riding high. "I don't think I could have ever done that."
"I do," Buck said with such power it took the other's breath away.
"How can you be so sure?" J.D. asked, eyes wide.
"Because I know you, John Daniel," Buck's voice was thick and he cast an arm over the youth's shoulder.
"Thanks Buck," J.D. choked, face coloring slightly. "I don't have anything to give him. I should have bought him a present or something." He eyed the ER door approaching rapidly.
"You give him this," Buck pulled J.D.'s right palm open. "It's all he's ever asked for."
Chris finished the platter in front of him and took a long swig of ice tea. He denied the fortune cookie and handed the dirty plate to Josiah. The food went down easy, a nice combination of exotic spices mingling with chicken and shrimp. He lifted his injured leg off Vin's bed and winced, feeling the healing skin pull. He eyed his friend carefully, wondering how the display by J.D. would affect him. He seemed to be sleeping easy, only a few moans and twitches indicating nightmares. Just as Chris reached for the daily paper that Josiah left, voices drew his head in the direction of the door on the far end of the room. His face grew cold and hard when J.D. approached. He stood and moved to the foot of Vin's bed, not hiding his displeasure.
"It's okay, Chris," J.D. said plainly, "I won't hurt him. I was wrong and I'm sorry. I'd like to tell Vin that..." He broke his sentence off as the icy green glare undid him.
"I'm waiting," Chris answered, needing to hear it.
"It's done, Chris," Buck defended, standing next to the somber youth, "Leave it alone. Nobody feels worse about this than J.D. does. He had some things he needed to get off his chest."
Chris didn't budge, not ready to relinquish Vin's delicate psyche just yet. He squared his shoulders as J.D. moved closer.
"I want your word, J.D.," the leader required, and took the hand the youth offered.
"I promise, Chris, I'm here to help him."
"You better be," Chris warned, "Because if he ends up back in that glass room..."
"Chris..." Buck's voice was tense, "Leave him be."
Reluctantly and with a last glared warning, he left the two youngest. J.D. settled into the vacated chair, feeling the green Larabee's lasers burning into him. He leaned over the bed and remembered Buck's words about Vin's nightmares. The older man said to watch out for signs of distress. Looking closely at Vin for the first time, he saw all too clearly the signs of the savage infection. He'd lost weight, his color was awful and hands seem so frail. J.D. picked up the frail hand near the rail and gave a small squeeze.
"Hey, Vin. I'm right here, if you need me."
He sat for some time, putting his racing emotions back in order. Vin wasn't going to die and when he was stronger, J.D. would explain his irrational behavior. He looked up as Josiah appeared, placing a plate of food in front of him, as well as a container of soup.
"I'm not hungry," he denied, only to have the large hand rest on his back.
"Now that's what I call snowing in July. J.D. not hungry?" He smiled and brought the wheeled table holding the tray closer. "Go on and eat, J.D. Are you okay?"
"I am now, thanks to Buck." The youngest picked up a fork and rolled some lo mein noodles around it. "I was... angry... at myself for feeling... mad... about Buck saving Vin. Does that make sense?" he asked, shoveling the food in without tasting it.
"I think so," Josiah nodded, "As long as you realize what caused it and you work on fixing it. We all have fears, J.D., you only reacted naturally. You first thought was losing someone you cared about." He paused, guessing what the pained expression was from, "That anger you felt was fueled by the fear of losing Buck. Later, you were overwhelmed by guilt because of Vin."
"What am I gonna say to him, Josiah?"
The voice sounded so young it made the older man wince. He gave a gentle tap on the youth's shirt and smiled.
"Follow your heart," he advised with a solid pat and left J.D. to ponder.
J.D. finished the lo mein and fried rice. He was one bite into the succulent egg roll, when Vin began to moan and twitch. The stricken man's chin trembled and his hands fluttered against the sheet.
"Nightmare," J.D. whispered, thinking on Buck's warning. He swallowed his food and stood up, leaning over the bedrail. "Vin, you okay?" he asked tentatively, resting a shaking hand on Vin's shoulder.
"Vin!" Chris rose as his Tanner-radar went off. A large hand clamped on his shoulder and forced him back down.
