Setting: ATF Universe
Disclaimer: The following is a work of fanfiction based on the CBS television series, The Magnificent Seven. It is in no way intended to infringe on the copyrights of CBS, MGM, The Trilogy Entertainment Group, The Mirisch Corp., or anyone else who may have legal rights to the characters, settings or song references. I don't own the characters. This story is strictly for entertainment. No monetary gain will be made from anything contained in this story.
Note: Music and Lyrics "I believe in Father Christmas" by Emerson lake and Palmer. I hadn't planned on a Christmas story , but heard this song on the radio last night at midnight, coming from work and thought of this story.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
"I wish you a hopeful Christmas
I wish you a brave New Year
All anguish, pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear"
The snow had begun to fall again, sometime in the hours that lapsed from the dark moment and now. He shoved his hands in his pockets and tucked his chin to his chest, squinting through the wind and icy snow pelting his face. He paused at the front of a department store, watching a woman struggling with two squirming toddlers, several packages and a clueless husband, who walked ahead seemingly oblivious. The ring of the bell drew him to a stop. An elderly man proudly wearing the uniform of the Salvation Army shivered in the wind, next to a large red kettle. Vin fumbled, embarassed that he only had two dollars. He shoved them in the slot and took the blessing the man offered.
His eyes caught the blurry visions of the store window as he passed by. A Victorian scene with a family caused him to stop. He stood transfixed, his heart aching. A pain engulfed him; a longing inside for something never lost but desperately needed. A time from long ago when life was simpler. When the word family seemed so much more noble. He eyed the lifelike mannequins, several small children helping their father decororate a large tree. The mother's face was nearly radiant; she held an infant close to her heart, rocking in a chair. A warm fire blazed in the hearth, a table stood loaded with cookies. Greenery and red bows completed the warm holiday scene. He swallowed hard and let his eyes linger, wishing for something he couldn't touch. The biting wind forced him to move and it was with bittersweet reluctance that he left the magical scene.
Somehow this time of year always brought a dull ache to his heart. But this year was going to be different. This year, for the first time since he was a child, he had a real family. People he cared about and who cared for him. The wind didn't seem to burn his face as much, when he thought on Nate speech in the lobby. J.D...Hell who couldn't like him. The kid's zest for life and enthusiasm had given him so much. Josiah, there wasn't a time when he wasn't there with a strong word or sound advice. Ezra wasn't the mystery he painted himself to be; a fact that didn't bother the southerner as he let on it did. As a matter of fact, he understood the elusive conman a little to well.
He turned the corner and the force of the wind and onslaught of snow made it hard to walk. The white storm blinded him and the only thing he could see, clear and tall, was a large gold cross. It rose high above a steeple and he set his horizon on it. As he trudged along, his thoughts came to the two closest members of his new family, Buck and Chris. Buck, just his name brought a smile. Life-loving, generous to a fault and complete charmer. But also, tougher-than-nails, braver than most anyone Vin knew and loyal. He'd liked Buck from the start, and that large heart made his transition easier. That left Chris. There were no words to cover the depth to which this man had reached inside him. Brotherhood? Maybe, but someone much deeper, almost intangible. Almost like he'd found a part of himself that had been missing most of his life.
He tripped and went down on all fours, his hands buried wrist deep in snow. The ice bit into him and he rose, eyeing the deserted street. A phone...he needed a phone. Again the only thing visible and now seemed to be glowing at him, was the cross. He stumbled onward, until he was on the top step, just a short walk from the door. He stood uncertain, wondering what drew him here. He didn't understand the reason his inner voice was telling him to go inside this building. As he pondered, a blur in navy blue caught his side vision. A tiny nun was being blown up the walk. He saw her foot hit an icy patch and bolted.
"Where could he be?" the passenger raged, "Goddammit, I told him to call. Jesus, it's a fuckin' blizzard out there. He ain't home, he ain't at the hospital, none of the team has heard from him..."
"Buck, calm down!" J.D. hollered, "I can't concentrate with you carrying on like that. It's hard enough trying to navigate in this storm. The road is a sheet of ice..."
"Sorry..."
"It's not your fault," Dunne answered the guilt that Wilmington wore so easily.
"I shouldn't have left him go...he was upset."
"He's not a kid," the youth replied, "and he'd have sense enough not to be out in this. I'm telling you, he's safe somewhere."
"Then why hasn't he called?"
"Maybe he fell asleep."
"Yeah, maybe..." Buck sighed, peering through the dark glass. "I'm gonna try Nate again..."
"Maybe you better think twice about that, it'a almost eleven p.m. and Rain had a double shift. She might be sleeping."