"Hold back, Chris, J.D. needs to do this," Josiah commented, pacifying Buck as well. The blond kept his seat, wearing a troubling frown. Buck stood up, hands on his hips, his worried gaze on J.D. He willed his confidence over the distance, hoping the youth would remain strong.
It ended the same way as the other dark visions did before. He was strapped down, unable to move. Someone... something... evil lurked in the darkness. Cold hands caressed him and a monsterous creature crawled over his helpless body, stinging and biting. Then the high-pitched laughter started as his breathing was cut off. Just as he was going under, a strong hand reached ou and grabbed him. His eyes shot open, his breathing was harsh, causing a deep, wet coughing fit.
"Easy, Vin, I gotcha," J.D. pulled the weak body up and over, grabbing a handful of towels. "Spit it out," he coached, catching a large wad of phlegm. "Is that all of it?" he waited and the shaggy head dipped once. "Good job, Vin!" he enthused, pulling the body upright and wincing at how light Vin was. He guided a large mug of ice water to the trembling man's lips and held it as he drank. "Nightmares are a bitch!" He commented and saw the head bob in agreement. He pulled the mug away and watched painfully as it took Vin several minutes to regain his breathing. The frail hand remained clutched to his own and that gave him hope. He held on, waiting until the head rose up. The confused blue eyes were full of doubt and fear.
Vin knew before his eyes opened it was J.D. He recognized his voice right away. Flashes of happy moments, warm and sunny flooded into his mind. Sports and laughing, in all seasons, through snow and sun showers. Happy times shared with a good friend, a younger brother. Then the guilt filled him. Voices nagged his brain screaming at him. 'He blames you... it's your fault...' Crestfallen, he sank back onto the bed, his heart heavy as he recalled the face the fled earlier.
He raised his blue eyes to the younger man's concerned face and opened his lips.
"...sorry... so sorry... my fault..." he rasped, losing his breath.
"No... no... Vin..." J.D. shook his head and grabbed Vin's face, which fell with the last word. "It's nobody's fault and I'm the one whose sorry. I got so scared... I thought you and Buck were gonna die and I blew it. Jesus, Vin, I'm sorry for making you puke and feeling so bad. I don't know what to say... Honest to God, I never meant to hurt you."
Hurt me? Vin's face screwed up. J.D. didn't hurt him. What was he babbling about? He tugged the hand and sent his confusion upwards.
"...hurt me... no hurt... J.D.?"
"You're not mad at me, then?" J.D.'s voice was rising in hope.
"...mad?" Vin shook his head, "...no... no mad... okay?" he offered and saw the youth smile. "...good..." he decided, sighing in relief. "...food?" He sniffed, eyeing the egg roll.
"I don't think so," J.D. eyed the greasy fried item, "You'd puke again and Chris would kill me. I'd be in the next bed," he proclaimed and his heart flooded with warmth at the weak laugh. The action caused more coughing and J.D. guided Vin through it again. "How 'bout some soup? It's egg drop..."
"Okay..." Vin laid back as J.D. used the button to bring the bed up. It took Vin a few minutes of resting his eyes and taking some breaths, before he had the strength to open his mouth.
"Now that's the prettiest picture I've seen in some time," Josiah noted, watching with the others as J.D. gently ministered to the ailing man in the bed. Vin was reclined in a three quarter position, his lips opening as J.D.'s hand guided each spoonful of soup in carefully. When he was done, he wiped the excess from Vin's chin and lowered the bed, before taking his guard's chair.
"Hand me a coke, Buck?" Chris asked, standing on weary legs. His head was pounding and the bed was screaming at him, but he had one job left. "I've got some fences to mend." he said, taking a cold soda and a clap on the back from Buck.
J.D. looked as a shadow crossed next to him. He nearly choked on his fortune cookie, unable to read the solemn Larabee face.
"He's okay, Chris and he ain't upset anymore. We had a talk and I got some soup in him but not too much I didn't want him puking again and..."
"Come up for air, Son," Chris grinned, handing the soda to him. "It's not Coors Lite, but it'll have to do until we get out of here and I can buy you one, okay?"