"Oh...yeah...I'll try Josiah..." he started to pull his phone out, "Hey, Kid, there's a diner up the block. Let's get some coffee."
"Okay," J.D. saw the sign and grinned, "Hey, I know this diner. They got awesome Nacho fries..."
"Lucky me..." Buck groaned of the vision he was about to be treated to.
"It's nearly eleven, Sister, I have to lock the doors."
"Yes, I know, I'll get him..." she answered the young priest and made her way up the aisle. All during the choir practice, she'd watched him. He hadn't moved. He sat quietly, staring at the manger. What was troubling him so? She paused at the side of the pew and warmed at the sight of the handsome profile. She tapped his shoulder gently, but he didn't respond
"Young man...young man..."
So lost was Vin in his thoughts, that he never heard her approach. He'd been transported back in time, reliving his youth, his happy and sad times. His rough teenage years and the lonely years on the road hunting bounties. Then the most satisfying time in his life, the last few months here at home. Home, that is what Denver had become. A haven, someplace with the excitement, sports, culture and activity of a big city; yet nestled at the foot of the spectacular Rocky Mountains. How often had he spent weekends lost in their majesty? The peace he'd sought for so long, he thought he finally found. A mural of eyes were exposed. The soulful green ones of his best friend, whose color had an infinite range. From the warmth of emotion and humor, through the burning of anger and rage, through the steely rays of simmering injustice. He'd grown accustomed at gaining the answer by merely looking there. Then the cold brown ones of a lost child interrupted his path. The red blood that spilled from the youths pale lips...blood he'd driven out. A voice hovered nearby, and someone touched him, causing him to jump.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" she moved back, "I didn't mean to startle you so..."
"...s'okay, Sister..." Vin mumbled, eyeing the room, as if seeing it for the first time. "I musta got lost in time...I'm sorry, I didn't mean t'be a bother..."
"Did you get your answer?" She asked, sliding into the space next to him. "I hope whatever is causing that pain you're not hiding...well, I hope talking to Him helped. What do you see there?" She asked, studying the look of wonderment on his face, as he gazed at the infant Jesus. "First impression..." His lips moved and opened then closed again. She saw his eyes dart sideways and smiled. "No cheating allowed."
"Yer good..." Vin chuckled, then sighed, sitting back in the pew.
"Very first thought...when you look at His face..." She guided, watching his large blue eyes move from his hands to study Mary's child. "In here..." she tapped his chest and got a smile.
"It ain't gonna come out right...it's gonna sound funny..."
"Try me."
"Warm...safe..." Vin sighed, cocking his head, "...like the feelin' ya get when yer Ma hugs ya real tight after a bad dream. He ducked his head and shook it, "...silly huh?"
"No, of course not," she leaned closer and took his arm, "Everyone should have a mother like that. What else?"
"Uh...tranquility...serenity...strength...and...and..." Vin paused and stared again at the tiny newborn's face. "a kinda peace...something I don't think I ever felt the likes of..." he studied his hands again and then the Holy Child. "By His hand we're blessed by unconditional love, heaven sent on the wings of a dove..."
"That's beautiful," she smiled and saw him blush, "and that's His gift to you. You take that...all those things you felt...you take that with you. They are you tools...they'll help you solve whatever it is that troubles you so..."
"I don't think it'll be enough, Sister..." he sighed and scrubbed his face.
"Is it someone in your family," she guessed, seeing the depths of despair in those luminous eyes, "in the hospital I mean..."
"Yeah..." he whispered painfully. "Chris is in there. He got shot today...at a school..."
"Oh my," she put one hand to her throat and blessed herself with the other. "I saw that on the television. Was he one of the teachers?
"No Ma'am...he's an ATF agent, like me." Vin paused, blowing a long burst of air slowly from his mouth, "He got shot savin' one of the hostages. She had an asthma attack...and the gunman flipped out. Chris got shot savin' her...shot in the head. I almost lost him..." he choked up, ending the sentence.
"He's expected to live?" She questioned, seeing the deep pain and fear.
"Yeah...it was a bad graze. Onry old cuss was ridin' Lady Luck..."
She heard the tremble in his voice and saw him swallow hard. Something was hiding inside and needed to come out. "You're close to him?"