"Okay," J.D. grinned, and took the hand offered. "I'm sorry, Chris. Here I guess you want the chair back."
"You say 'I'm sorry' again, and I'll give you something to be sorry for." Chris teased, "You stay put, I'm headed to bed. Vin's in good hands, you're watching his back," he lauded and limped away with J.D.'s beaming grin following him.
"There... J.D?"
"Huh?" J.D. turned back to Vin. The eyes weren't open, but the brows were furrowed. The wavering hand was fumbling blindly. "Yeah... I'm here, Vin," he answered, grabbing the wayward fingers.
"...stay..."
"You got it!" J.D. boomed, letting out a huge sigh of relief and feeling stronger than he had in weeks.
"...thank... you..." Vin sighed, letting himself relax as sleep overtook him.
Chris collapsed in the bed, totally spent and grimaced as his pounding head pummeled him. He felt somebody pull a sheet over him and heard the bedrails snap. He turned a lip up, too weary to open his eyes. He knew who it was, none of his team smelled that good. The soft crooning was the right medicine and the kind fingers massaged the pain and tension from the back of his neck and his temples.
"Thanks Angel..." he whispered, feeling the soft hand stroke his face as he drifted off.
It was always the same place, dark and forboding, a cold hell filled with anguished screams that were his own. His naked body was bound head to toe to something cold and hard. Thousands of tiny legs moved effortlessly across his body, doing a deadly dance. Dozens of razor-sharp teeth sank into his skin, releasing a boiling stream of venom. The pain was unbearable and as the featherlite tendrils walked across his face, sinking their jaws into his skin, he heard her shrill laugh. It drown out his silent scream, silenced as the beast crawled down his throat.
"Vin!"
Chris sat up so fast, the whole room was spinning. His deep sleep had been savagely interrupted by his best friend's silent call to arms. It was real... too real and he used his only arm to rattle the side of the unyielding bed.
"Goddammit!" he hissed, watching Buck rise in a hurry. "Buck, get me out of this fuckin' thing!"
"Yeah, hold on," Buck's long strides brought him to the bed in a flash. He got Chris on his feet and steadied him as they raced to Vin. Each man took a separate side, flanking the troubled sleeper. Buck flicked the overhead light on, casting an eerie pall on the pale man. Chris rested his good hand on Vin's face, eyeing the eyes darting frantically under closed lids. The breathing was fast and shallow, the limbs twitched and the chin trembled. Small, troubled moans escaped the pale lips. The Texan's body was firmly pressed into the bed, the muscle tone told both men where he was still trapped. Buck shook Vin's shoulder as Chris leaned over, tapping the pale face.
"Shit!" the blond hissed, "He's strapped to that bitch's table and that fuckin' bug is biting him. Goddammit!" His frustration was born as their efforts went unrewarded.
"Vin, wake up," Buck said firmly, shaking the sweatsoaked shirt. Tanner's face was coated with moisture as well, lathered up from his terrific nightmare.
"Come on, Vin," Chris tried, sliding his hand down over Vin's heart, which was hammering loudly. "It's no good, he can't hear us..."
"I got an idea," Buck took his eyes from Vin's frantic face and met Chris's tumultuous gaze. "We could sing. It always worked for Mollie, especially when he was in the worst of it..."
"Yeah," Chris sighed, lost and grabbing at straws, he worried that Vin was too delicate to fight on his own much longer. Before he could add anything else, he saw Buck's dark head lower, his mouth close to Vin's ear. One strong hand took Tanner's and the other stroked the top of the tangled head. Chris took Vin's other hand and bend forward, as Buck's rich voice broke the stilled night air.
"Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now.
Oh, you're a hard one, but I know that you've got your reasons.
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow."
It took until that point for the startled team leader to find his voice. It was not just the tender look on his face, but the soothing tone of his voice that caught his attention. With each word sung, that guiding hand motion on the troubled head began to heal. Finally at the next stanza, Chris recovered and leant his voice to the mix. Their voices blended easily, surrounding their lost friend with a bath of melodic rhapsody.
"Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy,
She'll beat you, if she's able.
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet.
Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table,
but you only want the ones that you can't get. "
The digital numbers read twenty past two a.m. and Mollie sat up in a hurry. A beeping noise bedside alerted her to Vin's heart monitor. She kept it on at night, wary of his horrid nightmares and their effect on his heart rate. She ran down the corridor and stopped dead in her tracks, her own heart landing in her mouth.
'What's wrong?" Sandy whispered, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and padding up the hall behind her. "Mollie?" he eyed the tears running down her cheeks and took the hand she shoved back at him. Her other hand was on her lips, bading him to keep silent.
Both amateur singers saw the change evolving and grinned broadly at the same time. They tore their gazes away from Vin long enough to share a smile, then returned to their duty. Chris kept Vin's hand in his own, bending low so Vin could hear him. Buck used his right hand to stroke Vin's head, his left gripping the sharpshooter's firmly. As Vin's breathing started to regulate and the whimpers die out, Chris lost his voice. He swallowed hard, letting Buck do the next verse solo.
"Desperado, ah, you ain't gettin' no younger.
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home.
Freedom, oh, freedom.
That's just some people talkin'
You're a prisioner walking through this world all alone"
"You're gettin' soft, Muldoon," Sandy whispered in her ear, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. His hawk eyes saw the numbers on the monitor regulate. "Come on, we're not needed here. That's medicine the best doctor couldn't produce."
"Aye," Mollie agreed, capturing the vision of two friends, in the still of the night, using everything inside of them to reach out and console a lost brother. It was a sight burned deep in her heart. As Buck's voice sauntered through the room, she got a chill and led Sandy lead her back to the doctor's lounge.
Chris took a good breath and joined Buck to conclude the song.
"Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine.
It's hard to tell the nighttime from the day.
You're losin' all your highs and lows.
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate.
It may be rainin' , but there's a rainbow above you.
You better let somebody love you...
let somebody love you... before it's too late."
Thank you. Vin called out in the dark but nobody heard him. The pain was gone, she was gone, the beast was gone. He took a deep breath and smiled, trembling as his limbs moved freely. Thank you... thank you... thank you... he drifted off, feeling a sense of peace he thought he'd lost forever.
As the last note drifted across the darkened ER, both singers remained locked in place, amazed and wearing smug, self-satified grins. Vin was sleeping peacefully, his breathing was good and his heart wasn't racing. His body was totally relaxed, all the tension gone. His features were soft, not tense and fearful.
"Damn, we're good!" Buck whispered, chest puffed out in pride.
"Don't give up your day job, Buck," Chris groaned, stiffling a yawn. He waited a full five minutes before he let Buck convince him to get back to sleep. Their respite was short. Neither was fully relaxed, each wary of the troubled sleeper. Sure enough, just after five a.m. the moaning and twitching started again.
"Dammit!" Chris stood up, having not put the bars in place this time and he and Buck got to the bed at the same time. Each grabbed a limp hand and waited. Chris looks up expectantly. "Well?"
"Uh..." Buck's sleepy mind scrambled. "Flintstones, meet the Flintstones, they're the modern stone age..."
"Buck!" Chris hissed, not hiding his annoyance.
"Well you think of a song," Buck countered, "I thought up the last one."
"Yeah... okay..." Chris winced as Vin's uneasiness increased and his moans picked up. The limbs began to twitch and the eyes moved quickly. "Actually, there is a song I always liked. Took on a whole new meaning after I got to know Vin." He paused, recalling the words. He leaned low, keeping his grip and letting Buck's broad hand repeat their previous ministering efforts.
"He was born in the summer of his 27th year, coming home to a place he'd never been before.
He left yesterday behind him you might say he was born again, might say he found a key for every door."
Buck's smile would have lit up all of the East Coast. Not only was it a good song, it was the right song and he easily understood why Chris's face shone with such intensity. This song meant a whole lot to the leader as well. In Vin he'd found his soul. He bent over the troubled Texan and let his own voice blend in with the blonds, easing the younger man's fears.
"When he first came to the mountains, his life was far away on the road and hanging by a song.
But the strings already broken and he doesn't really care, it keeps changin' fast, and it don't last for long.
It's a Colorado Rocky Mountain High,
I've seen it raining fire in the sky
The shadows from the starlight are softer than a lullabye.