"Yeah," Vin whispered harshly, "Ya see, Sister, most of m'life I been keepin' m'own company. I done alright, I got by, never let anyone get close, kept movin' on. I did a whole lot I'm not proud of...then I met Chris a few months ago. He looked right through me, clear down t'my soul...still gives me a shiver..." he paused for several seconds and opened his hand. "He give me this...and that's all he asked fer in return. From that, I got a family, a real one, we work together and we squabble and fight amongst ourselves, but nobody else better pick on one..." he smiled, thinking of how guarded his back now was. "Fer the first time in years, I got somethin' real...somethin' I can touch, hold onta...a good job, a good place t'live, a family..."
"That's more than some less fortunate souls gain in a lifetime," she added, "Your friend, he sounds like quite a man."
"...and then some, Sister," Vin replied.
"But if he's expected to survive, why is there such fear lingering in those beautiful eyes?"
"He ain't the only one in the hospital," his voice wavered and he looked away, almost ashamed. He studied his hands again, unfolding them and turning them over.
"Is there something wrong with your hands? Why do you keep looking at them?" she glanced from his hands to the pain in his face. "Are you injured?"
"No, Ma'am...not so's ya can see it..." He paused. "In the morgue...there's a boy...he was only sixteen...I...I...put..." he left out a shuddering breath and stared at the ceiling, feeling his eyes burn. "...I...put...him...there...with these..." he clenched his fist shut.
"A boy?" she sat back, sliding her hand from his bicep to his hand and taking it. "The boy with the gun?" She added the clues and saw him nod slightly. "You're the man...the sharpshooter...the hero that saved all those people?"
"Hero!" Vin's voice rose and he pulled away, shaking his head, "Don't say that! I ain't no hero...God...I killed that boy...hero?" he spat in contempt.
"Do you know what a hero is?" She held up her hand when he started to reply. "Not like the trash they show in the movies. I mean a real hero." She waited, then continued. "Well, I'll tell you. It's someone whose courage allows them to overcome their fear and in your case, save lives. That is what I see in those fine eyes of yours, a nobility and grace that suits you so very well. He..." she nodded her head to the infant, "doesn't give that to just anyone...only those who have the right heart. I think He chose rather well."
For a moment Vin couldn't say a word, but he felt his face flaming. He dropped his head and continued to take heaving breaths of air. Something flickered inside and he looked at the infant's face again and felt the flame grow stronger.
"The lost lamb?" she blurted out and smiled, "that's what is bothering you? You cannot see the lambs you saved, because of the one you couldn't. That lost lamb is tormenting you?" She watched the emotive eyes shut and heard his shuddering gasp. "Oh my..." she choked, resting both tiny hands on either side of his face. "That is so very rare...and I'm so glad I got the chance to meet someone that special." She waited and watched the eyes open in wonderment.
"Rare?" Vin whispered, gazing at the tenderness in the warm brown eyes.
"As rare as that pretty blush you're wearing." She saw a smile and then heard a chuckle escape.
"The fella's don't think it's so pretty," Vin admitted, "They get t'teasin' me about it but good..."
"But you don't mind, do you?" She guessed and saw the smile widen.
"No...but I'd never tell them that," Vin stood, realizing the late hour and feeling the need to move on. He sighed, eyed the infant again and the tiny nun who welded such power. "Would it be okay? I mean ya bein' a nun an' all...t'get a hug from a grateful stranger."
"No, it wouldn't," she replied and saw him stiffen and frown. "But I'd be proud to embrace a friend in thanks." She felt him trembling still as he hugged her, but there was a change, she hoped she'd been able to help a little. "Thank you..."
"Yer welcome, Sister and I reckon that's m'line...and it's Vin...Vin Tanner. I can't thank ya enough."
"Well, Vin Tanner," She held out his coat and waited for him to put it on. "How about you walking this tired old lady home and we'll call it even?"
"Don't think that's possible," Vin paused in the main aisle and saw her staring at him strangely. "I don't see no old lady here...just a new friend."
"Touché!" She laughed and let the strong arm steady her against the wind and storm. Finally, they were inside the convent.
"Would it be okay if I use yer phone? I need a ride."
"Certainly, there's one in the study..." she hung her coat up and walked through the hallway. He followed her, turning and going into a large room, where a group of women were watching television.
"This young man helped me to get home," she addressed the group. "He needs to use the phone...it's right this way Vin...Vin?" She was him glance quickly at the group of nuns on the sofas and then turn away, his face puzzled. "What?"
"They's wearin' robes..." he blurted out.
"Well it does keep the chill off." She said with a straight face and waited.
"Aw, Hell, I didn't mean..." Vin stammered and his eyes widened as her statement created another image, "Aw Hell..." he stopped when he heard her laughing and felt his face burning. "Ya did that on purpose!" he accused.
"Guilty as charged!" she laughed, "I couldn't help myself, I needed to see that pretty blush again."
"Yer bad, ya know that!" Vin shook his head and eyed the phone. "Ain't ya got a regular phone?"
"Well, there is one in the kitchen," she paused, "it's right through the living room..."
"No Ma'am!" Vin denied, still seeing semi-clothed nuns, "This'll do just fine..." he dialed and waited for a reply, eyeing the voice box of the speaker phone.
"Ezra, is that you?" Buck raised his voice and held his ear, trying to hear over the clamor of the diner.
"Bucklin? I need a lift. I'm at..."
"Goddammit Vin!" Buck roared, "Where the Hell have you been? We've been looking all over for you. Why didn't you call sooner? You got J.D. scared to death that you're lyin' in a pile of snow somewhere froze to death."
"Me!" J.D. squealed. "You're the one who..."
"I'm fine!" Vin interrupted, smiling at how good Buck's voice felt. "I'm at a convent, it ain't far from the hospital. I can..."
"A convent?" Buck frowned, then tried unsuccesfully to muffle his voice. "I think he's delirous...maybe he did take a fall. He thinks he's at a convent."
"What kind of convent?" J.D. asked loudly.
"What kind do ya think?" Vin shouted back, hearing the question.
"The kind with nuns?" Buck wondered outloud, frowning.
"No, Buck, a new kind, it's full o'retired Miss Nude Footballs..."
"Softballs and you leave her alone. A real convent? What are you doing there?"
"Getting some advice," Vin paused as Sister Michael appeared and placed a mug of hot cocoa with marshmallows on top in front of him, along with several homemade christmas cookies. "...from a friend." He smiled gripped the hand offered, not ducking this time. "Ya take yer time, we're havin' us a nice chat."
"You walked there from the hospital?" Buck asked.
"Yeah, it wasn't that far, it's next t'a church with a gold cross on the roof."
"I know where that is," J.D. told Buck, who nodded. "It's only a few blocks from here."
"Okay, Vin you sit tight, we'll be over..." Buck signed off.
"I didn't know Vin knew any nuns," J.D. mused, scooping up the last of the order of nacho fries. "Maybe I should get one to go, what do you think?"
"I think if you don't want to be cleaning throw-up off your car seat, you'll leave what's left of your stomach alone."
"Oh," J.D. cocked his head, "I guess it is a little late. Maybe I'll get a large Chocolate chip shake instead."
"Oh my God..." Buck groaned, tossed some bills on the table and left.
Vin eased off his bike and took his helmet off. The world was so still and silent after a newfallen snow, it seemed to cover the troubles. But the shadows he wore and the circles under his eyes told a different story. Nightmares plagued his brief visit to the land of nocturnal and in simple English, he 'felt like shit'. He carefully unstrapped the plastic bag around the box of pastries. Walking throuigh the ER, he saw only a few visitors in the waiting area. His mind flashed to the day before and the churning began again. This was the back road into the hospital. Visiting hours didn't begin until eleven a.m. He watched the numbers light up and then stepped off the elevator, anxious to see Chris. He felt a small comfort inside, knowing the astute team leader would bark at his unsettling state. He ducked in the room and placed the doughnuts on the bedstand, wheeling it over Chris. The blond was still asleep and Vin paused for a moment, studying the still features. He felt that tug again, a lurching fork twisting in his gut. He flipped the lid to the box several times, sending a wave of wonderful aroma in the room. He saw the head turn and then the eyes blink.
"Wake yer old ass up, Larabee," he tried to cover the uncertainity in his voice. He fumbled with the water cup, nearly tipping it over. "Here," he nudged the slack mouth and watched the lips open. After a good drink, he moved away, placing the cup on the bedstand. He unzipped his jacket and retreated in the shadows, pacing around the room.
"...bout fuckin' time, Tanner." Chris croaked, "...man could starve..." he paused, his ears picking up the boots clicking relestlessly against the tiles. "Sit your ass down, will you?" He sniffed and missed a crucial morning fixture. "Where's the coffee?"
"Aw, Hell!"
"Helluvan offer," the blond quipped, "Man offers to bring you breakfast..."
"Shut yer ungrateful mouth," Vin snarled, eyeing the walls in the darkened room, his hand paused on the switch and then he remembered his own painful encounters with bright lights and a head injury. "I'll get some..."
"Grab some from the nurse's station, ask for...uh...Candy...she's still on duty."
"Okay."
Vin managed to find the nurse's station and waited for several minutes. Finally a middle-aged woman with tired eyes looked up. "You'll have to leave, Sir, visiting hours don't begin until..."