Rocky Mountain High, ...in Colorado....
Rocky Mountain High."
Chris continued on, letting Buck get a towel to wipe Vin's damp face. The next two verses were particularily moving to him, he saw Vin so clearly there. He studied the fine features closely, gripping the frail hand and feeling just how much he almost lost.
"Now he walks in quiet solitude, the forest and the stream, seeking grace in every step he takes,
his sight is turned inside himself, to try and understand, the serenity of a clear blue mountain lake...
Now his life is full of wonder,
but his heart still knows some fear,
of the simple things he can not comphend.
Why they try to tear the mountains down to bring in a couple more.
More people, more scars upon the land."
Buck returned, carefully wiping Vin's now serene face with a damp cloth. He picked up the tune when Chris's voice broke. He was beside the blond and gripped his shoulder, giving it a heartfelt squeeze. Chris slumped in the chair, dropping his head as Buck's strong voice guided them all home.
"It's the Colorado Rocky Mountain High,
I've seen it raining fire in the sky.
I know he'd be a poorer man if he never saw an Eagle fly .
Rocky mountain high
It's the Colorado Rocky Mountain High,
I've seen it raining fire in the sky. "
Tuesday morning saw Josiah and Ezra depart for Denver. Orin needed them to follow up leads and close out the mountain of paperwork on the three cases pending. With any luck and a week-and-a-half of extra hours, the pair would be able to return at the end of the following week. Hopefully, this would coincide with Vin's discharge, as his two week IV treatment would be concluding . The breathing therapy exercises would be increased to build up his weak lungs and he'd have an inhaler to use for awhile. After conferring with the medical staff from AMERIID, it was decided that Vin's emotional well being was dependant upon his team rallying around him. Some R and R in the sun near the beach would be just the ticket.
Vin still slept a great deal of the time, rousing only for meals and therapy. He took his therapy sitting in the chair on Tuesday and with Mollie and Buck guiding him, managed two brief steps by Thursday. The muscles rubbing, massaging and stretching that the skilled nurse had been doing paid off. She hoped to increase his movements over the next ten days.
It was early on Saturday morning and Vin decided to surprise Mollie. She wasn't due for another twenty minutes and he wanted to meet her halfway. Normally, she loaded him in a wheelchair, taking him to the bathroom to shower. He sat on the edge of the bed and eyed the distance.
"All set?" Buck asked, placing his hand under Vin's right elbow.
"Might as well be five hundred miles," Vin muttered, nervous sweat beading on his forehead.
"That's why those chairs are set up," Chris nodded to the three chairs placed at intervals between the bathroom and Vin's bed. From there, it was only a short distance to the makeshift 'living quarters', where the then scrubbed and dressed Texan would have his morning meal. "Come on..." Chris stood and gripped Vin's left elbow. "Slow and easy..."
"Yeah, like the pace you keep at work..." Buck teased, hoping for a smile. He watched Vin swallowing hard, eyes wide and glued on the path ahead. He felt every muscle on the weak body straining. "You're doing fine," he eased, watching the thin frame stagger forward.
"Whose fuckin' idea was this?" Vin rasped, sweat pooling on his face.
"Yours," Chris replied, "Two more steps... one more... touchdown!"
The pair eased their trembling friend into the first chair. Like any good coach, Buck was prepared with a water bottle slung over his free shoulder and a towel around his neck. He gave Vin a drink and then dampened the towel.
"Thanks," Vin's voice was hoarse, as he took the towel and wiped his face. He eyed the short distance and grimaced as the weak legs under him. His daily early morning runs seemed like a lifetime ago. "Hell... I used t'go fer miles without feelin' like a whipped dog."
"Vin, you're being too hard on yourself," Chris met the troubled gaze and rested his good hand on the slumped shoulder. "A week ago, you were in a coma , you damn near died on us. It's gonna take some time, hard work and a shitload of sweat." He paused and saw the face mull over the words. "You think we got the right man for the job, Buck?"
"Hell , yeah..." Buck winked at Vin and swiped the wet curls.