"It's okay Laura," another interrupted, "He's here for Larabee..."
"I ain't gonna make no noise," Vin attested as a young black girl approached him.
"I'm Candy, Chris told me you'd be by. How are you?"
"I ain't sure," he admitted, playing with the end of his zipper. "I brung danish fer him, if ye'd like some..."
"Thanks, but I'm ready to head home." She eyed his face and frowned, "You look awful, are you ill?"
"No. Ma'am...I fergot the coffee...Chris said ya might have some t'spare?"
"Sure...follow me. You can get some from the doctor's lounge." She handed him two large styrofoam cups and waved her hand at the pot, sugar and creamer. "Help yourself."
"Thanks." Vin nodded as she left, dousing his mug heavily with sugar. He took the handful of empty packets to the trashcan. He picked the cups up and prepared to leave, when voices approached. Three doctors entered, so he remained out of view. They were all young and wearing scrubs, residents most likely . The jargon being tossed around sounded like Greek to his unfamiliar ears. That was, until a familiar name entered the conversation.
"Man am I beat," one yawned, "I covered for Davis yesterday and backed into my own shift..."
"Why don't you sack out?" another replied.
"I will...I'm waiting for MacInnis. He's overdue, roads must be pretty shitty..."
"MacInnis?" the third rummaged in a small refrigerator and pulled out a container of yogurt. "...the ophthalmologist from the Eye Institute?"
"Yeah, he was here yesterday for that cop...the one who got hit in the head at the school shooting."
"Larabee?" The second one nodded, biting into a donut, "Denise says he took it well. Gotta be a shock, waking up blind."
"Denise?" the first laughed, "Man you are out of your field, she's way above your class."
"Fuck you, Robinson..."
Vin remained frozen in place for several minutes after they left. The word struck him like an armor-piercing bullet. It slammed into his guts, shredding what little was left. Then his leaden limbs took him back down the hall. His heart was hammering so loudly, it made him wince. Blind. Chris was blind. His mouth dried up and his throat constricted. He thought of how effortlessly the words of comfort came yesterday. Chris must still have been in shock, he couldn't have known about his blindness that long. Yet, he pushed it aside to comfort him, reached out to try to heal the ravaged soul. He entered the room and saw the blond head pop up.
"Where the Hell did you go for the coffee?"
"I...uh...it...sorry..." Vin choked, placing one down and spilling the other. "Shit!"
"You alright?" Chris frowned, hearing the bathroom door and water running. "Some steady hands you got...Vin? Vin?"
"Yeah...I burned m'self...just a little..." Vin stared at his image in the mirror and washed his face with cold water. Who was the man looking back at him? The edge he'd honed to perfection for years was gone. The eyes were a bit softer and the ripping pain in his gut wouldn't have been there before.
"Vin?" Chris called out, the silence hitting him hard. He hadn't missed the waver in the younger man's voice. "...talk to me..."
"Why didn't ya tell me?" Vin choked in a voice laced with sandpaper.
"Fuck!" Chris hissed, shoving the danish he held back in the box. "Listen Vin..." he paused and drew his brows tight. "Is your hand bad?"
"Nah...that ain't the reason I'm lingerin'..." Vin gripped the sink and waited for the pains to subside. Chris waited for several minutes until the other man shuffled close. He didn't have to see the face, it was chisled in his brain. The eyes would be large and lost, the face unshaven and pale. Dark circles would hover too close and the body would be unable to settle.
"I wouldn't lie to you, Vin." He finally stated, turning his face towards the soft wind of harsh breathing.
"I know..." Vin rasped, clutching the siderails. "They got some fancy doctor lookin' after ya. I heard them talkin'..."
"I'm sorry, Cowboy," Larabee offered sincerly with his hand, "I didn't want you to find out like that."
"...s'okay...' Tanner mumbled, taking the hand and gripping it soundly.
"They're not sure if it's permanent or not...there was a lot of hemmoraging." He paused and waited, "Do me a favor, open that drawer."
Vin followed the hand pointing to the bedstand and pulled the drawer open. A small bundle wrapped in xerox paper was waiting.
"Take it out," Chris answered the silence.
"What is it?"
"In America, we call them Christmas presents," Larabee retorted.
"It ain't Christmas..."
"Open it," Chris commanded gently and waited for the rustling to stop. He heard the sharp gasp and found a small smile. "It's for when the light gets to bright..."
Vin gasped and eyed the dark sunglasses in his palm. They were not just any glasses, they were Larabee's lucky shades. He was seldom without them, to the point where the rest of the team joked about it.
"I can't take these," he stammered, "they's yer lucky glasses..."
"Know why they're lucky?" he paused, "I bought them the day you saved my life on that rooftop...first time I wore 'em." He laid back, resting the aching head attached to his shoulders. "You saved my life in more than one way that day, Vin. Something happened inside, a healing, a...a...completeness."
"I know," Vin replied quietly, recalling the fateful moment, "I knew...the whole time I was runnin' up them stairs. I knew ya was up there...didn't even question...it was like I was supposed t'be there..."
"Divine Intervention?" Chris supplied, pressing his fingers to his throbbing eyes. He cocked his head when he heard a soft laugh.
"Funny," Vin said in a shaky voice, slipping the glasses on. "I always figured the Lord would be a Ray-Bans guy." He relaxed a little when Chris laughed. "How they look?" It slipped out and the smile left his face. "Aw, Hell...I'm sorry...I didn't mean..."
"Don't apologize, Vin, not now, not ever." He wielded his conviction well, cutting right through the younger man's guilt. He turned his face towards where the labored breathing came from. "You're not quite a Larabee," he teased, "...but I guess you're passable in a good light." He reached out with his right hand.
"Fuck you, Larabee!" Vin whispered over the pain in his chest, latching onto the other's strong forearm.
"Now that that's over," Chris pulled back and opened the box.
"Ya ate the cheese danish?" Vin blurted out, recalling where he'd last seen it. "I was savin' it..."
"No sense wasting it," Chris tossed back with a grin, "It wasn't like it would have stayed put..."
"Smartass," Vin crowed, flinching as the burn on his hand continued to throb. He watched the strong profile in the bed and wondered again about the integrity. "Did ya know? Yesterday when I was here?"
"Yeah," He pushed the tray away, snaked a hand around the coffee and took a sip. His face screwed up and he spit it out. "Christ Almighty, Vin, how much fuckin' sugar did you dump in here?" Silence. He sighed and pushed his body up in the bed, turning to where the blue eyes where burning. "Look at me." He addressed the head he knew was falling.
"How did ya know..." Vin's voice trailed off and he stared hard at the green eyes burning into his own.
"'cause I know you, Cowboy." He whispered painfully, feeling Vin's torment. " I didn't tell you yesterday, because I didn't want the nurses to have to clean up busted parts of Tanner heart all over the floor." Still the wall of silence remained. "Look Vin, this doctor, MacInnis, he's good...one of the best in the state. He told me last night, this was more than likely temporary."
"What if..."
"Then I find a new line of work," Chris answered the wavering doubt, "I'm not a quitter, Vin. I'm not the 'curl-up-and-die type', so don't expect me to lie around and cower, cryin' in my beer about my bad luck." Still nothing and he began to worry. The icy roads would be hard enough to navigate, he had to know Vin's head was on right. "Say something, dammit!" There was brief pause, then the voice he knew returned, without waver or fear.
"Ya left floaters in m'coffee."
"Too damn bad!" Chris grinned, relief pouring through him. Vin still had some healing to do, but at least he was on the road back. "Speaking of which..."
"Yeah...yeah..." Vin shoved away from the bed, carefully putting the glasses in his chest pocket. "Yer an onry old cuss without yer caffiene...I'll be right back." He managed to catch the nurse's eye and she approached.
"I spilled one..." he answered the question in her face.
"I can see that," she eyed his flamed, blistered hand. "Let me fix it..." As she worked, she saw his eyes darting constantely. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just need a minute...can ya take Chris his coffee?"
"Sure, I have to check his vitals anyhow."
Vin's bandaged hand went into his pocket and fumbled, finding a blue sheet. He eyed the front, a group of scales and note, dotted with words. The song title was another stroke of fate. He flipped it over and began to write.
Chris looked up when Vin finally returned. Vin saw the worry on his face and smiled. He placed the folded blue paper bearing his friend's name, under the edge of the phone. Buck would be here soon and see that he got the message.
"I'm okay..."
"Headin' out?"
"Yeah, I got a stop to make on the way," he noted. He put the glasses on and strode to the bed. "Listen Chris, I want ya t'know, yesterday, what ya said..." he paused and took a deep sigh, "Ya hit all the right notes, Pard." He saw the smile crease Larabee's face and the hand come up again. "Hell, I ain't done s'much handshakin' in all my days. Feel like a Goddamn politician..." he gripped the forearm.
"An honest politician?" Chris quipped, "...never happen."
"I'll take good care..." Vin swallowed hard and felt the power of his new glasses, "The glasses...I...uh...I'll...take...good...care...of..."