"Cut that out!" Vin pulled away. "Let's get goin'..." He took a deep breath and let his two friends help him stand. The next chair was further and the last one further yet. He was only halfway to the second chair, when he felt his legs giving out and began to panic.
"Chris!" his voice wavered and his heart hammered. His wide-eyes were riveted to the chair. "I can't ... do... this..."
"Sorry, that's not acceptable. Get your ass moving..." Chris didn't dare look at the fearful face. He cast a look behind them, at the ground covered and caught a glimpse of Vin's thin frame. He exchanged a concerned look at Buck, who also saw the ravages of weightloss and illness.
"Damn Vin," Buck boomed, gripping the trembling arm tighter and a little closer to his side, "You lost your ass!"
"What do you mean lost?" Chris quipped with a sly grin.
"Shut the hell up, both y'all," Vin's scowl matched the spice in his voice. "Ya leave m'ass alone. I can... can... .st..sti...still... kick... yer... sor...sorr..sorry... ass... Lar...a...bee..." Vin choked, legs buckling as they reached the next chair. For several minutes, he gulped air, not taking the bottle. He leaned back in the chair and someone wiped his face. Then the nozzle of the water bottle hit his lips and he latched on, like a drought-ridden suckling pig.
"Slow down!" Buck pulled the bottle back, "You already puked on me twice this week. We got plenty of time. You just rest a minute, your doing great Champ." Buck rubbed his shoulder and saw Chris shaking his head. Buck frowned, disagreeing. Vin made it this far, he'd go the distance. The sudden silence was deafening.
"Quit talkin' behind m'back!" Vin coughed, doubling over. He grabbed the towel from Buck and threw his water up.
"That's it, Vin," Chris decided, wary of the heaving body trying to find air. "My bed's a few feet away, you rest up, we'll finish later. You did great, Cowboy..."
"Fuck that!" Vin shoved the towel away and lifted his arms. "Park yer own ass... iffen... ya ... can't... keep... up..."
Buck shrugged and grabbed an arm and Chris's storm clouds remained as he took the other one. It took all Vin had to get to the third chair. Soaked in sweat, his spaghetti-legs gave out as they reached the goal. Buck and Chris easily got him into the chair. As the coughing, sweating patient sucked in sweet air and fought off nausea, his two friends cheered wildly, clapping him on the back. Finally, he brought his damp head up and saw the drunken grins they wore. He managed to find one of his own.
"I'm buyin'..." he vowed, sending his thanks with his eyes.
"Hell, it's gonna snow!" Buck boomed, winking and grinning back.
"Well, now what's all this?" Mollie paused, the clean clothes, towels and other bath items in her hands. She sat them on the table outside the bathroom door and strode over to the triumphant blue-eyed devil. She saw the proud grins his partners in crime wore and couldn't help smile herself.
"Hey Angel!" Vin sat up straight, blinking and fighting a yawn. "Surprised?"
"Ye did all this? Ye walked over?" Her grin broadened at the nearly youthful glow on his face. She cupped his chin, "I'm proud of ye, me Bonny Vin." She encouraged, but her trained eyes didn't miss the fatigue, or the harsh gasping. "How about ye rest a wee bit before yer shower?"
"Well, if ya insist," Vin's relief was audible, his eyes darted to the large, overstuffed sofa a few feet away. He snuck a furtive gaze back as his own, which seemed like a hundred miles. His eyes darted back for a few seconds, no way he could get back there... "Might as well camp here, save ya some wear 'n tear... " he decided, sneaking a peek at the lively nurse.
"Ever the gentlemen," Chris grinned and winked at his best friend.
"I'll get his IV and the oxygen unit," Mollie said.
"I'll give you a hand," Buck moved next to Vin, "Come on, Speed Racer," he got Vin over to the couch, while Chris grabbed the blanket from the base of his bed. He tossed it to Buck, who grinned and shook his head. Vin's head was on the pillow and he was out like a light. "You done good, Son!" Buck whispered, pulling the blanket up. He moved across the room to help Mollie, while Chris took the large chair next to Vin. He flipped the television on and studied Vin sleeping.
"Sweet dreams, Vin," he hoped, wondering if the awful nightmares that plagued his friend would ever end.
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