"You're welcome, Vin Tanner," Chris replied with a deep smile. "Now get your sorry ass outta here. Don't drive to fast, take the interstate, stay away from that stupid shortcut. I don't need a visit from a state trooper."
"I thought ya was a six word a day man?" Vin laughed of the worried scowl and string of words.
"It's a holiday weekend, I got extra vowels saved up..." Chris grinned, "Get going..."
"I'll call ya..."
"You're damn right you will!" Chris felt the power of the other long after he left, finally drifting into a comfortable sleep. While he let his healing body rest, his best friend was visiting a healer of another power.
The gray sky overhead matched his mood and threatened to spill more snow. He pulled his collar up and walked gingerly through the icy street. It wasn't long before he was in front of the church. He entered the side door and blushed as two nuns exiting the early Mass, nodded to him in recognition. He found the spot in front of the manger and once again, sought out the eyes of the Child.
His thoughts were varied and ran the full gamut of emotions. He thought of the dead boy's grandfather. Where did he find the strength today to get out of bed? How did he take the news about the boy's death? Were they close? How deep do you have to reach inside to bury a grandchild? What made the boy turn? He sighed and once again replayed the scene in his mind. Did he make the right decision? The stilled brown eyes and bleeding lips tormented him. He closed his eyes, dropped to his knees and poured his heart out to the tiny King.
More images interrupted his prayers. Unseeing green eyes now followed his every move. He knew, without a doubt, whatever road he chose, those eyes would follow him. If he decided to return to the lone road, they would be in his every thought. What of the others? He saw the sign over Josiah's desk in his mind. There is no "i" in team. No there wasn't. In the scant scattering of a compilation of weeks, his whole world had changed. His early morning talks with Josiah, who got in at the same time. How much spirituality the older man had given him. Nathan's soulful eyes, always seeming to know when he needed a good word, bandaid or a kick in the ass. The look of shocked bemusement on Ezra's face when he encountered Vin at a local Art show. The talk over lunch when they discovered they shared a passion for photography, art and poetry. J.D., that name alone gave him a smile and left him exhausted. How many nights had he and the kid played hockey; the weekends shooting hoops and engaging in other sports. Buck. The smile broadened. There wasn't enough words to fit how much he thought of the kind-hearted man. Buck was easy to talk to...and he envied the older man's ability to embrace and touch his friends. A team...his team...his family.
"Good Morning."
"Hey," Vin rose from the kneeler in front of the Nativity and greeted the tiny nun. "I needed t'talk somemore..." he nodded to the infant.
"How's your friend?" She saw his face fall and his eyes widened in unabashed anguish. He sighed and moved to the first pew. He sat on the end of the wooden bench and dropped his elbows to his knees. He exhaled deeply, bit his lower lip and shook his head.
"Oh Dear," she feared the worst and sat next to him, resting a hand on one of his. "Has his condition changed?"
"He's blind!" Vin blurted harsher than intended, then flinched, "I'm sorry, Sister, I didn't mean t'bark at ya. I just found out...I can't seem t'come t'grips with it."
"How is he taking it?"
"He's the strongest man I've ever met." Vin said with unflinching admiration, raising his face and swallowing hard. "He...knew...yesterday. I was so torn up over shootin' that kid. He was sufferin' himself and he never let on...he was worried about me..." His voice raised in silver esteem, he raised his head higher, "that's the kinda person he is..."
"He's sounds like a fine young man. It's no wonder you think so much of him."
"I don't know how t'help him." Vin admitted honestly, "He's the only real kin I got...I never had anyone that meant..." He voice threatened to break and he stopped.
"You open that wonderful heart of yours to him and use these," she gently unfolded his hands. "You're so troubled..." she saw the fear and confusion in his eyes.
"When I first dropped down on m'knees...I was thinkin' of that boy's grandpa. He's the only kin that kid had. How did he feel when they told him what I done...God..." he dropped his head again and felt his eyes filling up. He felt the tiny hand grip his and hold on, silently lending support. Finally, he took a deep breath and swiped his damp eyes. "I'm sorry..."
"Don't be," she turned the handsome face with her free hand. "The Lord wept for those who were in need and grieving. He was fine man too..."
"I gotta go..." he eyed the population spilling in for the next Mass. "I got a shack up in the hills...it's real peaceful. I need t'find my place...what road I belong on."
"God go with you, Vin Tanner. May he hold you in his heart and protect you." She walked with him to the side door. "I'm staying for Mass..."
"Oh," Vin zipped his coat and reached down to hug the tiny, elderly nun. To his surprise, he found a kiss planted on his cheek. "Thank you..."
"No, Son, thank you," she praised, squeezing his hand one last time and watching him leave.
Buck frowned when he saw the box from the bakery. He flipped it open and plucked an apple danish, sat in the empty chair and glanced at the sleeping agent. It was nearly ten a.m. and he'd arrived alone. He wanted to talk with Chris. The chart nurse told him that he had a good night and if he continued to improve and depending on the condition of his eyes, he might be released on Christmas Eve. He popped the top of his coffee and took a sip, devouring the danish along as well. A nurse peeked in briefly and he sat up straight.
"Morning!" he beamed, flashing his killer smile. The return smile told him he'd done his job well.
"Buck?"
"Hey," He stood and leaned over the rail, frowing at the still unblinking gaze. "You want to sit up?"
"Yeah," Chris grunted, wincing as the bed top rose, bringing him upright. "Head hurts like a bitch..."
"It don't look that great either," Buck teased, "You look much better without a red part in your hair."
"I'll try to remember that," Chris managed, tensing as a wave of pain hit his tender skull.
"That specialist been in?" Buck inquired, and saw the blond head dip once. "What'd he say?"
"A whole lotta gray words." Chris tossed back annoyed. "I was damn near drowning in 'we'll see's and 'maybes'."
Buck saw a single fist clench the bedsheet. It was the first sign of frustration Chris had shown. Although he still rested his hopes on the word 'temporary', there was always that chance.
"You know, Chris, no matter how this turns out, it won't change us." He spoke quietly, watching the fist slowly uncurl. "Whatever it takes...you can count on me."
"...always have, Bucko," Chris said hoarsely, "...we've been down a rough road or two in our day..."
"You mean I've saved your sorry ass more than a few occasions?" Buck teased, hoping to break the dour mood.
"In your dreams," Chris managed, feeling the strength Buck exuded so easily. "Where the Hell were you in Tampa that time when my ass needed savin'?"
"Tampa?" Buck frowned, then burst into laughter. "Well now I thought about it, but you made such a cute couple. She wasn't that bad." He recalled of the incident that occured while the two were on vacation in Florida ten years before.
"She had no teeth..."
"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Wilmington mused, "I made the real sacrifice..."
"Yeah," Chris snorted, "Buck 'Chivalry' Wilmington. You spent the night with a pair of jello-wrestlers and I got Girlzilla..." The two got caught driving in a tropical storm that blew in and sought refuge in a rundown hotel. The beer was cheap and free flowing. The rest of the night was rather blurry. But waking up naked next to a glass with teeth in it and being nearly crushed by a mountain of flesh, left a lasting impression. "I don't think I ever ran so fast..."
"She was a very nice girl." Buck choked, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.
"I hope she was a girl," Chris countered, sending waves of laughter into the other. Then Chris remembered another night and found a warm smile. "Remember closing Max's one rainy night in November?"
"Hell, yeah..." Buck's laugher died and he recalled the glow that eminated from a much younger Chris Larabee, the night his first son was born. "I'll tell you what, that was some boy..."
"Yeah..." Chris agreed, reaching his hand up, "...and he had a Helluva Godfather..." They locked hands in brotherhood and so much more; for years full of triumph and tragedy and the years to come. Chris broke the strong moment and sniffed, "You bring two?"
"It's right here," Buck guided Chris's rising hand to the cup. "I got a straw in the lid, it's hot."
"Thanks," the blond head nodded, and took a small sip. "No sugar...that's heaven."
"Vin?" Buck guessed, noting the address on the bakery box.
"...got his coffee by mistake...damn near sent me into Diabetic shock..." He heard Buck laugh and smiled, sipping again. "Speaking of shock, he knows..."
"How'd he take it?"
"He found out down the hall."
"Shit!"
"That pretty much covers it," Chris sighed, before laying his aching head against the pillows, "I'm worried, Buck. I think he might ride out."
"It's his first time, it's always rough..." Buck thought aloud, "I don't know, Chris, I can't see him leavin' now. He's changed, he's...like the missing piece of the puzzle...the one you snap in and feel good about. It would hard for him to go back to ridin' solo."
"I hope you're right Buck."
"He left a note for you," Wilmington's hand held the blue paper, bearing Chris's name. "Do you want to hear it?"
"No," the reply came, "not right now...not yet."
Buck smiled at that, Chris let his mask drop and the fear was playing on the pale face. He was afraid of losing something that had become as much a part of him as breathing. He watched as the eyes drifted shut and the breathing became more even. He slid the note back inside his breast pocket. He lowered the bed, pulled the blanket up and took his seat.
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